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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102313">game changer || aot men x oc</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer0429/pseuds/writer0429'>writer0429</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst and Fluff and Smut, Betrayal, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, F/M, Friends to Lovers, Gore, Slow Burn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-04-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 13:41:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>142,286</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29102313</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/writer0429/pseuds/writer0429</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Kaia Madden is an 18 year old girl who awoke in the aot world after dying violently in her past life. attempting to redeem herself from her previous life - in which she ran amok in her city, spreading mischief and trouble with every step- she decides to become a bar maid in a tavern.</p><p>Everything changes when an electrifying power is awakened within her and she is thrust into a dizzying world of espionage, lust, betrayal and heartbreak. </p><p>Torn apart by duty and love, Kaia struggles as she navigates her new life.<br/>Which shall she choose...her head? or her heart?<br/>...logic? or emotion?<br/>...to trust? or to betray?</p><p>or shall she defy fate entirely and change the game forever?</p><p>⚠️ contains spoilers for anime season 1,2&amp;3</p><p>*character ages:<br/>104th trainee scouts : 18 yrs, 21 when they graduate<br/>Levi : 21 yrs, 24 when the trainees graduate<br/>Erwin : 23 yrs, 26 when the trainees graduate</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Eren Yeager/Original Female Character(s), Erwin Smith/Original Female Character(s), Jean Kirstein/Original Female Character(s), Levi Ackerman &amp; Original Female Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. prologue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia stood atop a bridge struggling to light her cigarette as cars drove by. The evening wind blew gently, moving her long black hair to caress her cheek. She looked idly onto the road below her and pondered on the different lives that passed her. Smoking her cigarette, she wondered why she felt so empty, isn't this what she thought freedom was? her parents had given up trying to hold her reins and let her do whatever she wanted, let her ruin herself. It started out as sneaking out of the house at the age of 13, but soon, she started to not come home at all and at the age of 15 started to drink and do drugs with her peers. Her parents were right to give up on her she thought, she had given them enough trouble. Still, she missed having someone that cared. She threw the cigarette over the bridge and decided to stay the night at a friends house.</p>
<p>Upon arrival, Kaia scrunched up her face, the smell of alcohol and expired food making her inwardly gag. She kicked the trash and the clothes on the floor out of the way so she could walk around. The light flickered and swung lazily back and forth. Nobody was home, an empty silence hung in the air. Kaia stepped cautiously throughout the house, she noticed things were in more disarray than they were before. </p>
<p>A loud sound came from the back of the house and Kaia immediately ran towards it. "Natalie" she yelled "Natalie are you okay?" as she turned the corner she saw her friend Natalie lay lifeless against the wall with a bullet to her stomach, she was  23 and 1 month pregnant as well. "Nat holy shit, we need to go, we need to go to the hospital now Natalie we need to go" Kaia struggled to string her words together under extreme stress. </p>
<p>Natalie held her hand<br/>
"there's no point, i'm already dead" Natalie tried to laugh with tears in her eyes. Kaia knew she was referring to baby as Natalie believed it would help her turn her life around.</p>
<p>"just shut the fuck up and let's go"</p>
<p>"you need to leave, don't worry about me. You're only 18, get out of here. Go save your own life before something like this happens to you too"</p>
<p>"you're like a sister to me Nat i'm not letting you go"<br/>
Natalie only shook her head</p>
<p>"grab onto to me tightly, i'm going to call Jed and have him drive you to the hospital" </p>
<p>Natalie didn't respond but only frowned. Kaia could tell she was slowly slipping into unconsciousness. She lifted Natalie up and quietly made her way into the driveway, she looked around and made sure that they weren't caught. She then hastily called Jed to come hurry. The two girls sat in the driveway, one on the edge of death and the other in overwhelming anxiety. </p>
<p>From a distance, Kaia spotted Jed's car, she sighed in relief, smiling to herself. "Natalie, Jed's here, it's okay, it's going to be okay"</p>
<p>The front door burst open.<br/>
"well what do we have here?" a rough voice called.<br/>
Kaia stood up in front of Natalie, preparing to protect her. "i can't have you taking her now or else i'd get into a lot of trouble"</p>
<p>"get the fuck away from us"</p>
<p>"tsk, see this is what happens when you don't pay us back what we're due, see i never wanted this bloodshed but Natalie here thought she could run away from her debt"</p>
<p>"how much is it?"</p>
<p>"500,000" </p>
<p>"shit" she looked down at her dying friend "what the actual fuck Natalie"</p>
<p>The man only laughed "seems like neither of you can pay"</p>
<p>"woah woah woah hold on, I don't have anything to pay you so technically you can't hurt me 'cause you don't have a reason. And if i'm protecting Natalie then you can't hurt her either right?" Kaia laughed nervously </p>
<p>"you know i've always hated smart-asses"</p>
<p>"oh you don't need to worry about that I am actually extremely stupid so uh yeah no hate here right?"</p>
<p>"i'm getting bored of this small talk"</p>
<p>"you know what same, how about we go hang at like an amusement park together, that sounds fun"</p>
<p>"boys" several me stepped out onto the driveway, surround the two girls. </p>
<p>"well shit"</p>
<p>Two men on the right grabbed Kaia but she managed to escape from their grip, she handled them effectively, knocking them both out. She then struggled with the next men that attempted to attack her. She took some punches as well as returned them, leaving the men with bloody and broken faces. Three men suddenly pinned her down but released her when another person seemed to knock them out. It was Jed. "Jed, get Natalie out of here now" Kaia said </p>
<p>"what about you" he asked</p>
<p>"i can handle it, i can handle it, just go" </p>
<p>Jed nodded his head and took Natalie into his car. Kaia then proceeded to fight the men.</p>
<p>After many punches and kicks, Kaia found herself to be extremely exhausted while the men seemed to have even more energy then before. Stepping back from them, Kaia needed to catch her breath, but the men took the opportunity to pounce on her and pin her to the pavement. Kaia screamed and kicked and grumbled but her body couldn't bear any movement anymore. The ragged man from before appeared before her, with a kitchen knife in his hand. </p>
<p>Overwhelming waves of fear and despair washed over Kaia. Her eyes widened and her breath hitched. She squirmed in the mens grip but couldn't move an inch. The man moved closer to her. She screamed "no wait please—please don't, don't" she screamed even more as the anxiety heightened to a new level. She started to sob, tears running down her face as she realised she was about to die. "no, don't i'm begging you please, i don't want to—" she felt a cold steel plunge into her chest. She gasped, then fell into the void of death so effortlessly and at that last moment, she only thought about how selfish she had been, throughout her whole life, obsessing over freedom when she had everything she had ever wanted, ruining the girl her parents worked so hard to raise, and finally, wanting to live when she knew she deserved to die.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. rebirth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia awoke violently on cold concrete, she stood to peer out of the alleyway she slept in. The sun peaked solemnly over wall rose and she sighed heavily. <i> Still here......</i></p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>
  <i></i>
</p><p>It had been 5 days since she woke up in this world after being stabbed in the chest. She deduced that she was in the attack on titan world almost immediately. She also came to the conclusion that the main characters are most likely training right now.</p><p>For days she wondered in homelessness and dirty clothes, begging for any scraps of food or water. Often, many would pick on her as a weak victim but she always managed to fight them off.</p><p>Today was no different, inside wall rose, local talk consisted of the titans, and the death and destruction they brought along with them. Kaia wondered how long she'll be able to survive in this world, and questioned whether she even wanted to. </p><p>She stumbled upon the quiet morning street, she was thankful not many people were around since she hated the stares they gave her as she walked by. It's a wonder why she hadn't been arrested yet, you would think that the inhabitants of wall rose would not stand the homeless.</p><p>As the day passed by, Kaia struggled to find food once again, often resorting to begging or stealing. Late in the afternoon, she came across a tavern she hadn't seen before. The idea to get a job sprang into her mind and soon, into her step as well, as she ran towards the door.</p><p>When she entered the tavern, many people were staring at her, most likely because of her strange clothes and disheveled appearance. She stumbled to the tavern where a lady was serving drinks to musty old men.</p><p>"excuse me" she said "i need a job, you don't have to pay me money, just some food and water would be ok"</p><p>the girl frowned and looked Kaia up and down "how old are you kid"</p><p>Kaia frowned back "18"</p><p>The lady laughed hollowly "you have no place here child, you couldn't handle a minute in here"</p><p>"please just give me a chance, if you find me unworthy just send me away"</p><p>"no. not worth it. now leave my bar" the lady returned to attending her customers</p><p>"well, if you're looking for a job, i know some places that would absolutely adore you"<br/>
Kaia turned to see a middle aged man smirking at her. She rolled her eyes and inwardly gagged.</p><p>"i hope you don't mean prostitution" she said bluntly<br/>
she felt the lady's eyes turn towards her</p><p>"my,my, you're a bold one. And no, it's not prostitution but a mere exchange involving ones pleasures in the bedroom"</p><p>"so prostitution"</p><p>The man clicked his tongue and opened his mouth to say something </p><p>"no matter how you put it, it's prostitution, and i am rather not willing to sell my body to middle aged musty looking men like you"</p><p>The man slapped her across the face then grabbed her wrist. The whole bar turned to look at that commotion.</p><p>"tsk, no need to be so difficult now, boss will pay me lots for bringing you in"</p><p>Kaia punched the man straight in the gut and smashed a glass of beer onto his head, knocking him out. The bar was silent.</p><p>Kaia felt a tap on the shoulder "you still want the job?" the lady asked. Kaia grinned and nodded her head "well then you're hired. go to the back room and i'll set you up to start in 5 minutes" Kaia nodded.</p><p>She easily found her way to the back room, it was small and barely clean yet she felt safe within it.<br/>
the door opened and the lady strode through carrying some sort of garment.</p><p>"here's this uniform, this belonged to the last girl who quit and she was quite small so i think it will fit you"<br/>
Kaia muttered a small thank you "what is your name?"</p><p>"Kaia Madden" the lady nodded. She seemed to be examining Kaia's face.</p><p>"you're not from around here are you?"</p><p>Kaia burst into the laughter. ah the irony of it all. "is it that obvious"</p><p>the lady chuckled "well you certainly don't look like us, most likely why that man from earlier tried to take you to his boss"</p><p>"oh" Kaia realised "it's because i'm asian right?"<br/>
the girl nodded.</p><p>"look i won't ask questions since it's none of my business so once you've finished putting the uniform on, meet me outside by the bar and i'll direct you some orders. also tie your hair up, you don't want people grabbing and pulling at it" Kaia nodded and the lady left for Kaia to change.</p><p>Kaia went to the lady at the bar to get her instructions. Soon she was bustling around the bar getting food and drinks to different tables. She often had to deal with many drunk insolent men who tried to assault her but she managed to go through the night without causing too much of a commotion. She offered to stay behind and help clean up after the bar closed. </p><p>"Kaia. There was a strange man in this bar tonight, he didn't order anything and he seemed to only be watching you" the lady suddenly said </p><p>"oh, i was so busy i didn't notice him. hopefully he won't be here next time"</p><p>"i know i said i wouldn't ask about your past but i need to make sure that you bring any danger or harm to the tavern and the girls who work here"</p><p>"i'm sure i won't, but to be honest, i don't know who that man is, i have no affiliation with him and so i have no clue why he was fascinated with me tonight. perhaps it is about me being asian again or something"</p><p>"perhaps"</p><p>"i'm sorry, i can't give you much information."</p><p>"it's alright. i trust you" she said</p><p>"by the way, i never caught your name"</p><p>the lady chuckled "it's maria"</p><p>"after the wall?"</p><p>the lady nodded. Kaia giggled "are your parents devout followers of the walls then?"</p><p>"yes they most definitely are, i ran from them when i was your age and decided to live by myself"</p><p>"do you regret it?"</p><p>"sometimes" silence hung in the air. "but i cant change what i have done "<br/>
"Don't worry. It's only scary in the beginning" Maria said "I take it you ran away too"</p><p>"yes, i did"</p><p>"may i ask why?"</p><p>"i just wanted ... freedom, i guess" Kaia said, she stopped washing the glasses</p><p>"it was the same with me" Maria said </p><p>"no i don't think so" Kaia said quietly. Maria turned to her. "I'm a selfish girl, ungrateful as well" Kaia chuckled "I had everything, my parents were loving and kind, they worked hard for me, and all i did was become everything they didn't want me to be, running away only hurt others, and ... it hurt me as well. I miss them" her smile faltered as she tried to keep it up</p><p>"look, there are so many times in life where we fuck it up. And there's no going back unless you've realised that you've fucked up. and that's what you've done, you know what you did wrong, and now you can fix it"</p><p>"easier said than done" Kaia said "I can't ever come home, i don't want to, because i'll only hurt them more. God i'm only 18 and have caused this much trouble" she laughed </p><p>Maria didn't answer and instead, understood Kaia's wishes. She understood that Kaia had given up. And it was sorrowful to see such a sight, but there are times where you must accept what has happened, and rest, even if it is only for a while.</p><p>Kaia heard the door open, and two men who appeared to be from the survey corps stepped through. One extremely tall blond man and another short black haired one. Kaia gasped and her hand flew to her mouth. she knew exactly who they were.</p><p>The tall blond man chuckled "no need to worry, you're not in trouble"<br/>
that's not why i was gasping Kaia thought. She felt a surge of excitement rush throughout her body. How badly she wanted to tell them how everything happens in the show.</p><p>" what can we do you for you sir? i am afraid we are closed" Maria said. Kaia couldn't help but stare at the too.</p><p>"forgive us. I am commander Erwin Smith and this is captain Levi Ackerman" <i> NO WAY </i> internally screamed. "we would like to ask you some questions"</p><p>"well go ahead" Maria said </p><p>"a man we've been tailing had been seen to have recently spent some time here, i was wondering if we could confirm this with you"</p><p>"well what does he look like"</p><p>"he is quite tall and wears a black cloak, apart from that there is nothing else we can really tell you"</p><p>Kaia and Maria looked at each other "yes we did see him, but he did not do anything that would seemed dangerous, he only sat in the corner for a while"</p><p>"did he seem like he was meeting someone or perhaps, watching them?" Erwin asked</p><p>Kaia and Maria looked at each other once again. Kaia shifted her sight to the ground. Maria cleared her throat "well he was quite interested in Kaia over here but didn't attempt to approach her. We deduced that his interest was due to Kaia's rather uhm" Maria searched for a word that wouldn't offend Kaia "exotic appearance".</p><p>Kaia felt the mens eyes bore into her. "yes i noticed that when i walked in. She is asian correct?" Erwin asked Kaia nodded </p><p>"what is your last name?" he asked </p><p>"Madden" </p><p>"doesn't seem familiar" he said "if you don't mind Miss Madden would it be okay to ask you a few questions" </p><p> Kaia only met their eyes for a second and looked away "sure, but let's sit down, my legs are terribly sore" <i> god why am i awkward, they're literally just tv characters. </i> </p><p>"of course"</p><p>As the three sat down, Maria continued to clean the bar, occasionally looking towards Kaia to make sure she was okay.</p><p>"Miss Madden I would like to first ask you if you've seen this man any where else"</p><p>"i'm afraid not, i didn't even notice him tonight until Maria pointed it out" Erwin nodded</p><p>"do you have any idea as to why he might be interested in you? besides the fact that you are from asian descent?"</p><p><i> could the man possibly know i'm from earth?is he the one that brought me here? if not then does he know who or what brought me here?</i> </p><p>Kaia cleared her throat "what is your business with him?"</p><p>"why do you ask?" Levi said. Speaking for the first time since he entered the room. <i> holy shit he's talking to me. *silent panic* </i> </p><p>she straightened her back "i would like to know if he is dangerous"</p><p>"we're investigating him so what do you think?" he said, insinuating that Kaia was asking stupid questions. <i> he's exactly the same as the show. well of course he is. god this is why he thinks you're stupid Kaia.</i> </p><p>"Levi, enough" Erwin said "Miss Madden, this man is from an organisation that has been affiliated with strange events that have recently happened. Including theft, assault and murder. From examining the bodies of the victims, members of this group are highly skilled in murder" <i> hah? this wasn't in the show? did it change? am i in an alternate version of it? well this man couldn't possibly know i'm from here then? could he? </i> </p><p> <i> wait. maybe he kills people who have mistakenly come to this universe, in order for the show to go on the right way, so they won't mess up this timeline. </i> </p><p>"brilliant" Kaia chuckled "i'm going to die"</p><p>"what makes you think that?" Erwin asked</p><p>"am I not his next victim?"</p><p>"there is a possibility, but they target only criminals"</p><p>"the people they killed were criminals?" Kaia let out a dry laugh "they don't sound so bad now" <i> hm. they don't sound like they'd know now, but still. why show interest in me.</i> </p><p>"it is the act of murder that puts them in the wrong."</p><p>"but my question is, why is the survey corps handling it?"</p><p>"it's a case that's been prevalent for many years, and it's passed around every decade to a branch in the military to attempt to solve. This decade, it's our problem"</p><p>"it wouldn't make any sense to give the case to anyone but the military police since the organisation's biggest target is most likely within wall Sina"</p><p>"the king?"</p><p>Kaia chuckled "i'm guessing the whole damn government"</p><p>"what do you know of the government?" Levi asked </p><p>"that it's corrupt. it's basic common sense"</p><p>"do you have any proof?" He inquired </p><p><i> i have so so much proof. Kaia thought but they wouldn't believe a word out of my mouth. plus they take it down anyway, and if i do say anything, they'll just ask more questions i don't have the answer to. </i> </p><p>"no sir, sorry, it's just a hunch"</p><p>"tsk, we're wasting time" Levi said, seemingly glaring daggers at Kaia. <i> that's hottttt, why does he have to be so hottttt. fucking hell, i am not going to survive this world with this mindset.</i> </p><p>"bear with me Levi" Erwin cleared his throat "where are you from Miss Madden?"</p><p>"i'm sorry?"</p><p>"since you are of asian descent you must've come from a clan and this clan may have been affiliated with this organisation"</p><p><i> shit. I've got no clue. what do i say. damn, fine i'll just play the memory card.</i> </p><p>Kaia put on a pitiful expression on her face, Levi frowned and Erwin tilted his head.</p><p>"is something the matter? Miss Madden?"</p><p>"I'm awfully sorry it's just that...i don't remember. I lost my memory a few days ago. I remember how to write and read and speak and talk and you know, all the basic things, i know where i am. It's just, i seem to have forgotten myself. if that makes sense. one day i just woke up on the concrete with dried blood on head. I didn't know what happened at first, and then i realised i didn't know who i am. I found out my name which was written on a shirt I was wearing" <i> please believe me. please believe me. please believe me. </i> </p><p>"how unfortunate, i am very sorry to hear that" Erwin said. Levi held the same, bored expression on his face.</p><p>"It's alright, not your fault anyways"</p><p>From the bar, Maria frowned in confusion. Kaia had just told her about her parents and now she claims she doesn't remember?</p><p>"Erwin, we're wasting time" Levi said "this brat doesn't have any connection to the organisation and if she did, she wouldn't remember, it's no use"</p><p>"you make a valid point, however, it is highly likely that Miss Madden here is a criminal and she had forgotten, she could be of use in this case" </p>

<p> <i> what no. i cant, what if i drag others into danger, what if i drag Maria into danger? </i> </p><p>"uhm, wait, i agree with captain levi, i am a waste of time, i don't believe you need to investigate even further, plus if i was a criminal, the only purpose i could serve is as bait and quite frankly, i think that's quite stupid, since they're highly skilled murders, they'd kill me before you even see 'em move"</p><p>Erwin held a stern expression "we're not exactly opposed to the idea" this is pissing me off. as much as i love you two, i need you to leave me alone. </p><p>"of course you're not, you're commander of the survey corps, i bet using others as titan bait is just a daily occurrence, a mindless thought"</p><p>"shut it brat, you have no idea half of what it takes to go outside these walls. " Levi snapped </p><p>"why are you so suddenly adamant about getting us to leave you alone?" Erwin asked, ignoring her jab at him.</p><p>"i simply do not want to cause a commotion"</p><p>"none sense, i will visit this tavern again tomorrow and if i see him, my suspicions will be confirmed and i will further my investigation with you"</p><p>"you don't have to come in, i'll tell you if you see him"</p><p>"i can't trust you"</p><p>Kaia frowned and tilted her head "where has the nice gentleman i met gone to"</p><p>"he left when you started acting suspiciously"</p><p>Kaia sighed, rubbing her head. "please. don't come in, especially if the tavern's full. You know the people around here, aren't particularly fond of the survey corps, many have lost loved ones due to that"</p><p>"are you embarrassed?"</p><p>"i am worried. I don't want others to start picking a fight, i promised Maria that i wouldn't endanger the tavern or the girls who work here"</p><p>"why would you promise that?" he inquired. <i> shit, goddamn, now i look like i'm in hiding, i'm so fucking dumb. </i> </p><p>"it's not what you think. When she told me about the man in the hood watching me, she thought i had connections with him, and since he's a dangerous man, she wanted to know if there's a possibility i could bring danger to this tavern"</p><p>"but there is"</p><p>"there really isn't, i mean, i'm sure what happened tonight was mere interest from a man to a woman"</p><p>"i do not doubt the fact that members of the organisation can fall victim to the temptations of a beautiful woman, they are human after all, but i have found certain new things that have led me astray from that conclusion"</p><p>Kaia laughed "I'm flattered you think I am beautiful sir" she said trying to change the subject</p><p>"oh god" Levi muttered </p><p>"Miss Madden, I have no choice, I will be coming in tomorrow"</p><p>Kaia sighed "fine" she stood from her chair and made her way to the bar where Maria was.</p><p>Levi and Erwin left without saying another word.</p><p>"Maria, I'm sorry" Kaia said "i might be linked to the man who was watching me earlier and well" she paused "he's dangerous...surprise surprise" she pinched her nose bridge. "Erwin's coming back tomorrow and there's most likely going to be someone who would want to pick a fight with him" </p><p>"did you lie to me or them?" Maria asked</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"i heard that you told them you lost your memory but you were just talking to me about your parents, about yourself"</p><p>kaia sighed "I lied to them"</p><p>"why?" Maria asked</p><p>"I didn't want them to ask anymore questions, and it's very complicated, i can't even wrap my head around it"</p><p>Maria sighed "fine, you don't have to tell me. But if one of my girls gets injured you're leaving"</p><p>"no i will tell you. i don't think you'll understand, but, i desperately need to tell someone"</p><p>Maria nodded.</p><p>"I'm from a different universe. I died recently, and i woke up in this universe" Kaia looked for Maria's reaction "it's the simplest way i can put it"</p><p>"don't joke around with me"</p><p>"I'm not! I'm from a country called Korea but i was adopted by german parents. Those strange clothes you saw me were earlier today was from where i came from. i can even speak different languages if you want"</p><p>"you know what, if what you're saying is true, you were smart to hide it from them, if they find out something like that, you'll probably be studied and dissected"</p><p>"i'll keep that in mind" she said "anyway, do i get changed in the back room or am i responsible for keeping it"</p><p>"yeah you're the one that has to wash it."</p><p>"oh. well, what if, like—i can't wash it"</p><p>"you really have no place to stay?"</p><p>Kaia shook her head "I'm not from here, I don't know anybody"</p><p>"right, well, there's a room next to mine you can stay in, you can pay for it by working for me"</p><p>"wait, holy shit, are you serious?" Maria nodded "Oh my god you're actually my saviour. thank you thank you thank you"</p><p>She chuckled "go on upstairs and have a shower or something, god knows how long you've been crawling on the streets"</p><p>"it's only been like 5 days"</p><p>"well it certainly enough to make you stink like a titan"</p><p>Kaia gasped "rude"</p><p>Maria chuckled "go on. go on. stop bothering me"</p><p>Kaia made her way upstairs to her room, it was small but she was so grateful, she also found the shower and thanked the heavens she could wash herself. </p><p>As she lay in bed she contemplated on everything that's happened so far. <i> is this...my second chance? am i supposed to turn my life around?, am i supposed to be a better person? </i>  she thought </p><p><i>i'll take it as my second chance </i> she finally decided after many troubling back and forth thoughts. <i> i must redeem myself. i'll be good to Maria and the girls, they will be the new family i must strive to belong to. </i> </p><p>at the thought of family, Kaia thought of her own back on earth. She wondered how they would've reacted to her death. would they be sad? would they think i deserved it? would they think 'good riddance'? The more she thought about it the more her heart would ache in regret and guilt.</p><p> <i> no, this is my second chance, my fresh start. I'll do good, I'll be a good girl. </i> </p><p>Soon she fell asleep soundly in her bed, dreaming of strange happenstances and events that would make her laugh when she awoke once again. For once, she hoped that she will remain in this universe and not wake up in her own.</p><p>Throughout the night, she felt a strange electrifying sensation around her body, it started out minimal but slowly increased in pain. However, she did not awake from her sleep and could not escape the pain. </p><p>She then felt a hand cover her mouth, she awoke and the pain was gone instantly. She flicked her eyes open and a cloaked man sat before her.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. a troublesome encounter</h2></a>
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    <p>The man in the cloak put a finger to his mouth and Kaia nodded,  he then slowly lifted his palm off her mouth. She stayed still with a distorted look on her face.</p><p>"what the actual fuck" she whispered </p><p>the man grabbed her by the shoulders "we need to talk outside now" he whisper yelled </p><p>"woah woah woah chill" she replied, still whispering. "first of all get your hands off me, i won't run away from you"</p><p>the cloaked man stood from her bed and made his way outside, Kaia followed him silently and contemplated attacking him from behind but chose not to.</p><p>"I have spent days searching for you" the man said </p><p>"flattered" she replied </p><p>"you must listen to what i have to say"</p><p>"just spit it out" she crossed her arms "it's cold"</p><p>"oh sorry. here" the man took off his cloak and wrapped it around Kaia. He was revealed to have a muscular build with a sculpted face draped in shoulder length silver hair.</p><p>Kaia furrowed her eyebrows at the strange change in attitude of the man. It also didn't help that he was extremely attractive "oh for fuck sake" she pinched her nose bridge and sighed</p><p>"i have awakened the power of lightning within you, you must learn to use it wisely and only for our cause, i have summoned you to become the harbinger of our organisation, our chosen messenger, you will bring about our long awaited destiny"</p><p>"woah woah woah, hold up—" she put a finger up to his mouth "no matter how beautiful you are, i am not letting you throw me into a 'chosen one' trope. I mean they are pretty entertaining but i'd rather not go through it myself. just leave me and the tavern alone, also....please take back this lightning power, i have a fear of responsibility"</p><p>"i do not understand. you are our chosen one—"</p><p>"nope nope nope, goodbye" Kaia turned to walk away from him </p><p>"i know how to send you home"</p><p>Kaia stopped "what makes you think I want to go home? I died and i can't change anything about that, it would feel like cheating" she continued to walk away from him</p><p>"tsk then i'll burn this little tavern, then perhaps you'll come crawling to us"</p><p>Kaia stomped towards the man "you little prick"</p><p>He only laughed "if i do recall, i summoned you here a few days ago, how have you built such a strong attachment to this tavern?"</p><p>"look, this is my second chance. In my last life I fucked up, I wanna be good in this one, I don't wanna be selfish like i was before"</p><p>"but you're being selfish right now. Ignoring your duty for your own desires"</p><p>"this isn't my duty, i didn't choose to be here"</p><p>"well too bad" he raised his voice "I chose you to be here, so you will follow my orders"</p><p>Kaia threw her arms up "aw hell no" </p><p>"Miss Madden, you will be our harbinger"</p><p>"boi—" as Kaia was about to verbally abuse him, he lit a torch and held it near the wooden built tavern</p><p>"oh my fucking god stop" </p><p>"join us"</p><p>Kaia gripped her hair then smacked her head, knowing she was going to regret what she was going to say next "fine" </p><p>The man put the torch down and smiled sweetly "splendid" Kaia frowned "your first task is as follows, you must join the survey corps, find any information they have on our organisation, then report to me immediately"</p><p>"oh fuck no, i'm going to die there"</p><p>"no you won't, you have your lightning, it will protect you whenever your life is in danger even if you do not summon it"</p><p>"is it alright for others to know of this power?" she asked </p><p>"absolutely not. you must not ever show your powers especially to those in command, they will find a way to utilise it against us"</p><p>Kaia groaned "so how the fuck am I supposed to hide it when my life is in danger"</p><p>"simple. do not put your life in danger" he smiled leaning his face inches away from her</p><p>Kaia blushed and turned away "oh for fucks sake"</p><p>he chuckled "no need to be frustrated with your attraction to me, with my looks, it's sort of inevitable"</p><p>Kaia stared at him blankly this man cannot be for real right now "yeah, i could say the same thing about myself" she said sarcastically </p><p>"hm, debatable, but i wouldn't say that I would deny a night with you"</p><p>Kaia frowned "we've gone off topic"</p><p>"right, anyways, i will be visiting the tavern tomorrow to set up your arrangements to join the 104th trainee corps"</p><p>"wait no don't. Erwin's coming in tomorrow because he saw you come in yesterday and is checking if you visit again. If you do, his suspicions on me will spike"</p><p>"valid point. although i'm not sure how i could've been spotted"</p><p>"oh yeah for sure, this long black cloak definitely doesn't make you look like your part of some evil organisation that murders people"</p><p>he laughed loudly "you are very funny" she smiled awkwardly. "anyway, Erwin coming tomorrow would be perfect, ask him to join the trainee corps so that i don't have to threaten or murder anyone to get you in" he chuckled </p><p>she laughed fakely "how the fuck am i supposed to get him to enlist me, if he's already suspicious of me?"</p><p>"i don't know, use your feminine wiles, i'm sure you know how to pull in a simple mans favour"</p><p>Kaia cringed "i barely know the man I—you know what, nevermind, how do you even know if i'll get in" </p><p>"i have my sources" and with that, the man sunk into the shadows, leaving Kaia wrapped in the black cloak he had given her. <i> no no no no no don't leave. I still have so many questions. Arghhh so many plot holes as well, why am i their harbinger? why did they have to summon someone from a different universe? how did they summon someone? is there some sort of magic in this world that isn't in the show? god this is going to be my villain origin story. plot holes. </i> </p><p>"that prick" she whispered to herself as she walked back into the tavern. <i> guess i won't be living so quietly anymore. but this good, right? I am protecting this tavern, so that means I'm doing good. I'm sacrificing a quiet life in order to protect those i care about. right, definitely sounds like the right decision.</i> </p><p>Kaia awoke violently with an electric feeling pulsing within her. She found herself to be wrapped with small sparks of blue lightning. <i> oh my fucking goddddd. i need get rid of this before anyone sees. </i> She sat in her bed wondering what she should do while staring at her lightning covered self in disbelief. </p><p>"Kaiaaaaa" Maria yelled "Get ready and come downstairs to help set up, the others will be coming over soon and opening with us" </p><p>"yep, got it" she yelled back. She stood to look at herself in the mirror and the lightning had disappeared. Puzzled, she went to get ready for the day.</p><p>The tavern was busy as usual and the man from the night before didn't show up. Kaia thanked the heavens and continued serving the customers absent mindedly. </p><p>Erwin had walked into the tavern a while ago and had been sitting at a table where he could observe the customers and who came in through the door. This time he decided not to bring Levi. Kaia made her way to his table.</p><p>"sir, do you mind if i accompany you for a short while?"</p><p>he looked up at her "are you not busy?"</p><p>"Oh well this is my break and I wouldn't be needed for some time" she said </p><p>"well take a seat, I'm honoured you chose to spend your break with me"</p><p>"thank you sir, I actually need to ask you about something"</p><p>"of course, go ahead"</p><p>Kaia noticed for the first time that he wasn't wearing his uniform and instead wore a suit with a button down. She tilted her head.</p><p>"Miss Madden?"</p><p>"you're not wearing your uniform" she said</p><p>"ah yes, well, you said that i'd cause a commotion with the people within this tavern because i am from the survey corps"</p><p>"oh.., well that's very thoughtful of you. I'm sorry for insinuating that people around here hate you. Also sorry for that rude comment i made yesterday. I can't imagine how difficult it must be to be the commander of the survey corps" she wrung her hands beneath the table </p><p>he chuckled "why so suddenly apologetic"</p><p>she laughed lightly "sorry—i mean, uhm" he laughed again "please pay no mind to my stupidity, my minds been all over the place today"</p><p>"why is that?" Erwin inquired </p><p>"Well-" she paused <i> here goes nothing, i'm about to sign my life away to die inside a titans mouth. damn you man in cloak who's unfairly attractive for someone who murders people. </i> "I want—I want to join the Survey Corps, if possible"</p><p>"that's...unexpected" he said "I thought you would've been intent on staying in this tavern, given how passionately you wanted to avoid conflict that could cause you to lose your job or harm others around you" <i> god, he's spelled me right out.</i> </p><p>"can't a girl change her mind"</p><p>he chuckled "of course" a serious expression befell his face "just know, that you will be essentially surrounded by death, that others you want to protect will die, and you will die"</p><p>"sounds fun"</p><p>"I'm afraid you do not understand the severity of the duty that is a member of the survey corps"</p><p>Kaia waved her hands "oh no, I am well aware, please do not think that I think less of the survey corps, that their job is easy. I'm just....how do I put it....comfortable? with death? like i'm not afraid of it"</p><p>he chuckled "that is a good trait, but i do find it sad, for people only welcome death when their life has lost its value"</p><p>"i must disagree sir. You may feel comfortable with death and yet love your life as well. Death isn't about Life, as Life isn't about Death. The two are very separate things. i do not welcome death because life has lost its value but rather because it's just how the world works, you know? everything must come to an end, but that doesn't mean it's any less valuable"</p><p>"how insightful Miss Madden, I hadn't heard it like that before"</p><p>Kaia smiled "now, let's get back to the topic at hand" she placed her palms on the table "would i be able to join the 104th trainees even if it's a bit late, or is there like a cut off that's dead set"</p><p>"i believe we have reached our maximum number of applicants this year"</p><p>"maximum??!!" Kaia leaned back in her seat "well damn, didn't think fighting naked ass giants would be so appealing to the youth" her hand flew to her mouth "forgive my language sir, if you have a problem with that sort of stuff"</p><p>he chuckled "you speak as though you are not part of the youth that are willing to fight naked ass giants"</p><p>Kaia burst into a fit of laughter "please sir don't speak like that again"</p><p>"Kaia....I do not wish for you to join the scouts"</p><p>Silence fell between them. <i>  shit, what do i do now...uhhh, feminine wiles? </i> </p><p>"Kaia?" She mused "when did we get so casual sir"</p><p>"I see you have a habit for changing the conversation...Kaia" <i> damn it didn't work </i> </p><p>She could feel her face heat up "why don't you want me to join, sir?"</p><p>"because I enjoy your company Kaia, and I do not want to lose it so soon" he said casually, causing her to violently blush <i> goddammit my feminine wiles have betrayed me!!! </i> </p><p>she cleared her throat "you underestimate me sir"</p><p>"Oh? is that true?" he raised an eyebrow </p><p> <i> God he's so fucking hottttttt, ahhhhh. </i> "I won't be dying anytime soon, no matter if i join the scouts or not, so please, let me join?"</p><p>Erwin sighed "alright, but only because I do not wish to upset you, and it looks like the cloaked man didn't come tonight, you were in fact correct, his interest in you was pure but fleeting attraction"</p><p>"thank you sir" she grinned "uhm, how...do i get there?" </p><p>"I shall send a carriage for you tomorrow. You won't need much time to catch up since the 104th trainees just started" Erwin stood to leave </p><p>"thank you again sir" She stood to walk him out.</p><p>He smiled sweetly as they said their goodbyes. To Kaia's surprise he leant to kiss her lightly on the cheek. "I'm afraid this is as close as we can get Kaia" he whispered in her ear "as a trainee scout and a commander, a relationship like this would be strictly prohibited" he pulled back and entered the carriage that was waiting for him. "I shall bid you adieu Miss Madden, until we meet again" </p><p> <i> what the actual fuck </i>mKaia stood dumbfounded, watching as the carriage pull away, holding a palm to the cheek Erwin kissed. <i> no no no no no this can't be happening. </i> But despite her inner resistance, she could not restrain her heart from beating like it longed leap out of her chest and run into Erwins hands.</p><p>Kaia sighed <i> first the man in the cloak and now Erwin? am i so easily swooned?</i> </p><p>Kaia awoke the next morning covered in blue sparks again. Night after night she'd feel like she was being electrocuted and the only way for it to stop was for her to wake herself up. </p><p>She made her way down to the tavern to say her goodbyes to Maria.</p><p>"you're really joining the scouts huh?" Maria said "this your way of being good? by 'protecting humanity'? you'll die before anyone here can even give you thanks"</p><p>"Maria, this is something i have to do, and you have no idea how much i wish i could stay, but i need to do this"</p><p>Maria sighed "alright, i've only known you for a day or so and feels like i'm losing a sister or something"</p><p>Kaia laughed "am i that charming"</p><p>"more like real annoying"</p><p>"thank you for everything Maria. I will visit when I get the time." Kaia walked towards the door</p><p>"don't go dying on me Kaia!" she yelled to her </p><p>Kaia waved as she stepped out of the tavern and into the carriage that Erwin sent. To her disappointment, he did not accompany her.</p><p>Thus, the long and winding road to the survey corps headquarters began, and soon, Kaia found herself drifting into a shallow sleep.</p><p>"Miss Madden...." a hand shook her awake, it was the coachman.</p><p>"oh god, i'm so sorry, are we here?"</p><p>he smiled "yes, now if you walk just straight ahead, you will see the headquarters, take a left, walk down 4 doors then take a right, his office should be 3 doors and to your right"</p><p>Kaia rubbed her eyes and nodded sleepily, stepping out of the carriage yawning.</p><p>"straight ahead..right—no left? 2 doors or 3?" she recited to herself "wait—" she turned to ask the coachman but the carriage had already taken off. <i> great.</i></p>
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</p><p>She wandered through the building aimlessly, hoping to find someone she can ask, however, there seemed like no one was in the building at all, like it was abandoned or something. Then, out of her peripheral vision, she saw a short man with an undercut taking his horse to the stables. <i> levi!!! oh thank god. </i> </p><p>"Levi!!!" She called out to him running "thank the gods i've found you"</p><p>Levi turned to give her a cold stare "why are you acting like i'm your friend"</p><p>she jokingly punched him in the shoulder "naw, no need to be so mean. I just need you to take me to Erwins office"</p><p>"ahh so you're meeting with him in his office now, I've never seen Erwin take such an interest in someone"</p><p>she vividly blushed "w-what — what no!! no" she threw her hands in the hair "I'm here to join the 104th trainee corps"</p><p>"pfft, you'd never last brat"</p><p>Kaia nervously laughed "i can put up a good fight"</p><p>"we'll see about that" he turned to walk inside the building "follow me"</p><p>Kaia and Levi walked in silence as they wandered the halls of headquarters. Levi knocked on the door and stated his name and purpose. The two were then motioned to come inside.</p><p>There sat Erwin, against the window, his bold stature was accentuated and made him look even more intimidating. </p><p>Kaia bowed as she walked in. "greetings sir" she said in a flurry of nervousness.</p><p>"what are you doing?" Levi drawled </p><p>She straightened "uh, i don't know, felt like it was necessary"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes and took a seat in front of Erwins desk. </p><p>"Miss Madden, I hope you are sure of your decision to join" Erwin said. <i>  I sure am not, but, i'm a good person so i'll do this. </i> </p><p>"of course" she smiled</p><p>"do you have any record of your birth, where you were from, your parents?"</p><p>"uh well sir, i probably do, but...I don't remember."</p><p>"ah yes, well that is unfortunate" he said "I'm afraid I won't be able able to escort you and introduce you to the scouts, so Captain Levi here shall accompany you" </p><p>Levi frowned "hah?" Erwin only smiled at him. He rolled his eyes in response.</p><p>Erwin motioned to a coat hanger beside him "Miss Madden, here is your trainee jacket" </p><p>"thank you sir" Kaia grabbed the jacket and put it on over her outfit that she wore when she first arrived into this world. *don't worry, she washed it.</p><p>"If you could please wait outside Miss Madden, I must discuss something with Captain Levi"</p><p>"Of course" Kaia stepped out of the room.</p><p>"Levi, I must ask you to keep a close eye on Kaia"</p><p>"no."</p><p>"Levi just do it. You don't have to do it all the time, just visit the scouts from time to time and observe her. She's suspicious and is most likely linked to the case at hand"</p><p>Levi frowned "valid point, but why does it have to be me?"</p><p>"because you're one of the few people I trust, I have also asked Hange"</p><p>"fine. Here's your first piece of information on her. Today when she approached me she said 'thank the gods', and you know what the organisation is named? correct? Godsent. People here do not believe in Gods, nobody but this organisation"</p><p>"that is highly suspicious. thank you, you need not watch over her today and only need to escort her. Please inquire her about the Gods she mentioned" </p><p>"understood" Levi stood to leave the room. As he left, he found Kaia leaning against the wall, biting her nail on her pinky finger.</p><p>"tsk, you shouldn't put your fingers in your mouth" he said</p><p>Kaia looked towards him and chuckled "i forgot you were a clean freak"</p><p>He frowned "who told you that?"</p><p>"uh—" <i> shit </i> "uhm, Erwin of course, when he came by the tavern" <i> good save Kaia. </i> </p><p>"of course he did" He turned and started to walk away "follow me"</p><p>"do you believe in gods?" Levi asked, as they walked together </p><p>Kaia laughed "what a strange question. No, I am an atheist, however, I am enchanted by greek mythology and wish to learn more about its gods and goddesses. Religion is quite interesting you know, in regards to how it influences people of course. Especially you know, God and Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit and all that. I find it so interesting how many have done such evil deeds in their name that contradict their very teachings. But personally if you ask me, I dare not believe in any god, nor worship, praise, defend or degrade them. You know just because i do not have a religion doesn't mean i think all religions are bad. There are like so many people who think that but i believe that no religion isn't inherently bad, but rather how people interpret and act on it, you know? and—"</p><p>"right I get it" he said. <i> i talked way too much. Kaia thought </i> "strange. you seem aware of your keen interest in religion and yet you claimed to have forgotten everything about yourself a few days ago"</p><p>shit she thought "I may have forgotten myself, but I am aware of the world around me. Religion, Culture, History, etc etc"</p><p>"right" he said "the gods that you mentioned. Where did you learn of it. The only organisation known to follow religious practices are followers of the walls"</p><p>"uhhhh, I'm not sure. I probably read it somewhere, like how i learned to know the world around me. I don't know how though, most of my memory of what happened to me from before that day has been wiped"</p><p>"did you know" he drawled "that the only other organisation that follows a religion is Godsent. The organisation of vigilantes who go after criminals and brutally murdered them" silence hung between them "remember them?" he tilted his head</p><p> <i> argh fuck now i look so fucking suspicious. Well, I am sort of part of Godsent, but they're connecting me to them in all the wrong ways!! ack, at least they don't suspect I'm not actually from this universe.</i> </p><p>He opened the doors and walked onto a platform before she could say anything else to him. </p><p>"Oi, listen up brats" Levi said. Kaia could see the scouts looking up at him from beneath. "you have a new trainee joining you. I know we said that numbers were at a maximum but your commander decided to be annoying and make an exception." Levi turned to Kaia and motioned for her to join him on the platform.</p><p>"This brats name is Kaia Madden, now do with her what you will, i don't want to waste anymore time here" Levi walked away back into headquarters leaving Kaia standing awkwardly infront of all the cadets. From the platform she can see that many of the boys and some of the girls too were blushing. Kaia raised a eyebrow and made her way down the platform. </p><p>"quite a revealing outfit Kaia" a musty looking teenager said beside her. Only then did she realise that most of her abdomen was out "what are you trying to do here, get us boys excited?" </p><p>Kaia scrunched up her face in disgust and looked the boy up and down. she laughed "gross"</p><p>the boys face filled with utter humiliation. He waved his fist at her as she walked away from him "oi you don't talk to me that way you filthy whore" Kaia turned to see him running towards her. </p><p>She flat out punched the boy in the face with no hesitation.</p><p>"ahhh now you've made me touch you." she rolled her eyes "disgusting" </p><p>All of the cadets eyes were on her. "so uh, what do we do now?"</p><p>"we're practicing hand to hand combat" a blonde girl said. Kaia almost gasped. <i> ANNIE!!, ugh queen, if only you didn't kill levi squad and like a ton of civilians. </i> </p><p>"right" Kaia threw her arms to the side of her "who wants to practice with me?" she said to the crowd </p><p>A tall boy stepped forward smirking "I wouldn't mind a round or two" Kaia almost gasped again <i> JEAN!! holy shit this feels too real, oh my god.</i> </p><p>"splendid" she smiled and walked towards him. Eyes still followed her movement, she looked to the cadets "uhh, y'all can stop now, it's getting kinda creepy" immediately the cadets turned away and continued to practice.</p><p>"by the way, the names Jean Kirstein and—"</p><p>"do you mind if I take this jacket off, i'm actually going to die from this heat" Kaia said, cutting off Jean. He frowned. She begun to take her jacket off to reveal gloves that went from her upper arm right to the base of her fingers.</p><p>Jean tilted his head "what are you wearing?"</p><p>"oh, they're gloves but like without the finger thingies" she wiggled her fingers to show him</p><p>"right i see that" he said "come to think of it, you dress...very strangely"</p><p> <i> do i look too out of place? </i> "uh well, you can't find these type of clothes anywhere because i made them"</p><p>"huh well ok, should we get started on training"</p><p>"of course" she grinned. Jean assumed a fighting stance while Kaia stood there awkwardly. All she knew at that point was how to throw a few good punches and kicks. She wasn't too good at blocking or avoiding hits.</p><p>Kaia walked toward Jean nonchalantly, not knowing how to approach this fight. Jean was on his toes moving backwards a bit every time Kaia got closer. Soon it became obvious that this was going no where so Kaia full on ran towards Jean and tackled him. They hit the ground with a thud.</p><p>Jean was caught by surprise and squirmed underneath Kaia's tackle, eventually he was able to flip her over and pin her down. </p><p>Kaia head butted Jean and he stumbled backwards leaving him open and defenceless for a few seconds. She took this opportunity to tackle him again and Jean let out a sound of annoyance. He threw her over the side once again, but she kept getting up and up and up again. Tackling him, again and again and again.</p><p>"damn aren't you tired?" he said once they stood before one another again </p><p>"oh i'm exhausted" she laughed. She launched forward for him again, and he held out his arm to topple her. Sure enough, Kaia hit the ground, but she wasn't getting up.</p><p>"Kaia?" Jean asked "uh, bro stop playing haha" Jean leant down to check if she was ok.</p><p>"boo" Kaia awoke in a fit of laughter, immediately moving to pin Jean to the ground "gotcha'"</p><p>Jean frowned and the whistle blew. It was time to head in for lunch.</p><p>The mess hall was as expected, messy. Sweaty teenagers and bland, dry food made up most of its content. Once Kaia got her food, she looked for a place to sit. </p><p>She spotted Jean and headed straight towards him, she plopped her food down and sat on the seat next to him.</p><p>"Oh." he said "it's you."</p><p>"naw don't be so glum" she mused "I'll let you win next time"</p><p>"tch, i was caught off guard today, and plus you weren't even fighting properly"</p><p>"it's my first day give me a break" she held up her palms. He scoffed and turned away from her</p><p>She laughed dryly "Jeez Kirstein, didn't know you were such a little bitch"</p><p>"hah?" he turned towards her in an angry expression</p><p>She chuckled "uh i think you heard me pal"</p><p>"you know, I'm willing to be lenient and merciful since it's your first day"</p><p>"wow, I'm honoured" Kaia took a sip of the soup prepared for them and scrunched her face</p><p>"disgusting isn't it?" he said looking at her food. She nodded, struggling to swallow.</p><p>He turned to gaze at the table next to them. There a group of people gathered around a boy who seemed to be telling a story. </p><p>"You know what, i'm bored" She stood up to walk towards the table</p><p>"huh?— wait, are you really just going to leave me alone?"</p><p>she turned to him over her shoulder "didn't know you were so keen on keeping me company"</p><p>He scoffed "you wish"</p><p>Kaia approached the crowd of people "out of the way y'all" the group split where she was standing and she could see the emerald eyed boy sitting in the centre of the table. <i> AH EREN! i was wondering how long it was 'til i met the main characters.</i> </p><p>She plopped herself down in the seat in front of Eren. "Hi, nice to meet you, the names Kaia Madden" she stuck out her hand for him to shake. He gladly took it and smiled </p><p>"so you're the new kid huh?"</p><p>"that's right" she grinned </p><p>A kid behind her tapped her on the shoulder "You should ask him 'bout the fall of Shiganshina"</p><p>She frowned and waved her hand in their face "nah, i've heard the story before. Big titan with no skin, kicked the wall, small titan come in eating a bunch of people. Eren finds his mom stuck under his house, a friend of theirs saves them and runs away from them, while Eren watches his mother get eaten by the titan who may or may not be his dads ex-wife from another country who's also part of the royal bloodline that contains the ability to obtain the power of the founding titan, yadda yadda, yes i am caught up with the timeline" she said way too quickly "by the way—"</p><p>"woah woah woah woah, first of all, where did you hear that? and what are you talking about in the last part"</p><p>"oh you know, people talk, and don't worry bout the rest, i totally made it up" she rested her face on her right palm <i> hehehehe so much fun knowing everything </i></p><p>"uhm....okay"</p><p>"you know, your eyes are just the most beautiful thing i've ever seen"</p><p>A light blush took over Eren's face "what—I-I uhm, I, well...thanks I guess"</p><p>"Argh, cut the crap Eren, tell us which branch your going into!"  a bold kid from beside him said, grabbing his shoulders.</p><p>Kaia's face fell flat "oh i bet it's definitely not the survey corps" she said sarcastically </p><p>Eren laughed "you know me so well already. I am going to join the survey corps." a serious expression befell his face. aw no, i know where this is going Kaia thought "If I join, I'll purge the world of titans. I'll exterminate them—"</p><p>"Dude are you crazy?" a voice said from a table. It was Jean. His face was resting on his palm, amused by Eren's blind courage. "did you just say you want to join the survey corps?"</p><p>"Damn straight" Eren said "And you're planning to join the Military Police to take it easy, right?" </p><p>"I'm just an honest fellow. I think that's preferable to acting tough when you're actually scared shitless" Jean said </p><p>Eren stood abruptly "you got something to say?"</p><p>"Hey stop it" a freckled boy beside Eren said. <i> MARCOOOO </i> Kaia thought amusingly <i> wait, oh. oh no. i forgot he died. </i></p><p>"Oh? I wasn't really..." Jean stood and faced Eren, seemingly about to start a fight.</p><p> <i> aaaaaand, cue bell toll </i> Kaia thought. At that moment the bell rang, meaning it was time for the cadets to retire to their rooms.</p><p>Losing his resolve to start a fight, Jean's expression softened "Sorry man, I wasn't trying to judge how you think. Let's just let it go" he held a hand out for Eren to shake </p><p>"Yeah. Same here. I overreacted." Eren shook his hand and made his way out. Mikasa followed behind him.</p><p> <i> aaaaaand cue Jean falling in love with Mikasa. </i> Kaia sighed as she watched Jean flail about for words while attempting to talk to Mikasa, complimenting her hair and whatnot. <i> What a bore. </i> </p><p>"You've got no chance man" Kaia said as Mikasa walked away. "she's going to cut her hair"</p><p>"what?" Jean ran after to follow Mikasa. Kaia followed after Jean to witness his reaction once again.</p><p>"Eren's gonna tell her to cut it, and she will say yes" Kaia said at the doorway. Sure enough, the scene unfolded, Eren telling Mikasa to cut it and Mikasa agreeing.</p><p>A betrayed look befell Jean's face, he was too upset to even acknowledge the fact that Kaia perfectly predicted this. She laughed to herself and made her way to the rooms.</p><p>"oi." a voice from behind her said.</p><p>Kaia turned to see a blonde girl and icy eyes standing before her.</p><p>"yes?"</p><p>"you're staying in our room tonight" she coldly.</p><p>"oh. great. I was just wondering where I was going to sleep tonight"</p><p>"follow me" </p><p>Kaia and Annie walk to the dorms and once getting there, she found 2 other girls staying as well. She recognised them immediately. <i> MIKASA AND HISTORIA, well, Christa, for now....hehehehe i love knowing everything. ugh i wanna be best friends with them all!! </i> </p><p>Christa gasped "Hiiiiiii, you must be Kaia!!" She ran towards Kaia "I saw you get you introduced and all. I wanted to approach you but Ymir wanted to keep training. You must be really good at fighting if Commander Erwin's made an exception"</p><p>Kaia laughed "Oh, I am terrible at fighting, I just know how to win the favour of a simple man"</p><p>Christa squealed "no way!"</p><p>The girls then proceeded to introduce each other. Mikasa and Annie were silent for most of the night while Christa and Kaia talked so much so that Annie had to tell them to shut up. </p><p>When in bed, Kaia stared up at the roof, refusing to sleep, afraid to experience those electrocuting feelings again. what if the girls see the blue sparks in the morning. I'd be instantly found out. She decided to sneak out of bed to take a walk instead.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. one hundred</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>As Kaia stepped outside, the cold air, accompanied with an equally chilling breeze welcomed her like an old friend. It reminded her of the cold nights she used to spend with her friends, running rampant through the city, thinking they were the rulers of their own lives when they were merely slaves with a good imagination. She rubbed her arms, looking up at the cloudless night sky sprinkled with twinkling lights from far away stars.</p><p>She sighed, she couldn't bring herself to believe she was actually doing this. Part of her still thought this was some strange dream. <i> am i doing too much? </i> she thought. i don't think i was made for such adventures. How ironic it was that the moment she realised that she needn't have an epic story to live a good life she is thrust into one. <i> what am I going to do? I know so little. </i> </p><p>"It seems you have succeeded" a familiar voice called from behind her</p><p>Kaia turned around violently and punched the source of the voice. It was a cloaked figure.</p><p>the cloaked figure bent toward the ground, holding its face "ow"</p><p>"you jerk why would you scare me like that!" she whisper yelled</p><p>"my apologies" he stood up straight.</p><p>Kaia sighed "will you please take the cloak off, i feel like i'm about to be murdered"</p><p>"no, it will look suspicious"</p><p>her expression fell flat "suspicious? suspicious." he nodded his head fervently "so looking like a normal human being is more suspicious than wearing this big ass cloak lookin like your about to proclaim the end of the world" she looked cautiously around her, having a strange feeling they were being watched.</p><p>"tch fine" he took off his cloak dramatically and threw it to the ground "happy?"</p><p>Kaia turned towards him and tilted her head and grinned "yes. now i can see your beautiful face"</p><p>"aw you think i'm beautiful?" he smiled</p><p>her expression changed suddenly and she pinched his ear, dragging his face towards her height "listen here you little prick. This time you better tell everything or i will end you right here right now, got it?"</p><p>"yes ma'am" he winced in pain. She looked around again, <i> there it is again, it sounds like footsteps from a nearby building, is someone watching us, or am i just going crazy? </i> </p><p>she pushed his face away from her. "first things first, how did you summon me? was it some sort of magic?"</p><p>He rubbed his ear "to put it simply. We preformed a ritual, where 100 of our followers were sacrificed. I cannot tell you how the summoning worked exactly, but our God accepted our offer and well, this happened." he gestured towards her "We were quite panicked at first, since you didn't appear at the altar, but alas we had found you"</p><p>"100 died? for me?" Kaia felt the world spin, her head told her that it couldn’t be real, that it is impossible, but she had just come back from the dead, an event like that is bound to shake her beliefs.</p><p>He nodded solemnly "many were around your age since we wanted to summon someone young so we can utilise them longer. The priestess who performed the ritual was also sacrificed, means that technically 101 died" he looked to the ground "it was a shame...she was my lover"</p><p>Kaia's heart fell as she was told this. A horrible, sinking feeling enveloped her. "no. no this can't—no" she shook her head "what—what God do you follow? what God allowed you to do this?, to trade those lives for my pathetic one."</p><p>"We follow the God Divina, a God of proclamation and revelation. Through her we see the possibilities of the future, how we may spend the present, and utilise the past. She chose you from the abyss of souls, she deemed you worthy"</p><p>She shook her head "But I-I'm — I'm not. I'm selfish and stubborn and so utterly blind. I'm not worth those lives that died. I'm not worth it, I'm not—I'm sorry" she stuttered, struggling to find the words.</p><p>She then felt his arms embrace her, warm and solid, engulfing her in a sensation she hadn't felt since she was a small child, when others still cared for her, before she pushed everyone away. Soon, tears fell on her cheek, wetting the fabric that lay on the mans chest.</p><p>He stroked her hair "shh. You needn't worry yourself too much. I suppose you still hold strong views from your past life. You believe that you are not worthy because of your past life, but There is no use for that, for that is not your life anymore. Turn towards the Goddess Divina, she shall tell you what to do with the past and the baggage you bear from it. She shall tell you how to burn it, or how to bury it, or simply, how to hold it. Whichever is most beneficial." Kaia sobbed violently "there, there. hush now"</p><p>She looked up at him with tears in her eyes "but i'm an atheist" she sobbed</p><p>He chuckled "I'm afraid I must be going now dear Kaia, but I am most grateful and proud you have accomplished your first task. Expect to hear from me soon my darling" He kissed her forehead softly, and with that, he left into the shadows, leaving Kaia to shiver in the cold, crying helplessly on the ground.</p><p> <i> what the fuck am I supposed to do? what do i do? what do i do? </i> </p><p>As the thoughts ravaged inside her mind, she drifted off to sleep, laying on the cold concrete.</p><p>She awoke violently, experiencing a sharp pain in her back, it was then that she realised she had been kicked. Squinting upwards, she saw a short figure, with a foul expression.</p><p>"oi" he said </p><p>"levi?" Kaia said sleepily. She then jolted upright, fervently observing her arms and legs. <i> the blue sparks...they're gone. </i> She laughed. "yes! yes oh my god" she covered her face and laughed some more</p><p>Levi squatted and snatched her hair, pulling it aggressively "oi" he said, with the same, bored expression. "it's captain. brat"</p><p>Kaia scrunched up her face. "copy that captain brat"</p><p>"tch. Its wayyyyy past sunrise, you're supposed to be training right now" he said</p><p>"oh. sorry." she said plainly. He frowned "whaaat? what else do you want me to do, I can't change the fact that I slept in"</p><p>"tch. Here's how you can make up for it. You'll be training with me, let's see if Erwin's exception for you was worth it" he stood up </p><p>she looked at him with a pained expression worth it....She covered her face as she recalled the events of the night before"no no no no no no" she muttered to herself </p><p>"oi" levi drawled </p><p>Kaia suddenly stood and started to run. She had no clear destination but she felt like she had to, like if she'd run for long enough than she won't have to bear the responsibility revealed to her the other night.</p><p>She arrived an area that was filled with trees that swayed solemnly in the wind. Ignoring its menacing appearance, Kaia continued to run. Soon she was bent over, heaving. Getting ready to run again, she heard something behind her.</p><p>"stop it already" it was Levi "if you're running to get something off your mind then stop."</p><p>Kaia shook her head. Levi took a fighting stance infront of her. <i> what? </i> Kaia thought</p><p>"fight me instead, i'm itching to get a good punch on you" he snarled </p><p> <i> what????? Kaia thought did i do something? I mean like i get that i can be difficult at times... but still!! what the fuck is going on. </i> </p><p>Before she knew it Levi was closing in on her, fists covering his face. She threw the first punch, and the second, and the third, but Levi swiftly dodged each one. Soon, rage bubbled inside her. <i> look i don't know what the fuck is going on, but if you want a fight i'll give you one, you punk dwarf. </i> </p><p>now let's take a look at how you fight. Kaia threw and missed a few more punches. She deduced that Levi usually would dodge to the right and always when she threw a left punch. </p><p>She approached him as if she were to throw a left punch and Levi took the bait. As he started to move to the right, she shifted into a kicking stance and caught him from the right. He stumbled back but regained his balance. </p><p>He looked up at her, more annoyed then ever. <i> jesus </i> Kaia thought <i> what did i do to this man to make him so angry. </i> </p><p>Levi then landed punch and sent Kaia stumbling backward. She recovered quickly and the dance between the two continued. As the fight drew on, the events of the night before continually intruded, stoking the fire within Kaia, making her feel more uneasy and on edge. go away go away go away go away she thought as she fought Levi.</p><p>Soon the two were worn out with multiple bruises decorating their face. Kaia panted. alright, i played along, and now i'm sick of this shit. let's end it.</p><p>She ran to tackle him, he narrowly dodged, but as Kaia sped past him she was able to grab the back of his shirt and pulled him to the ground. However, as Levi fell, he grabbed her ankle and made her stumble to the ground. she yelled in frustration.</p><p>She then felt a sharp pain in her stomach, again, and again, and again. She spat out blood, but he continued to kick her, an furious expression over his face.</p><p> <i> liar liar liar liar </i> Levi thought <i> i saw you, i saw you last night. </i> He continued to kick Kaia, an unexplainable rage flowed through him, mostly for Kaia, but also partly because he hadn't noticed earlier, that he had been tricked as well. </p><p>He stopped kicking when he saw Kaia limp on the ground. "you dead yet cadet?" he said as he approached her.</p><p>As he stood beside her weakened body, a hand snatched out to his ankle and flipped him over. In a flurry, Levi hit the ground and Kaia crawled on top of him, pinning his wrists.</p><p>She breathed heavily. "no no no no no" she muttered, becoming in overwhelmed in anxiety and worry, a result of what she had been told the night before. She loosened her grip on him and placed her hands on his chest.</p><p>"oi cadet" Levi snarled </p><p>"no no no—I can't—I can't—I don't want to, I don't want to" she murmured looking down</p><p>"cadet..." </p><p>"I don't want to—-no no no no no no—i don't want to" She then felt a hand brush across her cheek, moving her hair away from her face. She rose her head to see Levi.</p><p>She wielded a pained expression filled with dread and apprehension. <i> what's this? </i> Levi thought <i> Don't look at me like that. Don't make me pity you. You are my enemy now, you can't do this. </i> </p><p>"levi..." Kaia whispered, looking as fearful as ever </p><p>He lifted her chin with his finger "tch, it's captain levi to you cadet"</p><p>Her expression calmed and she smiled softly "yes captain"</p><p>He looked away from her gaze abruptly "it's time you get off brat, you're missing more training"</p><p>Kaia got up and she winced holding her stomach. Levi turned to her and frowned. <i>  did i go overboard with the kicking </i> he thought. <i> no. what am i thinking. she deserved it. </i> He turned away from her when he heard sounds of vomiting.</p><p>He turned towards Kaia to see her bent towards the ground, spewing red liquid. <i> dammit, now she's vomiting blood?! </i> </p><p>She fainted, falling to the floor covered in blood. </p><p> <i> argh </i> Levi thought <i> now i have to touch her, gross. surely i can just drag her. </i> </p><p>He lifted Kaia's feet and started to drag her out of the tree ridden area and to the infirmary. </p><p>As approached the building, Hange and Erwin appeared.</p><p>"Levi!!" Hange called "What are you doing?!!" they squatted to examine Kaia. "is this the girl Erwin informed me to keep an eye on? poor soul doesn't look like she'd be capable of espionage" they sighed "I'll take her to the infirmary" Hange picked up Kaia swiftly and made their way towards the infirmary.</p><p>Levi turned towards Erwin "I need to tell you something about Kaia"</p><p>Erwin nodded "let us head into my office"</p><p>Once in the office, Erwin took a seat at his desk and Levi remained standing. "what information have you gathered this time?" Erwin asked</p><p>Levi, to his frustration, hesitated, recalling the feared expression that took over Kaia's expression. <i> what am i thinking? He cleared his throat </i> "She's affiliated with the man in the cloak" A strange feeling pulled at his chest suggesting that he just did something wrong </p><p>"is that so?" Erwin said "do you have proof?"</p><p>"I saw her walking around in the middle of the night. When the man first approached her she punched him, but then they proceeded to have a rather friendly chat. So much so that he embraced her before he left"</p><p>"hmm, this is concerning, I was right about Miss Madden but I didn't expect to be proven as such so soon. I must confess that I have frankly no idea what to do"</p><p>Levi sighed "focus on the expedition coming up Erwin, it's the best you can do for now, I'll try gather more information on her and her affiliation with Godsent."</p><p>"We needn't drag this out too long, torturing her would be more efficient no?"</p><p>Levi's eyes widened, and a dark expression took over his face "she's just 18 Erwin"</p><p>Erwin frowned "fine, I shall remain focused on the expedition coming up, however if it takes too long to find sufficient information, I'm afraid we must resort to torture, do not let her age coax you into believing she is innocent, she is our enemy and have already infiltrated the scouts"</p><p>"Understood" with that, Levi left abruptly. He found himself heading towards the infirmary.</p><p>Lying on the bed, Kaia drifted between consciousness and unconsciousness. Her head throbbed with pain and her stomach even more so, it didn't help that the air was horrifically humid.</p><p>"psst. psst Kaia" she heard a voice coming from the window beside her</p><p>She squinted to see an ash haired boy "Jean?"</p><p>"Did the captain attempt to murder you?" he whispered </p><p>she frowned "huh?"</p><p>"I saw him dragging you out of the forest place thingy all covered in blood, I figured he took you there to die" he said "how'd you escape him and come to the infirmary?"</p><p>"what are you even talking about?" Kaia said weakly </p><p>"look, all I'm saying is that I knew something was up with the guy and my suspicions have been confirmed when I saw you being dragged by the feet. I wanna know how you got away in case he comes after me"</p><p>Kaia sighed "yes. he did attempt to murder me. I got away by tickling the hair on his chinny-chin-chin"</p><p>Jean scoffed "don't be ridiculous" he said "the captain doesn't have hair on his chin"</p><p>Kaia "fine. I lied. to get away, I caught him off guard by kissing him passionately on the lips"</p><p>Jean rubbed his chin "well that won't work for me...."</p><p>She let out a tired breath "just stab him or something I'm sure that'll work" </p><p>"right, I'll work on it"</p><p>"work on what now?" Levi said, suddenly appearing beside Kaia's bed.</p><p>Jean gulped. Kaia looked up at Levi "ahhh, it's the murderer himself, right Jean?" She looked towards Jean who held a fearful expression </p><p>"murderer?" Levi drawled</p><p>"n—no—no sir" Jean stuttered "I'm sure whatever you did to Kaia was well deserved, she did miss training after all"</p><p>"it seems she isn't the only one"</p><p>Jean yelped "well, I just came by to visit my dear friend, because I care about her so much"</p><p>"tch, why don't you get married then?" Levi said</p><p>Jean's faces scrunched up "gross" Levi frowned "I—I mean, I could never be worthy of Kaia"</p><p>Kaia chuckled from her bed "damn straight"</p><p>Jean snarled at her. "well I best be going, get well soon friend" and with that, he sped towards that training grounds.</p><p>Levi took a seat beside Kaia. The two remained in silence.</p><p>"this is awkward" Kaia murmured </p><p>"you need to take a bath" he said</p><p>"right. I forgot I was covered in blood....are you gonna apologise?"</p><p>"no." Levi refused to look at her </p><p>"naw but you cared enough to take me to the infirmary"</p><p>"that was Hange"</p><p>"what?!!!! Of course it was just my luck that I was unconscious and didn't get to meet them"</p><p>"you got a crush or something cadet?"</p><p>"nah, Hange's like, my parent" </p><p>Levi turned to her "huh?"</p><p>"it's a figure of speech. Means that their someone I look up to and aspire to be like"</p><p>"If I were you, I wouldn't aspire to be that titan freak"</p><p>Kaia laughed, then winced at the pain from the stomach. She groaned "so where's the bath?"</p><p>"there isn't a bath, it's showers" </p><p>"argh damn, I cannot stand without wanting to vomit every 30 seconds. Thanks to a certain someone" she eyed Levi "by the way, why are you so mad at me? I saw that look on your face, pure unbridled rage"</p><p>"you missed training" he said simply</p><p>"i doubt that's the real reason" <i> did he find something out about me? did he....see me with the cloaked man last night? nah impossible...however, levi is an insomniac, it wouldn't be unlikely he was up during that time. shit, now i gotta be weary of how I act infront of me, i need him to be on my side. </i> </p><p>"there's a bath in my room" he said</p><p> <i> wait. what? what? what? *internally screams* you can bet i ain't turning down this opportunityyyy. Levi prepared to be swooned by me. </i> </p><p>"that'll work just fine" she grinned at him</p><p>"you look a little too enthusiastic"</p><p>"nah i just don't like this blood all over me" Kaia yelped as she tried to get up. She looked towards Levi "a little help please?"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes and grabbed Kaia's arm to hoist her up, he then grabbed her waist to help her balance. The two were now extremely close together.<br/>
She blushed furiously. <i> God maybe this wasn't a good idea, i crumble completely before this man. </i> </p><p>The two made their way to his room. When they arrived, Levi left Kaia to her own in the bath. She readied the water, making sure it's cold.</p><p>As she attempted to lift her shirt, pain spread throughout her body and soon she realised she couldn't do it. Again, and again and again she tried, and yelled in frustration when she failed.</p><p>"what's going on in there" Levi called from outside </p><p>Kaia sighed. <i> fuck. </i>  "I can't get my shirt off"</p><p>He walked in "you should've just asked me instead of making all that noise"</p><p>"n—no you don't have to— i'll do it"</p><p>"oi brat. don't make this into some weird sexual thing"</p><p>"well you are a man"</p><p>"yeah but i'm not sexually starved" he flicked her forehead.</p><p> <i> ow...wait. who is he having sex with??!!!? he's not a virgin????!!! Oh i am not in the same show am I? </i> </p><p>"put your arms up" He said. Kaia lifted her arms, and Levi gently took off her shirt to reveal a mass of bruises covering her. He then proceeded to take her bra off and Kaia's body heated up. "oi, why are you so hot?" he asked</p><p>um what? "I—um—I work out?"</p><p>"tch i mean your temperature idiot"</p><p> <i> oh. my . god. i am going to throw myself off of a cliff. </i> "it's because you're undressing me right now!!" she said defensively </p><p>"I told you not to make this sexual!!!!" </p><p>"I'm a 18 year old girl Levi! gimme a break" </p><p>"didn't i tell you it's captain?" he frowned "oh for fuck sake your temperature spiked again, please don't tell me your aroused by this"</p><p>"I am not!!"</p><p>He grabbed Kaia's shoulders and turned her around, she covered her breasts with her arms. He then proceeded to unbutton Kaia's pants.</p><p>"woah woah woah woah woah. I can do that myself" she said stepping back</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "thank God" he exited the room.</p><p>Kaia took off her pants and retreated into the cold bath, letting out a long sigh she tilted her head back and relaxed. She washed the blood off of her slowly, making sure to not make any sudden movements that would ensue pain. She hadn't realised how much time had passed until Levi knocked on the door. </p><p>"you've been there too long brat, I need my bath too"</p><p>she chuckled "then why don't you join me"</p><p>"what?"</p><p> <i> why. did i. just fucking. say that. </i> </p><p>"I mean yeah, I'll get out"</p><p>"hurry up" his footsteps retreated from the door</p><p>Kaia got out, wrapping the towel around her body, she realised she didn't have any clean clothes to wear.</p><p>She peeked through the door. Levi was sitting at his desk, scribbling away at some document.</p><p>"Levi" she whispered </p><p>he turned towards her "why are you whispering?"</p><p>"uh i dunno , didn't want to disrupt the silence"</p><p>"well you had no problem doing so before" he said </p><p>"uhm, i don't have any clothes to wear that are clean,—wait—" she turned back to look inside the bathroom "where are my clothes?"</p><p>"I cleaned them, it's hanging outside right now, but it should be dry" </p><p>"naw thanks"</p><p>"I didn't do it for you, I would just hate to be in the company of a dirty person"</p><p>"right" Kaia stepped out to grab her clothes. She eventually found them and wandered back into Levi's room to change. "that was surprisingly hard to find"</p><p>Hange stood in the room, their eyes widened and their mouth agape. "oh my god." Kaia froze in her spot "there you are!! what are you doing in a towel?"</p><p>"well...I....took...a....bath"</p><p>"oh how? the only bath in this building is in Levi's room and that would mean that he let you—" Hange gasped as they came to a realisation. They walked up to Levi and slapped him "I do not stand for infidelity!"</p><p> <i> infidelity?? so Levi is with someone. I must know!! </i> </p><p>"No, it's nothing like that, I was just covered in blood and bugged him to use his bath"</p><p>Hange frowned at Levi "it better be...."</p><p>They walked up to Kaia and grabbed her shoulders "Kaia, I know that it is difficult, but you must resist Levi's charms!"</p><p>"charms? is one of them beating people up for missing training"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes.</p><p>Hange suddenly burst into laughter "I like you. You seem to hold well on your own"</p><p>"uhm, thanks"</p><p>"shouldn't you be more enthusiastic brat? isn't this your parent figure you speak so highly about"</p><p>Hange gasped "is that true???? that is so adorable, I hereby claim you as my child" they patted Kaia's head.</p><p>"levi!!" Kaia said "I was trying to play it cool"</p><p>"i've told you a million times it's captain!!" he yelled</p><p>"levi" Hange smacked him across the head "don't yell at her!"</p><p>Kaia smiled. "uh, well, I better get changed so see you in a bit"</p><p>Kaia stepped out in her outfit with her hair tied up in low pigtails.</p><p>"woah you look hot!" Hange exclaimed </p><p>"guess you didn't have any trouble with your clothes this time" Levi said</p><p>"yeah I think the cold water really helped my—"</p><p>"levi...." Hange said darkly "did you undress her???"</p><p>"oh fuck" Levi said</p><p>Hange proceeded to slap Levi again, and he just accepted it, not bothered enough to stop her. Kaia giggled at the sight.</p><p>"oi brat, since you're all better, get back to training"</p><p>"wait no actually I—"</p><p>"back to training"</p><p>Kaia sighed "yes captain" she exited the room, walking towards the dreaded training area.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. hesitation, tantrums and a red headed woman</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia stood before the ODM practice set up, her eyes wide and her mouth agape<i>  how could i forget about this....i'm gonna fall flat on my face and die. fuck. </i> It had been a week or so since her rumble with Levi and she hadn't seen him since. She got along well with the other cadets and hung around Jean and Marco the most. Occasionally she'd hang with Annie and have a few scratch matches, she learnt a lot from her.</p><p>"ya scared kitten?" Jean purred from behind her </p><p>She elbowed him the gut "i don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>Jean bent over, gasping for air "god, and you say i've got a short temper"</p><p>Marco chuckled from beside them, he patted Kaia on the shoulder "you don't need to worry so much, you're not off the ground that much, it'll get much worse later when they have us swinging through the treetops" he grinned </p><p>Kaia held a flat expression "gee thanks Marco that helped"</p><p>"Madden! you're up!" the training officer yelled</p><p>Kaia nervously walked up to the practice set and looked back at Marco grinning and Jean scowling.</p><p>She settled in the ODM gear carefully and braced herself when they were lifting her up. She let out a breath when she didn't tip over.</p><p>Once to the ground Kaia happily walked up to Jean and Marco "i did it!"</p><p>"congrats" Jean said plainly </p><p>"i knew you could do it!" Marco smiled sweetly </p><p>"thanks I-" Kaia heard a loud thump from behind her and turned around. It was Eren who just fell flat on his face. ouch she thought.</p><p>Once he was taken out of the gear, Kaia approached him. "you alright Eren?" she kneeled beside him </p><p>he punched the ground "damn" he gritted his teeth "i thought i had it this time"</p><p>Kaia looked awkwardly around and patted his back "um okayyy, let's calm down a bit and—"</p><p>"how am i going to end up in top 10 if i can't even hold myself up in ODM gear?" he looked up at her pitifully </p><p>Kaia sighed "come on, get up" she said, grabbing him by the arm "try and balance on my setup since yours is probably broken"</p><p>"huh? why would you think it's—"</p><p>"come on now, try it" she ushered him towards the setup.</p><p>Cringing at the thought of embarrassing himself again, he hesitantly approached the set up. Sure enough, he succeeded in balancing. Shadis eyed them suspiciously.</p><p>"oi Jaeger" he yelled "why aren't you practicing on your own set up?"</p><p>"sir, it's broken" Eren said </p><p>"you noticed that?" Shadis raised an eyebrow </p><p>"no sir she did" Eren pointed to Kaia who grinned </p><p>"Miss Kaia Madden eh?" Shadis walked towards her. He turned to Eren and sighed "you pass, Jaeger, now help set up the mess hall for lunch" Eren nodded and headed off the mess hall. </p><p>Shadis turned to Kaia "how did you know it was broken? you couldn't have spotted it without taking it apart"</p><p>"and how would you know something like that?" Kaia said slyly "if I were you sir, I wouldn't stoop so low as to sabotage the child of the woman who rejected my love" she smirked </p><p>Shadis held a stunned expression "how—h—how did you—"</p><p>Kaia clicked her tongue and wagged her finger "best not to ask questions sir" she laughed and walked off to join Annie in training.</p><p> <i> *manically laughing inside* so so so so much fun playing the omnipotent god. </i> </p><p>She sat with Jean and Marco and as usual, almost got into a fist fight with Jean which ended up with her storming off. Walking to find a space to breathe, she saw a cloaked figure.</p><p>"Kaia" he said </p><p>"been a while" she replied</p><p>"certainly. I have a new task for you" </p><p>Kaia nodded "right. so how long is this going to go for?"</p><p>"the espionage?" he asked </p><p>"no, like my whole cooperation with your organisation" </p><p>"it's....permanent"</p><p>"right but after this you won't need me because you've gotten sufficient information on the survey corps"</p><p>"we're not planning to get only information, we wish to take the survey corps down"</p><p>Kaia raised a quizzical brow "hah? I thought you only went after criminals"</p><p>"yes. you are correct. we see every branch in the military as enemies and thus criminals as they go against what we stand for"</p><p>"what do you stand for then?" she inquired </p><p>"Justice." </p><p>"how enthralling" she said sarcastically </p><p>"Justice for those who have been wronged, Justice for those who have died dishonourably, this includes the many scouts who died on expeditions, who were coaxed by ideas of heroism and adventure presented by the Survey Corps themselves"</p><p>Kaia looked around awkwardly "kay.....look, I don't want to be a part of this whole thing 'cause quite frankly, I quite enjoy the survey corps and—"</p><p>"enough. I'm afraid you're in no position to choose Kaia, you had your choices in your past life"</p><p>"it is you who should be following me since i probably have the most connection to your Goddess!!" She yelled "Oh and by the way, my lightning power makes zero sense, shouldn't i have some like telepathic, future telling, power instead?"</p><p>"she gave you lightning to protect us, you are our guardian!!"</p><p>"but i don't even know you. I don't even know what I'm supposed to protect, how do you expect me to follow blindly with everything you say" she threw her hands upward </p><p>"it's called faith Kaia. Have faith in us. in me, at least" his voice softened </p><p>"I'm not that kind of person. I don't believe in things I can't see, things that cannot be proven"</p><p>"i'm sorry Kaia, this is the only way. Please, in time everything will be clear but please complete this task first"</p><p>"no I can't betray them like—"</p><p>"who do you think you are Kaia?!" he yelled "you think you're special to the survey corps? think you're some prodigy, some important cadet? Don't think that they won't hesitate to send you to your death as well as countless others who, you know, don't deserve it"</p><p>Kaia looked to the ground, and in a weak whisper she said "you're right" still she thought they don't deserve to be destroyed, they're good people at heart.</p><p>"i know"</p><p>"what do you need me to do?" she held a defeated expression </p><p>"I need you to steal some documents for me, they should have our organisations name on it, they keep it in Levi's office since they wanna keep it away from Erwin who needs to focus on the upcoming expedition"</p><p>"fine" Kaia turned to walk away</p><p>"Kaia let's not leave on bad terms please. tell me. How is your lightning?"</p><p>she stopped and turned around "it stopped. the blue sparks stopped appearing every time i slept. did you take it away from me?"</p><p>"i merely calmed it down, i did so the last time we met, though, you were probably too distraught to have noticed it"</p><p>"oh. thanks"</p><p>"Kaia. you need to start controlling it, or else what i did for you will be rendered ineffective and instead of only coming out when you sleep, it'll come up randomly throughout he day"</p><p>"why did  it only come out when I slept?"</p><p>"you're body is in a state of rest, focusing on restoring energy, therefore the lightning can break your will to keep it hidden and appear on the surface. It does so as sort of protection, in case you get attacked in your sleep" he explained </p><p>"so....it has a mind of its own" she said </p><p>"only if you let it" he grinned</p><p>"right. anyways, I best get back to training since lunch just finished, i'll see you around....uhm, what is your name?"</p><p>"Elijah" he replied</p><p>"well, I'll see you later Elijah"</p><p>"Kaia, I'm glad you're finally on our side"</p><p>she frowned "don't be so sure, i know i'm not" she walked off, disallowing him to utter another word to her.</p><p>Back in training she wondered how she would get into Levi's office, she'd only been once because he felt bad about beating her up and Kaia wasn't too keen on using that tactic again. <i> should i just...sneak in?  like it shouldn't be that hard...god this is doing my head in. </i> </p><p>"oi! I'm tryna train here and your head's in the clouds" Jean assumed a fighting stance </p><p>"why do you try so hard?"</p><p>"I wanna beat Eren, plus, Mikasa's lookin over this way"</p><p>"no she isn't dumbass, Eren's training with Reiner behind us that's who she's looking at" she said </p><p>"dammit Kaia why you gotta spoil the moment"</p><p>"Jean can you just like shut the fuck up" Kaia pinched her nose bridge </p><p>"jeez, what's gotten into you" he frowned.</p><p>she sighed "i don't wanna train" she could feel the annoyance from earlier today bubble up. have i really been that stubborn and stingy? maybe i should just do what i'm told, people tell me it's easier this way. god what's wrong with me. did i really think so highly of myself, did i really think I was that important to the scouts?</p><p>"well too bad" Jean threw a punch and Kaia narrowly missed.</p><p>"Jean stop" she yelled. He threw and missed again and again and again. Always looking toward Mikasa's direction to catch a reaction from her. He caught her in the stomach and she fell to the ground gasping for air. She could hear him laughing before her, boasting 'bout his lucky hit. She felt herself snap.</p><p>"ya think that's gonna help you huh?" she said laughing "you think that's gonna catch her eye?" she raised her voice "face the goddamn facts Jean, no matter how hard you try you'll never get her, you know why? because you're never gonna be good enough, you're a self-indulgent, ego maniac little bitch who can't throw a proper punch unless your opponents standing still" she yelled in his face.</p><p>"big talk for someone who's so horrifically average in every training aspect. I swear you're actually mentally fucked mate, you're telling me Erwin made an exception for this piece of shit" he gestured towards her "i bet you bugged him 'til he couldn't say no because that's all you do Kaia, you cause people trouble, you're a fucking burden, you won't even make top ten with your mediocrity!" </p><p>"well I wasn't aiming for top ten anyways!" she yelled back. Kaia stormed off towards the barracks, looking for a quiet place to sob.</p><p>As sat on the ground, helpless and afraid of the future she let the tears fall on her face. She heard footsteps approach and looked toward the sound. It was Jean, who held a shocked expression on his face. She turned away and wiped away her tears but it was too late as Jean already saw the whole thing.</p><p>"hey..." he said softly</p><p>she refused to meet his eyes "i'm sorry, for all the things i said, don't take it personally, I was just taking my anger from earlier today out on you"</p><p>"yeah some of the stuff you said was pretty harsh"</p><p>"speak for yourself" Kaia chuckled, Jean smiled at the sound. She picked at the grass she sat on, still refusing to look at him.</p><p>"you can go now" she said </p><p>"okay" he said, he then proceeded to stay where he was standing "problem is i don't want to"</p><p>"why?"</p><p>"everyone's kinda pissed at us for making a scene over there and Shadis is looking for us to most likely beat us to death" he rubbed his neck "can i sit?"</p><p>"sure" she replied. He sat an awkward distance from her. "why are you sitting so far away?"</p><p>"uh d-do you want me? to sit closer? to you?" he said</p><p>"i don't want you to act like you're walking on eggshells around me. it makes me feel like shit"</p><p>Jean sighed "fine" he moved closer to her so that their shoulders were touching "happy?"</p><p>"yes" she smiled weakly, staring out the open field</p><p>"you can tell me what's making you so angry if you want. I won't ask questions...I'll just listen"</p><p>Kaia sighed "I just—I'm just so, like frustrated, like i feel like i'm in the inbetween right now, like i have no solid place, i just drift back and forth, and i hate—i hate it when people tell me what to do but what if it's just easier that way, what if i should just shut up and stop thinking so highly of myself"</p><p>Jean cleared his throat "look ... I have no idea how that feels like but I'm sorry... if i made it worse, earlier, with what I said—I mean you started it so like, it isn't my fault but uh still...sorry" he awkwardly said</p><p>she laughed softly, laying her head on his shoulder.</p><p>"Kaia..." he said "what were you talking about when you said you weren't aiming to be top ten?" </p><p>"let's be realistic Jean, I'm not going to make top ten"</p><p>"but...you're suppose to come with me and Marco to the Military Police"</p><p>"well" she stood up and offered Jean a hand "i'm not, and if i could, i wouldn't"</p><p>Jean looked up at her with a sad, concerning expression, but decided to retreat from asking further questions as she looked like she had made up her mind.</p><p>He accepted her hand and the two walked back to the training grounds to meet Shadis and their punishment.</p><p>Jean ended up getting sent to the stables and Kaia was sent to do paperwork for the higher ups, including Levi. <i>  this is the perfect opportunity </i> she thought. She was directed by Shadis to make her way to his office in the afternoon the next day.</p><p>After dinner and lights off in the barracks, Kaia snuck out once again, this time, it was to train.</p><p>She found a secluded area and willed her lighting to appear. After a few tries she couldn't grab a hold of it, but soon, a electrifying pulse ran throughout her body and she was covered in lightning. It felt different this time, since it she intentionally called it, it wasn't painful, it felt like...power.</p><p>Kaia didn't try to direct her lightning anywhere since she feared it would caused too much of a commotion. Instead, she tried focusing her lighting to appear on a specific part of her body, it was a tedious action and after being extremely worn out, she managed to somewhat focus the lighting only on her hands instead of her whole body. </p><p>She retreated quietly back to the barracks before sunrise, but felt restless as the severity of her mission dawned on her. <i> how am i supposed to get the files, how do i even find them? god i wish Shadis sent me to clean so i can get a better look at Levi's office, I can't do anything if i'm just sitting at a desk. Maybe i should just sneak in now, surely he's not inside he's probably brooding somewhere. </i> </p><p>Kaia made up her mind to sneak in to Levi's office at 3 am. She got dressed quickly and made her way to the building. Throughout the whole walk, her nervousness washed over her, engulfing her in an uncomfortable anxiety. <i> it's okay Kaia, you got this, it'll only get worse the more you put it off. </i> </p><p>She quietly entered the building and moved slowly to make sure her steps weren't heard. Everything seemed so empty but Kaia couldn't help feeling like someone would walk in at any moment. </p><p>She stood before Levi's door and hesitated when reaching for the handle. She couldn't hear any loud noises inside and looked to her left and right making sure nobody was coming.</p><p>god why the fuck am i so nervous. just do it, kaia just do it, don't be a pussy.</p><p>She slowly turned the knob and slipped through a small opening of the door, as she kept her eyes locked at the corridors the whole time, and made sure her head was the last thing that went through the door. Inside the room, facing toward the door she then slowly, quietly, closed it.</p><p>A woman's voice shrieked from behind her. Kaia violently turned around, hitting her back against the door.</p><p>What confronted her then, was a sight that could very well give Kaia a heart attack there and then.</p><p>Not only was Levi there, but he was entangled with beautiful orange haired woman, on his desk, his shirt unbuttoned and hers completely off. Both stared at her, Levi in anger and the woman in humiliation.</p><p> <i> levi....petra.... </i> </p><p>Kaia immediately turned to exit the room but as she attempted to open the door, it wouldn't budge. <i> oh my fucking god, why does it lock now? why why why why. shit shit shit shit shit. </i> She then proceeded to throw her palms at the door, then her arms, then her whole body. She sighed in defeat but refused to turn around. <i> oh my fucking God kill me now. Levi. and Petra. THIS DIDN'T HAPPEN IN THE SHOW TF? *internally screams* i'm gonna cry. i'm gonna cry. </i> she could feel their stares from behind her</p><p>"oi" Levi snarled from the back of the room. Kaia could hear his footsteps approach her.</p><p>she continued to rattle the doorknob more fervently. She then felt his hand on her shoulder </p><p>she froze, then in attempt to escape his feared grip she face planted into the door, praying to all the Gods in the world that she could magically walk through it.</p><p>"you're not gonna walk through the door brat" his tone almost made her faint in fear <i> so he can read my mind too? great that's great that's just fucking great. </i> </p><p>She slowly turned around, keeping her head low. Once her body fully faced Levi she took a fighting stance, her fists up just like how Annie taught her.</p><p>"you gonna fight me now cadet?" he snarled</p><p>"no sir! this only for defence sir! i fear for my life sir!" she kept her head down</p><p>"how you gonna defend yourself if all you see is the floor?"</p><p>"i keep my head down in respect for the ma'am in the room sir! until she is dressed sir!"</p><p>"only for her huh?"</p><p>"no sir! all my respect goes to you sir!"</p><p>"all your respect huh? is that why you snuck into my office? because you respected me so much?"</p><p>Kaia trembled at his words and remained silent. To her surprise he stepped back. "Petra" he said "you should go" </p><p>She heard footsteps approach her and she moved out of the way for her. As Petra passed by, Kaia abruptly bowed "forgive me ma'am! I assure you, I saw nothing ma'am"</p><p>Petra awkwardly patted her on the head "uhm, maybe don't yell so much dear, soon everyone's gonna know what went down in this room"</p><p>Kaia then looked up at Petra and smiled "oh girl you needn't worry, i can keep my lips sealed. i ain't gonna ask questions, i ain't gonna pry, girl i gotchu" Kaia winked and Petra giggled. Levi scowled watching the strange interaction.</p><p>The girls waved each other goodbye in a friendly manner as if one hadn't just trembled before the other in fear of their life.</p><p>When Petra left. Kaia assumed fighting stance again, this time lifting her head to face Levi</p><p>He stood there in silent fury, his shirt still unbuttoned. <i>  Kaia.....don't look......be a good girl..... she thought. </i> </p><p>"let's cut the crap, why were you sneaking in?"</p><p>"I was sent to do your paperwork in the afternoon by Shadis and I thought I'd come in and get them done earlier so i have more time to train. Also, I didn't think you'd be around here at this time so I thought I'd just grab the paperwork from your desk and work by myself in the barracks" <i> god Kaia, you're such a good liar. </i> </p><p>"tch. you want more training huh? let's train right now!" he raised his voice </p><p> <i> oh god no, not this again, not using 'training' as an excuse to beat me up again. God kill me now. </i> </p><p>He approached her, and she shifted backwards. He scowled and flinched in her direction, without thinking, she immediately punched him in the face, sending him backwards to stumble onto the couch in his room. </p><p>Kaia gasped and covered her mouth "sir i'm so sorry"</p><p>"brat, I wasn't actually going to hit you"</p><p>Kaia sighed and changed her attitude completely, believing she was safe "oh thank God, you know you had me—"</p><p>"but i am now!" He punched her from the right and she fell backwards.</p><p>i need to get back up before he can kick me, 'cause once he does, i will be debilitated.</p><p>She quickly got up and raised her fists. She was completely on defense, never daring to make an attack, knowing it'll only bite her in ass. She successfully blocked most of his attacks but also took many to the face, causing her nose to start bleeding.</p><p>"God Levi how long are we gonna keep at it"</p><p>"Until your dead brat" He then moves quickly to tackle her. It wasn't difficult to pin her down due to her exhausted and defeated state.</p><p>Still, Kaia tried her hardest to escape his grip. A sudden, horrifically familiar feeling washed over her, reminding her of that time, back in that old world, where she had lost her life, where the man was over her like Levi was in this moment. Kaia's vision started to blur and Levi's face started to turn into the man that killed her. </p><p>Kaia panicked, her breath hitched, her heart raced. Tears filled her eyes but never fell. <i> i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die. no you're not. yes i am yes i am. this is levi. no no no no no. this isn't. this isn't levi. </i> </p><p>"s-stop, stop" she whispered quietly. Levi looked down on her, confused, still pinning her hands "please, i don't-i don't want to die" </p><p>"brat. i'm not gonna kill you" he loosened his grip on her and a cold, dark, expression befell her face and in a violent whirl, she grabbed a dagger she hid in her boot and stabbed him in the thigh. Levi yelled out in pain and she scurried to the corner of the room, crouching, breathing heavily and her eyes deadly and malevolent, like a snake who just got stepped on.</p><p>"what the fuck" he pulled out the dagger and gritted his teeth.</p><p>Kaia snapped out of her attack mode, coming back to reality "levi..." her eyes widened at the sight of his bloody leg, panic surged through her chest "what did i...what did i do?"</p><p>"you stabbed me you fuck!" he yelled</p><p>She ran towards him and immediately attempted  to stop the bleeding, frantically trying to cover the wound. </p><p>"that's not gonna work" he said. Kaia grabbed his arm and hoisted him up on his chair so he can sit properly.</p><p>She ran around the room, trying to find bandages. When she found some she hastily wrapped his thigh, successfully covering the wound. </p><p>They said nothing to each other during the whole process. </p><p>She stood to leave the room silently. Kaia's deadly aura had turned into panic, desperation then into emptiness, as if she had suppressed everything that raged within her before.</p><p>"you okay with that blood all over you brat?" Levi drawled</p><p>"I don't mind. I'm used to it" As she reached for the door, she saw how easily it unlocked, and laughed to herself. "i won't tell anyone about you and Petra" She exited the room, leaving Levi in a state of confusion and concern.</p><p>Kaia walked plainly through the corridors of the building, not having a care in the world who saw her. However, there was only one thing on her mind. The blood. She lied earlier . She didn't mind having her own blood over her but, she hated having the blood of others on her hands. It reminded her of her past life, getting into unnecessary fights, getting unnecessarily hurt, unnecessarily hurting others. She used to panic over the blood, desperately wanting to wash it off, but, <i> this is what i was made for </i> she realised a long time ago. to hurt. to bleed. I guess things never changed did they?  </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. a sorry daughter</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia went through the day as she would normally, dismissing the events of that morning as unimportant. She trained with Annie, bickered with Jean, teased Marco and joked with Eren. Nobody would've guessed she stabbed humanity's strongest soldier earlier in the morning</p><p>When afternoon rolled around, Kaia dreaded making her way towards headquarters. Luckily, Eren was also sent by Shadis to do paperwork for coming late to training. </p><p>"you alright?" Eren asked</p><p>"huh? yeah, why do you ask?"</p><p>"it's just...you look tense, i ought to give you a massage" </p><p>she chuckled "i certainly wouldn't mind"</p><p>"no really. what's wrong?" he inquired </p><p>She shook her head "you really needn't worry"</p><p>"alright. anyways, did you hear about Jean's secret mid-year party"</p><p>"huh?"</p><p>"he was boasting about it during training, i'm surprised you didn't hear. It's a stupid idea, he's gonna get caught"</p><p>"it's a brilliant idea!! ugh why didn't i think of it first" her eyes shined with mischief </p><p>"oh, uhm—yeah like uh, now that i think about it, it might be fun" he rubbed his neck "are you gonna come?"</p><p>"of course!" she linked arms with him "pleeeeaaase come, it'll be no fun without you!"</p><p>Eren blushed vividly <i>  how adorable </i> Kaia thought. he cleared his throat "i mean if you insist" </p><p>"great. It's settled then" she grinned widely and the two remained linked for the rest of the walk.</p><p>Levi looked out from the window, he saw Eren and Kaia walking together towards the building, linking arms. He frowned <i> how could you smile like that? how could you laugh? like nothing happened this morning? perhaps it's the skill of the spy, to act mournful in front of a crowd after mercilessly killing in the shadows. </i> </p><p>Levi sighed and retreated to his desk, sipping his tea slowly while doing paperwork. Soon, he heard a knock on the door.</p><p>"state your name and purpose"</p><p>"Eren Jaeger and Kaia Madden here, we were sent by Shadis to do paperwork"</p><p>The two were let inside. Levi looked past Eren and towards Kaia. She held a placid expression, so different from the deadly one he saw this morning. He eyed her carefully, her movements were slightly stiff, and awkward, it would be hard to notice unless you have an attentive eye or if you're personally close to her. </p><p>She sat in front of Levi's desk next to Eren. She leaned back and crossed her legs, attempting to look relaxed. <i> cool cool cool cool cool cool cool i'm cool i'm cool, i'm definitely not being reminded that Levi and Petra basically fucked on this table and that i'm going to do paperwork on it. Am i surprised he would do it on the table? no, he is an impatient man. </i> </p><p>Levi dumped the stack of paperwork infront of the two. Eren's eyes widened and Kaia cringed as they realised they would most likely be doing it until morning. </p><p>"get to work brats" Levi proceeded to ignore them and do his own paperwork. </p><p>Eren immediately started to complete it, writing vigorously on the paper. Kaia sat for a moment, staring at the desk. </p><p> <i> surely he cleaned it </i> she thought <i> what am i thinking of course he cleaned it, it's Levi we're talking about. </i> She then began to do the paperwork, as she worked, a dark stain on the table caught her eye. <i> what. is. that. no no no no Kaia it's not that you're thinking, you're being delusional right now. It's probably tea or something. </i> Kaia proceeded to work, but couldn't stop thinking about what she saw this morning, having had enough, she abruptly stood up.</p><p>Eren turned towards her, Levi only glared. "you know what" Kaia said, "I'm just going to work on the floor" Levi rolled his eyes and Eren furrowed his brows.</p><p>As she stood up, she noticed a small string of steam coming from Eren's head. Her eyes widened and she immediately put her palm over it.</p><p>"ow" Eren said</p><p>"uh—um, Eren you're bleeding from your head again, and you're bandages are all messed up, uh, let me wash it off and re-bandage it"</p><p>"hah? no it's fine, i can just re-bandage it myself" he reached to move her hand off of his head and began getting up.</p><p>"ah ah ah ah. sit. clearly you can't re-bandage yourself"</p><p>"ugh fine" he sat back down on his chair</p><p>Kaia lifted her hand slowly off of his head, hoping all the blood would have evaporated by now. She sighed in relief when there was no steam coming from him and proceeded to remove his bandages.</p><p>Levi watched the two in boredom. Kaia worked her way carefully around the bandages, her eyes fixed on Eren's head, from her movements, it would seem she had done it a million times before. Levi touched his thigh, recalling how she carefully bandaged it despite being in a state of panic. </p><p>He rested his face on his palm "you seem extremely confident with those bandages Kaia, are you secretly a nurse?" he mused</p><p>Kaia sighed, refusing to look at him. shut up she thought why do you seem to taunt me. "i dunno. muscle memory, i guess"</p><p>interesting Levi thought <i> so you have done bandages an abnormally large amount of times . Kaia Madden. What happened to you? </i> </p><p>She patted Eren's head when she finished and made her way towards the floor. Levi caught Eren blushing, smiling as he completed his paperwork. He frowned. "you crushing on the paperwork Jaeger?, always knew you were some weird kid"</p><p>Eren's eyes widened "Sir, uhm—no I—"</p><p>"save it. Your face is red enough to use as an emergency signal" he said aloud </p><p>Kaia looked toward the two bickering and smiled to herself. <i> i knew it, i knew it. these moves are toooo smooth, you're only the first victim Eren. Soon, the whole 104th trainees will be kissing my feet. I mean I'd never get into a relationship with any of them but the attention would be fun. </i> </p><p><i> wow i just realised how fucking evil I sound. oh well, i mean, they're just characters right? they're  not actually real. </i>  Kaia sighed and continued to do her paperwork. Soon, night fell and the two finally finished their assigned stack, their eyes drooped heavily and both wished for food and sleep. </p><p>Eren approached Kaia on the floor and helped her organise and gather her papers. "Eren, I need you to do me a favour" she whispered </p><p>"what is it?" </p><p>"I need you to get Levi out of this room"</p><p>he frowned "huh? why?"</p><p>"please don't ask questions, I'm afraid I can't answer"</p><p>"but—"</p><p>she held his hand "please. Eren. just trust me." <i> god I hate how I sound like Elijah right now, this is the first and last time this is gonna happen, I swear it. </i> </p><p>He sighed "alright. I trust you"</p><p>she squeezed his hand in gratitude "thank you" she whispered.</p><p>He stood up with the papers and approached Levi. He then fell to the ground, holding his head "ahhh my head, ahhh it hurts" </p><p>"tch Kaia take him to the infirmary" Levi said </p><p>Kaia whispered to Eren "stay on the floor no matter what i say, pretend you can't walk by yourself" she then looked toward Levi "sir—I, I think somethings wrong, I can't get him up"</p><p>"my—my legs! my legs why don't i, why don't i feel them??" Eren began to wail</p><p>Levi then arose to his desk and picked up his arms and started him dragging him out the room.</p><p>As soon as they were out, Kaia ran to Levi's desk, shifting through his drawers. A file labelled 'Godsent' caught her eye and she tucked in in the back of her shirt, her jacket luckily hiding the awkward bulge in her shirt.</p><p>what a nuisance Levi thought. He then stopped <i> wait. Kaia. she's in there by herself. shes after something in there, like how she attempted earlier in the morning. </i> He dropped Erens arms and sprinted to his room. </p><p>He found Kaia sitting where he had left her, sorting out the paperwork. She looked up at him with a confused expression "sir?" <i> don't look at me like that you liar </i> </p><p>"go take Eren to the infirmary, I'm sure you can drag him yourself"</p><p>Kaia exited the room to find Eren laying helplessly on the floor. She chuckled at the sight and knelt beside him "that was some performance"</p><p>"was it effective?" he asked</p><p>"i believe so" she replied "thank you Eren. One day I will tell you"</p><p>"that's a relief, and if you really can't, i won't push you to do it, because I trust you Kaia, I know you're a good person"</p><p>she smiled weakly "you have too much faith in me"</p><p>"faith that is well placed." he patted her back "come on now, you still have to drag me to the infirmary for the sake of appearances"</p><p>She chuckled and carried Eren on her back. Once they arrived at the Infirmary Eren explained the situation. He told the nurses that for a moment he couldn't feel his legs but he could now. Luckily they believed him and sent him back to the barracks.</p><p>Kaia snuck out once again to train this time, successfully isolating her power into her hands completely. She now had full control of that area. However, she still had the problem of how to control the amount of lightning she emits and when she wants to emit a certain amount. After many tries, the amount she emits remains unpredictable until the very moment it becomes visible. With a sigh of defeat, Kaia headed back to the barracks to sleep.</p><p>Oh her way back, Kaia ran into Elijah who asked for the files, she scurried back to the barracks to retrieve them and hand it to him. As usual, he was overly grateful and praised Kaia, she shrug it off with a roll of her eyes. After, to her surprise, she fell asleep quickly, dozing off into a deep dream.</p><p>Levi sat defeated in his office. Books and papers littered the floor dammit he thought she got the file. <i> I can't let Erwin know about this, he can't be distracted from the expedition, plus, he'll want to have her imprisoned, then tortured for questioning. Knowing Erwin, he won't stop once he's caught a lead in this case, there hasn't been one this big in over 2 decades. </i> Levi sighed as he cleaned up the mess he made in trying to the find the files.</p><p><i> Kaia, that frightful face I saw of yours after you met with the figure from Godsent, did it mean you don't want any part of this? are they threatening you? I need to know if you're innocent, and I pray that you are not, it'll only make things harder if you are.</i> </p><p>Kaia awoke with a jolt, she looked out the window and realised it was morning. She sighed in relief and decided to head out to run some laps.</p><p>As she exited the barracks, she saw Annie warming up, preparing to run as well. Kaia excitedly jogged to her.</p><p>"didn't expect to see you here today"</p><p>she looked at her plainly "and why is that?"</p><p>"well, it just doesn't seem you care much about training so I didn't think you'd get up early to...well, train"</p><p>she continued to warm up "i'm not training, i'm running. It's therapeutic"</p><p>"right. you know what, I actually get that" Kaia said, recalling how she ran constantly to get her mind off of Godsent. "you wanna run together?"</p><p>"no."</p><p>"naw come on it'll be fun" Kaia said. Annie started to jog. "oi, wait—Annie!"</p><p>For a while, the two jogged in silence, soon they circled back to the barracks just in time for roll call. They said their goodbyes and checked in with the supervising officer who makes sure all the trainees are together.</p><p>Today, Kaia trained with Jean while Annie was pre-occupied with Eren. She chuckled at the sight of Mikasa quietly glaring at the two.</p><p>As they trained, a short angry man approached them. "Kaia" he said "you need to come with me"</p><p>Kaia followed, and soon, the two ended up in his office. He sat down on his desk with a grave look on his face. "I know you took the files"</p><p> <i> of course. of course this was going to happen. i knew it, I knew it, it was inevitable, does this mean he's known that i'm a part of Godsent? </i> Kaia thought <i> there's no point in trying to deny this, no point in trying to get out of it. you're caught Kaia.</i> </p><p>She kept a plain expression "Good for you"</p><p>He stood abruptly "what do you mean good for you?" he snarled "shouldn't you be panicking, heaving on the ground"</p><p>"why should i? I got the files didn't I? I accomplished my primary goal"</p><p>He frowned in frustration "so you confess? you're working with Godsent? you're infiltrating the survey corps to bring it down."</p><p>"I'm only doing what I'm told" She said indifferently</p><p> <i> good Levi thought that's it. keep acting like that. make me forget that pitiful face you showed me that day. be the villain. please. i beg of you. </i> </p><p>"but. it doesn't mean I'm a devoted member" she said </p><p> <i> no no no no don't do this Kaia don't do this. </i> </p><p>"They instituted me against my will"</p><p>"so why don't you just leave?" he inquired </p><p>"because what they did to institute me cannot be undone"</p><p>"and what is it that they did?" he asked</p><p>Kaia took a deep breath, unsure if these words would cause tears to spill from her eyes "they sacrificed 101 of their members to have me. They were children too, my age. Who am i turn away from that? i may be selfish but i know well enough that i carry their lives on my back and i can't just turn away because i don't want to."</p><p> "no" he yelled "this isn't possible, you're lying, you're the enemy!"</p><p>"why are you so adamant on making me the villain?!" she yelled</p><p>"because you are! you must be, you can't....you can't be innocent"</p><p>"look i'm only going to say this once. I'm not for Godsent but I am not against it, same with the survey corps"</p><p>"no no no no no no no you HAVE to pick a side"</p><p>"no." she said sternly "i refuse"</p><p>with that she stormed out of his office, on her way to run a few laps to let off some steam.</p><p>"Oi!" Jean yelled to her from the barracks "stop running already"</p><p>She stopped infront of him, heaving as she bent towards the floor. "I need a drink"</p><p>"yeah sure looks like it" he said</p><p>"no." she panted "alcohol..."</p><p>"hah? it’s the middle of the day!!"</p><p>She only frowned at him "please tell me there'll be alcohol at your party"</p><p>he rubbed his neck "about that, I actually don't know where to host it"</p><p>she groaned "Jean you should've just asked me. Shadis is letting us go home for 3 days right? I used to work at this tavern, i'm friends with the owner, we can host it there"</p><p>"holy shit that's brilliant. I'm gonna go tell the others" he ran towards the mess hall where everyone gathered</p><p>"oi. at least give me some water" she fell to the ground in exhaustion "he's not gonna get me some water" she muttered to herself.</p><p>"brat" Levi looked over her</p><p>she whined "nooooooo. no no no no. I'm not dealing with this" she covered her face</p><p>He sighed "I need to tell Erwin"</p><p>She immediately got up "no. you can't. he'll get me tortured"</p><p>"If you tell me useful information I can relay it back to him so he doesn't think that he needs to torture you to get information"</p><p>"telling you more information just gets me into more trouble! if you tell Erwin about me, I'll tell him about Petra"</p><p>Levi's eyes widened "no you c—"</p><p>"Aha!" Kaia exclaimed, pointing a finger in his face "now what're you gonna do? surely you care for dear Petra deeply and if Erwin found out, he'd make sure to separate you for eternity!!"</p><p>"tch, I can't just turn away from your involvement with Godsent. Plus he already knows you're a part of it and soon, he'll find out that the files have been stolen"</p><p>"wait wait wait wait, he knows i'm a part of Godsent?! Since when?!"</p><p>"since I told him" he said plainly </p><p>"you rat! that's it, I'm going to tell him about Petra!"</p><p>He kicked her shin and she fell to the ground</p><p>"lately he's been focused on the expedition, so his focus will be away from you. However, he'll eventually know you stole the files and when the time comes, he'll come after you, even if you are innocent, he'll find a way to use you"</p><p>"why tell me all this?" she looked up at him from the ground </p><p>"I'm only warning you" he replied. He started to walk away then felt a hand grip around his ankle, he then suddenly fell to the ground. Kaia climbed on top of him, pinning his arms.</p><p>"you need to do all you can to keep Erwin away from this case. You think choosing neither side is easy for me? it's fucking exhausting and confusing and so bloody frustrating—"</p><p>"then choose a side!!" he yelled</p><p>"no!" she shrieked "i already told you, I can't turn away from the lives that died for me, but I also can't turn away from my friends here. They all believe in the survey corps so much and for some of them, it's their only home, I can't take that away from them" she said</p><p>"you care too much Kaia. Sometimes, being heartless makes everything easier"</p><p>She frowned then started manically laughing "heartless? like you Levi? is that what you do? close off your emotions? that's the funniest thing i've every heard. By far, you're the most emotional here, and the most stupid. Getting into a relationship in the military? You—"</p><p>"Jealous?" he snapped </p><p>Kaia laughed even more. She then sat up on top of him and released his hands, she shifted to grab his collar and move his face closer to hers "sweetie if I wanted you, I would have you" she smirked, threw him to the ground and got up.</p><p>"you better not utter a word Levi" she shouted as she walked toward the mess hall.</p><p>tch brat he thought who do you think you are?</p><p> <i> damn I AM THE BADDEST BITCH IN TOWN </i> Kaia thought. <i> i know you ain't gonna snitch on me. </i> </p><p>her spirit was in the clouds throughout the rest of the night earning strange looks from the scouts. As dinner closed to a finish, Jean offered to walk her to her barracks.</p><p>"this is weird. why are you walking me home" she gasped "oh no. are you in love with me?"</p><p>he rolled his eyes "don't flatter yourself, i would never—"</p><p>"oh wait that's right, you're still hung up on Mikasa"</p><p>"I am NOT hung up on her, I just think that she's a very admirable person who would make a great girlfriend"</p><p>Kaia laughed "alright alright calm down"</p><p>"anyways I need to ask you something." Jean said "you know how we're going home for a mid-year break?"</p><p>"yeah..."</p><p>"well i don't really wanna...go home"</p><p>"huh, why? i thought you loved your mom" she said</p><p>"yeah well of course i do, she isn't the problem, but...i don't have the best memories of my hometown, especially the kids my age there"</p><p>"oh" kaia said, slowly realising where this was going "you were bullied huh?"</p><p>he nodded "i mean I'll still say Hi to my mom and all but i just don't want to spend the three days there"</p><p>"right...."</p><p>"so I was wondering if I could stay with you"</p><p>"what?! what about Marco? why don't you ask him?" she exclaimed</p><p>"I didn't want to bother him" he replied</p><p>"but you're okay with bothering me?"</p><p>he frowned, getting a temper "quite frankly yes, because sometimes Kaia, you deserve it"</p><p>She scoffed "well you're not making your case any better, at this rate, I'll force you to go to your hometown"</p><p>"no Kaia please. I can't, it's part of the reason why I enlisted in the army. you have no idea, I can't stand it over there" he held a pitiful expression </p><p>Kaia sighed "Fine. Since I'm a nice person I'll let you stay with me"</p><p>his eyes lit up "wait really? thanks! ... so where exactly is your hometown?"</p><p>"well....i live inside Wall Rose, i'm not sure of the exact location...." she said </p><p>"you don't know where your home is?" he raised an eyebrow </p><p>"well it's not exactly a home...you see I live in a room above a tavern" she explained </p><p>"huh? a tavern? your parents allowed that? that's so cool"</p><p>how should I put this... she thought "my parents are dead I guess ..... well they might as well be since I'm never gonna see them again" she said plainly, but in all honesty, her heart dropped at the mention of her parents, so many things had happened that she forgot and now she felt terrible</p><p>"oh" Jean's expression softened "I'm...so...sorry"</p><p>Kaia frowned "no need to get all soft"</p><p>"still...it's your parents, do you....wanna talk about it?"</p><p>"no." she said angrily "you should go." </p><p>Jean bowed his head "right I will" he began to walk back to the barracks.</p><p>Kaia attempted to reach out to him, regretting her decision. <i>  I lashed out again, all because I'm angry at myself. </i> She held her head in her hands, sighing <i> God what is wrong with me. should I feel bad for forgetting about my parents? are they still even a part of me? should I just let go of them? they're not a part of my life anymore. </i> </p><p> <i> No. </i> she sternly thought  <i> my past life has made me who I am, of course it's still a part of me because I still remember. I can't let go of it. I can't. </i> </p><p>She walked behind the barracks to find a handful of flowers, she also picked up some stones. </p><p>Walking towards the lake in the moonlight, she knelt beside the water and placed the stones and flowers in two piles. <i> One for her mother and One for her father. So I'll never forget.... </i> she thought. </p><p>"Hi mom, Hi dad, it's Kaia here" her voice broke as tears gathered in her eyes "I just...wanted to say I'm sorry, since I never got a chance when I was alive. Well actually I did have the chance I was just a coward." she sighed "I should've done this a long time ago, but I guess I pushed this thought away because I thought I'd see you again, that this was just some dream....but I realised that I'm stuck here..." she started to sob "I'm...never going to see you again so I just wanted to say how sorry I am. I'm so sorry for—for causing so much trouble—for sneaking out, for making you worry. I'm so sorry, I wish—I wish I could make it up, I really do" she sobbed into her palms "I'm trying to be good in this life, I'm trying to be the daughter you wish I was. I'm trying to be kinder mom like you always told me to be, I'm trying to be more honest, dad, like how you always preached. but....in all honesty, I'm failing, I'm not doing good, I've lied...so...so many times and I have been unkind so so many times. I'm so sorry I'll try, I'll try and be better and—" she couldn't finish her sentence as she became a crying wreck on the floor.</p><p>She then heard footsteps approach her and felt an arm wrap around her from the side, she immediately knew who it was.</p><p>"Kaia" Jean said. He had gone to search for Kaia when Krista went looking for her "it's okay...it's okay now" </p><p>"no it's not" she sobbed "I need—I need to be—be better"</p><p>"I'm sure your parents are proud that you're already trying"</p><p>"I'm sorry, I'm sorry for snapping at you again before, I wasn't angry at you, I was angry at myself for forgetting about them"</p><p>"shhhh, no what you did was understandable, it's okay, you don't need to apologise"</p><p>She suddenly grabbed his shoulders "No, Jean, You can't say that, I need to be kept in line, I need someone to tell me when I fuck up because sometimes I'm too much in my head to realise. Please, will you tell me, please—please will you keep me in check Jean please——" she looked up at him with tear filled eyes</p><p>"alright. alright I will" he calmly said patting her head. </p><p>"also please forget this ever happened" she then said sternly "don't pity me, don't be cautious around me, don't be all suddenly nice to me, because I don't need it"</p><p>he chuckled "alright alright. I'll pretend I never saw you cry like baby" she punched him lightly "hey, look don't worry about crying in front of me, look, earlier today I low-key shed a tear or two after I saw Mikasa hugging Eren"</p><p>Kaia burst out laughing "no way. oh my god. That makes me feel so much better. Also you're really shit at giving hugs, I mean you hugged a crying person with one arm on the side, like they were some kind of acquaintance"</p><p>"What was I supposed to do?"</p><p>"maybe use both of your arms" she said "i'm your best friend for fuck sake I deserve better"</p><p>"who said you were my best friend?"</p><p>"boi, don't give me another reason to cry tonight, i'm your best friend right?"</p><p>"nawwww you'd cry if I said you weren't?" he teased </p><p>"you know what, on second thought, I wouldn't mind at all, since that would mean I'd be free of your constant nagging"</p><p>"hey don't act like you're not annoying as well" he said "you know what Kaia, you are not my best friend, but rather my acquaintance"</p><p>She scoffed "well alright if that's how you want to play it. I'm off to bed acquaintance" she stood to leave. She turned around to Jean "aren't you coming?"</p><p>"acquaintances don't walk other acquaintances to their barracks"</p><p>she chuckled "shut up and just come with me."</p><p>Once Kaia arrived at her room, Krista frantically grabbed her shoulders "Kaia! where were you"</p><p>"I was at the lake..."</p><p>"huh, I saw Jean heading that direction as well"</p><p>"yeah I was with him" Kaia said </p><p>"You were with Jean...at the lakes....in the moonlight...all alone...." Krista mused </p><p>"oh my god. Krista no!" Kaia said, realising what Historia was insinuating. "gross, I literally gag at the thought of him and me together like that."</p><p>"now that I think about it, the two of you would look strange together"</p><p>"right exactly" Kaia added</p><p>She went to bed peacefully, feeling a weight lifted off of her after 'talking' to her parents.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. cautionary cards and forbidden thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"oi Jean" Eren whispered in the dark </p><p>Jean only grumbled turning away from Eren who was standing beside his bed.</p><p>"Jean wake up"</p><p>"Go away" he groaned </p><p>"Jean I need to ask you something"</p><p>"no." Jean replied </p><p>Eren started to poke him.  Annoyed, Jean slapped Eren's hand away and turned to face him with an angered, sleepy expression on his face.</p><p>"what the fuck do you want Jaeger?" he said </p><p>"shh quiet, everyone's still sleeping" Eren replied</p><p>Jean frowned "well not now" he angrily whispered</p><p>"I need to ask you something about Kaia" </p><p>"what? why?" he raised a quizzical brow </p><p>"well uh....i just wanna know? y'know?" Eren rubbed his neck</p><p>Jean rolled his eyes "what is it?"</p><p>"oh um—well just like what kind of things she likes maybe y'know what kind of guy she's into..." a blush crept to his cheeks and he looked to the ground </p><p>Jean burst out laughing, causing the others in the room to stir. "oh man, you have no idea don't you?"</p><p>Eren held a puzzled look "what?"</p><p>"all Kaia Madden wants is for all the boys here to be in love with her, she'll flirt and joke around, but she's a heartbreaker, and well, she's here to break hearts" </p><p>"did she tell that to you?"</p><p>Jean shrugged his shoulders "no. but it's quite obvious" </p><p>"you can't just say that. you can't just assume something about someone based off of how they seem, you'll end up with conclusions that are way off base"</p><p>Jean frowned "well I thought that you seemed like a boy with anger issues and stick up his ass and well surprise, surprise, I was right"</p><p>Eren rolled his eyes "Kaia's not like that, I know her"</p><p>he sighed "look man, I'm not gonna stop you in pursuing Kaia because quite frankly, I'd love to see her stomp on your puny little heart."</p><p>"well then tell me about her, so like, I actually have a chance"</p><p>"ugh fine" he said "she's overly interested in religion"</p><p>Eren cocked his head to the side "huh?"</p><p>"mhm she could ramble on and on about how religion affects people and how it can easily be used as a tool of power yadda yadda but she says she doesn't believe in any of the strange Gods she talks about"</p><p>"i don't know what to talk about in that topic!!" Eren whisper shouted</p><p>"well too bad"</p><p>"come on Jean, give me some more material"</p><p>Jean have an exasperated sigh "she likes to collect things. Especially buttons, which is weird I don't know why. She's also very strangely sentimental, so if you give her something that involves thought, she'll absolutely love it. Don't even think about asking her personal questions, Kaia's all about fun, if you get all serious she'll ditch you almost immediately. She likes honest people, people who'll tell her straight how it is, people who don't beat around the bush ecetera, ecetera." he rubbed his chin "as for a romantic partner....I have no solid idea of her perfect man since she's such a player but she does like earnest people, people who are genuinely nice, but...that's probably because they're the easiest to seduce. Also careful not to be too nice, she'll think it's fake and just turn away from you, she likes bold guys who aren't afraid to tell her or show her that they like her. I mean that more attention she gets the better" he looked toward the ceiling </p><p>"would you stop antagonising her? what if she just can't find the right person and here you are judging her" Eren said "Also that was weirdly really in depth, didn't you two meet at the beginning of the year?"</p><p>Jean shrugged "yeah I did, feels like i've known her for a lifetime though"</p><p>"do you think it'll be like that for me?"</p><p>"not instantly, she's very closed off, doesn't open up unless you actually catch her crying or something"</p><p>"have you....caught her crying before?" Eren asked</p><p>"once or twice"</p><p>"why was she crying?"</p><p>"it's not for me to say" he replied</p><p>"right...well thanks anyway" Eren scurried off to settle into his bed, a flurry of thoughts swarming his mind, of a raven haired girl who's mere smile made his heart flutter .</p><p>"Argh goddammit" Kaia exclaimed as she nearly toppled from the treetops for the 5th time "I'm actually going to die during training it's not even funny" </p><p>Jean sped past her on his ODM gear laughing "better catch up Madden or Shadis is gonna make you eat shit!"</p><p>"don't you think I already know that!?" she called out</p><p>With an exasperated sigh she jumped off of the branch, keeping an eye out for which trees to hang on too. As she shot for the next tree, her aim was way off causing her to hurtle towards the ground. She screamed, then suddenly felt somebody catch her, their arms around her waist.</p><p>Looking to her left she sees Eren's cheerful face. "are you alright?" he asks, lightly laughing.</p><p>A quiet blush rose to her cheeks, but a blush nonetheless. <i> stop it </i> Kaia thought <i> you're not the one who supposed to blush here Kaia, you're the player, you're the heartbreaker, and plus he's just a friggin 2D character, get it together! </i> she cleared her throat "no i almost fucking died!"</p><p>Eren laughed some more, causing Kaia's heart to flutter <i> stop it </i> she violently thought "well I'll always be here to catch you if you fall Kaia so don't worry" he said </p><p>she looked at him for a moment, unaware that she was staring at him. <i> oh god </i> She turned away abruptly "no need to be so cheesy"</p><p>"fine then, i guess I'll just let you plummet to your death next time" He loosened his grip on her</p><p>Kaia gasped and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling herself closer against his body. "Eren oh my god! I swear, if you fucking drop me, I'll kill you!"</p><p>He laughed "impossible, you'd be dead" she smacked the back of his head "ow...you know, you're being quite prickly for someone who just got their life saved"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "fine...thanks I guess" </p><p>"oh you're gonna need to do better than that" he said as they landed at the clearing behind the treetops. Most people were waiting for them already. </p><p>Kaia then kissed his cheek then whispered in his ear "better?" </p><p>Eren blushed furiously as he stood speechless staring at her.</p><p>she chuckled <i> that's better. </i> "guess that's a yes" Kaia then strode off to chat with Historia and Ymir.</p><p>It was finally the morning of their Mid-year break and Kaia was extremely ecstatic to have some time away from the gruesome training, even if it was just 3 days. Plus, she had informed Maria that she'll be staying at the tavern as well as hosting a party there in a letter and Maria responded with indifference but it was clear she was happy to have Kaia back.</p><p>She headed off in a carriage with Jean beside her and soon they arrived at the tavern.</p><p>Maria stood outside to welcome them.</p><p>"Maria!" Kaia squealed "I'm so glad to be back"</p><p>"and I'm glad to have you back Kaia but don't for a second think you won't be working your ass off"</p><p>"but—"</p><p>Maria wagged her finger "ah ah ah ah, no buts, now who's this gentleman behind you? already captured somebody's heart have you?"</p><p>"what? no—"</p><p>Jean laughed "oh she has" he thought of eren "but not me ma'am"</p><p>She turned to him abruptly "wait what do you mean? who—"</p><p>He ignored her and extended a hand towards Maria "My name is Jean Kirstein ma'am, I'm also part of the 104th cadet corps, Kaia told me I could stay here for the break"</p><p>Maria raised an eyebrow "got no family?"</p><p>he rubbed his neck "umm, not exactly, it's just that my hometown isn't .... the best"</p><p>"alright well, I won't ask anymore questions, head on up to you room place your bags and settle in." she turned towards Kaia "you" she pointed to her "will be working til 11pm" </p><p>"what ! I—"</p><p>"go on now" Maria ushered them into the tavern</p><p>Kaia and Jean walked up to her room "home sweet home" she said as she opened the door.</p><p>"how's this going to work?" Jean said as they entered the room </p><p>"what do you mean?"</p><p>"there's....only one bed" he said </p><p>Kaia laughed "ah yes, you will be sleeping on the floor, unless you want to cuddle up with me"</p><p>"you know. the floor sounds splendid"</p><p>"alright, well I'm gonna need you to step out for a bit since I gotta change into uniform"</p><p>he sighed "fine" </p><p>A few moments later Jean knocked on the door "you done yet?"</p><p>"uhm...mo but can you help me with something?"</p><p>"sure" he stepped into the room to find Kaia in a white dress with red and green fabrics draped around her and a black corset untied.</p><p>"can you pull then tie up my corset?"</p><p>He walked over to her and began to tighten the corset.</p><p>"argh" she groaned </p><p>"is it too tight?" he asked</p><p>"no, you need to pull harder i think" he pulled again, coaxing a loud grunt from her "okay I think that's alright" she panted </p><p>he stepped back as she took out her long hair from her pigtails and put it into a dishevelled low bun. This exposed her neck and collarbone which would otherwise be covered by her other clothes and hair.</p><p>She turned to face him. "so. how do i look?"</p><p>Jean looked her up and down but tried his hardest to not look at her breasts which sat alluringly on her chest with the corset making them appear to be larger.</p><p>"uhm...it's, uh—" Jean stammered </p><p>Kaia laughed "doesn't the corset make them look just absolutely fabulous!" she looked down on her breasts.</p><p>"what—I, no—I wasn't looking, I—"</p><p>she laughed even more then patted him on the shoulder "nawww, it's alright Jean, at least you tried to not look at them, as long as you don't touch we're all good here" she patted his cheek "now, go visit your mom or something, I'm gonna work"</p><p>"right well I'll be back by night" he said as he exited the door.</p><p>For the next few hours, Kaia hustled around the tavern, serving foods and drinks as well as the occasional slap for handsy customers. Soon, it was time for her break, Maria called her over and told her to get some food from the market. </p><p>As she exited the tavern she spotted Eren across the street, a yellow flower in his hand. His face broke into a grin when he met her eyes and then jogged towards her.</p><p>"Hey" he said </p><p>"hi" she replied "what you got there?" she gestured to the flower </p><p>"oh uh yeah, it's a daffodil, I thought you'd like it" he gave the flower to her, a light blush creeping onto his face</p><p>she gladly accepted it "well I think it's beautiful" she leaned to kiss him on the cheek again and his blush grew brighter.</p><p>She chuckled at the sight "how'd you find me?" she asked</p><p>"Jean told me" he replied </p><p>"oh ok well luckily you caught me at the right time, I'm about to go to the market....come with me?"</p><p>"it'd be my pleasure" he held out his arm for her to take. </p><p>The two walked together to the market, their arms linked and their cheeks rosy.</p><p>"you look different today" he said </p><p>"is it bad?" she asked </p><p>his eyes lingered on her figure, the way the fabrics clung to her body as well as the way the corset hugged her torso made her look like a goddess, he thought.</p><p>"i like...." he said as he tried to recollect his thoughts "...your hair, I get to see your face more" he smiled</p><p>Kaia turned away from his gaze, attempting to ignore as well as hide the blush on her face. "well, it's kind of protocol for the tavern"</p><p>"well I think it suits you, you should wear it like that more often"</p><p>"I'll keep that in mind" she added</p><p>The two entered the market, looking through the stands of fresh fruit on display as well as fresh breads. As they wandered around they came across a cheerful bard with a lively lute.</p><p>Kaia pulled Eren into a dance and the two twirled around together, laughing and talking as they stepped on each other's toes. Many spectators gathered to watch them as they danced in each other's arms happily.</p><p>After tiring out, Kaia and Eren went to look at more stalls. They came across a fortune teller and Kaia excitedly sat in front of the woman in colourful robes and golden jewellery that seemed too shiny to be real.</p><p>"Good afternoon young lady" the woman said </p><p>"hello, do you think you could do a reading for me?" Eren stood behind her, silently observing</p><p>The woman smiled started to shuffle the cards, after a few moments she layer out 3 faces down infront of Kaia.</p><p>She flipped the first one "Death" </p><p>She flipped the second one "Knight of Cups"</p><p>She flipped the last one "The Tower" </p><p>Kaia held her breath. </p><p>"the first reveals the past, the second reveals present and the third reveals the future. Let us look at the bottom of the deck, the shadow card" the woman flipped the deck "3 of swords, this represents your inner hopes and fears"</p><p>The woman sighed and took Kaia's hand rubbing it gently "my dear, this is one hell of a mixed reading...."</p><p>Kaia's heart started to race "the card death, which represents your past can tells me that you just ended a major aspect in your life and are stepping out into a new beginning, this can be reflected onto your present, which is represented by the knight of cups, this new beginning is bringing forth a new love for you, a knight in shining armour if you may, I'm getting a sense of romance but...unfortunately short lived, now your future..." the woman clicked her tongue "something unexpected will happen, when you're at the height of your happiness, everything will come crashing down, Everything will fall, everything will break apart, be wary, and grateful for this warning for it may cushion the fall"</p><p>"as for the shadow card" the woman said "the three of swords tells me that you hope to be loved yet you deny it, afraid of betrayal and heartbreak, separation and grief. I'm sensing that you feel unworthy of love but cover it up with the belief that you simply do not want it—"</p><p>"that's enough" Eren said, noticing Kaia's distressed expression. "Kaia let's go" she grabbed her by the hand and started to walk away.</p><p>"the three of cards serves as a warning as well girl" the woman called out to her "sadness, loneliness and suffering await you"</p><p>"just ignore her Kaia, that stuff's just a bunch of bullshit"</p><p>Kaia was still left speechless, reflecting on what she just heard "right...of course" <i> it was so accurate though, death representing my past?? that's more than just symbolism, I literally died and came back to life, argh i need to stop thinking of this, it'll make things worse.</i> </p><p>"please don't tell me you actually believe her?" Eren said beside her</p><p>"um i don't know, i kinda...resonated with that reading"</p><p>"Kaia don't let some stupid cards determine your fate, don't you believe that we can change it, that we can rewrite what has been written for us?"</p><p>Kaia paused, then smiled weakly "I'd like to think that" she said softly "but I'm afraid in reality, we're all mere slaves to fate, we cannot change what will become of us, we can only accept it"</p><p>Eren furrowed his brows "you can't be talking like that Kaia, have some faith in your self" he laughed dryly </p><p>Kaia didn't respond</p><p> "look, if you don't believe that you can rewrite your faith then I guess I'm just going to have to do it for you. I guess I'm just going to make sure that no suffering comes to you, that the cards are wrong, that you will be loved." he said </p><p>"Eren, I understand what you're trying to do, but...I don't need it" a puzzled expression came over him "I don't need you to be playing hero here. I get it ok, you're just trying to be nice, you're just trying to look out for me or whatever. But—" she sighed "I'm not some delicate doll that'll break at the slightest touch, and I hate it when people treat me like I am. I'm not afraid of suffering"</p><p>"you shouldn't be suffering at all" Eren reached for her hands but she pulled them away</p><p>"everybody suffers Eren. Even the best of the best, the innocent, the weakened. You could give nothing but goodness to this world and it'll repay you in all the evils it can"</p><p>"it doesn't have to be like that. Once I defeat the titans then—"</p><p>"then what?" Kaia snapped "all evils will vanquish? no one will suffer anymore?"</p><p>"I—everyone will be free, everyone won't be caged up in these walls anymore. everyone won't be afraid"</p><p>She scoffed "wake up Eren. Titans aren't the only thing people are afraid of"</p><p>"wait Kaia—"</p><p>She turned and walked back into the tavern, disallowing Eren to utter another word to her. For the rest of the night, she couldn't quite get her head in right. The cards did something, they scared her, something terribly inevitable was coming and she knew she couldn't stop it.</p><p>Jean crept up the stairs quietly and entered the room cautiously. Kaia lay on the bed sleeping soundly and on the floor she had laid out a pillow and blanket for him to sleep on. He smiled to himself then went to the corner to get changed. As he tossed his shirt to the side he felt a cold dagger against his back.</p><p>"who are you and what do you want" it was Kaia.</p><p>"relax it's me" he whispered, slowly turning around to face her.</p><p>Her deadly gaze softened "oh." she smacked her head "oh my god, I completely forgot about you"</p><p>"is that why you so sweetly laid out this makeshift bed for me on the floor" </p><p>she looked towards the set up "huh, I seemed to forgotten about that too" she scratched her head </p><p>Jean raised an eyebrow "are you okay?"</p><p>she sighed "yeah I'm fine, just tired from working"</p><p>"you're a terrible liar" he said</p><p>"I—-I'm—I am not lying!" she said defensively. He chuckled in response "and put on a shirt before you go to bed! i do not want to wake up to the sight of your naked torso!" she wagged the dagger infront of him</p><p>he raised his palms "I will if you put the dagger down"</p><p>She huffed and slipped the dagger underneath her pillowcase, angrily settling into bed and turning to face the wall. </p><p>After a few moments she turned towards where Jean lay on the floor. "psst"</p><p>"what" Jean groaned keeping his eyes closed </p><p>"Jean...I—" she paused and contemplated telling him what's on her mind "well....I'm scared"</p><p>Jean opened one eye and peered at her "don't worry, there aren't any monsters underneath your bed"</p><p>she chucked her pillow at him "I'm serious Jean"</p><p>he sighed "fine, why are you scared?"</p><p>"I got a reading done on me today with a lady who used tarot cards, and well...she said that there's going to be a whole lot of suffering for me, soon"</p><p>Jean propped his head on his palm, leaning on his side "and do you believe her?"</p><p>"well yeah I mean, the things she said about me were uncomfortably accurate"</p><p>"maybe she told you that there is suffering in your future to help you avoid it, so that you're cautious"</p><p>"but that's the problem. I can't avoid it. I can't change what's going to happen to me. This is fate we're talking about, we can't just defy it."</p><p>"no, you're just afraid to. you're afraid of trying to make things better and then as a result end up making things worse. you're afraid of failing and that's why you use that stupid excuse so that you feel better about yourself" he said "oh no, i can't change my fate, i shall weep for the rest of my days" he mocked her</p><p>Kaia frowned, still, she felt that there was truth in what he said. <i> i believe that fate can't be changed but i don't want to be proven right at my own expense or of the others around me. </i> </p><p>"you're right" she said quietly "I'm scared of failing"</p><p>"ahh, what a fragile ego you have"</p><p>she almost laughed "look who's talking"</p><p>"i do not have a fragile ego!" he said, raising a finger. </p><p>Kaia giggled turning to face the wall.</p><p>Jean sat up "Kaia" he whispered "I actually can't sleep on the floor"</p><p>"and why is that?" Kaia said, her back still to him</p><p>"because I swear I'm going wake up in the morning with a twisted spine!"</p><p>"I told you that you're welcome to sleep next to me if you're up for a cuddle" Kaia teased</p><p>"you know that i'd never—"</p><p>"oh i know" she laughed </p><p>Jean stood up and walked towards the bed, "you know what fine. I am not letting you get the victory of getting a bed" he placed his hands on his hips "move over"</p><p>Kaia whipped her head around "what no— I—I didn't think you'd actually—"</p><p>"move" he repeated </p><p>"you have to cuddle" Kaia said in a threatening tone as her last attempt to get him to sleep on the floor.</p><p>He only snarled and murmured a disgruntled "fine"</p><p> <i> dammit </i> Kaia thought. She scooched over to the left side of her small bed. Jean settled underneath the covers then looked towards Kaia expectantly "well?"</p><p>Kaia sighed and lifted Jean's arm to side, settling close to him with her head on his chest and her arm across his torso. Jean gave off a disgusted grunt.</p><p>She looked up at him from his chest "you asked for this"</p><p>Jean shifted to the side to face Kaia, disrupting the arrangement. "what are you doing?" she asked </p><p>His arm snaked around her waist and he pulled her head to rest in the crook of his neck. "i'm more comfortable this way"</p><p>Kaia smiled to herself and put her arm around his torso, comfortably letting herself be enveloped in his warmth. <i> I...could get used to this. </i> her mind drifted to places it shouldn't <i> stop it Kaia! what the hell are you thinking? this is not going to happen. not with Jean. </i> </p><p> <i> her hair smells nice </i> Jean thought <i> I hope I'm not suffocating her.she better not be thinking lewd thoughts about me. i am taken man! well i will be...when I get with Mikasa at the party tomorrow hehehe.</i> </p><p> <i> ugh, he's probably pretending that I'm Mikasa to prevent himself from vomiting. </i> Kaia thought <i> whatever, I'll just pretend he's Eren. </i> </p><p> <i> I. did not. just think that. I am not a woman who cuddles! cuddling involves feelings. commitment. I do not have feelings for Eren nor am I willing to commit to him. Jean is the only exception since we're just friends and plus he's wayyy to hung up on Mikasa to fall for me. Anyways, I'm the type that sneaks out in the morning not the one that cuddles then stays for breakfast! </i> </p><p>She shoved away the intrusive thoughts but a part of her wished she lay next to Eren, wrapped around his muscular arms and pressed against his torso dreaming of days they spent together, laughing, talking, sharing secrets...kisses that were fuelled by more than just lust.</p><p>She refused to face these wishes, and instead, turned towards his flaws, picking out everything that angered her. How he never knew how to give up. How innocent he was. How he, annoyingly, always seemed to be eager to help. That doe eyed look in his eyes .</p><p>Before long, Kaia drifted to sleep with a conflicted heart and an even more troubled mind. She hoped that tomorrow and the day after that would be better. But hope is a futile thing.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. a secret buried underground</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia awoke to an empty bed, frowning at her realisation that she didn't want it to be empty, that she wanted to wake up in the warmth of Jean's arms. She shook the thought away from her head as she stood to get changed. </p><p>As she opened the door, Maria was already there, holding up her knuckles as if she was about to knock. A panicked expression took over her face "the cloaked man, he's here to see you, says he's here to talk"</p><p>Kaia rubbed Maria's shoulders "It's alright Maria, he won't cause trouble here, he won't hurt you or the girls who work here"</p><p>"i'm worried about you! You told me you weren't affiliated with him"</p><p>Kaia sighed "please sit, I'll tell you everything"</p><p>And so Kaia talked, explaining her first meeting with Elijah and how she was now working with Godsent. Maria pressed her concerns but Kaia reassured her, telling her that they wouldn't harm a hair on her head. With a disapproving shake of her head Maria silently left the room.</p><p>Kaia went downstairs to meet Elijah. He sat at the corner of the tavern, brooding with his thoughtful expression and black cloak.</p><p>She approached him "We must talk elsewhere"</p><p>"why?" he asked, looking up at her, tilting his hood back</p><p>"i don't want you coming here anymore, we cannot meet here, I don't want this tavern associated with our business" She expected him to refuse but he only nodded and stood from his seat.</p><p>She grabbed his arm "let's go out through the back door" Kaia led them through the backside of the tavern which led to a dirty alleyway riddled with the stench of beer and rotten food. Both Kaia and Elijah scrunched up their noses as they walked through it. Before exiting the alleyway Kaia advised that he take off his hood and he obeyed, revealing his clothing that presented his figure a little too nicely. After many twists and turns they ended up on a street far away from the tavern.</p><p>"what do you want?" she asked </p><p>"i'm glad to see you too Kaia, I'm doing great, how are you?" he teased</p><p>"spare me the attitude"</p><p>"look who's talking"</p><p>"Elijah" she said sternly "what are you gonna get me to do this time?"</p><p>He sighed "nothing for now"</p><p>Kaia let out a breath of relief </p><p>"the survey corps have been making little advancement against Godsent, so there's no action that is needed to be taken"</p><p>"why are you here then?"</p><p>"I wish to show you something" he paused "will you let me?" a soft expression befell his face, almost pleading.</p><p>"alright, what is it"</p><p>"I want to show you our people. I want to show you Godsent. I want you to finally know who you're fighting for, it was difficult to arrange this any sooner but with you away from the survey corps for a while, I thought it was the best opportunity"</p><p> <i> shit </i> Kaia thought <i> this is only going to make things worse, this only going to rip me apart even further, I'll only be more unsure which side I should fight for. </i> But she couldn't deny the excited grin on his face "sure" she said </p><p>Elijah walked her to a carriage which was waiting for them, it was simple, much like the common ones that filled the roads. </p><p>After a while, they arrived at a tall building, quite ordinary as well, not one you'd pick out as a hideout for a vigilante group. It was surrounded by trees and isolated. <i> too isolated </i> Kaia thought, <i> if I saw this building randomly I would be cautious maybe even a little suspicious.</i> </p><p>She looked around her and realised she had no idea where she was, she was mentally taking notes of each turn the carriage took and expected to be somewhere near the walls but nothing but fields of green grass met her gaze. Her eyes searched frantically for some sort of familiarity and then she saw it...the walls, her stomach dropped when she realised she was looking at it from the outside.</p><p>"relax" Elijah placed his hands on her shoulders. </p><p>She slapped them away "where the hell are we?"</p><p>"Kaia. You won't get hurt here, the titans won't even bat an eyelash towards us"</p><p>She was a stuttering mess, whipping her head around every direction, panic surging through her body rapidly, gripping tightly onto her throat.</p><p>"Kaia, please, come inside" he started to usher her in</p><p>"no please—I can't—I, I need to get back inside I—"she then felt a rumble beneath her then the terrifying thump of multiple giant feet.</p><p>She turned to see a group of titans walking listlessly towards them. There was no doubt, they would soon see them. Kaia opened her mouth to scream but Elijah's hand covered it before she could let out a sound. A sudden whoosh came over them, and people who had ODM gear flew towards the titans, slicing them down one by one. Elijah dragged her inside.</p><p>Finally she managed to shove him off "What the fuck are you thinking?!?!" </p><p>He held up his palms to steady her "Kaia please, just let me explain, there's nothing to fear"</p><p>"what. the. fuck?!?! I just saw titans out there, making their way towards their next meal! making their way towards us!"</p><p>"Kaia listen!" he yelled, losing his patience.</p><p>The door swung open and a blonde haired woman strode in, covered in titan blood "it is done" she said </p><p>"any losses?" he asked </p><p>"no" she replied </p><p>"good. please take the others and head down, you may have a break"</p><p>Kaia looked between the two, her face contorted with confusion, anger, fear and frustration.</p><p>"Kaia. the only way the titans will notice us is if we're above ground and in plain site. If we head downwards toward our true base then they'll simply walk past, more drawn to the population that resides within the walls"</p><p>"surely they sense us, even underground"</p><p>"well I guess they don't. plus security here is top notch, you saw what they did earlier I have men here ready to step onto the front lines and protect the base"</p><p>"and what of this building?" she waved her hands around "a lone house in the middle of the plains is quite suspicious"</p><p>"if one is ever to notice this house, they'll see it as nothing but an old ruin of people who attempted to live outside the walls once"</p><p>Kaia took in his words and looked around. She realised the building was indeed like a ruin, it was weathered, windows were patched up lazily with wooden boards, dust fell from the roof and paintings hung lopsided faded with age.</p><p>"how did we get here?" she asked </p><p>"i'm afraid I cannot disclose that with you, it is the why the carriage windows were painted black. why we took so many unnecessary turns"</p><p>"you don't trust me?"</p><p>"of course not" he said smirking good call she thought. "please, let us head down"</p><p>Elijah led Kaia to an elevator function but much more unstable and rickety, he pulled the lever, and the two shot downwards. Kaia held onto Elijah's arms for support.</p><p>As the elevator doors opened, Kaia's mouth dropped. She confronted with not just some base but a whole underground city, not a city for civilians but a city for training and combat and strategy planning, judging from the amount of people gathered, it was an army.</p><p>The people that walked this city looked deadly, professional, trained beyond their years. Kaia suddenly felt inferior. They were dressed in black worked fervently on massive training structures jumping from ropes, swings, you name it.</p><p>"holy shit" was all she managed </p><p>Elijah laughed "marvellous isn't it?"</p><p>"wait, how do they survive? they have no air"</p><p>"air is filtered through hidden pipes that travel from the surface all the way to the city" he replied </p><p>"incredible. the people who fought the titans at the surface, how did they get a hold of ODM gear?"</p><p>he chuckled "you're not the only one infiltrating the survey corps Kaia. You were a distraction in order to be able to send our men in unnoticed"</p><p>"distraction?"</p><p>"well we deduced that, since you're new to this, you'll most likely get caught, and we guessed that around this time, you already have"</p><p>her breath hitched "uhm, how—how did you know?"</p><p>"it was a mere estimate. Don't look so worried, I know they're trying to turn you against us but we have faith in you"</p><p>"you really shouldn't—"</p><p>"tell them what you want about Godsent Kaia, it'll only make them trust you more, and the things they use you for tells us what they need and by telling us what they need, we can deduce what they already have" he explained "but please, do not reveal too much, just enough to be convincing"</p><p>she nodded slowly "right..." gods how did i get so entangled in this.</p><p>"anyways" he gestured toward the underground city "these people have all been trained specially. We have different sectors for different people. Since we must train assassins, spies, strategists etc in different ways" he said "Kaia, I want—I want you to train here from now on, at night, we can sneak you out from the survey corps"</p><p>"you want me to travel here every night?" she asked </p><p>"if possible yes"</p><p>she sighed "well, i mean of course. I'd love to know how to control my power as well as use it in combat"</p><p>"right. I was to ask you about that. have you been training by yourself?"</p><p>"I have tried, but it's been difficult, I've limited the amount i practice with so I won't wake the scouts"</p><p>"understood. Well here, you can train with however much amount you like" he showed "will you show me your progress"</p><p>"sure but, be prepared to be disappointed"</p><p>he chuckled, then led her to an open space.</p><p>She called upon the lighting and in seconds she was covered in the familiar blue sparks and power flowed through her veins, it felt good. She then proceeded to isolate the lightning on different parts of her body, her arms and her legs. </p><p>She willed the sparks away, then realised everyone was watching. She turned towards Elijah "I can't produce direct blasts, it was too risky to train"</p><p>"understood"</p><p>"will you protect us? Drokya." A voice called from the crowd that was watching her </p><p>Elijah was at her side "Drokya means Guardian. Saviour. Shield"</p><p>"uh" she rubbed her neck "yes, no, maybe so" she laughed at herself but the crowd stayed silent "i mean of course I'll try" <i> fuck what am I saying? </i> </p><p>"then we shall follow you" The person knelt and bowed their head. The rest of the crowd followed, and soon Elijah too, knelt before her.</p><p> <i> no. don't. i don't deserve this. i'll let you down. please don't put your faith in me. </i> </p><p>Elijah looked up "they are waiting for you to tell them to rise"</p><p>Kaia cleared her throat "rise" the crowd rose "please do not bow to me. at least not until you deem me worthy of it. also.." she paused <i> what am I saying...</i> "I am a friend before I am anything else. Please treat me as such"</p><p>Murmurs from the crowed filled the air. Elijah leaned in to her "You needn't be so modest Kaia, you've already earned their devotion by holding this power alone—"</p><p>"please. don't say that. we'll only know if I deserve it when the time comes"</p><p>"when what time comes?" he asked </p><p>"the time of suffering, i fear"</p><p>"for our people?"</p><p>"for everyone" she avoided his eyes <i> i'll have to choose someday, and I know that choice will break me. </i> </p><p>Elijah gave a signal to the crowd and they dispersed. "we are to escort you back to the walls. please remember to come here every night when you go back to the survey corps. enjoy your break" he ushered her into the carriage beside them. <i>  so we got here underground as well? how did we end up at the surface first then? perhaps there are a whole system of underground tunnels that lead to all different sorts of places. I shouldn't think about it too much, my head will only ache. </i> </p><p>She nodded and made her way into the carriage and back into that uneasy feeling of not knowing what's going on around her, the blackened windows made her stomach turn. <i> i hope I haven't missed the party ... she thought.</i> </p><p>Upon arrival, Kaia made her way hastily toward the tavern. The sun was only starting to set, the party hadn't started yet. Once she stepped into the tavern, Maria let out a sigh of relief and rushed to her.</p><p>"you were gone all day" she said grabbing her shoulders</p><p>"i'm sorry, I'll work extra tomorrow"</p><p>"forget about the work, I thought you were only going for a chat, when you didn't come back for a while I thought something had gone wrong"</p><p>Kaia smiled reassuring her "they won't hurt me Maria, I'm sure of it"</p><p>"are they forcing you to do something, something you don't want to do?"</p><p>"not exactly....but don't worry, please, i can handle it" no i can't she painfully reminded herself </p><p>"be careful alright" she said </p><p>"of course"</p><p>Maria huffed "now go on and help your friend at the back, he's fussing over the party and have been asking about you all afternoon"</p><p>"alright" Kaia made her way to the back room to find Jean bent over rummaging through drawers </p><p>"oh no a thief" she said sarcastically then started to laugh at her own joke. </p><p>Jean straightened and shook her shoulders "where the hell have you been?!" he angrily said </p><p>her brows furrowed "chill. I was out"</p><p>"I need you to help out the decorations and stuff"</p><p>she snorted "decorations?"</p><p>"yeah what's wrong with that"</p><p>"uh nothing unless your throwing a party for a five year old"</p><p>he frowned "then what do you suggest we do oh holy one who knows all about parties"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "toss the decorations, all we need is the tavern, some good food, drinks and music, can't forget the music!" she held up a finger </p><p>Jean ran his hands through his hair "we don't have music!"</p><p>"what?!" she flicked his head "how stupid can you be?!"</p><p>"where the hell do I find someone to play for us???"</p><p>"you know what. I'll handle the music" she said </p><p>"are you sure"</p><p>"yes yes now go out and prepare drinks or something"</p><p>Soon enough people from the training scouts started to trickle in and at first they stood awkwardly not knowing what to do. Kaia dished out the drinks hurriedly in an attempt to get them to loosen up and sure enough it worked, people were conversing loudly to one another and laughter filled the air.</p><p>"Krista!" Kaia squealed "I hadn't seen you walk in I thought you weren't going to come!"</p><p>"of course I would" she gasped "you look absolutely splendid tonight!! the hair, the dress, everything!"</p><p>"naw stop it, this just some regular tavern maid attire, it's what the regular customers see everyday"</p><p>"well some lucky customers they are" she giggled lightly. </p><p>Ymir slung an arm around Krista's shoulders "stop leaving me aloooooonnnneeee" she slurred in her ear</p><p>"Ymir! are you drunk already?" Kaia asked</p><p>"No!" she suddenly exclaimed "by the way you look hot"</p><p>"what is on with everybody this is practically a uniform!"</p><p>Ymir rolled her eyes "puh-lease, your tits are practically spilling out of your chest, the guys have been ogling at it all night" Kaia blushed "well except for that poor sod of man Jean, he's been following Mikasa around all night!"</p><p>Kaia whipped her head around to see a very awkward Jean and a very uncomfortable Mikasa sitting at a table "oh god, he really knows how to make a fool of himself"</p><p>She turned towards Ymir and Historia "I'll chat to you guys later, let me go rescue Mikasa"</p><p>Kaia darted to their table and immediately sat in between them "so Mikasa, how's the party going?" Mikasa's expression relaxed then hardened once she remembered that she was supposed to hate Kaia.</p><p>"fine I guess" she replied </p><p>"excuse me—" Jean tried to stay</p><p>"Jean, Erens outside picking a fight why don't you join"</p><p>"wait really, I've been waiting for a good brawl" he dashed outside</p><p>"Ereh—" Mikasa said started to stand up </p><p>"he isn't really here, I just thought you could use some time away from him" she pulled her towards a table in the corner that Jean would have some trouble finding </p><p>"why are you doing this?" Mikasa asked </p><p>"well, I just saw you being really uncomfortable and I thought I'd help you out"</p><p>she frowned "I don't need any help from you"</p><p>"woah chill, I get that you're very capable by yourself, just let me be a good friend"</p><p>"you're not my friend" she replied </p><p>"um ouch" Kaia said "look I know this is probably about Eren and—"</p><p>"stay away from him"</p><p>Kaia sighed and took a hold of Mikasa's hands "Mikasa, I know you care deeply about Eren and I understand what you two both went through but, quite frankly you don't deserve him"</p><p>her eyes widened "are you saying I'm not good enough!!"</p><p>Kaia laughed "relax I'm saying that he's not good enough for you. You do all these things for him and all he does is turn away from you. I know you hope one day  he'll return your feelings but I just—honestly, I don't see it happening, and I don't want you to hurt anymore. I know how much damage yearning can do to someone"</p><p>"so tell me, who have you yearned for?"</p><p>Kaia blushed "not saying" she laughed nervously </p><p>"then i don't believe you! you don't understand what I feel for Eren because you can snatch any guy you want!"</p><p>"alright fine I'll tell you" she looked around cautiously "it's....it's captain....levi..." her plan was to tell her a lie, somebody random, but she there some truth to her words. There was a time where she had a crush on him, small but when she saw him with Petra her heart dropped. She pushed aside the feeling, claiming it as shock and not heartbreak, Kaia's heart doesn't break.</p><p>Mikasa's mouth hung open "you love the captain"</p><p>Kaia's brows shot up. <i> no, no i really don't </i> "yes" she lied "i fell for him"</p><p>"oh. well. i guess you do understand. you're situation is as hopeless as mine is" Mikasa said </p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows <i> pfft I can easily snag the captain </i> "uh—I, I chose to let him go and not pursue him, it deeply deeply hurt but if i were with it would never work" she tried her best to put on a sad performance. </p><p>To he surprise, she felt Mikasa pat her back "I understand. I think...I think I've known for a while that Eren could never be mine, it hurt to much to admit so I convinced myself that he could but that only ended up hurting more"</p><p>"you know, truth is, you're not gonna forget him overnight, what you need is drinks and a rebound"</p><p>"what's a rebound?" Mikasa asked</p><p>"uh, someone you get with to forget about someone else you were involved with"</p><p>"sounds toxic"</p><p>"oh it definitely is, but it's the easier way to soothe a heartbreak" Kaia replied</p><p>"well then tell me Kaia, who should be my rebound" Mikasa looked around the room "Jean?"</p><p>she chuckled thinking Mikasa was joking "sure go ahead"</p><p>Mikasa sighed "you know Kaia, I can't help but think you're  doing this so I won't be in the way of you and Eren"</p><p>"I—"</p><p>"I'm telling you that you had nothing to worry about in the first place. I was never in the way, I was never going to be an obstacle for you guys because no matter how much I try...I can't deny the way he looks at you, the way he talks about you"</p><p>Kaia held Mikasa's hand once again "Mikasa, I don't want you to hurt, and .... well I don't want you to hate me, i'll be honest" Kaia took in a breath "I. I do have feelings for Eren" <i> oh my god what am I saying? and why do I feel guilty? I mean so what if I have feelings for Eren, they'll vanish in a weeks time I'm sure. won't they? what am I even trying to do here? get into a relationship? god knows i'm not that kind of girl.</i> </p><p>Mikasa looked to the ground "well then...perhaps this is the night I start to let go of him" she stood to chat to Armin.</p><p>She looked towards the door and Eren strode in, her heart skipped a beat. <i> god what is happening to me. </i> He caught her eye and shyly smiled. <i> oh yeah, I forgot, we had a fight. </i> </p><p>He made his way over to her table sitting down in front of her "hey"</p><p>"hi" she said "look I'm—"</p><p>"I'm sorry" He said "for the things I said yesterday, I know you can handle yourself, I know that you don't need any saving or whatever so sorry if I made you feel like that"</p><p>she laughed lightly "I think I should be the one apologising. You were just trying to help and I turned it into something that it wasn't...I can be a little dramatic sometimes"</p><p>"so we're good right?"</p><p>"we've always been good" she replied. His face broke into a grin and she felt herself dumbly smiling back like some lovesick pup.</p><p>He looked around the room "where's the music in here"</p><p>Kaia snapped back to reality "the music, oh god" she abruptly stood from her seat and rushed to the back room and grabbed the guitar that sat idly in the corner.</p><p>She ran out of the room and stood on the small platform. She cleared her throat "ladies and gentlemen, for the music tonight, I will be gladly providing with my own beautiful singing voice"</p><p>"oh no" Jean said</p><p>The crowd burst into whoops and cheers, clapping her on. "Guys don't encourage this" he angrily whispered </p><p>Once the crowd hushed all eyes were on her. <i> shit. what the fuck do I play. uh. oh no. surely i can play party in the u.s.a or something. no that's stupid. do i ... just make something up? I'll just make something up. </i> </p><p>she started to strum her guitar <i> i need to sing something a bard would sing </i> </p><p> <i>  "there once was a girl who dreamed of far lands<br/>
beside her stood a boy who offered a steady hand<br/>
she said 'one day we'll get out of this town'<br/>
the boy said 'you know i'll be here to follow you around'" </i> she sang </p><p> <i> i'll do an instrumental to think of more lyrics. why am i like...kinda good. </i> </p><p>She looked around the room and saw Eren smiling proudly, admiration twinkled in his eyes. Her heart fluttered and a light blush appeared on her cheeks.</p><p> <i> "when the day came they set out to the north<br/>
toward the icy mountains they set on their course<br/>
soon they arrived in a white wonderland<br/>
as the snow fell they swore they'd never seen anything so grand" </i> </p><p>she saw Jean shaking his head. She almost laughed at the sight. Krista grinned widely in support and Ymir raised a glass toward her. </p><p> <i> "now this is an adventure made for storybooks<br/>
told to those with starry eyed looks<br/>
made for songs and poems and more songs<br/>
the tales of a boy and girl from long ago<br/>
the boy was steady and stubborn and strong<br/>
and the girl she was giddy and witty and everything the boy dreamed of" </i> </p><p>her eyes met a steely eyed gaze. Her smile vanished and lump in her throat rose. <i> what the fuck is he doing here.</i>  She swore she was about to faint.</p><p> <i> no! </i> she thought. <i> the show must go on! </i> </p><p> <i> "they packed their bags and set out to the west<br/>
where the birds sang to their children perched up in a nest<br/>
they arrived to be greeted with the scent of spring air<br/>
and the boy picked flowers to put in her hair" </i> </p><p> <i> "hand in hand they set off to the east<br/>
a land filled with crooked trees and fallen leaves<br/>
a land that was coloured in the shades of fire<br/>
yet carried a breeze which brought a chill to their spines" </i> </p><p> <i> "this is an adventure made for storybooks<br/>
told to those with starry eyed looks<br/>
made for songs and poems and more songs<br/>
the tales of a boy and girl from long ago<br/>
the boy was steady and stubborn and strong<br/>
and the girl she was giddy and witty and everything the boy dreamed of" </i> </p><p> <i> "lastly they arrived in a land in the south<br/>
the skies were blue and the sun was out<br/>
as they looked out onto the sparkling sea<br/>
the boy held her hand and got down on one knee" </i> </p><p> <i> "he said, I have seen all of the wonders of the world<br/>
but before me stands the most wonderful girl<br/>
her hair shines white as pure as the snow<br/>
her scent as sweet as the flowers in the meadow<br/>
her eyes burn brightly the colour of autumn leaves<br/>
her soul as extraordinary as the glittering sea" </i> </p><p>the crowd sang along in awkward tones and hearty yells to the chorus, raising their drinks and swaying awkwardly. Even Mikasa was nodding her head, drink in hand.</p><p> <i> "this is an adventure made for storybooks<br/>
told to those with starry eyed looks<br/>
made for songs and poems and more songs<br/>
the tales of a boy and a girl from long ago<br/>
the boy was steady and stubborn and strong<br/>
and the girl was giddy and witty and everything<br/>
the boy dreamed of" </i> </p><p>Kaia danced through the crowd, strumming her guitar and gleefully singing. As she finished the crowd roared in delight and Kaia laughed along her eyes drawn back to the corner of the tavern where a grouchy captain sat beside a lovely redhead.</p><p>She made her way to the table "captain" she bowed then straightened herself up awkwardly "sorry i keep forgetting to not do that" Levi rolled his eyes "anyways, what....are you doing here?" she laughed awkwardly.</p><p>He stood from his chair "we need to talk"</p><p><i> oh god what is it now </i> she looked toward Petra and smiled "good evening"</p><p>"that was a lovely song" she replied "you have beautiful voice, did you used to be a singer?"</p><p>"oh I—" she looked toward Levi <i> i was about to say i learnt the guitar when i was young. I forgot i told him that I don't remember anything from my past . </i> "I'm not sure, perhaps" she laughed awkwardly</p><p>Levi grabbed her arm and led her outside "we got a tip that a cloaked man was seen walking in here earlier today"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "i really gotta make him stop wearing those cloaks"</p><p>"I'm here to see if he was here since he wasn't seen coming out"</p><p>"well too bad" she said "he's not here anymore"</p><p>"what did he say to you?"</p><p>"uhm am I some sort of double agent now or something? I'm not telling" she said annoyed </p><p>"don't make this difficult. I thought you were neutral, that you had no side, why are you protecting them now ?"</p><p>she huffed "fine. he took me to their base" <i> it isn't useful information anyway since I don't know where it is.</i> </p><p> he grabbed her shoulders "where is it?"</p><p>she laughed "i don't know. the windows of the carriage were blackened and they took unnecessary turns to confuse me"</p><p>he pinched his nose bridge "You need to give me useful information to give to Erwin so he doesn't end up torturing you to get it!"</p><p>"fine! there are others....who are infiltrating the survey corps, I don't know who but ... I'm not the only one"</p><p>his eyes widened "dammit! why hadn't I suspected that? shit"</p><p>"by the way, why did you bring Petra here?" she asked</p><p>"I was supposed to spend the evening with her" he huffed</p><p>"oh...i kinda ruined that didn't I? is she mad at you?"</p><p>"well she isn't exactly joyous about spending a romantic evening tracking a cloaked man" he glared at her "she quite enjoyed your song though"</p><p>her face lit up "ah perhaps I shall dedicate I song to you guys"</p><p>"no you've done enough. we'll be heading home now"</p><p>she grabbed his arm as he turned away "no please stay, I wish to make it up to you"</p><p>he rolled his eyes "fine, you've got one try" he held up a finger </p><p>she squealed and headed back in grabbing her guitar and standing upon the platform. <i> you know, the perfect song for this occasion is a Taylor Swift song. </i> </p><p>She started to strum her guitar to the song of 'Jump then Fall' "Um, this song was requested by a certain someone in the crowd for their certain romantic partner" she looked toward the corner of the tavern and she could see Levi shaking his head and Petra laughing </p><p> <i> "I like the way you sound in the morning</i><br/>
we're talkin' now and without a warning<br/>
i realise your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard"  </p><p>She claimed that this song was dedicated to Levi and Petra but deep down she felt as if she were singing to Eren. She blushed vividly meeting his gaze in the crowd.</p><p>When she finished the song the people cheered once again and Petra pecked Levi on the lips cheekily, and the last time Kaia saw them was when they rushed up stairs to some dark secluded corner.</p><p>Eren came up to Kaia after she preformed "I never knew you sang! you're voice it's just so...so—so captivating like i wouldn't be surprised if everyone in here confessed their love to you by the end of the night " his words were so genuine it tugged at her heart a little too well.</p><p>she laughed bashfully, tucking her hair behind her ear</p><p>"sorry—I—, was that too much?" he rubbed his neck</p><p>"no no" she said, placing a hand on his arm "it's just, if you keep saying things like that Eren Jaeger, I might just fall for you" she laughed as if she were joking but some part of her knew it was the truth </p><p>"would that be so wrong?" he mused </p><p>Silence hung between them as Kaia struggled to form words. <i> yes it would be she thought you'd have a real chance of breaking my heart but...i don't think I really care anymore and that scares me. </i> </p><p>Before she could answer, Jean called to her from across the room. She let out a breath of relief and headed towards him, leaving Eren to wonder what she might've said. </p><p>"what is it?" she asked. Jean held up an empty glass bottle and smirked. she grinned "right I forgot about that" her eyes sparkled with mischief </p><p>she got up onto the platform once again and called for everyone's attention. She held the bottle "I think it's time things get a little more exciting...."</p><p>"let's play spin the bottle!" Jean exclaimed before she could, from the platform she glared at him and he only shrugged. The cadets then started to push the tables back and formed a circle.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. drunk kisses and moonlight confessions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The scouts sat around in a circle but most had wondered off in search of something better than drunk teenagers sloppily kissing to entertain them.</p><p>"oh shit" Kaia said as she examined her broken shoe</p><p>"what is it?" Eren asked from beside her</p><p>she held up the sorry shoe and pouted "I'll be right back I have an extra pair of shoes in my room"</p><p>Kaia darted upstairs, eager to get back to the game. She opened the door to be confronted with a horrifyingly familiar scene. <i> god i have the worst fucking luck. </i></p><p>Levi and Petra lay sprawled on her bed, making all sorts of noises that made Kaia want to puke right there and then. She exited the room hastily. The two didn't even notice that she walked in on them.</p><p>Kaia sighed begrudgingly and knocked on the door. There was no answer "uh sir?"</p><p>still no answer </p><p>"uh i'd rather you not um...fornicate, in there, since I'm gonna have to be sleeping on that bed tonight" she laughed nervously.</p><p>From inside she could hear Levi grumbling and Petra giggling. As they exited the room, Levi only glared at her while Petra muttered small apology. </p><p>Once they made their way downstairs, Kaia dashed towards Eren to be rid of the awkward tension between her, Levi and Petra, and the couple made their way towards the door.</p><p>Levi felt a tug at his sleeve, he turned to see a drunken Mikasa before him. He frowned </p><p>"why" she slurred "do guys like you, always seem sooooo...." she paused for a moment then exclaimed "oblivious! to when a woman pours her—her entireeee heart towards you" she started tearing up</p><p>He glared at her "what the fuck are you talking about brat?"</p><p> <i> what am i saying </i> Mikasa thought, in this dizzying moment, she drew on little too much resemblance from her and Kaia's lovesick situation.</p><p>"Kaia Madden" she began to murmur "is so, so so soooo in love with you and yet you turn away—you turn away again, and again and again and—and" she started to sob and clung onto Levi's shirt "why—why must you turn away? she—she loves you so much and yet—and yet all you do is turn. away." as the words left Mikasa's lips she found herself no longer talking about Kaia and Levi's situation but rather, about her own situation with Eren. she jabbed a finger at his chest "how cruel is it that she'll love you despite your ignorance —and she—she'll probably love you until the day she dies" She realised with a tear across her heart that she hadn't been talking about Levi and Kaia at all, and that she was just spewing words she wished she could say to Eren.</p><p> <i> uh...what the fuck? </i> Levi thought, annoyed, He shrugged Mikasa off, sending her toppling drunkenly towards the floor.</p><p> <i> no </i> he thought <i> Kaia Madden is not in love me. </i>He looked towards her, she was laughing beside Eren, her cheeks rosy and her eyes warm in the lamplight. <i> unless....could i.....be the reason why she won't pick a side? her duty is to Godsent yet her love is for me...it must be pulling her apart.... </i> </p><p>She met his gaze and furrowed her brows at his strange expression. he ignored the stutter in his heart, he told himself it was because he pitied the girl.</p><p>She walked towards him and all he could do was stare, however, she acknowledged him with merely a glance before kneeling down to help Mikasa back up.</p><p>He frowned <i> what was that? you just ignored me. argh what did i expect? a confession? a smile? for you to blush at my gaze? </i> </p><p>He rubbed his head I need get out of here. Petra's waiting for me outside. He turned on his heels and dashed out the door, fearing to spare another thought for the girl.</p><p>"are you alright?" Kaia asked Mikasa</p><p>she blinked slowly then nodded "Just splendid"</p><p>Kaia led her to a seat "alright so you just sit tight here and I'll get you some water"</p><p>"no!" she shrieked "I want to play, whatever—whatever it is your playing down there" she pointed towards the floor where the scouts sat in a circle. The game had already started and there were loud cheers for every kiss produced.</p><p>"okay okay okay, you can play" she looked hesitantly toward her "just make sure you don't puke in anybody's mouth"</p><p>She sat beside Mikasa and spotted Eren sitting opposite her beside Connie, joking about some lewd thing. So far, she hadn't seen him kiss anybody and it enticed a surge of relief to flow through her. She frowned to herself as she came to a realisation. <i> would I be jealous if he kissed somebody else? surely not </i> she ignored the sick feeling in her stomach that rose as she thought about Eren's lips meeting another that wasn't hers.</p><p>She looked toward Mikasa who looked longing toward Eren. <i> I am cruel </i> Kaia thought <i> here I am toying with Eren while the girl that truly loves him sits and watches. I can't help it, I don't want to get attached, but...I don't want to be alone either. </i> </p><p>She reached up to grab the drink that sat on the table beside her and downed it in a single gulp. She thanked the gods as she started to feel its effect. as the roaring thoughts and feelings that stormed inside her quieted to a small whisper on a gentle summer breeze.  </p><p>She laughed and hooted beside Mikasa as strange pairings were awkwardly shuffled toward each other to exchange a peck on the lips. </p><p>She cried out in in laughter when Connie got paired up with Ymir, his frightened expression made her bend over double in a fit of giggles.</p><p>She shrieked when Jean got paired up with Mikasa and cheered them on. Apparently, drinks did good for Mikasa as she confidently strode toward him and planted a heavy kiss on Jean's lips. Kaia swore she saw a tongue slip in there once or twice.</p><p>She got paired with many strange people as well. Bertholdt for one, he blushed vividly as their lips connected. Kaia looked toward Eren and felt a pang of guilt that alcohol couldn't wash out.</p><p>She downed another drink. Next, getting paired with Krista, she let out a loud laugh but was silenced when she saw Ymir's frightening glare. Fearing for her life, she only pecked Krista on the lips which still gave the blonde a vivid blush.</p><p>Ymir's face lit up when she was paired with Krista, and people actually had to pull them apart because they didn't want to part with each other's lips.</p><p>Kaia stopped laughing when she got paired with Jean. Her stomach started to churn and she felt like she was about to throw up but the others cheered and hooted for them to get it done and over with. With a grimace on her face and disgust on Jean's they walked toward each other.</p><p>"come on! just do it!" somebody shouted </p><p>Kaia looked at Jean who was looking at the ground, frowning. She sighed and rolled her eyes, grabbing his face and planting a kiss on his lips. She pulled away to see his face contorted with disgust mirroring her own. She wiped her lips and gagged as she sat back down. </p><p>She looked around to see that Eren had left the game. Instinctively she stood to look for him and eventually found him outside.</p><p>Kaia took a breath and approached him <i> why am I so nervous? </i>  "hey" she said </p><p>he turned to her and smiled "hi"</p><p>"what are you doing out here?"</p><p>"uh well you know it's just a bit stuffy in there" he sighed then rubbed his head "who am I kidding? I came out here because I couldn't stand watching you kiss another person"</p><p>Kaia stood silent, unsure on what to say.</p><p>"and—and I...was kinda bummed the bottle didn't land on you and me"</p><p>a grin split across her face "you wanted to kiss me?"</p><p>he walked toward her, making her step backward until she hit a wall, still, he moved closer. He glanced at her lips and her breath hitched.</p><p>"I have wanted to kiss you ever since you first sat across from me at the mess hall, spewing absolute nonsense then declaring I had the most beautiful eyes." he moved her hair away from her face, lightly grazing his fingers over her heated cheek "ever since that day I—I have dreamt of you ... in my arms" he paused "in my bed" a smirk tugged at the corner of his mouth "I have dreamt of knowing your darkest secrets, your fears and your hopes, and everything in between. I wished every night that I could be brave enough to pull you aside and kiss you so deeply that you'd forget the name of every guy you ever looked at" his palm was no caressing her cheek as his thumb stroked it gently.</p><p>Kaia looked at Eren for a moment, her eyes roamed across his ivory skin, his clenched jaw, his eyes, a deep dangerous green, a forest she didn't mind getting lost in. She thought of all the moments she spent with him, the way he'd always find a way to talk to her, to be near her, the way he talked so easily of his own goals and dreams. The anger that seemed to be a staple to his character became nothing but another simple emotion as she grew to know him. There was more to him than anger, than hurt, than the desire for revenge. There was love, he loved his friends so much that at first Kaia couldn't bring herself to believe it. He was hilarious, always causing  a ruckus in the mess hall. He was passionate and driven, giving up was never even a thought to him. Kaia reached over and touched his face gently coming to the realisation that he was so painfully real, and that he wasn't just some character in a show, and that she was sure that what she felt for him would last for longer than she had planned. In fact, she wanted those feelings to stay, to cling to her and keep her warm at night. In this moment, the empty space in her heart felt infinite, but the boy with the emerald eyes made it feel like home, like a warm fire on a winters day, an intimacy she had never felt before.</p><p>"then kiss me" she said in a hushed tone.</p><p>Eren didn't need to be told twice. His lips met hers and the world faded away into a mumbling blur. Their senses hushed the environment around them then amplified every touch, every sound made between them, making their skin buzz with electricity and their hearts pound with desire. She parted her lips to welcome the ocean that was Eren's tongue, as he moved to the rhythm of the waves, she let herself drown in it. His hands slid to her waist, holding her tightly against him as if he would fall apart if she were to be away from him. They each took in short breaths, never wanting their lips to be parted for more than a few seconds. Kaia ran her delicate fingers through Eren's hair, occasionally tugging on it which would elicit a low groan from him, she smirked at the reaction but felt her knees buckle as he pressed himself against her, making sure she felt exactly what she had done to him. </p><p>"we should—we should take this up to my room" she said breathlessly </p><p>Eren kissed her again, more softly this time but no less addicting "there's nothing more I'd want"</p><p>The two scampered off towards her room, hand in hand, giggling in anticipation. The game of spin the bottle was still going, so luckily, nobody would notice them sneaking up stairs.</p><p>As Kaia and Eren entered the room their lips were joined in heated lust once again. He pinned her against the door, his hands inching up her skirt bunching them up at her hips to leave her thighs exposed. </p><p>Kaia tugged at Eren's shirt, feeling his figure underneath it. He lifted Kaia against the door, eliciting an excited giggle from her. She cupped his cheeks as his tongue continued to explore her mouth. </p><p>He untied her corset and threw it to the ground. They moved to the bed, falling onto it in a tangled but heated embrace. Kaia curled her legs around his waist, pulling his hips against her own so she could feel his growing bulge, she moaned at the contact. </p><p>"are—are you sure you want to do this?" Eren asked</p><p>Kaia nodded "y—yeah, I want—" she moaned at Eren suddenly grinding on her.</p><p>He nipped at her neck, alternating between soft pecks to kisses that would leave a deep bruise in the morning. He loved how she felt against him, soft and eager and wholly his.</p><p>He removed his shirt hastily and Kaia guiltily savoured the sight of his bare torso. His abs glistening with sweat, so tempting to touch. Kaia wrapped her arms around him, her hands roaming the landscape of his back.</p><p>Eren then unzipped Kaia's dress, allowing her to slip out of it easily. He stared at her for a moment, taking a second to appreciate her figure, her breasts sat pink on her chest and her back arched in expectancy.</p><p>Eren took off his pants, throwing them to the side then pressing groin hard against Kaia's crotch. A low hum escaped her lips as she made contact with his slick underwear.</p><p>Kaia reached to the drawer beside her and pulled out a condom. "Eren, put this on"</p><p>he emerged from sucking her neck. He furrowed his brows "what is that?"</p><p>She giggled "it's a condom idiot so that I won't get pregnant"</p><p>"oh....right—how...does it work?"</p><p>Kaia pushed Eren back gently so that they were now sitting up. He couldn't help but stare at her naked breasts. "I'll put it on for you"</p><p>She gestured for Eren to take off his briefs and he did, feeling a slight flush of embarrassment realising that Kaia's gaze was fixed upon him.</p><p>Her eyes widened as she took in the sight of Eren's dick. She didn't know what to expect but she certainly didn't expect this. holy shit she thought, she felt herself getting wet. </p><p>Kaia ripped the condom packet and put it gently on Eren, he winced slightly. He sat their awkwardly "so...what now?"</p><p>She giggled and kissed him softly "we pick up where we left off"</p><p>Eren smirked as he crawled on top of Kaia once again. Their lips joined in heated desire, their tongues hungrily taking in each other's mouths. </p><p>Eren descended onto her gently, pressing himself against her, relishing in the delight of how nicely their bodies fit together, like pieces of a puzzle falling into place.</p><p>His fingers found their way toward Kaia's cunt, he smirked at its wet state. He rubbed his thumb in lazy circles on the surface, teasing her by never going too deep. She threw her head back and let out a whimper.</p><p>He then moved his hands to her waist, grinding against her crotch fervently.</p><p>She bucked her hips, so that her cunt was pressed against Eren's cock, Eren let out a groan in pleasure. He rubbed himself against her harder, his cock itching to be inside her.</p><p>After few minutes of relentless teasing, he slowly entered her, letting out a grunt when he was fully inside, his cock warmly embraced by Kaia's cunt.</p><p>He started to move, slowly at first, savouring every moment he got to touch her. He buried his face in her neck stifling the groans that guiltily left his mouth, Kaia moaned at his touch.</p><p>"H-Harder" she said in between breaths.</p><p>Without a word, Eren obliged, soon, he thrust his cock into her at an animalistic pace. She cried out in response. "f-fuck...Kaia" he moaned "you feel so—so fucking good"</p><p>heat rose to her chest, swelling in the desire of hearing Eren say such things. She didn't want him to stop "more" she said "tell me more"</p><p>"oh fuck" he said as he continued to thrust within her, sweat beading at his brow. He grabbed Kaia's chin and turned her face toward him "open your mouth" he commanded.</p><p>Kaia opened her mouth and in seconds his tongue was upon hers, wrestling each other in an overwhelming need that one could not begin to explain. She moaned in this mouth, making him thrust faster.</p><p>He cried out as he reached his climax, burying his face in the crook of her neck, a feeble attempt at muffling the sound. His chest heaved and his heart pounded from pleasure.</p><p>Kaia clung on to him "please, just a little more, I'm close" she whispered in his ear.</p><p>Eren continued to thrust until Kaia came. She moaned in pleasure as a rippling sensation washed over her like a release, a breath of fresh air. Her cunt wet with cum and throbbing as a result of Eren's thrusts.</p><p>She lay under him breathless, her head dizzy with pleasure. Eren pulled his cock out and Kaia sneaked a look at its throbbing appearance.</p><p>She propped herself onto her elbows "you're still hard?" </p><p>"uh well, I did cum but when you told me to keep thrusting I got hard again"</p><p>"well I guess we'll just have to fix that" </p><p>Kaia moved so that Eren was lying on his back, she slipped of his condom and threw it onto the floor. She took in Eren's cock into her mouth, he groaned at the new sensation.</p><p>Her hands moved up and down his length as her tongue swirled across the head. Kaia looked up at him and he had thrown his head back, breathing heavily in delight. </p><p>Her heart swelled at his reaction, sucking his cock faster to garner a new one. He tugged at her hair, groaning at every lick she gave his cock.</p><p>She looked up at him again, this time he met her gaze. She batted her eyes at him, an attempt to make her self look innocent. He grunted "don't look at me like that" she proceeded to, making her eyes wide and doll like.</p><p>"oh fuck Kaia, you fucking like this don't you?" he moaned again, she nodded her head, unable to speak with her mouth full from his cock.</p><p>"don't act like you're innocent, you fucking slut" Eren had the said the words in the heat of the moment but he was unsure if he were offending her.</p><p>Kaia sucked faster, she loved it when he talked to her like that, so different from the sweet boy he was to her. </p><p>"mmm, just like that" he tugged at her hair again, moaning in response to the movements of her mouth.</p><p>He let out a grunt "fuck, Kaia, don't stop I'm close"</p><p>She sucked faster, moaning against his dick</p><p>"fuck....fuck yeah, oh fuck fuck kaia, it feels so good...fuck yeah.....fuckkkkk" he cried out once again as an orgasm surged throughout his body. </p><p>Kaia spit out the cum in her mouth onto the floor, wiping her hand across her mouth to be rid of any extra of the white substance.</p><p>She crawled beside Eren, wrapping her arms around his naked torso. He turned towards her and kissed her forehead "God Kaia I swear you're heaven made" he said </p><p>"what's this now? a minute ago you were calling me a little slut"</p><p>a concerned expression befell his face "sorry if I—"</p><p>she giggled, planting a soft kiss on his lips "you needn't worry, I like it when you talk like that"</p><p>"noted" he said as he returned the kiss</p><p>He stroked her hair gently as they lay in silence.</p><p>"that was my first time" Eren said suddenly </p><p>Kaia abruptly sat up, using the blanket to cover her naked body "what?!" she almost shouted "why didn't you tell me?! We could've made this more special for you, we could've laid some candles and some roses or something, we could've waited until we had dinner first or—" she then felt his lips against hers and the words she was going to say slipped from her mind.</p><p>Eren caressed her cheek lovingly, looking into her chocolate eyes "I don't think I could've waited any longer Kaia, the anticipation was killing me"</p><p>He pulled Kaia into a warm embrace and laid back down. "was this your first too?" Eren asked </p><p>"no" she replied. A twinge of sadness poked him in the gut. "but I'd like to think it was...you see, when I lost it I was only 15, very young, too young. The guy lost it to....well, let's just say he was...older. I didn't want to at that time because I was so unsure, but I was so eager to please him and I let myself go because of it" she lazily drew circles on his chest </p><p>"I'm sorry you had to go through that" he said, rubbing his thumb across her cheek</p><p>she smiled weakly "I'm just glad that I'm here with you now"</p><p>The door burst open and the two immediately sat up, covering themselves with the blanket. Kaia's hand flew to her mouth when she saw Jean stumble in drunkenly making out with Mikasa. Eren's eyes widened.</p><p>"Jean?!?!" she said </p><p>"Mikasa?!?" he exclaimed </p><p>Mikasa and Jean looked toward them, their clothes crumpled and their hair ruffled.</p><p>"what are you doing in here?" Jean asked </p><p>"uh, I could ask you the same thing, plus this is my room" Kaia replied </p><p>"what is he doing here?" he pointed to Eren</p><p>"uh...he's spending the night" </p><p>Jean frowned "where the hell am I supposed to sleep tonight?"</p><p>"yeah where—where is he going to.....we need a room" Mikasa slurred </p><p>"clearly. There's a spare room across the hall, just be out my morning or Maria will have my head"</p><p>Jean only nodded in response and exited the room with Mikasa in his arms.</p><p>Kaia burst into giggles then turned to face Eren who held a stoic expression. "what?" she asked him </p><p>"why did Jean ask you where he's going to sleep tonight as if he were supposed to sleep next to you?"he asked</p><p>"uhhhh, because....he was....supposed to....sleep...next to me"</p><p>"what?" Eren frowned </p><p>she grabbed his arm reassuredly "it's not what you think! he needed a place to stay for the break so I offered"</p><p>"why?"</p><p>"because he's my best friend!"</p><p>"right...your best friend" he turned away from her</p><p>"Eren, as much as I relish in your jealousy, you've really got nothing to worry about, Jean will never come in between us"</p><p>"he already has! he's slept next you before even I have"</p><p>"why does that matter? I just had sex with you! shouldn't that matter more"</p><p>"oh and did you do it with him too?"</p><p>"what no! Eren I would never, why are you acting like this?!" </p><p>"because—because, he's your best friend Kaia, and—and I feel like he knows you better than I ever could, you've opened up to him and cried to him and—"</p><p>"Eren, you'll come to know me in time"</p><p>"and I saw him kiss you!" he rubbed his forehead, trying to rid the image of Jean's lips pressed against Kaia's.</p><p>"Eren if you're talking about spin the bottle—"</p><p>"yes I am"</p><p>She chuckled softly, grabbing Eren's face and kissing him softly "I kissed Jean because I had to. I kiss you because I want to, because I can't get enough of you, because I want you to stay"</p><p>He leaned his forehead against hers "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm saying all this stuff it's just, I don't want to lose you"</p><p>she giggled again "you just got me Eren, and I assure you, you're not going to lose me anytime soon, or ever"</p><p>he grinned "I'd like that"</p><p>The two spent the rest of the night wrapped around each other's arms, dozing off into a restful sleep with their hearts full and their mind at ease.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. a misunderstanding</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The merry hum of the mid year break faded by the third day as Kaia found herself working for most of the time and dreaming about Eren for the rest. He could not stay for the last day but promised to meet her immediately once they got back to the barracks. </p><p>Jean was suspiciously no where to be seen, it was only until evening did he stroll through the tavern doors. Kaia darted towards him, she placed her hands on her hips like an angry mother.</p><p>"and where have you been?"</p><p>"out" he said with a sly grin</p><p>"Jean Kirstein, you will tell me this instant" she walked him with the tablecloth in her hand</p><p>he chuckled "alright, alright. if you must know...I was with Mikasa"</p><p>her eyes widened "all day?!?!"</p><p>he only nodded in response </p><p>she laughed "you should be grateful since I'm the one who practically sent her to you"</p><p>his face dropped "what? she didn't come to me of her own accord?"</p><p>"I—I mean, she had the choice to take on my advice and she did.... so technically she did choose you on her own accord"</p><p>it was his turn to put his hands on his hips "you better not be sending her to me so that she won't be between you and Eren"</p><p>"you know Mikasa said the exact same thing and quite frankly I've no idea where you get such a notion"</p><p>"maybe because we're honest people, we can sniff out liars and schemers a mile away"</p><p>she frowned "Are you accusing me now?"</p><p>"I wouldn't put it past you to meddle with her feelings so that you get your way"</p><p>she scoffed "you think so low of me?"</p><p>"I think that you crave for attention too much for your own good. I see what you're doing with Eren, he's just another victim to add to your list of captured hearts—"</p><p>"that's not true!"</p><p>"I know it's true. I see the way you bat your eyes at every boy at the barracks, I see the way you show off in front of them, you're nothing but a liar and a schemer" he jabbed a finger at her</p><p>anger rose within her. she started to laugh "You're absolutely correct Jean. I am a liar but you do not know half the things I've been lying about and I find it hilarious that you think something as trivial as a love affair is one of my evil schemes. There are things more important then who I choose to spend my nights with and quite frankly it's quite disturbing how invested you are in my love life when you should be worried about your own, since, clearly, Mikasa does not truly care for you, she's only using you as a rebound!" as soon as she said those words she wanted to take them back.<i>why the fuck am I telling him this? </i> </p><p> <i>I wanted to make him feel stupid, like he didn't know anything at all, that he was wrong. </i>a dark part of her whispered. No matter how much she wished it away, there will always be a part of her that wanted to hurt others, that wanted to make others feel her pain. a part of her that thought it unfair that she was the only one who suffered, ignorant to others' personal sufferings.</p><p>"what?" he softly asked, she could see the heartbreak in his eyes.</p><p>she took a breath, calming herself "I—I don't mean that I just—" it was clear her words already sunk in, there was no undoing it "I simply do not want Mikasa to be hurt, I've been in her position before, I've longed for somebody who could never be mine and It sucks, the fastest way to be rid of that horrid feeling is to avert your attention onto someone else. Someone who'll remind you that you are desired, that you are worthy, that you are loved. It doesn't matter if you love them back."</p><p>"you are cruel Kaia. heartless. how could you talk like that? you are so inhumanely selfish. I don't even know why the hell I hung around you for so long"</p><p>"Jean—"</p><p>"no. Kaia. I've heard enough, I thought that you were a good person, that maybe you were just a product of trauma, of a bad childhood perhaps. But i feel no empathy towards you now, because you're just a bad person. Plain and simple, I don't even know why I tried to justify your actions, you asked me once to keep you in line, well this is it. I didn't know it'd be so difficult"</p><p>With a twinge of pain piercing her heart Kaia was reminded of her own parents words.<i> why must you be so difficult Kaia? I wonder why we even try at this point </i>they had said this the night she was caught at a party drunk and high out of her mind. She saw the look of disappointment in their eyes, and she saw that is was also the very moment they had given up on her. At first, she thought she'd rejoice because she'd finally be free of their constant nagging and worrying. Then it all came crashing down on her, it didn't feel like freedom, it felt like abandonment, and she told herself she deserved it.</p><p>Now Jean stood before her, and it was all happening again. He was giving up, she didn't know where she went wrong, she didn't know why it was happening all so quickly, she didn't know how she ended up miserably failing, ended up repeating the same mistakes she had in her past life.</p><p>She wanted to beg him to stay, to apologise, but that dark anger rose within her again, not as a whisper but a persuasive, solid voice.</p><p>
  <i>everyone eventually leaves because they do not understand Kaia, they will never understand. Don't waste your time tending to their soft hearts and fickle feelings. Things like this don't last. You were born to be alone.</i>
</p><p>She thought of Eren, she thought of how he'd leave her one day, reminding once again her of old wounds she could not bear to face. She cursed herself for ever thinking they stood a chance. She knew she had to break it off as soon as she could.</p><p>Her chest heaved violently up and down, anger written blatantly across her features. She was being left again, she was being abandoned again. Angry tears pricked her eyes "then leave." she practically spat at him.</p><p>He started to walk away but turned back towards her. She thought that he might embrace her, that he'll understand, but all he said was "stay away from me and Mikasa, and Eren as well. I thought I'd relish in seeing that grunt get his heart broken but it is too cruel for me to sit by and watch as it happens"</p><p>"are you sure about that?" she snapped "after I let go of Eren, Mikasa will go running back to his arms"</p><p>"I do not care, at least they are away from your poison. You are ruination Kaia, you will ruin them"</p><p><i>I was ruined first </i>she wanted to say<i> I was ruined first. </i>she recalled the first boy she ever loved, the boy she recklessly gave herself to, the boy that spent the night with countless other women as Kaia lay asleep believing he had loved her. The relationship was poison and Kaia lay in it long enough to become toxic and soon she grew into the mould of the boy who broke her heart, the liar, the seducer, the trickster, the cruel, cruel trickster. <i>how utterly pathetic </i>she thought <i>I was ruined by a stupid boy.</i></p><p>Jean swiftly left the tavern leaving Kaia standing alone once again. Maria had approached her but she brushed her off and ran to her room to start packing.</p><p>Maria stood at her doorway "Kaia.."</p><p>"Maria he is right" she said, a tear dropping down her cheek unnoticed "I hurt people, I hurt them by getting close to them. Eventually they will leave me....because I have ruined them, because I am too difficult to be around"</p><p>She let herself sob in Maria's arms, painfully rediscovering that feeling of abandonment. "if it's any help, this tavern, and me will always be here"</p><p>"do you not think me a bad person?" she said</p><p>Maria laughed "Kaia you are still so young! you've plenty of time to make things right, you must know that"</p><p>"he was my best friend Maria, and he has left me, I cannot think of anything worse"</p><p>"if he is truly your best friend the two of you will find each other again, this was a mere misunderstanding that blew up in disproportionate amounts" she stroked her hair "you may not believe yourself to be good but as long as you have the potential to be, then you are not fully lost."</p><p>With a shaky breath, she came to a epiphany. <i> i shall not sulk at my broken self, I shall not wallow in this dark hole anymore. </i> she then turned her pain and her anger into new found determination, she faced Maria with dry eyes and a driven expression "I must change Maria. I must fix myself, it's time to build a new me, a better me" </p><p>"and I have faith in you. Just don't go on believing you must change everything about you because I think you're quite a charmer" Maria rubbed her shoulders gently </p><p>Kaia laughed lightly "I think—I think I need to be alone, I can't not get too close to others, that way I cannot hurt them, that way I cannot be tempted by that ruthless part of me again"</p><p>"Kaia that is no way to approach this problem"</p><p>"It's a start"</p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"I promise you Maria, I won't not be alone forever, God knows I must have someone to blabber on to" she joked "but until I purge this dark, ugly, part within myself, I must distance myself from others"</p><p>Maria only nodded "I understand, but please do not take this on so heavily upon yourself" </p><p>"I won't" she squeezed Maria's hands in reassurance</p><p>Maria smiled softly before leaving  the room quietly, giving Kaia her space.</p><p>Alone in the bedroom, she disallowed herself to sob, her mind buzzing with new plans on how to improve herself, she was working hard for herself, she will not cry for Jean anymore. He was really the only person she got close to, the only person who knew about her parents, the only person who had seen her at her worst. She knew she could not let that happen again, she cannot get attached again, especially not with Eren. She prepared herself to break it off as soon as she met him at the barracks.</p><p>The next day, arriving at the training grounds was no happy occasion, however Kaia held a giddy expression, eager to start her journey in self discovery, however, she dreaded that time in which she had to face Eren.</p><p>"Marco!" she called out as he spotted the freckled boy</p><p>"Kaia! How was your break?" he asked, smiling sweetly. </p><p>"oh you know, just dandy. How about yours?"</p><p>"oh it was real nice visiting family, they were quite eager in asking me questions about the scouts"</p><p>"how adorable" she let out a groan "how horrible it is that we're back here, there's not day I missed when Shadis sending me to the stables"</p><p>Marco chuckled "yeah well, since we've survived the first half of the year, training's gonna be a hell of a lot tougher"</p><p>"splendid" Kaia was reminded of her training sessions with Godsent and how, that very night she was to trek to their base and train through the night instead of sleeping.</p><p>"Oh heavens, Shadis is already gathering the trainees, I bet he's about to send us running 50 laps" Marco said. The two groaned as they went off toward Shadis.</p><p>The rest of the day went ahead as normal. Shadis was drilling the trainees extra today and Kaia felt like her limbs were about to fall off, she was behind in everything, ODM gear, stamina, the list goes on. The only thing she was excellent at was hand to hand combat which was practically useless if she was going to join the survey corps.</p><p>She had avoided Eren the whole day, planning to confront him in the evening. She winced every time she caught Jean's glare. She wanted to say sorry, to patch up their friendship, but she thought it would be best for a another time, and when they do patch it up, she was going to make sure he didn't get as close as he used too.</p><p>The dreaded time had come and Kaia sat uneasily in the mess hall. Although attaining a cheery expression in front of her peers, nausea ate at her stomach, a few boys approached to flirt as usual, but she shut them down. this who I have to be. friendly, likeable, but not desirable.</p><p>Eren plopped down infront of her and her heart dropped. "hey" he said, a rosy flush on his cheeks </p><p>"hi" she said, returning his smile "listen um, do you think we could get out of here for a moment?"</p><p>his eyes lit up. "sure"</p><p>The two exited the mess hall, once they were out of the sight of the trainees, Eren pulled her into a deep kiss. Kaia felt her heart flutter before it shattered as she realised what she must do.</p><p>she pushed him away hastily.</p><p>he frowned "did I do something wrong?"</p><p>she shook her head "no no, it's not that it's just..." she took a deep breath "Eren, I don't think we should be together anymore"</p><p>"what are you talking about Kaia what's wrong?" his voice was distressed </p><p>"I—I don't want to hurt you"</p><p>"then don't leave me" he pleaded</p><p>"Eren, it's for your own good—"</p><p>"don't tell me that!" he snapped</p><p>"Eren! it was never meant to be like this. I never intended to be in a relationship with you, it was only supposed to last a night or two"</p><p>"what the hell are you talking about? that's not what you said the other night, you told me that I wasn't going to lose you!"</p><p>"yeah I know. I lied. I'm a liar, go ahead, yell at me, spit at my feet." she looked away from him</p><p>instead she felt his hand on her shoulder and a palm to her cheek "hey...Kaia tell me what's wrong, why are you acting like this?"</p><p>"Eren please don't make this any harder"</p><p>"Kaia, I'm here, I'll listen, please...talk to me"</p><p>she shook her head solemnly "I—I'm not good for you"</p><p>"I don't give a fuck if you think you're not good for me. Tell me that you don't want me Kaia, tell me and I'll leave"</p><p>"don't make me do this"</p><p>"say it"</p><p>She shook her head</p><p>"say it"</p><p>"I can't! I want you, Eren, more than you know but I can't have you, not like this"</p><p>"not like what?"</p><p>"I can't have you when I—I'm still trying  to heal myself. You don't deserve this version of me, it is cruel and it is heartless and I—I do not deserve your affections"</p><p>"Kaia, I am not letting you go about this on your own! let me help you—"</p><p>"you'll only get hurt!"</p><p>"I don't care! I don't give a flying fuck if I'm hurt, I am not leaving you. I am not leaving you alone"</p><p>Kaia almost sobbed at the words. Nobody had ever said those words to her and it felt like something was healed within her, like someone pulled her out of a sinking ship. She wanted to push him away, to make him hurt so that he'd never look at her again. But something tugged at her heart, a hope that Eren could be a new beginning, that maybe she didn't have to be alone.</p><p>"promise?" she said softly, weakly, unsure of her own voice. <i> so much for not getting attached, how did this boy easily undo all my plans?</i></p><p> "promise" he replied. the smile on his face made Kaia feel like she would gladly make a million more plans just so he could come in and wreck them.</p><p>He kissed her deeply once again and this time Kaia melted into his arms, a strange sense of certainty rushed over her heart and she felt stability in her relationship with Eren. However the fear that he would leave her one day poked at her gut, after all,he barely knew her, and the man who did, left her in the dust.</p><p>As their lips parted Eren whispered "I wish to know you better"</p><p>her breath hitched did he just read my mind?</p><p>he noted the apprehension on her face "You needn't fear what I will think of you Kaia, I know you're trying to be better and I know you're a good person"</p><p>She nodded against his forehead, taking in a shaky breath "let's...let's start with my parents"</p><p>The knot in her stomach slowly started to untie itself as she started to talk to him. She told him of her troublesome behaviour, how she took her parents for granted and how in the end, they abandoned her. She told him that before she grew to know him, she planned on only becoming his fling, she also told him it was because she believed that it's better to leave before getting left. Upon that statement, she added that she didn't want to believe that anymore and that she wanted to change how she thought. </p><p>Eren took it all in in silence, intently listening to what she had to say, after about an hour and a half, Kaia felt as if she had told him everything. This wasn't supposed to happen, she was supposed to keep herself alone, away, but a part of her wanted  Eren to hold her hand as she fixed herself, helping to pick up the pieces but never telling her how to put it back together.</p><p>She felt immensely light after her little spiel but fear also surged through her, thinking that Eren was going to walk out on her that very moment. Instead he held her hand and thanked her opening up to him, then kissed her ever so gently on the forehead and hugged her tightly.</p><p>"I don't want you to pity me Eren" she said from his chest</p><p>"I don't pity you Kaia. I respect you, I admire you. You had so many chances to do wrong, to continue to do wrong, but you've taken it upon yourself to change and I can't think of anybody stronger"</p><p>"not even the guy who'll slay all the titans" she teased </p><p>"not even him"his words were earnest, there were truly no other person he thought to be stronger.</p><p>He walked her back to the barracks with his arm around her shoulder. At the door, he snuck a kiss before heading back to his own bed, miserably wishing he could drag her with him so that she may lay in his arms. But he knew relationships in the military were strictly forbidden and he couldn't risk being torn apart from her by the authorities.</p><p>As he arrived at his own barracks Jean was leaning against the door. "you're an idiot you know?" he said</p><p>"excuse me?" Eren replied </p><p>"don't even think that you can save Kaia Madden, that—"</p><p>"Kaia Madden does not need to be saved" he snapped "but a conqueror cannot conquer alone, he needs his armies, his advisers—"</p><p>"and what? you plan to be Kaia's footstool, you plan to be used by her, to burn so she can keep warm?"</p><p>"I would gladly burn for her Jean, and I know she'd say the same for me"</p><p>"you don't know anything Jaeger. She hurts people so she can forget about her own suffering, it's inexcusable, it's cowardly. She is cruel and heartless—"</p><p>Eren recalled Kaia's words from earlier <i> you don't deserve this version of me, it is cruel and it is heartless </i> she had said. In a flurry of anger he suddenly pinned Jean against the door, his forearm against his throat. "so it was you. you're the son of a bitch that made her believe she was a monster, that she deserved to be alone." Jean threw Eren aside</p><p>"because that's what she is! do you even know what she did to me? She led me to believe that Mikasa finally chose me when indeed it was only a scheme so that she wouldn't be in the way of you two. She not only used Mikasa but she used me too, because she knew I'd be glad enough to hold Mikasa tightly so she won't go running between you lovebirds. and you know what that bitch says? she says it's because she wanted to 'help her', she even—"</p><p>Eren landed a punch on him before letting him finish "you're fucking delusional! you are her best friend ! I may not know her as well as you do but she would never do that to you! You're just angry because you let yourself believe that Mikasa actually wanted you! You should be grateful to Kaia that Mikasa would even glance at you"</p><p>Jean's face hit Eren's nose, and it began to bleed. "She isn't my best friend, not anymore! I walked away from that bitch because I had enough of her bullshit.  Kaia Madden doesn't care about anybody's feelings, she gave me everything I dreamed of, she gave me Mikasa, then she took her away in only a matter of words"</p><p>"what the fuck are you talking about? As far as I know Mikasa's still yours judging from the disgusting sight of seeing you flirt with each other"</p><p>"you don't understand, all she sees in me is you! she's with me so she doesn't think about you! Kaia made that very clear! Do you know how much that fucking hurts" Jean locked Eren in a tackle, they both squirmed awkwardly on the floor.</p><p>"then why the fuck are you still with her!"</p><p>"because—as you so poetically put it—I would burn for her"</p><p>"so then you must understand how I feel for Kaia"</p><p>"No i do not! she is a monster, Mikasa hasn't done anything wrong"</p><p>Eren rolled his eyes and punched him again, grinning at the sight of his bloody nose "Are you fucking stupid? Mikasa is the one using you to get over me no?"</p><p>Jean grumbled "Kaia told her to!"</p><p>Eren pinned him against the wall by his collar "and she listened! she could have walked away, could have told Kaia that she didn't want to use you! but at the end of the day she didn't, she chose use you and you know it. So stop putting all the blame on Kaia!"his voice then softened "you're hurting her Jean, don't you see that? you're hurting her."</p><p>Jean's angry expression broke, his face riddled with concern and guilt. Eren released his hold and Jean slumped to the ground. </p><p>He looked down on him "you probably remind of her parents you know?"</p><p>"what?" he said </p><p>Eren knew it wasn't his place to be telling Jean this but he wanted to make sure he knew exactly how much he hurt her. "before. you said that you left Kaia because you didn't want to take her bullshit anymore. That's exactly what her parents did as well, they abandoned her, left her with no guidance, left her to ruin herself, left her when she needed them most. She blamed it all on herself, she thought she deserved to be abandoned. I can't even begin to imagine how hurt she was, seeing you walk away, and she believed it was her fault when it was just you acting out on your own hurt." Eren crouched to Jean's level and jabbed a finger at his chest "don't you ever, judge Kaia for acting on her hurt when you do the exact same thing." </p><p>he stood to leave Jean in his misery, bloodied and bruised. It was only then when he saw all of the doors of the barracks opened and heads poking out to witness the commotion. "shows over people" he silently headed into his room to tend to his wounds and settle into bed.</p><p>Jean sat outside of the rooms, against the walls of the barracks he cursed himself. He hated to admit that Eren was right, but he could not deny the things he said. He felt an overwhelming wave of guilt crash down on him, a minute ago he wanted Kaia to hurt, to feel his pain, but now he just wanted to embrace her and apologise a million times.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. lies and terrible plans</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The first night of training at Godsent was the worst. Kaia thought she was above average in combat, but a few minutes in training made her feel like beginner. There were so many aspects to combat she didn't expect and then was expected to memorise and take into account when fighting. She could not rely on instincts alone, she had to think about her footfalls, body placement, the targets fighting patterns, her own fighting patterns. Elijah advised she not have a fighting pattern so she can be versatile and unpredictable in a fight. Combat wasn't the only thing that was introduced to her, she was sent on the high beams as well, attached to a harness, she jumped from pole to pole. This part of training, she enjoyed, it wasn't like ODM training where she felt she had no control, here, she only really had to worry about her own body when jumping or climbing or crawling, the certainty of such stunts helped ease her frustration from combat training. Once her training finished just 3 hours before dawn, she was escorted secretly back to the barracks. </p><p>Kaia took in a deep breath as she stepped outside of the carriage. Although the air was breathable in the underground facilities of Godsent, she much preferred the crisp air above ground, she felt it was much less suffocating. Before heading back to the barracks she decided to take a walk around, she expected to feel tired but her muscles did not ache and she did not heave for air.</p><p>As she trekked upon the rocky ground she started to hear shuffling from behind her, she didn't dare look towards the sound for fear of being confronted by it.</p><p>Then it struck her like lightning. <i> Who else would be out and about in the middle of the night? Who is it that has insomnia, an incredibly short temper and an even shorter height? </i> Kaia laughed to herself <i>  he probably thinks I'm out to meet Elijah or something. </i> The mischievous wheels in her mind started to churn.</p><p>alright Levi Ackerman...let's give you a little show.</p><p>Kaia walked toward the empty shed to the left of the barracks, sure enough, as she entered, she heard Levi trail behind her. </p><p>She darted to the shadows and scaled the walls to sit atop the frame of the ceiling, she slipped a few times but it was relatively easier than the scaling exercises she did earlier. Levi followed but did not see her go up the walls. From the ceiling she had a good view of the midget, he was turning this way and that, trying to figure out where she went.</p><p>"the time has come Levi Ackerman" she ominously said from the ceiling.</p><p>"what the fuck" she head him mutter</p><p>"I have been tasked with your .... elimination" as the words left her mouth she dropped effortlessly right above him. She was taught this drop attack only a few hours ago but she executed it semi-decently.</p><p>She pinned Levi to the floor and he was squirming in panic. She couldn't stop herself from laughing so she released her grip on him in a fit of giggles. It took no longer than a second for Levi to topple over Kaia and pin her wrists and legs down.</p><p>"what the fuck is going on?" he snarled </p><p>she kept laughing panting for air "I—It's just a — joke captain. I knew you were following me"</p><p>He let out an annoyed grunt and got off of her. "how did you even get up to the ceiling?"</p><p>"uh I climbed it?"</p><p>"where'd you learn to do that?" Levi could only think of one place in which one could learn to scale buildings and roofs.</p><p>"I don't know—I don't remember" she replied, recalling the lie she told him about her memory.</p><p>"cut the crap Madden. There's no explanation for you to have lost your memory"</p><p>"you don't know that!"</p><p>"yes I do. I've been doing some research and you didn't exist until that day we met you at the tavern, the day before you asked to join the scouts"</p><p>"and? what are you saying"</p><p>"I'm saying that the name 'Kaia Madden' is your alias that was given to you, prior to being assigned to infiltrate the scouts. I'm estimating you grew up in the underground with no family, no real identity that can traced. you were found out as a talented potential recruit for Godsent, but you refused and they threatened the death of 101 people, you thought they were bluffing, but then they actually did it so now you feel obliged to join Godsent. am I correct?"</p><p> <i> bro...what? </i> she thought <i> that couldn't be farther from the truth, but...it is the perfect cover story, I should just pretend it's the truth. Besides, nobody would believe the actual way I came into this world.</i> </p><p>She put on a concerned expression "H—How did you know?" she tried her best to act surprised </p><p>he raised an eyebrow "wait...so I'm actually right?"</p><p><i> it'll be strange if I say he's completely right...time to mix it up a bit "</i> partially." she replied "it's true that they wanted to recruit me, it's true that I refused. But, they did not threaten the 101 all at once. And...they weren't the ones that killed them, I did"</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"throughout my childhood in the underground, they sent hunter after hunter to catch me. You see, they were my age, and since they were young, they were tasked with the most tedious job, which was recruitment. Sometimes they only sent one, sometimes they sent 20 or even 50. I didn't want to join because I wanted freedom, I didn't want to be tied down. But, on the night I decided to join them, I think I killed about 63 people, kids, and I looked around me and I thought that's enough. that's enough blood spilled. these people have done nothing wrong but be devoted to their organisation. enough, better to join Godsent than to continue killing innocents. enough" <i> Damn, Kaia thought i am way too good at making things up on the spot, hopefully he believes it though. </i> </p><p>She heard him sigh from beside her. What she said was a complete lie, a story fabricated from her mind. However, she might as well have killed the 101, they were sacrificed for her after all.</p><p>"I'm from the underground too" he said </p><p>"yeah I know." she said a little too quickly </p><p>"how?" he inquired </p><p>
  <i>because I watched it on my tv screen! ugh I can't say that though, shit what do I say. Come on brain....give me one more lie. </i>
</p><p>Kaia cleared her throat "I saw you on the day you got recruited by the scouts. I saw Erwin as well.</p><p>"how old were you when they started sending the hunters?" he asked </p><p>"I think—I think I was 10" she replied</p><p>
  <i>she killed 101 people in the span of 8 years? He thought perhaps I underestimated her.</i>
</p><p>"I regret running for so long. I killed so many people" she said with a sigh </p><p>"are you not atoning for your sins now? you are working toward the benefit of Godsent no?"</p><p>"I suppose. You see, captain, I want to be a good person, I want to do good, and—and Godsent can offer me that." what she said was the truth. Godsent did have that appeal. She initially joined because she wanted to protect the tavern but as she thought about it, Godsent could be a way she could do good, by killing off the bad. However,  she felt she was a hypocrite, she's a reformed criminal who's basically joined an organisation that hunts and kills said criminals.</p><p>"then why not choose their side?" he inquired </p><p>"because—because, I guess I've grown fond of the scouts" she smiled to herself "perhaps a little too fond" she thought of Eren </p><p><i> oh no, she's probably talking about me, ugh I forgot she was in love with me </i> Levi thought </p><p>"uh...." he began "and do you think they are fond of you"</p><p>She thought about her night with Eren, how he touched her, how she made him cry out in pleasure. She blushed vividly "I—um, I'd like to think so"</p><p>His eyes widened <i> oh no, she likes to think I'm in love with her too. I am a taken man for fuck sake and she knows it !! this woman has no shame. </i> </p><p>"you know....not all of them would be fond of you, I think"</p><p>she sighed "well, I certainly know someone who isn't." she thought of Jean "they keep accusing me of meddling in their love life"</p><p>
  <i>wait he thought is she talking about Petra?</i>
</p><p>she continued to rant about him "like I get it, you know I did say some harsh things like 'oh would you just get over it, they don't actually like you' yadda yadda. But I was just angry you know? They were accusing me of scheming and lying to get to the person I want"</p><p><i>oh no, this is definitely about me. did she have a fight with Petra or something?</i> </p><p>"....and so I was like, I don't need to fucking scheme, I know that he wants me, I know that his attraction is genuine. But I didn't say that, because if I did then—"</p><p><i>no no no no she thinks I want her </i>Levi suddenly grabbed her shoulders "wait wait wait wait wait hold up"</p><p>She furrowed her brows </p><p>"he does not want you! he has no attraction to you whatsoever!" please take the hint he thought </p><p>"what?! where did you hear that?"</p><p>"he told me himself" he had crazed expression on his face</p><p>"why would he tell you that?"</p><p>"because I know him very well" he replied </p><p>"that doesn't make sense, he's—"</p><p>he then made her look him in the eye "listen, I know myself very well"</p><p>she tilted her head "....what?"</p><p>"He is me!" he suddenly exclaimed "I am him. Kaia this cannot happen between us!"</p><p>"I...don't know how or why you're turning this conversation into something about...yourself"</p><p>he tilted his head "come on, Kaia, we both know you were talking about me all along"</p><p>she shook what "I don't—what? I—uh...what? I'm so confused"</p><p>he grunted in annoyance "whatever. just know, he doesn't want anything to do with you because he is happy with his own partner and truly loves her" with that, he exited the shed, leaving Kaia sitting on the floor with indescribable confusion.</p><p>The next day, Levi prepared the information he got from Kaia to present to Erwin, he hoped it would keep him satisfied enough that he wouldn't go looking for the files that Kaia stole. tch why am I even protecting the brat. </p><p>He recalled the feared expression from her from months ago, he still was unsure why she was so scared that day. She kept saying to herself 'i don't want to. I don't want to'. Was it because she started to regret the decision she made in joining Godsent? did they tell her to do something she didn't want to? did they tell her to kill someone? these could all be plausible reasons but the cloaked man definitely told her something— on that night that Levi caught her first—something that scared her, left her crying on the floor 'til morning.</p><p>He rubbed his head fervently, attempting to wish away the headache he always received as a result of thinking about her.</p><p>Erwin entered Levi's office unannounced, he didn't need to be, he was the commanding officer after all. Still, Levi frowned.</p><p>"Have you got what I asked for?" he asked, skipping the preamble. Levi knew Erwin was getting restless, more impatient.</p><p>"here" he pushed the file of information he collected toward Erwin.</p><p>The room was silent as Erwin sifted through the pages, his eyes hungrily searching for something, anything that could help him. His obsession with the case left Levi with unease. He often wondered just how far he would go in pursuit of the fall of Godsent. It was unlike him.</p><p>"so she lied about her memory, we should've expected that after we confirmed she was working with Godsent, and....she killed 101 people in the span of 8 years?" Erwin said in disbelief </p><p>"that's exactly what I thought. We underestimated her"</p><p>"how did you get all this information?"</p><p>"I asked"</p><p>Erwin furrowed his brows "and she simply told you?"</p><p>"she knows that we've caught her, and I guess she's not too bothered to put up a fight" Levi replied </p><p>"I guess it makes sense, judging from these files, she isn't exactly a devoted member. It is good, we can use her"</p><p>Levi set his tea down "this just makes things more difficult. She belongs to neither side, therefore we cannot trust her"</p><p>"I understand where you're coming from but....there may be a way"</p><p>"what are you thinking of doing?" he asked, his words brimmed with skepticism </p><p>"she trusts you no? I mean, surely she wouldn't tell anyone what she had told you, it's clearly personal stuff"</p><p>Levi frowned this better not be going where I think it's going "....and?"</p><p>"get close to her, Levi. There's one thing that's strong enough to swing her off the fence she sits on"</p><p>"don't say it"</p><p>"love"</p><p>"no." Levi snapped </p><p>"Levi hear me out—"</p><p>"no need. the girl is already in love with me, but I intend to end that as soon as I can"</p><p>"well this is brilliant! Levi you must continue to coax her interest, no wonder she's already telling you all these things. For this, I will permit romantic relations between persons in the military"</p><p>"Erwin no." </p><p>"what else is stopping you Levi? This is a valid lead in the case, she can be the game changer, she will allow us to turn the tides we have been drowning in upon Godsent. This is a breakthrough"</p><p>He shook his head, a dark expression on his face. "I do not wish to meddle with her feelings"</p><p>Erwin chuckled "you are enthusiastic in torturing others and yet you will not meddle with feelings. Perhaps then, we shall take her to torture chambers, will you be more lenient then?"</p><p>"no!" he almost yelled "Erwin, she is 18 years old"</p><p>"tell me you do not care for her"</p><p>"I do not. I'm saying she's young. Did you not read those files? Young people involved in Godsent are given the most tedious tasks, such as recruitment. I don't believe she has any important information. Also I told you before that, there are others infiltrating the survey corps from Godsent. From that we can deduce that Kaia was just a distraction. I mean, she's young and inexperienced and she was easily caught, so our focus remained on her. We need to find the others who have infiltrated our branch, they are more trained and dangerous"</p><p>"I understand where you're coming from Levi, but, look at these files, she killed 101 people in the span of 8 years, Godsent's people. And still they were enthusiastic in letting her join, and if she didn't, they would've gladly sent more of their members to die in pursuit of her"</p><p>"what are you trying to say?"</p><p>"I'm trying to say, she's important, she can be used"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "tch, there'll be another way to get to her, I'm doing this stupid love plan"</p><p>"I do not understand why you are refusing so adamantly....do not tell me this is about a certain redhead—"</p><p>"it is not" his voice was cool, smooth like steel, but his eyes betrayed his calm demeanour, displaying a fiery rage that could turn rain into steam before it hit the ground.</p><p>"Levi, I have turned a blind eye, I had hoped you'd be smarter than this" he paused "Alright, let's make a deal, you let Kaia Madden fall for you, and I'll let your little situation with Petra slide. If you do not do this, I will have her transferred to another branch so may never see her again"</p><p>His jaw clenched <i>how the fuck did he know?</i> "fine. deal"</p><p>Erwin leaned back on his chair with a pleasant expression "ahh, well would you look at that, see how strong love can motivate someone, this is exactly what I want to see with you and Kaia Madden" He stood to exit the room, leaving Levi gritting his teeth in frustration, he threw a knife at the door, it lodged into the place where Erwin's head was a few moments ago.</p><p>During the next few weeks at training, Kaia fell behind. a lot. turns out, she wasn't fit to only sleep an hour or so every night. She tried to obtain energy during the day so she could train properly at night. It wasn't much of a big deal since she wasn't aiming for top 10 anyways. Pixis yelled at her. Jean was avoiding her. Eren was always beside her. Annie taught her. Marco smiled at her. Bertholdt blushed at her. and Armin chatted with her.</p><p>One day, Eren pulled her aside to the space behind the barracks and far from the mess hall where everyone was at that moment "...are you okay?" he asked</p><p>"huh? yeah I am, why?"</p><p>"you look... um...you don't look well"</p><p>she chuckled softly "that's not something a girl would want to hear from her boyfriend"</p><p>he kissed her forehead "my apologies, you look as beautiful as always....but.... is something troubling you? you can tell me"</p><p>i can't she thought I can't tell you. </p><p>She smiled weakly, eyelids drooping form fatigue "I'm alright, I'm just tired, I didn't get any sleep last night" she didn't lie, at least.</p><p>Eren knew there was something she wasn't telling him, but he wanted to believe her and pushed the doubt to the back of his mind. "ok well, my mom used to make this really nice herbal tea that helped me sleep as a kid, I'll write down the recipe and hand it to you by the end of the day"</p><p>She leaned in to kiss him softly, her heart ached when their lips inevitably parted "thank you" she smiled</p><p>He kissed her back, hungrily now, clinging onto the sweet sensation her lips, his tongue moved fervently against hers, desperately, like he was a man on the brink of death and her tongue were a holy prayer that offered him salvation.</p><p>Her fingers curled around his hair as he moved to trail wet kisses along her neck.</p><p>He let out an annoyed grunt "why must you wear a shirt that covers half of your neck. It makes it so difficult to kiss"</p><p>she laughed softly "I quite like this shirt, Jaeger"</p><p>"well I suppose I'll have to kiss you elsewhere" he kissed her again, smirking at her reaction as he tugged on her pants. "May I?" he asked against her lips.</p><p>Kaia only nodded in response, flustered with anticipation. She felt him unbutton her pants, dragging it down to her knees . She let out a moan when his fingers pressed against her clothed cunt.</p><p>It didn't take long for her to get wet, Eren was delighted at how easily he pleasured her. He slipped her panties down to where her pants sat, leaving her cunt naked for him to touch. </p><p>He kissed her deeply as he rubbed a thumb over her clit. Kaia covered her mouth in an attempt to stifle her moans. Gently, Eren moved her hand off of her mouth and whispered "don't. I want to hear you"</p><p>he then slipped a finger into her slick cunt and as a response, Kaia started to grind against it. He slipped another finger in, making her throw her head back, moaning, she could feel the pleasure building up</p><p>He took his fingers out and Kaia pouted at the abrupt stop. He then kneeled in front of her and started to take off her pants fully. oh. Kaia thought. </p><p>"put your leg on my shoulder" he said. Kaia obliged.</p><p>As soon as his mouth made contact with her wet cunt she let out a gasp. His tongue moved effortlessly within her, making Kaia tug at his hair. </p><p>She bucked her hips as Eren continued to eat her out, eager to reach her climax, eager to get that release. "Eren" she moaned, he grunted from her cunt, making her moan even louder.</p><p>He gripped her ass as he sucked her clit, thrusting his tongue within her, Kaia rolled her eyes heavenward, she felt herself drowning, itching for that breath of air when she breaks the surface of the water.</p><p>She pushed Eren's head harder against her, craving for him to go deeper and deeper into her. Eren moaned in response and picked up the pace of his tongue making her buck her hips. </p><p>"fuck. Eren, I'm close, don't stop" she said in between breaths. In that moment, she was grateful that she was against a wall, for if she wasn't, she was sure that her knees would buckle and she would fall to the floor.</p><p>He continued to lick her clit, his nose buried in her cunt added to the sensation. She could see it, she could see the sunlight peaking through the waters. "Eren" she panted. She continued to swim upwards, pleasure building up between her legs as she swam closer....and closer....and closer.</p><p>She cried out when she broke the surface. Kaia let the pleasure wash over her like a much needed breath of air. Eren gladly lapped up her juices, so much so that she didn't need a tissue to clean up. </p><p>He stood back up, gently pulling her panties as well as her pants back up and buttoning it himself. He kissed her gently, a hand caressing her cheek and the other on her waist. "you taste so good baby" he said against her lips. </p><p>She smiled and kissed him back, her hands travelling down his abdomen "Let me..."</p><p>he chuckled "no need my lovely, consider this as a repayment for the other night, when you...how do you say it?"</p><p>"sucked you off?" </p><p>"ah that's it" he replied, kissing her again softly, her arms curled around his neck.</p><p>she sighed against his lips "I don't wanna go back"</p><p>he smiled, brushing her hair from her face "I don't either, but, lunch is ending soon and Shadis is gonna be out for our necks if we're late"</p><p>Kaia pouted "oh that doesn't matter, I'm already on his bad side"</p><p>"well as for me, I'd rather not spend another night cleaning up horse shit"</p><p>she sighed "alright, just for you"</p><p>He tilted her chin upward and kissed her gently "thank you my lovely"</p><p>The two walked back to the mess hall, arm in arm, then hesitantly let go of each other as they entered the door. Thankfully, the mess hall was particularly rowdy today and nobody noticed them leave. Kaia proceeded to chat with Annie while Eren hung out with Armin and Mikasa.</p><p>During training with Godsent that night, Kaia didn't train at their facility, she was taken to the other underground located in the capital city of Mitras, where she had told Levi she had been from.</p><p>The air was even worse here. They didn't have a proper air filtering system and just from the smell, you could tell that it was disease that got most of them on deaths door. The streets were riddled with litter and people begging for money. </p><p>There, Kaia was tasked to leap from roof to roof and to do it unnoticed. Elijah had set up a point in which Kaia must reach before getting caught by the other members that he brought. She thought it was easy enough, scaling walls and leaping from pole to pole had been her favourite part of training.</p><p>However, in her first trial, she was caught almost immediately. She was moving fast but was very obvious, it didn't take long for the other members to catch her.</p><p>She tried again, this time, taking the shortest route, it was too predictable, she was caught again.</p><p>she kept trying and trying and yet, kept getting caught, she felt frustration dangerously bubble within her. Before long, it was the end of the night and Kaia had to be escorted back to the training barracks.</p><p>"it's impossible" she said to Elijah as she dropped from the roof</p><p>he chuckled "this is your first try. you'll reach the point soon enough"</p><p>"and if I do?"</p><p>"when you reach that point, I advise you to reach it again, and again, and again" he lifted a finger "but, I want you to reach it differently every time, so that you're not bound to one solution" he paused "once you've gotten different pathways and solutions, practice them, again and again and again, so that when you race across the roofs, you don't even have to think about it"</p><p>"right...uh, Elijah?" she said as she got into the carriage </p><p>"yes?"</p><p>"do you have a birds eye view map of the underground? I wish to plan out different pathways I can try next lesson" she inquired </p><p>he smiled "smart girl. I have plenty. I shall send one to you in a letter that is written to be 'from Maria'"</p><p>she grinned "Thank you!"</p><p>She arrived at the barracks late, this time, she arrived exactly at sunrise, and the cadets were already starting to wake up. Kaia let out a tired grunt, she was either going to fall asleep during day training or just full on pass out.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. awkward exchanges</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia passed out. Shadis had sent her to run 25 laps after falling behind in ODM gear training. She had barely finished her second lap when she hit the ground with a thud, blacking out from the exhaustion her body was not used to. Shadis found her an hour later when she hadn't showed up for roll call, Eren almost screamed at Shadis for making her run the laps but he bit his tongue when he recalled those filthy nights at the stables.</p><p>Annoyed with Kaia, Shadis picked her up and headed towards headquarters. </p><p>"oi Levi" he called out, standing in front of Levi's office door.</p><p>"Shadis?" he said from inside "what's your business?"</p><p>"I've got a brat here that needs some disciplining, and before you tell me to do it, i've already tried, so much so that the brat has passed out"</p><p>"tch. Come in" </p><p>"can't. got my hands full"</p><p>Levi sighed with annoyance as he got up to go to open the door. His eyes widened when he saw that is was Kaia Madden who was passed out in Shadis' arms. He was not surprised though, he pegged Kaia to be an insubordinate little brat that did nothing but cause trouble. He gestured Shadis to place her on the couch. </p><p>As Shadis left the room, Levi cleared his throat. "make sure this is the last of the brats that you send to me. It's your job to make sure they're well mannered, not mine"</p><p>"as I said before, Levi, I've tried. And as you know, these visits occur rarely, only the kids who defy my every command are brought to you, and that little girly over there is the worst of 'em, sometimes I'm thinking it's almost deliberate"</p><p>Levi frowned is she getting in trouble just so she could get sent to me? what a pain. "just leave, old man" </p><p>Without another word, Shadis exited the room.</p><p>He walked toward Kaia who was resting peacefully on the couch, he grabbed a book from the shelf and held it open in front of her face. Violently, he slammed the book shut, producing a loud snap. </p><p>Kaia's eyes jumped open, in a second she was up at her feet, throwing herself toward Levi, pinning him to the floor. She held a dagger against his throat.</p><p>Levi only looked at her with mild annoyance.</p><p>Her sight adjusted, and she relaxed herself as she recognised the face "captain?" she sat up to look at her surroundings "why...am I in your office"</p><p>"why....do I always seem to be pinned to the floor whenever I'm with you" he replied</p><p>"you're practically asking for it" she sneered</p><p>"i would never" he replied </p><p>"you know, a gentle nudge to the shoulder, or a little pat on the cheek would've woken me up just fine. why must you be so violent all the time? I swear, one day I'm going to go into cardiac arrest because you"</p><p>He rolled his eyes, his back still to the floor and her practically straddling him "how unfortunate that it wasn't today. Let's try again tomorrow"</p><p>She pointed the dagger toward him, waving it about like it was some stick she found in the woods "ha ha, very funny. You really think this is fun for me too? You really think I would want to be around you right now?"</p><p>He kept his eyes on the dagger "...well if we're being honest, you do come around her often"</p><p>Her brows furrowed, she then leaned in to press the dagger against his cheek, her other hand, on his chest "if you think...that I'm getting in trouble deliberately just so I could spend time with you, I'll cut you're pretty face to make sure you know exactly what I think of you"</p><p><i>is she...playing hard to get?</i> he wondered.  it's been a few weeks since Erwin had forced him to comply to the love plan but he started to question Kaia's feelings for him. She had been sent to him almost once a week and yet they did not engage in any interesting conversation. Strangely, she kept her head down and did what she was told. From a strangers perspective, it would appear she had no feelings for the captain at all. Levi brushed it off, reminding himself that she was a very good actress when she needed to be. He tried multiple advancements toward her, a touch of a hand, the brush of the shoulder and yet, she showed little to no reaction. It was frustrating him.</p><p>"you're quite brave for displaying insubordination to a man that could cut your guts out in less than a second" he said</p><p>she gave off a hearty laugh and started toying with the dagger in her hands, still refusing to get off of him. She clicked her tongue "but here's the thing captain, you haven't"</p><p>"yet" he snapped </p><p>"and...you wouldn't"</p><p>"and what makes you so sure Miss Madden?"</p><p>She placed her hand on her chest "I'm baffled you even ask Captain, I am your most trusted ally, and you wouldn't even dream of losing me. Correct?"</p><p><i>she's definitely flirting with me, at least that's some progress. </i>He thought "If I had a chance, I'd chuck you into a dumpster, light it on fire, and have some tea while I watch you burn"</p><p>"ever the perfect comrade captain" she replied.  "need I remind you, I have information that you wouldn't want uttered to a certain commander" she said</p><p>He sat up, leaning on his palms, now face to face with Kaia. She inched backward ever so slightly but did not get off of him.<i> interesting </i>he thought "you can forget about that. Erwin knows" he said bitterly</p><p>her eyes widened "what—how? what did he do?"</p><p>he sighed "he sent her to a different branch, we're most likely never going to see each other again" he lied </p><p>Kaia put a hand over her mouth "I'm so sorry. I swear I didn't say anything. It was my only leverage against you, I swear I wouldn't do that...are you ok?"</p><p>don't pretend that you're sad about that brat, I bet you're just itching to get your hands on me he bitterly thought. "it's fine, it happened a few weeks ago, i'm over it"</p><p>she frowned. shit he thought did i play it off too smoothly. "uh I—I mean to say..." he tried find the words to describe heartbreak but he couldn't bring himself to say it without cringing.</p><p>She only looked at him with pity and placed a hand on his shoulder "I get it, you don't have to spill your emotions to me, quite frankly, I'd rather you not.  I know how you are, you act cold and distant and yet I think that you feel emotions the deepest out of everyone here" she booped his nose playfully. He faltered. <i>ok she's got to be in love with me, I mean come on. </i>he thought </p><p>"normally, I would suggest a rebound, you know someone to remind you that you are loved and needed and yadda yadda " she said.<i> hah! he thought she's definitely talking about herself. she definitely wants to be my rebound.</i> </p><p>"...but, I'm not going to" she said. He frowned <i>what? what's this? </i>he angrily wondered "Rebounds are, well... toxic" she continued "and it is simply cruel for me to suggest that you use someone else so that you can forget about Petra. I mean the only proper way to do it is if the person you're going to pursue, knows that they're going to be a rebound and still, it's highly unlikely, I doubt anybody would be want to be used purely for their body and—"</p><p>"what about you? Kaia. Would you ever be somebody's rebound?" he inquired </p><p>She wondered a bit "hmmm, I would. But only if I didn't feel anything towards them"</p><p><i>....so, if she offered to be my rebound, it would mean she didn't have any feelings for me. argh this is so frustrating. wait. does that mean that she has feelings for me if she says she doesn't want to be my rebound?</i>  "if I were to ask you to be my rebound, would you accept?"</p><p>She slightly inched backward again. He inched forward. She furrowed her brows "uh, I wouldn't"</p><p>he tilted his head, a shadow of a smirk tugging at the corners of his mouth "so you have feelings for me then" <i> aha, finally </i>he thought i will have my proof. He placed a hand on her thigh.</p><p><i>...what...the fuck?</i> Kaia frowned, her gaze darting from his hand on her thigh to the smirk on his lips. She started to shake her head "no....sir, what?...."</p><p>He frowned. <i>perhaps I need to be more forward</i> "then pray tell, Kaia Madden, why you have been sitting on top of me this whole time?"</p><p>Kaia scoffed, she shuffled to move away from him but he slid his hand from her thigh to the her lower back, he pulled her waist closer to him. She placed her hands to his shoulders to push her torso away from him "sir, what are you suggesting?"</p><p>He moved his face closer "that you like....being on top of me"</p><p>She turned her head as far away from him as possible, a baffled look on her face "hold up....." she laughed nervously </p><p>A frustrated expression befell his face  why must you be so difficult "why do you keep rejecting my advancements?" he grabbed Kaia's chin to turn her face toward his. </p><p>"why...are you even advancing toward me?" she flicked his wrist away from her</p><p>"are you playing hard to get?"</p><p>"what?! no!"</p><p>"are you in a relationship?"</p><p>Her eyes widened "no. i am not. whatever you heard it's not true, they must be playing some kind of prank."</p><p><i>hmmm </i>Levi thought <i>now she's making it ever so clear that she's single and that she's available. progress.</i> </p><p>He moved his hand from her waist onto her cheek. She frowned and looked around awkwardly "you don't need to be afraid of me. I'll treat you well"</p><p><i>what the fuck</i> she thought <i>what the actual fuck is happening. </i>her frown deepened as she lifted his hand off of her cheek "ummmm, I'm flattered that you are interested me, but...you're just...not...my....type"</p><p>Now it was his turn to frown, he pushed aside the feeling of offence. <i>what? </i>he thought<i> a second ago she was practically announcing that she was single and therefore wanted to be pursued by me.</i> </p><p>"I'm trying to say that you don't have to play hard to get anymore, that we can be together" he said through a clenched jaw. Throughout this whole exchange, he thought of Petra, and how much he wanted to crawl into bed with her and be rid of any touch he received from Kaia Madden.</p><p>"uhm, I told you, I'm not playing hard to get, I just simply...don't want to be with you"</p><p>"you know you're practically straddling me, and have remained doing so for quite some time"</p><p>"that doesn't mean i have feelings for you! and plus i tried to get off but you only pulled me down" she poked a finger at his chest </p><p>"then why don't you want me?"</p><p>she threw her arms up "I—because, uh" she struggled to find an answer. <i>i mean, who wouldn't want to be with Levi Ackerman, humanity's strongest soldier. Clearly I don't, because I'm with Eren, but I can't fucking say that without exposing our relationship!</i> "um, because.....I just, you know, like, uhhhhh, you know...." </p><p><i>tch, so she is still trying to play hard to get. Must I kiss her to see how she reacts?</i> He thought, frustration getting the best of his wits.</p><p>Before she knew it, Levi's hand snaked to her neck and pulled her into a kiss. Levi cringed at the moment their lips touched and Kaia's eyes almost popped out of their sockets. She pushed him away and slapped him across the face.</p><p>"what the fuck?!" she exclaimed, fury written on her features. She abruptly stood up and started to pace around the room.</p><p>Levi remained seated, rubbing a hand over his red cheek. "Kaia are you in love with me?" he finally asked, losing his patience.</p><p>Kaia stopped pacing and turned toward him "no" she sternly said "i have already told you. i don't want to be with you" she emphasised every word that left her mouth to make sure they got across to Levi correctly.</p><p>He stood "that's not what Mikasa told me"</p><p>She frowned in confusion Mikasa? then it hit her <i>oh shit, I told her I was in love with him.</i> "Oh, oh no. Shit, I did tell her that I was in love with you but it was a complete lie"</p><p>He huffed "Kaia Madden? Lying again? Shocked."</p><p>"it's a long story. I was just giving her advice and I was like, 'I can relate to how you feel about Eren because I know how it feels to long for someone I could never have' and then she asked me, who? and you were the first name that popped into my mind!"</p><p>He didn't bother to ask why she had thought of him first "why were you even trying to give her advice?"</p><p>"because—because I didn't want her to be hurt when...when" she took a breath "when Eren and I got together" she looked to the ground "please don't tell Erwin" she almost said in a whisper </p><p>Levi let out a sigh of relief "oh thank the heavens you're not in love with me"</p><p>"...wait. What's going on?"</p><p>"Erwin told me to make you fall in love with me and I told him that you were already in love with me, you know, because of what Mikasa said, and he told me to continue to appeal to your affections so that you are more lenient toward the Survey Corps, and therefore more motivated to fight for us"</p><p>"Erwin told you to make me fall in love with you so that he can use me against Godsent?"</p><p>"well, it sounds cruel when you put it that way"</p><p>"it is cruel! Also, how the hell did you accept to go along with this plan? I mean what about Petra?"</p><p>"that's the problem. He threatened to separate me and Petra if I didn't comply to his demands"</p><p>"argh Goddammit, you should've told me all this in the first place, we could've figured a way around it"</p><p>"and why would you think that?" He was now sitting at his desk, sifting through the paperwork nonchalantly as if the weirdest thing didn't just happen. </p><p>Kaia was still pacing "because I am your ally, and right now Erwin is our enemy"</p><p>"Erwin is not our enemy"</p><p>"yes he is! he threatening to separate you and Petra, and he's scheming to manipulate me to join your side."</p><p>"ah yes I forgot how you annoyingly refuse to pick a side. Anyways, it's not my problem anymore. Since you're in love with Eren, Erwin can use him to get to you"</p><p>she scoffed "first of all, I am not in love with Eren Jaeger, I mean, we just started dating. and second of all, i do not want Eren involved in this"</p><p>"why? because you know that if Erwin asked him to betray you, he would. That if given the choice he would choose duty over love?"</p><p>She frowned "n—no he wouldn't, he wouldn't" <i>he would</i> a dark part of her whispered, she pushed it into the dark depths of her soul, wishing it wouldn't resurface. She cleared her throat "I don't want him involved because, I don't want him getting hurt"</p><p>"the brat's joining the survey corps, he's bound to get hurt anyways" he kept his eyes on his paperwork </p><p>"captain" she said sternly </p><p>he rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh "fine, if you have a solution, I'm all ears"</p><p>"we can drag this whole love plan out. we can buy some time"</p><p>he looked up from his desk "and, if you would so humour me, how are we to drag it out?"</p><p>Kaia started pacing again "we could...we could at first, pretend that it's not working, we could pretend that I'm playing hard to get. When Erwin asks you how it's going, you express your doubts and you tell him you need more time and—"</p><p>"and what if starts to get impatient"</p><p>"and when he starts getting impatient, we'll give him a little show to ease any of his doubts, I'll give you little dribbles of fake information that is believable enough for him to accept. We'll convince that his whole love plan is working, slowly, but you know, surely"</p><p>he raised a skeptic eyebrow "I'm not going to turn against him, I'm not going to lie to him"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "ugh come on Captain, I mean you don't even seem too fond of the case. Why do you even care?"</p><p>He turned back to his papers "because, Erwin cares about it and he is my commanding officer"</p><p>She looked out the window "I feel he cares too much"</p><p>Without thinking Levi said "agreed" a little too quickly </p><p>She whipped her head toward him "are you worried for him, captain?"</p><p>he sighed "honestly? yeah. I wish the case were never handed to us"</p><p>She sat on the seat in front of him "how long 'til the case gets passed onto the next branch"</p><p>he tilted his head "The case gets handed over to the military police right after you graduate I believe"</p><p><i>just days after the battle of Trost. Surely he'll be too stressed to solve the case so close to the deadline. </i>"brilliant. we only have to distract him for 2 more years" she excitedly exclaimed </p><p>"2 years is a long time Madden"</p><p>"We can make it work captain I'm sure of it"</p><p>He sighed "what makes you so sure that he won't pursue the case even after it's been handed down. Erwin is not the man to simply let go because of a deadline."</p><p>"He'll be preoccupied, I'm sure of it"</p><p>
  <i>if i recall correctly she thought after the scouts graduate, mayhem unleashes. In under a year they encounter the female titan as well as take down the government.</i>
</p><p>"How—"</p><p>"Levi" she said. He frowned at the informality of Kaia using his first name "trust me. Erwin will let it go after it's been handed down, there'll be things that'll hold his focus"</p><p>He raised a skeptic brow "alright fine, let's go along with your stupid plan" Kaia almost squealed "don't get too excited brat. I'm making you do all my paperwork from now on"</p><p>"what—"</p><p>"shut it, I'm done arguing with you. Sit down and do the paperwork. I'll let you go before dinner"</p><p>Kaia muttered to herself in annoyance, she huffed as she sat down and started to scribble away at the paperwork.</p><p>As she entered the mess hall for dinner, Eren almost jumped from his seat.</p><p>He grabbed her shoulders "are you alright?"</p><p>she chuckled "yes I am, just a little tired"</p><p>He looked around before pulling her outside "a little tired?! Kaia we found you passed out on the side of the oval!!"</p><p>"I am alright! Just a little sleep deprived" she replied </p><p>"are you not telling me something?"</p><p>Her brows knotted "I—why would you think that?"</p><p>"it's just a gut feeling"</p><p>"well ignore your gut, and listen to me. I'm fine, there's nothing in the world that I can't handle" She put a hand to his cheek</p><p>"Kaia if you need help, just ask me ok?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes "you don't always have to act like I'm on the brink of throwing myself off of a cliff"</p><p>he frowned "don't do that, don't act like I'm pitying you or talking down you. Caring about you doesn't mean I feel sorry for you. I just want to help"</p><p>she stepped back, "well sorry that I don't want to be treated like some fragile porcelain doll"</p><p>"and you're not! I'm not treating you like you could break apart in any second. I know you're strong, I know you're capable. I've turned a blind eye for the past few weeks but clearly there's something going on"</p><p>"Why can't you just believe me Eren. That's all I'm asking, if I tell you I'm fine, I'm fine!"</p><p>"how can you expect me do that when you once told me you weren't going to leave me and the next day you were ready to leave me! I mean don't you even think about what that did to me? how I felt?"</p><p>"well—"</p><p>He threw his arms up "and you don't even know how fucking enraged I felt when I figured out that it was Jean who put those ideas in your head. It was Jean who got between us, right after you promised he wouldn't"</p><p>"first of all, Jean didn't put those ideas in my head, I can think for myself thank you very much, and second of all, why the fuck are we arguing about this, this happened weeks ago?!"</p><p>"I don't know! ok I-just I don't know..." </p><p>"you better give me a better fucking answer than that"</p><p>"fine!" he yelled, starting to pace "I feel like I'm losing you again! It's been a few weeks and we've barely spent any time alone together! It's driving me fucking nuts seeing you around and not being able to be by your side! I just—I just want to. argh fuck i don't know!"</p><p>"Well then tell me what you want with me! tell me Eren! don't sulk about in a corner when you knew that you could've done plenty to approach me! Grow some fucking balls and—"</p><p>Eren kissed Kaia, interrupting her mid-sentence. He clutched onto her tightly, moving to pin her against the walls outside the mess hall. His tongue moved hungrily across hers, his body firmly pressed against hers. </p><p>When their lips parted for air, Eren leaned his forehead against hers, breathing heavily "I'm not very good with words" his voice raspy, laced with lust. </p><p>"Eren Jaeger" she began "if you don't take me into the barracks and fuck me right this second, I'm going to go ballistic"</p><p>He smirked, picking her up in a swift motion and practically running to the barracks.</p><p>As they entered his room, her lips were on his in a second, hands clinging onto his neck as he held her up against the wall.</p><p>He grinded his growing bulge against her, grunting at the pleasure of the friction between them.</p><p>His lips moved to her neck, fervently sucking on her sweet spot as he undressed her. As their lips joined again, Eren proceeded to undress himself.</p><p>The two fell upon the bed intertwined with each other's bodies. Eren moved to unclip Kaia's bra, then proceeded to massage her breasts gently as his tongue ravaged her mouth and his hips grinded against hers.</p><p>Kaia's hand moved down Eren's body, ultimately arriving at the bulge in his underwear. She stroked it gently, making Eren grind harder against it. The two moaned in each other's mouths, adding to the pleasure knotting up in their stomach</p><p>She pushed Eren to the side and proceeded to straddle him. As she started to move her hips, Eren grunted.</p><p>"Oh fuck" he said, as he felt himself getting harder than he had ever been before.</p><p>Kaia threw her head back as she delighted in having her clothed cunt rub against Eren's bulging underwear. </p><p>Eren reached his arm to the drawer beside the bed, he lifted Kaia off of him as he put a condom on, Kaia took off her panties as he prepared. Once he was done, he climbed back on top of her, rubbing his cock against her bare cunt. He whispered her name in heavy pants, like he was a priest praying to his goddess.</p><p>Eren moved her legs so that they were perched upon his shoulders. He smirked as he entered her, grunting as she let out a moan. He thrust relentlessly into her, burying his head into her breasts in an attempt to stifle his own groans of pleasure.</p><p>He looked up at Kaia and felt his cock twitch inside her as he took in the sight of her bare chest, her pink lips and her disheveled hair. He relished in her expression the most, brows knitted together and eyes squeezed shut as she let out small whimpers as he rubbed his cock harder inside her wet cunt.</p><p>"shit Kaia, you're so tight" he said in between pants</p><p>she only moaned in response.</p><p>"tell me how it feels baby, I want to hear you"</p><p>He started to pound into her harder, his cock thrusting in and out of her at an unusually fast pace.</p><p>"I, oh fuck, Eren you feel so good" she said, barely being able to string a sentence together without moaning.</p><p>As their bodies writhed together, they could feel their orgasms coming full speed. Kaia first felt it at her legs then savoured the feeling of it travelling up her body and stopping to dwell in the pit of her stomach waiting to release. </p><p>Eren was also close, his thrusts became sloppy, his grunts even louder. He continued to purr in her name, refusing to close his eyes and miss the sight of Kaia Madden bouncing up and down the bed due to the force of his thrusts.</p><p>"Kaia—Kaia fuck I'm gonna I'm gonna, oh fuck yeah" he cried out. The knot in Kaia's stomach undid it self delightfully, exploding across her chest, drowning her in the sensation of her orgasm. The two panted heavily as Eren rode out the orgasm, slowing down the pace of his thrusts and eventually getting off Kaia. </p><p>He looked to his side to set his eyes upon her face. Glowing pale in the moonlight, her hair falling effortlessly around her. He thought that she....was magic. A lost angel, wandering a godforsaken land, never truly belonging to the dirt of the earth but rather to the blue of the sky, to the divinity of the heavens. He reached out to caress her cheek.</p><p>She leaned into his palm, out of breath and yet delightfully satisfied. She thought that if felt like the feather of some mystical bird that could only be found in children's stories. Too good, too pure to be true. Regretfully, she stood to start getting changed.</p><p>Eren sat up and pouted "where ya going?"</p><p>she chuckled "in a minute or so, your friends are going to waltz in here, and need I remind you, relationships in the military are strictly forbidden" she fiddled with the harness as she struggled to put it back on. Eren reached over to help her "I believe the punishment for getting caught is to be separated into different branches"</p><p>Once she was finished getting changed,He pulled her into a soft kiss, making her ache to stay by his side throughout the night "I hate being apart from you" he whispered </p><p>She kissed him back gently "We'll see each other again soon" </p><p>As she left the room, his eyes lingered on the door, as if by wishes alone, She would come back to him. The door opened, and to his disappointment, connie walked through it, along with Jean, and Marco, and Armin. He grunted in annoyance, burying himself in his sheets and eventually falling into a deep sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. fireflies</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia leaped from rooftop to rooftop, her senses set on her environment. Every sound of a footfall or shift of a take off was noted. She didn't move too fast for this pathway was shorter, this allowed her time to be cautious to be aware of any incoming danger. She could sense the other members trailing her, two behind her and two on each side, total of 6 people were out to stop her. Every step was precise, planned, she continued to run.</p><p>She'd been trying to get the point Elijah had set for weeks now, but she only ever managed to reach it a total of 5 times. However, she was improving, making sure she knew what she did wrong in order to fix it.</p><p>A figure from her left swung at her, she tucked into a forward roll the leapt across a gap to scale the wall in front of her. As she reached for a brick that stuck out, her arm was pinned by a knife at her sleeve. The positions of the other members were down mixed up. She deduced that at least one would be waiting for her at the top of the building and two were swinging at her from both sides. She took the dagger out of her sleeve and let herself fall into the gap.</p><p>The two members crashed into each other while Kaia caught herself onto a metal rod and swung into the window of an abandoned building. Two more people will be waiting for her northward and at least one person will be station on either side. No matter what she did, she would be seen and chase. </p><p>She threw a stone at the already cracked window in front of her, causing the members to flock upon the sound. She exited through the right window, using the shadows to her advantage and buying just a little extra time before she's seen.</p><p>She caught the eye of the girl that was waiting for her on her left side. Kaia darted towards her, seemingly going in for a frontal attack. The girl held out her knives but Kaia only leapt over her and onto a wooden rod that hung above. She continued to travel across the rooftops and could see the twinkling light in the distance that Elijah set.</p><p>The rest of her travel went smoothly, the members trailed her but couldn't catch up to her. Some of them swore that sometimes they saw Kaia simply disappear into thin air only to reappear miles ahead of them.</p><p>She reached the point again. Kaia grinned to herself, removing her hood as she strode toward Elijah who watched from the sidelines. </p><p>"well done. you're ready"</p><p>she cocked her head to the side "ready for what?"</p><p>"your next task"</p><p>she groaned</p><p>"now now, before you go on protesting, you don't have to do anything to the survey corps"</p><p>"oh?" she raised a eyebrow</p><p>"this task is sort of a test, to see if your skills are best set for something else. It seems espionage isn't your strong suit"</p><p>she frowned "it would be if you hadn't been following me around in that stupid cloak of yours"</p><p>he chuckled "I'm not talking about sneaking around, you're very good at that, but....your lies are easily caught out. The one about your memory was clever but does little for your case and—"</p><p>"I—um hold up, how the hell did you even know I lied to Erwin and Levi about that?"</p><p>"We have our sources Kaia Madden, we know of your every move"</p><p>does he know about Eren? she wondered, she prayed that he didn't.</p><p>Kaia cleared her throat "I'm very good at lying, Levi confronted me with the problem concerning my memory and he practically gave me the perfect cover story while trying to estimate my past. So I decided to use that and he believed me"</p><p>"Just because you tell a lot of lies Kaia, doesn't mean your good at telling them"</p><p>she scoffed "I—"</p><p>"the task, Miss Madden" Elijah began "is assassination"</p><p>her eyes widened "I'm not killing anyone"</p><p>"you need not worry, the first is always the hardest, but it does get easier"</p><p>"how are you talking like this is something normal?! I'm not going to kill anybody!"</p><p>Elijah sighed "I had hoped it wouldn't come to this Kaia"</p><p>She furrowed her brows </p><p>"I know about you and Eren Jaeger"</p><p>her heart dropped "I don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>"I told you Kaia, you're not very good at lying"</p><p>She shook her head "no—no, don't you dare even think of laying a finger on him"</p><p>"Oh I don't want to, but if you keep on being difficult and rejecting my orders and your duty as the protector of Godsent, I might just—"</p><p>"you'll what?! Send him away to a different branch?"</p><p>"I'll kill him" he said </p><p>In a second, Kaia's dagger was on his neck "I'll cut you up nicely before you even step toward him"</p><p>"I do not take this lightly Kaia, but you must remain loyal to us"</p><p>"I belong to neither side"</p><p>"and yet you do our bidding and you lie to the survey corps. you protect us"</p><p>Kaia stepped back, everything he was saying was right, again. She put her head in her hands. She had no sense of direction, no sense of purpose. She claimed to fight for neither side, yet she found herself realising she never did anything for the benefit of the survey corps, she never gave them useful information, never helped them advance against Godsent, all she fed them were lies and deceit. <i>Have I been fighting for Godsent this whole time? </i>She felt like she was going to puke. </p><p>No she thought I will fight for the survey corps as well, the people I love are there. It is their home. It is my home.</p><p>"Need I remind you" Elijah started "of the lives that were sacrificed for you. Will you let deaths be in vain?"</p><p>She huffed. <i>you'll never sway me to your side Elijah, I stubbornly refuse to move from the fence I sit on. I'll ease your doubts from time to time, I'll follow your orders. But I will protect the ones I love, and that means protecting the survey corps. </i></p><p>"who do you want me to kill?" she asked, slipping the dagger into its sheath and slipping it into her boot.</p><p>"A merchant. of sorts. He poses as a seller for wood but in secret, he deals in a much more valuable resource"</p><p>Her eyes darkened "information" Kaia knew this from her past life, the people she hung around with were sketchy, they had taught her that the most useful thing you can collect is information since people paid big to get their hands on somebody else's secrets.</p><p>"correct. This man makes a living off of selling others' secrets. Very wealthy, very well known. He's going to meet with a buyer here in the underground in 2 weeks time and I simply want you to take him out"</p><p>"how do you want me to kill him, I can't do it in plain sight"</p><p>"how you kill him is not my problem. figure out way. but be quick. It should be a simple in and out, no one should know that you are there. If they do, just run. This merchant has many enemies, they wouldn't figure out it's us right away. and plus, many will be grateful for his death, so much so that there won't be much of a commotion around it" he paused.</p><p>"what's the kind of information he has on us?"</p><p>"oh. nothing. He has no information on us whatsoever, Godsent is not a fool, we know how to stay hidden, and plus, his spies are amateurs"</p><p>She raised an eyebrow "then why do you want me to kill him?"</p><p>he chuckled "He's a criminal. This is what we specialise in"</p><p>"right. what are his crimes?" she inquired</p><p>"mainly human trafficking. Another way the merchant gets his money are from his brothels, of course he funds them secretly but he has people to do the dirty work and kidnap the women they think will attract the most customers. This means that—"</p><p>"they're all there against their will. All of the women there  are being forced to work there. All of them are getting raped every single night"</p><p>Elijah gave a sorrowful nod "unfortunately"</p><p>all the doubt in Kaia washed away almost immediately. She now discovered a new resolve within her. She knew that when she cuts his throat she'll be feeling delight instead of disgust.</p><p>Her head snapped up "does he have a successor? will his atrocious empire of filth continue to run even if he dies?"</p><p>"Highly unlikely, the man trusts no one and believes he is immortal. Once he falls, his business will fall too"</p><p>She gave him a sharp nod "good"</p><p>Without another word, Kaia leapt up to the rooftops, eager to reach the point again. </p><p>As she was escorted home, she dashed toward the barracks, desperate for sleep even if it was on a bed that made her back sore in the morning.</p><p>The carriage always dropped her off quite far from the training grounds so Kaia had to tread for about 20 mins until she reached the barracks.</p><p>The trek required Kaia to pass by the lake and she was grateful as it gave her an opportunity to leave flowers by the little shrine she left for her parents.</p><p>That night, she picked beautiful purple flowers for her mother and blue ones for her dad. She knelt herself towns in front of the little stones and placed the flowers reverently beside them. She did not cry tonight, unlike most nights when she would break down at the remembrance of her past life.</p><p>She merely let out a tired sigh and looked toward the moon that glowed pale on the dark lake. The ache in her had started to ease, she felt like she was finally starting to heal, starting to belong to this world, and yet, there will always be apart of her that didn't, a part of her that belonged in her warm home, surrounded by her family, a dream, really. Still, she would not lose sight of herself, she would not let herself forget all of the things she had done wrong, she would not let herself become righteous in a way that made others suffer. She had this power within her but she swore to be human, before anything else.</p><p>The leaves crunched, a twig snapped. Kaia was on her feet in an instant, dagger drawn, peering into the eerie dark of the woods that surrounded the lake.</p><p>An ash haired boy stepped out with his palms up "relax, it's just me" Jean said </p><p>She put the dagger back into her boot "what are you doing here?"</p><p>"I—um, out for a walk. I've been visiting here a while now actually"</p><p>She frowned, she had visited the lake every night and hadn't run into him at all. <i>had he seen me here? had he seen me cry in front of a pile of rocks every night?</i> "well get lost, this is my spot"</p><p>Jean opened his mouth to bite back then caught sight of the shrine Kaia had built for her parents. He recalled that night he saw her crying and shaking in front of it. He hung his head and turned to walk back to the barracks.</p><p>Kaia let out a breath. She snapped at him again without meaning to. "Jean wait, I-" she furrowed her brows trying to search for the right words to say</p><p>He ceased walking and stood silently with his back toward her. He'd been meaning to apologise to her but his pride had eaten away at him as he tried to avoid her more and more.</p><p>"I hate this. I hate avoiding you. I hate being awkward with you. I hate being angry and confused and guilty about you." she sighed "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said those things. I was just acting out because—because what you said was true. I do hurt people and—"</p><p>Jean turned around "Kaia—"</p><p>she held a hand up "and...I'm working on it. What I said about you and Mikasa....it isn't true. She's a smart girl, I mean, I can't deny the way you look at her, the way you pine for her, the way you'd choose her over everything" she chuckled "she'll see that, she'll realise it soon, I'm sure. You guys belong to each other" </p><p>An uneasy feeling stirred within Kaia, everything she said about what Mikasa was to Jean reminded her of what she was for Eren. It reminded her that one day, he'll choose his duty over her, he'll choose his commander over his lover. A shameful part of her wanted Eren to be like Jean, to choose her over everything. But that was selfish thinking, and Kaia wasn't in a position to be selfish, it would be cruel of her to ask of that from Eren.</p><p>Jean put a hand to his head "I shouldn't have accused you of being a liar and cheat. I should've known you wouldn't do that to me. I'm sorry" he paused "Eren told me about your parents. How they abandoned you. I didn't know, I didn't know they would do something so cruel and yet you still honour them and you carry them in your hearts"</p><p>Kaia's breath became shallow. A pang of betrayal rang through her bones, what she had told Eren was meant to be kept between them, what was he doing telling Jean about it?</p><p>"w—I, um, why did he tell you that?"</p><p>"he said that I probably reminded you of them, that I reminded you of being abandoned"</p><p>she took a step back, why was Eren telling all of this to Jean, it was one of her greatest insecurities, her greatest fears. "well you didn't" she snapped "it was just a stupid fight, I don't know what Eren was talking about" she said defensively </p><p>However, Eren was completely correct, Jean had reminded her of her parents, Jean had brought back that sinking feeling of abandonment. But Eren made it sound like she was some broken thing, ready to fall apart at a single inconvenience.</p><p>Jean furrowed his brows. "Kaia are you ok?"</p><p>"yes I'm fine" she chuckled, throwing her arms up in frustration "why the fuck does everyone think I'm not fine. I'm fine. I'm fine"</p><p>He only laughed at her "clearly"</p><p>she smiled. Things felt normal between them again. He didn't ask questions, he didn't tip toe around her. Kaia realised that she missed him, a lot. <i>Maybe I shouldn't keep my distance from him. God knows I'll go insane without my best friend.</i></p><p>She looked out onto the lake and walked onto the Jetty, sitting down at the edge with her feet dangling a few inches from the water. A few moments later Jean sat with her. They didn't speak, letting the natural buzz of the night simmer between them. The lake glittered with the reflection of the stars as the frogs and the crickets preformed their nightly concert. </p><p>Small spots of yellow light started to spill from the trees. The two furrowed their brows in confusion. The tiny spots soon filled the space above the lake, and around the jetty, like the stars had descended onto the earth for one dazzling moment.</p><p>Kaia stood up and twirled around, laughing at the spots of light. "They're fireflies" she said, looking around her with wonder in her eyes, the kind of wonder only children had when looking at the new world before them.</p><p>Jean watched her, his eyes roaming upon her glowing skin, her silky hair, the way she tried to reach out to the fireflies, jumping when they flew toward her. He watched her eyes gleam, her face break into a most glorious grin. What he would pay to make her smile like that every day. He hated himself for hurting her. </p><p>Kaia turned toward him, and he froze "it's beautiful, don't you think?" she tilted her head in a way that made her hair spill over her like black ink.</p><p>He let out a small laugh, his eyes never wandering from her "...yeah....beautiful" he stared for a moment before abruptly turning away, reminding himself of the girl he already gave his heart to.</p><p>"you know" she said as she sat down beside him again "we always seem to end up in this place."</p><p>"hmm?" he said, eyes cast across the lake</p><p>"you know, here, the lake. We always end up here in some melodramatic fashion"</p><p>he chuckled "we've ended up here together twice"</p><p>Kaia shrugged "it's more than once." she leaned her head onto his shoulder.</p><p>He tensed, stuck between wanting to pull away and wanting to pull her closer. </p><p>"it's like our spot, you know."</p><p>"A minute ago you were sending me off claiming this spot was yours"</p><p>"that was a long time ago, a different time almost. This is a new era, I can feel it..." she gestured toward the lake "and we've even been blessed by the fireflies"</p><p>he let out a laugh "and what is this blessing they are placing upon us Madden?"</p><p>she took a deep breath "light I suppose. light in the darkness"</p><p>"what a poet you are." he teased.</p><p>"I'm no poet. 'tis the world that is the poem, and I, the mere reader"</p><p>"I understand all of those words separately"</p><p>she laughed, nudging him on his side "you should be able to understand them all together! after all, you are an artist"</p><p>"W-what, I—I don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>she rolled her eyes smiling "you don't think I haven't seen your little drawings"</p><p>"I—what, n—no. I—"</p><p>Kaia put a finger to his lips to shut him up "you need not be embarrassed of your art. Plus, you should be proud. Artists are my favourite people in the world"</p><p>She removed her finger then continued to lean on his shoulder "how incredibly narcissistic" he said</p><p>"I told you already. I'm not artist. I'm a mere observer, an admirer. I could never produce something as beautiful as art"</p><p>"you certainly talk like an artist"</p><p>she sighed "that's because I'm a fraud and a conman. I like to pretend to be things I am not"</p><p>"...I think, I think artists would be jealous of you" he said </p><p>"and why is that?"</p><p>"because you are art, and they're terribly envious because they're stuck to creating art while you...you are the embodiment of it"</p><p>"you flatter me Kirstein. Perhaps you shall be a poet as well as an artist. Surely then Mikasa would be grovelling at your feet"</p><p>he laughed "mmm, that sounds nice"</p><p>Kaia sighed beside him "beautiful" she repeated as she took in the dazzling display of the fireflies over the lake.</p><p>"our spot" he said </p><p>"our spot" she softly replied.</p><p>Kaia went to bed that night with an eased mind. She has found middle ground between Godsent and the Survey Corps once again, plus, she reconciled with Jean. The night was good.</p><p>Kaia fell asleep during class the next day, she's never been too good at sitting still and the teachers ramblings on titans made her drowsy.</p><p>She felt someone poke her in the side, opening her eyes every so slightly, she recognised the brown haired boy.</p><p>"Eren?"</p><p>he smiled at her, never failing to make her heart flutter "hey pretty girl" Eren reached over to move the hair that covered her face to the side "class is over"</p><p>she groaned, realising that combat training was next "just five more minutes"</p><p>"I will haul your ass over there myself if you don't get up in 10 seconds"</p><p>"mmm, sounds nice"</p><p>She then felt arms wrap around her and felt her feet lift off of the ground. She snapped her eyes open to see Eren picking her up bridal style. She looked around her and realised the classroom was empty.</p><p>She let out a hearty laugh "I didn't think you'd actually do it"</p><p>"I'm a man of my word Kaia Madden"</p><p>He began to tickle her relentlessly and she felt to the floor in an ungraceful heap pulling Eren down as well.</p><p>He lay on top of her, steadying himself with his hands. Kaia looked up at him, his dark hair falling forward, the key on his neck dangling before her.</p><p>He lowered himself to kiss her softly, moving his lips to suck on her neck. She tugged on his hair to make him look up at her "I thought we needed to be out of here in 10 seconds Eren. You know Shadis is gonna have our heads"</p><p>He kissed her deeply once again. "I suddenly really want to stay a little longer"</p><p>she giggled, kissing him back as she wrapped her arms around her torso. "how would you like me Eren Jaeger, I'm all yours" she purred as her hands found her way down his trousers.</p><p>He grunted in surprise "Kaia you little shit." Eren moved to pick her up, causing her to wrap her legs around him. He placed her onto the teachers desk as his tongue happily wrestled with hers.</p><p>She let out a mock gasp "the teachers desk?! Eren, you're supposed to be a star pupil!"</p><p>"Well no one here's to tell us off, we might as well take advantage of it" he smirked as he leaned in, eager to close the gap between him and Kaia.</p><p>His hands roamed along her back, taking off her jacket hastily and letting Kaia take off his. Never once did they part lips for too long.</p><p>Kaia started to grind against Eren and grinned to herself as she felt him get hard. She kissed his neck and nipped at his ear, eliciting a low groan from him.</p><p>Eren thrust his own growing member against Kaia's cunt, delighting in the pleasurable friction it produced. He quickly un buttoned her pants and she awkwardly took them off herself. She seated herself onto the desk continuing to run her clothed cunt against his hard bulge.</p><p>His fingers found its way toward Kaia's pussy, moving in firm circles against her panties. Kaia let out an irritated whimper, it was clear she wanted his fingers inside her panties not out.</p><p>Eren smirked against her lips as he obliged to her wishes, slipping a finger into her already moist cunt. She let out a small gasp and started to grind harder against his fingers. He slipped another finger in and at this point, she was already soaking.</p><p>She moaned in his mouth as his fingers rubbed against her clit. The fact that they were doing this in an empty classroom made their hearts race, that anyone could walk in at any moment.</p><p>To her frustration, Eren took his fingers out of her wet cunt and proceeded to lift her shirt and unclip her bra, massaging her breasts teasingly. He then moved his mouth to suck on her nipple while his hand played with the other one. She moaned, continuing to grind against his crotch while he did his clever tongue work on her breasts.</p><p>She hastily started to unbutton his trousers and pulled it down, smirking as she found her way toward his slick underwear, eliciting a grunt from him. </p><p>"Eren" she panted "Put it in me already"</p><p>He moved his lips back to her neck "put what? I'm afraid you're going to have to be specific" he rubbed his thumb over her cunt</p><p>She groaned in frustration "Eren, argh, your dick—put—put it in me. Eren fuck me, please"</p><p>He hummed against her ear in approval "mmmm, that's a good girl"</p><p>In a swift motion he took his cock out of his underwear, stroking it as it twitched in anticipation.</p><p>Eren pressed it against Kaia's panties, eliciting a whimper from her. He slid down her underwear, leaving his bare cock rubbing against her naked cunt.</p><p>"wait. Eren" she said "do you have a condom?"</p><p>"no but it's a fine I'll just pull out" he looked at her "unless your uncomfortable without it"</p><p>she smiled at him "it's alright I trust you"</p><p>He grinned before kissing her gently. As his cock entered her throbbing pussy, the two moaned in the new sensation of their genitals rubbing together without any cover.</p><p>Eren set a relentless pace, pistoling in and out of Kaia's cunt at a godly speed. His hands gripped her ass tightly as he moaned in the crook of her neck.</p><p>"fuck Kaia you feel so fucking good" he growled</p><p>She only moaned in response. Kaia stated to claw at his shirt, unsure how to express the pleasure she was feeling at that very moment.</p><p>Occasionally, Eren would switch up the pace. After a few powerful thrusts, he would leave his dick in her pussy and simply roll his hips. This drove Kaia nuts, whimpering and moaning in his ear.</p><p>Kaia could feel herself getting close as Eren continued to pound her pussy and she could feel that he was too, as his dick started to twitch inside of her.</p><p>"fuck Kaia, I'm really fucking close"</p><p>"me too, Eren, don't stop"</p><p>After thrusting into her roughly a couple more times, he could feel the walls over her cunt clamp down as she reached her orgasm. Eren knew it was enough to make him cum so he took his cock of immediately and gave it a few strokes before spiralling into his own orgasm. Luckily, there was tissues on the desk in which he came in.</p><p>Kaia then felt something soft rub between her legs, to her embarrassment, she found Eren cleaning up her juices then pulling her panties back up. After he was done, he kissed her softly and stroked her hair.</p><p>"you did so good baby"</p><p>she smirked against his slips "mmm, I know I did"</p><p>he chuckled "that's my girl. now, ready to face a grumpy old shadis"</p><p>She kissed him softly "right now, I feel like I can take on the world"</p><p>After Eren and Kaia got properly dressed, they headed out of the classroom and onto the training grounds.</p><p>Shadis yelled at them. Everyone laughed at them. They made up an excuse about helping each other with work they didn't understand and luckily, everyone believed them. Eren was sent to the stables and Kaia was sent to Levi.</p><p>She grumbled to herself as she made her way to his office, it's the third time this week she had been sent to him and she was unsure if she could handle anymore of his judgemental glares and condescending words. Plus, she hated being somewhere where it was clear she wasn't wanted, she was exhausted as well and swore to herself that she was probably going to cry if he glared at her again. </p><p>However, it wasn't as if Levi was the only one at fault, Kaia would often prod him with unnecessary questions and ramble about unnecessary things. She would tease him and mock him and swear at him, he would only ever respond with a bored stare or occasionally, he would yell at her. Once she poked him in the side teasingly and he looked at her as if he were about to throw her out the window, she kept quiet the rest of the night. </p><p>Still, it didn't mean that it was all horrible, she loved teasing him, getting some sort of a reaction out of him and once he actually taught her to make tea. But that afternoon, An uneasy feeling stirred within Kaia, she felt as if Levi was going to snap at her at any moment. She made a promise to herself that she would keep her mouth shut throughout the duration of her punishment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. another day, another argument</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia sat on the floor of Levi's office silently as she completed her paperwork and proceeded to sort them into messy piles. She had her long hair up in a hair claw and took her jacket off to try and ease her sweats. She scratched her head, trying to make sense of the gibberish in front of her.</p><p>"oi" Levi drawled from his desk</p><p>
  <i>what. what did i do wrong? I've been silent this whole time, did I do something? did I make a mistake on the papers?</i>
</p><p>she turned toward him "yes?"</p><p>"what's wrong with you?"</p><p>"uh" she itched at her neck nervously "I'm sorry sir, I'll do better" what did I do? what did I do? what did I do?</p><p>"tch. I'm trying to ask if your ok"</p><p>she furrowed her brows "why?"</p><p>"because you've been silent this whole time and actually completing the paperwork when you'd usually fidget and ramble and annoy me until your time is up"</p><p>she tilted her head to the side "do you have a problem with that?"</p><p>he took a sip of his tea "it's unnerving"</p><p>she sighed and sat herself in front of his desk "you know captain, I'm trying to keep my head down because I don't think I can take one more of your glares or rude remarks, because quite frankly, I feel like I'd start crying right there and then"</p><p>he raised an eyebrow then opened his mouth to say something.</p><p>Kaia held a hand up to silence him "Now I know what you're thinking. Why the hell would I be crying if I usually you know just bite back with equally rude remarks? Well here's the answer captain, I feel like you hate me, and every time I do bite back and defend myself, I feel even more hated" she continued to ramble, gesturing with her arms and hands enthusiastically as if she were waiting for the captain to allow her to run her mouth</p><p>"—But you know since I'm a tough girl, I've kept that to myself but quite frankly, I don't like being hated, nobody does and well I feel stupid and embarrassed that sometimes, yeah, I do enjoy being here, I do enjoy annoying you sometimes but then I'm like, have I crossed the line? did i go too far with that joke? have I asked him too many questions? and—"</p><p>"Madden" he said, interrupting her "I take back what I said, go back to your work"</p><p>A hand flew to her mouth "I did it again didn't I? I rambled, I annoyed you. Shit, I was going to good as well"</p><p>he rolled his eyes "I didn't know you were so keen on pleasing me"</p><p>she held a finger up "Hold on, let's get one thing straight. I am not keen on pleasing you sir I would just rather not bicker and trade insults with you while I'm here since I'm already going to get a heap of it from my fellow cadets so—"</p><p>"I'm not going to stop bickering and trading insults with you Madden, you're no friend"</p><p>she sighed "you know sir, just as you said those words, I contemplated taking the dagger out my boot and shoving it into your eye. But, since I'm trying to be a better person, I decided to talk things out in a civilised way and—"</p><p>"I don't think telling me that you want to poke my eye out is very civilised"</p><p>"be grateful that I'm telling you and not actually attempting it" she said with a plastered smile "now sir, if I could ask you a favour—"</p><p>"no"</p><p>she ignored him "could you like try not to bring out that dark violent part of me? it's much appreciated and —"</p><p>"aw but that part of you is so entertaining" he cocked his head to the side</p><p>"boy if you interrupt me one more time I swear to the heavens I will—"</p><p>"you'll what?" he drawled circling the tip of his finger around his teacup. Kaia grit her teeth "you'll pin me down again as an excuse to straddle me?"</p><p>Kaia's mouth fell open, her tongue creating bulge in her left cheek. She took a deep breath, refraining herself from throwing him out the window. She held a finger up "first of all. I am a taken woman, I would never, go out of my way to be entangled with you in some sexual position." she held up two fingers "second of all, you should be honoured to be straddled by me" she held up three fingers "third of all, I may or may not have done it once because I did want to straddle you but that was a long time ago, I am a changed woman" Levi raised an eyebrow. she raised a fourth finger "fourth of all—"</p><p>"hold on, let's jump back to the third one" he leaned forward with furrowed brows "Kaia Madden, did you just say that at one point of your time here with the trainee scouts, you wanted to straddle me?"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "you're missing the whole point"</p><p>"answer the question cadet" </p><p>she frowned "don't act so surprised captain. Every boy and girl in this universe" she paused "well in my universe, has wanted to fuck you. You wouldn't even believe all the stories they make up about you I mean, you'd think they were about your victories out on the field when they were actually about how you were in bed!" she started to laugh "I mean, you would be mortified if you heard some of them"</p><p>"oh?" he raised a brow "and how did they describe me? in bed?"</p><p>she started to shake her head "you know, I really shouldn't say"</p><p>"oh come on cadet, humour me" he said, bringing the teacup to his lips.</p><p>"you know what fine, because honestly, I wanna see your reaction to this" she took a breath "apparently, you're very rough...in bed, like grab-the-headboard rough. Some say you're a bottom, some say you're a switch."</p><p>"that doesn't sound so scandalous"</p><p>"uh well, some say you're into bondage and sometimes you get pleasure out of...slapping or belting someone."</p><p>He choked on his tea "I didn't know they made me out to be so vulgar"</p><p>she leaned back in her chair "judging from your reaction, none of those are true"</p><p>"disappointed?"</p><p>"partly. Also, I didn't really expect much of it to be true anyway, I mean, you are a grumpy stiff short man"</p><p>"I'm good in bed!" he said defensively </p><p>"well then please humour me sir, what do you do?"</p><p>He looked away"this is inappropriate to discuss with a cadet"</p><p>"says the man who just exclaimed that he was good in bed"</p><p>he remained silent.</p><p>"you know captain, at least tell me this. Please tell me that missionary isn't the only position you do it in"</p><p>he stayed silent, looking away ashamedly.</p><p>Kaia's mouth formed an o in disbelief. <i>he may not be a virgin but he's certainly vanilla.</i> </p><p>She delicately put her hands onto his desk "i'm not judging you captain. I mean, everybody has their different preferences, but, I suggest you try out some new things you know, only if you're comfortable of course"</p><p>he didn't answer but it was obvious he wanted some tips.</p><p>Kaia hushed her voice "if I may offer some advice. Maybe try some different positions you know, like maybe try doing it from behind or try doing it while standing up. If you wanna spice it up a bit, try tying her hands up. Of course ask for consent first as always and do what your only comfortable with"</p><p>He looked up from his paperwork and glared at her. She inched backward, feeling a sinking feeling in her stomach. oh no she thought i'm gonna start crying </p><p>"what are you trying to achieve cadet?"</p><p>she shrugged "I just thought I'd offer some advice, just trying to be your friend"</p><p>"you're not my friend." he snapped </p><p>she bit her lip in embarrassment, offended as she had thought they were developing a companionship over the past few weeks.</p><p>"you're just a burden" he said </p><p>She looked to the ground. <i>great, exactly what my parents thought about me.</i></p><p><i>No! </i>she thought <i>I will not be trying to relate everything back to my parents. This is my new life, I will not bring the aches of my old one into it..</i> She willed the tears that pricked her eyes away, as if they were never there. She put on a cold demeanour, startlingly different from her warm and polite one just seconds ago. </p><p>"you're right captain. I went too far. We hate each other and we should leave it at that" </p><p>he rolled his eyes "no need to be petty now"</p><p>"sir you're really testing my fucking patience, so may ask you, what the fuck do you want from me? because everything i seem to do seems to be fucking wrong."</p><p>He slammed a fist onto his desk. Kaia only glared at him. "I just want you to be normal for fuck sake"</p><p>"I was being usual self until you fucking snapped at me again. I just told you that I hated feeling hated and then you go ahead and call me a burden—"</p><p>"I don't care about how you feel Madden"</p><p>She threw her arms up again "there you go again. God I swear you have a talent for belittling people" she let out a laugh </p><p>"don't be such a crybaby"</p><p>she laughed even more "so when I handle your belittlement coldly and professionally you are dissatisfied, when I express my feelings you are dissatisfied" She stood, slamming her palms onto his desk and plastering on a grin </p><p>"you know what captain. fuck you." she held up both fingers toward him and started to storm out of the room. </p><p>He chased after her and seized her wrist just as she reached for the door. "don't fucking swear at me you insubordinate brat"</p><p>Her chest heaved violently up and down as anger threatened to boil over. She took a deep breath and let it. Kaia threw a punch at the captain, catching him square in the face and causing him to stumble back. </p><p>"I'm a good girl captain, but you never seem to fail to bring out that ugly side of me"</p><p>He lunged at her in annoyance, punching her in the gut. Kaia let out a pained grunt before regaining her balance and assuming a fighting stance.</p><p>"are we really going to do this brat?" he growled</p><p>"either this or me burning your office down, take your pick"</p><p>He kicked for her knee but she was quick to react, shifting to the side and punching for his face again. He was quick too, catching her fist then twisting her arm. She cried out before kicking him in the shin and making him release his grip. </p><p>She took out the dagger from her boot, holding it out in front of her. She attacked first, slicing from side to side as he narrowly avoided each slice. He missed a step, allowing Kaia's dagger to cut across his cheek every so slightly, but enough to draw blood. She grinned, he grit his teeth and tackled her to the ground.</p><p>Pinning her legs to the side, he held her arm so that knife was positioned against her jaw. She squirmed under his weight and tried to push away the dagger but her strength was unmatched to Levi's. He continued to inch the dagger closer to her skin, creating a cut that ran perpendicular to her jaw.</p><p>She started to scream "Levi, stop" but he only grinned and continued to press the dagger deeper, only when he noticed the tears welling in her eyes did he stop. </p><p>She scurried away from him, hand to her jaw, blood spilling from her fingertips "what the fuck is wrong with you" her voice cracked</p><p>He wanted to apologise "you asked for it" he spat</p><p>She stood up, eager to get another good hit on him.</p><p>"you still gonna fight, Madden?"</p><p>She said nothing, letting the fury in her eyes do the talking. She swung her foot at him but he caught it, shoving it toward her, making her stumble back and fall against the fireplace. She then felt a scathing heat run up her back.</p><p>He raced toward her, swiftly unbuckling her harness and taking off her shirt that was on fire, he then proceeded to stomp on it until the flames ceased. They stood still and silent for a moment. </p><p>Kaia panted, looking at the burnt shirt that lay on the floor. that was my favourite shirt. she thought sorrowfully. </p><p>Levi eyed her cautiously, making sure she didn't have any burns on her. Luckily, she didn't. The blood from her jaw ran across her face and down her neck. He hadn't seen her this bloody since that time he kicked the shit out of her. </p><p>With an annoyed grunt he grabbed her arm and led her to a chair. Kaia mournfully kept her eyes on her shirt. Her gaze then snapped at Levi, who was rummaging through his drawer. </p><p>"what are you doing?" she asked</p><p>"trying to find stitches"</p><p>"why not just take me to the infirmary"</p><p>"I'd rather not drag you around in public while you're half naked"</p><p>It was only then she realised that she was only wearing her bra and trousers, she sighed, not having enough will in her to be embarrassed about it.</p><p>Levi then grabbed a chair and placed it in front of Kaia, moving it as close to her as possible. He sat down, still , he was too far to administer stitches properly. </p><p>"shuffle closer, so that you're sitting that the edge of the seat"</p><p>"I can't move farther than this, my knees are already pressed against your chair."</p><p>"tch. then spread your legs Madden"</p><p>She gulped, obliging to his commands. His knee was now well up in between her legs, and he was now satisfied with the closeness, arranging the thread and needle.</p><p>He set the thread and needle aside and first cleaned up the wound and the blood surrounding it, from her jaw to the her collarbone. </p><p>Levi then proceeded to stitch the cut on her jaw up, delicately and softly. She winced at every prick of the needle, occasionally squeezing the knee that wasn't in between her legs and then awkwardly letting go. </p><p>She let out a long breath as he pulled away from her. Kaia reached for the wads of cotton and the bottle of rubbing alcohol.</p><p>"what are you doing?" he asked</p><p>"I'm gonna clean up your wound"</p><p>"it's barely a scratch Madden, I don't—"</p><p>she held a finger up "just let me do this so I can feel better about my self"</p><p>He sighed, letting her rub his wound clean then placing a small bandaid over it.</p><p>To his surprise, she patted his cheek and smiled at him when she finished.</p><p>"feeling better now?" he asked, standing to take swig from the bottle of alcohol he hid the shelves.</p><p>she chuckled "I'm just tired of being angry."</p><p>"It's well into dinner now" he said. She looked out the window and caught a glance of the mess hall with the lights aglow and people chattering inside.</p><p>"oh, right" </p><p>Levi disappeared into the room with his bed in it and walked out with a shirt in his hands. He handed it to her dismissively.</p><p>"...thanks. can I keep it?"</p><p>"why would you keep it?"</p><p>"...'cause, I don't...have any shirts left"</p><p>he grimaced "you're telling me you only ever wore one shirt"</p><p>"well it wasn't like I had a chance to go shopping"</p><p>he rolled his eyes "fine, keep it"</p><p>she grinned, putting on the shirt and skipping buttoning the top buttons so that her neck and part of her chest was exposed. She also left the bottom part of the shirt unbuttoned so she could tie it up. </p><p>After securing the harness, Kaia put her hair up in the claw clip again, letting the front parts of her hair fall to frame her face. She decided to leave her jacket off since it was still hot outside.</p><p>Levi looked her up and down from his desk "must you always dress provocatively?"</p><p>"nothing about the way I dress, or how anyone dresses is provocative. It's so weird how people sexualise clothing just because they leave parts of the body exposed, because, people have sex with their clothes on as much as they do with their clothes off. Clothes are literally just pieces of fabric, they aren't allusions to sexual ideas and it's quite disgusting how normalised it is to think of sex every time someone is dressed in something revealing"</p><p>he looked up at her with the same boredom in his eyes "...right. are you gonna leave?"</p><p>she sighed "was just about to" Kaia picked up her burnt shirt as she head out the door without another word, leaving Levi in blessed silence.</p><p>Kaia entered the mess hall and sat herself next to Jean, letting out an exasperated sigh.</p><p>He turned toward her "what's wrong with you?"</p><p>"It's just, i don't know why I'm angry all the time, it's so exhausting"</p><p>he chuckled </p><p>"no like I'm being serious, something will just set me off and next thing you know my foot is swinging across somebody's face"</p><p>He nudged her with his elbow "you know....there's a great way to take out your anger and it works every time"</p><p>She looked up at him expectantly "well what is it?"</p><p>He leaned to whisper in her ear "if you ever find yourself angry, or heated ..... just, you know, have sex"</p><p>Kaia slapped his shoulder, a light blush spreading across her cheeks.</p><p>he chuckled "what? it genuinely works like whenever me and Mikasa get into an argument we usually end up fucking each other"</p><p>she held a palm to his face "Jean, I do not need that picture in my head right now, we are way too close for that. You know, I'm fine talking about sex with literally anybody else in the world but when it comes to you it just grosses me out"</p><p>He laughed "oh my god, Kaia you have no idea how good she feels and—"</p><p>she gagged "gross Jean stop, do you want me to tell you what I do with Eren too huh?"</p><p>He scrunched up his face "ugh gross, I can't even picture you in bed you're so stuck up and snobby"</p><p>she frowned "same goes for you Kirstein, you probably don't even notice when Mikasa fakes it"</p><p>his eyes widened "she does not!"</p><p>"we've gone off topic." she sighed "having sex every time someone makes me angry will not work because the person who ticks me off the most of Captain Levi"</p><p>Jean spat out his drink "oh god, do not fuck the captain"</p><p>"wasn't planning to, I just, I need some place to vent before getting sent to his office. Because whenever I'm in there all we do is insult each other until one of us punches the other in the face, I'm tired of fighting with him, but at this point it feels unavoidable"</p><p>"why don't you just bring something soft with you every time you go over there and then stab it every time you get angry" He made a stabbing motion on the table</p><p>she raised an eyebrow "so like just take out a plush toy or something in the middle of an argument and just start stabbing it?"</p><p>he nodded "that's the idea"</p><p>"have you ever actually tried it?"</p><p>"no, I told you, I just fu—"</p><p>"okay alright I get it" she sighed. "the toy thing is one weird solution, but it's the only thing I have right now"</p><p>"you're welcome" he said with food in his mouth</p><p>She smacked the back of his head "don't talk while eating, it's gross"</p><p>he settled for flipping her off while gleefully chomping on his food. </p><p>Kaia met with Eren afterward, meeting in a secluded area. </p><p>"is that a new shirt?" he asked, playing with her fingers</p><p>"yeah the other one got burnt" </p><p>he laughed "what?"</p><p>she shook her head "long story"</p><p>He stroked her chin "what happened to your jaw?"</p><p>"oh well, while I was at Levi's the other day we got into a fight and he kinda cut me"</p><p>he frowned "what? he hurt you again? after all those insults and glares, he's cutting you now?"</p><p>"well. I cut him first so, I kinda had it coming"</p><p>"How many hits did you get on him?"</p><p>"too many to count"</p><p>He laughed, kissing her forehead "that's my girl"</p><p>The two walked along the edge of the training grounds, talking with each other softly and occasionally stealing a kiss. These moments were the only thing that kept Kaia from burning the whole facility down, he made her feel at ease, made her feel calm, and she was eternally grateful for it. She had thought getting into a relationship with him would be all fights and arguments but he was actually a very sweet boy, very romantic as well. He would take the time to pick flowers to give to Kaia on their next encounter and delighted in seeing her accept them. The relationship was going swimmingly and their love felt infinite, immortal.</p><p>The next day, Kaia was sent to Levi's office again. She plonked herself down in front of his desk and rambled as usual. He would give the occasional nod or grumble but didn't participate in any of her tangents.</p><p>She paused for a brief moment, making Levi internally thank whatever holy deity was watching over him, then, at her next words, Levi cursed those very same gods.</p><p>"so did ya take any of my advice?"</p><p>he glared at her </p><p>she held up a finger and shook "no. no glaring. you have to be nice"</p><p>"why?"</p><p>"because I said so"</p><p>"don't tell me what to do brat, don't think you've become an exception because you spend so much time with me. I am still your superior and you are still an ugly little thing who tries to hard to make friends"</p><p>She grit her teeth. He did it again. This was the most he had spoken and of course it was insult. What irked Kaia was that it always came out of no where.</p><p>She took out the the small plush she hid in her jacket as well as the dagger in her boot. </p><p>"what are you doing?" he said </p><p>She shoved the toy onto his desk, then proceeded to stab in violently, sending parts of the fluff stuffed inside of it to fly across the room.</p><p>Levi sat in silence with wide eyes, unsure how to handle the psychopath in front of him.</p><p>Once she was done, she put the dagger away and sat back down. </p><p>"what was that?" he asked</p><p>she smiled "anger management technique"</p><p>"got any others that aren't so psychopathic?"</p><p>she tilted her head "well I was suggested that having sex is a good way to take out your anger but I am a taken woman and well, it's a touchy subject for you"</p><p>he choked on his drink "why do always have to fucking talk about sex?"</p><p>she shrugged "I'm confident in my sexuality and I find no problem talking about it" she paused "well except for it comes down to Jean, I cringe every time I even think about talking to him about it"</p><p>"lucky guy" he grumbled </p><p>"you know what. fine. I'll be nice. From now on, I will try my hardest to refrain from talking about sex in front of you"</p><p>"great" he said flatly "...and thanks...for the advice, Petra liked it....a lot" he averted his eyes from her</p><p>She opened her mouth to say something in excitement but he held up a finger to shush her</p><p>"remember your promise Madden, no more talk about sex"</p><p>she blew out an exasperated sigh "Levi Ackerman you are one cruel man"</p><p>he snapped his head up "did you just say Ackerman?"</p><p>her eyes widened shit she thought he doesn't know he's an Ackerman yet.</p><p>She scoffed "n—no, w—what are you talking about?"</p><p>"yes you did, you said Ackerman"</p><p>she aggressively started to shake her head "nope. don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>"what did Godsent tell you about me? what information do they have on me? how much do you know?"</p><p>She was ready to jump out of the window when Levi's door opened. Erwin was standing in the doorway. Kaia let out a breath of relief. Levi yanked her toward him "I'm not done with you yet Madden" his hissed in her ear.</p><p>She clenched her jaw, then plastered on a smile as she turned to greet Erwin.</p><p>He returned the smile "Miss Madden, it's been long since we last met"</p><p>"too long, commander" not long enough she thought why the fuck do I have to deal with this prick now?</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. keeper’s season</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"what are you doing here?" Levi asked</p><p>"well I'm here to disclose details for this years Keeper's Season"</p><p>Kaia tilted her head, leaning against the window behind Levi's desk. "Keeper's Season?" she laughed "what is that?"</p><p>Erwin smiled "Keeper's Season is a celebration for all the higher ups in the Military Branches like captains and commanders. It includes events such as —"</p><p>"all you need to know is that it's pretentious" Levi cut in "a charade to remind us who we work for"</p><p>Erwin cleared his throat "this event is held by the king to thank the branches for all the work they've done that year. It's compulsory that we attend"</p><p>"so...how long does this season last?" Kaia inquired </p><p>Erwin leaned back in his chair "it only lasts a week. And during those 7 days we participate in activities such as archery, horse racing, gambling, fencing—"</p><p>"standing in a ballroom for hours" Levi added</p><p>her eyes widened "there's a ball?! That sounds so cool. I've always wanted to go to a ball"</p><p>"well you might very well get the chance Miss Madden" </p><p>"huh?"</p><p>"Each attendant is required to bring a date to spend the week with, the week is just a big lead up to the ball. But you do get to dress up and act like snobby nobles." Erwin added</p><p>she clapped her hands "that sounds lovely" Kaia turned to Levi looking expectantly </p><p>"what?" he glared at her</p><p>"aren't you going to ask me to be your date?"</p><p>"n—"</p><p>"Levi would be honoured to have you accompany him" Erwin said </p><p>Levi glared at him. Kaia grinned, eager to get some time away from the stuffy training grounds. "oh I wonder what dress I shall wear, I'll certainly need new ones for the whole week!"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes. Erwin smiled "since Levi is your date, why doesn't he buy you some nice dresses?"</p><p>she smiled mischievously "that makes sense"</p><p>"in fact" Erwin began "why don't we go shopping right now? I'll be happy to accompany the two of you to the markets"</p><p>Kaia gasped in excitement "oh that would just be splendid!"</p><p>"Miss Madden, may I have a word with the captain alone? you may board the carriage that is waiting outside"</p><p>she nodded, then proceeded to exit the room.</p><p>"have you forgotten the plan or are you just dim witted?" Erwin asked Levi</p><p>He huffed "I don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>"you're supposed to maximise your time with Kaia Madden in order to ensure she fights for us"</p><p>"it's a futile plan"</p><p>"need I remind you what's at stake for you if you do not follow"</p><p>he grit his teeth. He knew exactly what was at stake. Petra. </p><p>"at least she's fond of you already, we would've had no chance if you had to start from scratch" he sighed "seems I must take precautions with this and ensure that it is working. This little shopping day will be the first"</p><p>He frowned "surely you do not intend to spectate on our every move"</p><p>"well I must be sure that Miss Madden is in love with you, I know you got word from Mikasa but I cannot trust word alone, I need proof"</p><p>he grimaced "i'm not one to put on a show"</p><p>Erwin leaned back in his chair "it need not be a show, you are permitted to fall for her since it would better our chances but unfortunately your heart is elsewhere"</p><p>Levi scoffed "even if I weren't with Petra, I would not fall for Kaia Madden, she is as infuriating as she is psychotic"</p><p>Erwin smirked "I find the lady quite charming" he teased </p><p>"then by all means Erwin, you fall in love with her"</p><p>"I'm afraid I cannot. I am in no position to love, nor is anyone in this branch I'm afraid"</p><p>"but I am the exception?"</p><p>"seems you are, since you've already been stupid enough to entangle yourself with Petra" Erwin stood from his seat "now. I believe you owe a lovely lady some dresses for Keeper's Season"</p><p>Levi grimaced, radiating an air of gloom as he followed Erwin into the carriage. Kaia was already waiting inside, she beamed throughout the whole ride but Levi noticed the slight fault in her smile whenever Erwin would speak, seems she hated the man more than he thought.</p><p>Kaia hopped out of the carriage gleefully as they arrived in the town square, she took Levi's arm and let Erwin fall into step behind them, far enough so that their conversation may not be heard.</p><p>"why are you holding onto me so tightly"</p><p>"I am in love am I not?" she smiled at him, he glared in response. "play nice Captain, it would be much appreciated if you would make this even a tiny bit more bearable for me"</p><p>"for you?" he sneered "what about m—"</p><p>"yes for me" she retorted "I'm one who has to act like I'm in love with you. Do you know how difficult that is when my heart belongs to another?"</p><p>"then why were you so eager to join me during Keeper's Season and this little shopping trip?"</p><p>"because Captain, I am loyal to our plan, convincing Erwin Smith that I am in love with you is the best for both of us. Plus we need to get used to this sort of thing for the next two years. I believe he brought forth the conversation of Keeper's Season to see if I'd be eager to go with you, and I also believe this little shopping trip is another test" she sighed "so please, play nice, it's already difficult pretending to be in love with you without suspecting every word and action of the commanders mouth is a test"</p><p>"at least you are not being threatened to be pulled apart from your lover" he snarled </p><p> "I may as very well be. Godsent knows of me and Eren"</p><p>He snapped his head toward her "what? Kaia this isn't good"</p><p>she laughed "ya think? at least Erwin is a merciful man" Levi furrowed his brows "at least he is not threatening to kill your lover"</p><p>"Kaia" Levi started "what did Godsent ask you to do?"</p><p>"nothing major, they want me to test out my other abilities in other aspects" </p><p>"such as?" he inquired </p><p>"assassination"</p><p>Levi squeezed her arm, she frowned at him "Kaia don't succumb to this, you don't need to kill anyone, we can figure something out"</p><p>"no need. I already accepted" Levi tensed beneath her grip "don't worry, it isn't you or anyone in the survey corps" she turned to him "that's what you were thinking right? that's why you offered to help, so that you can convince me not to go through with it, you wouldn't help me if you knew before hand that it didn't involve the survey corps"</p><p>"Kaia that isn't true I—"</p><p>she scoffed "yes it is. that's what you always do. you look out for yourself. i understand, it's what I'm doing too" she started to pull away from him but he held her arm firmly</p><p>"Kaia, I know you don't want to kill anymore, not after killing the 101"</p><p>she looked ahead of her "yes but i think .... i do want to. unlike the 101, this man is a criminal, he deserves death" she turned to meet his gaze, the look in her eyes almost frightened him, almost. Levi had not seen such a deadly stare since she stabbed him in the leg, he almost forgot this side of her. It wasn't the anger he usually saw her display, loud, erratic, unreasonable. no. this anger was ice, cold, and relentless, and unforgiving. </p><p>She walked into the shop practically skipping, merrily talking to the shop owner, easing away that cold aura she displayed before hand. She beckoned him inside to show the dresses that she wanted, he nodded along cluelessly and hesitantly bought her whatever she wanted.</p><p>As they walked throughout the markets, they held each other's arm as if they were a newly wed couple. Erwin would occasionally join in the conversation and Kaia had to bite her tongue to prevent her from saying some rude remark.</p><p>"you know..." Levi began "you can come to me if you need any help"</p><p>she chuckled "I think it's too late for that. I'm not afraid of making my own decisions anymore"</p><p>"you shouldn't be alone in this" his voice was so soft Kaia was unsure if it was truly him who was talking. She simply smiled at him.</p><p>"I'm not alone. I have my friends, I have Eren"</p><p>"and have you told Eren anything of your involvement with Godsent?"</p><p>she scoffed "of course not, I don't want him involved, I want him to be safe"</p><p>"Jaeger is more than capable of taking care of himself." he paused "Godsent is characterised as an enemy to society. Are you afraid that if you tell him, he's going to leave you?"</p><p>"if he leaves me, he leaves me. I know he does not  put me above all else, I know he may be more devoted to his duties but—"</p><p>"he should be devoted to you" he said earnestly </p><p>"he cares for me, and it is enough, more than enough"</p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"why are you bringing this up? You're usually so cold and closed off, why are you suddenly offering me romantic advice"</p><p>"I'm just trying to say, the boy may not be worth it"</p><p>"you want me to end it with him don't you? so that Godsent cannot use him to lure me to their side. I'm more inclined to protect you from them because of him. You should be enthusiastic in keeping us together"</p><p>he huffed "having your heart bound will do you no good"</p><p>she scoffed "and what about you and Petra"</p><p>"I'm going to end it with her" he said</p><p>"what? why?"</p><p>"because I know better. I shouldn't have thought I could be with her, I should've known we would be caught. This way, she cannot be used against me, she cannot be used at all. She will be happier this way. It was bound to end anyways" he was voice was cold as always but Kaia could hear the heartbreak in it.</p><p>"everything ends, Levi. But that doesn't mean you lose hope, that doesn't mean that it isn't worth holding on to. You should allow yourself some happiness, just as I have with Eren" </p><p>"I cannot afford to be selfish" he glared at her. "unlike you" </p><p>The words hit like a slap in the face. He released her arm and walked in front her, leaving Kaia in unease.</p><p>As the afternoon came to an end, Erwin sent Levi to fetch the carriage. </p><p>Kaia and Erwin stood awkwardly in silence.</p><p>"Sir—"</p><p>"Miss—" they said simultaneously </p><p>Erwin let out a chuckle and gestured for her to continue. </p><p>She smiled in gratitude "sir I'd just like to thank you for today, it's been wonderful to spend time out of the training grounds"</p><p>"well you are our friend Miss Madden, I'm glad you enjoyed the afternoon" he took a breath "if I may ask, what do you think of the captain?"</p><p>another test Kaia thought. She cursed the commander for asking such a forward question, she had not expected it.</p><p>"um, the captain, you say?" she squinted her eyes in thought.</p><p>she cleared her throat "um, I think him to be...." you need to be personal, don't say things others would say about him. "horrible at expressing his feelings" the commander furrowed his brows "He's terribly stubborn and cynical but..." she tilted her head "he's charming, in an amusing way, patient and honest. Once he was teaching me how to make tea and I kept getting it wrong but, he just told me to try again, in a condescending tone, maybe, but, he didn't give up on me and I...really admire that" everything Kaia said was true, but she emphasised the lovey-dovey tone in her voice to really seal the deal.</p><p><i>pretty words </i>Erwin thought <i>unfortunately pretty words seldom reveal the truth. For now it is enough but eventually I'll need more proof.</i></p><p>"He's a treasured soldier Miss Madden, I can see why you admire him"</p><p>She smiled in response, walking off to a nearby shopping window to admire some well-crafted purses and bags. She turned to beckon Erwin over but he was gone. Kaia whipped her head around but there was no sign of him, as if he vanished into thin air. Her heart started to race<i> calm down Kaia, he probably just went into a shop.</i></p><p>She felt a gloved hand cover her mouth and drag her into a dark alleyway. Instantly, she recalled her lessons with Godsent and how to get out of a hold like this. She stomped on her captor's foot and was glad to hear them shriek in pain, their hold loosened slightly, but it was enough to allow Kaia to writhe her way out. By the time she escaped their grasp, she was surrounded by ten other figures in dark and distressed clothing. <i>they must be bandits </i>she thought <i>they probably got to Erwin as well. They're known to be not so supportive of the survey corps, that's probably why they're targeting us.</i></p><p>Kaia assumed fighting stance, the alleyway was skinny, there wasn't enough room to properly engage in combat. She looked up, and to her luck, there were metal rods poking out of the buildings beside them, perfect for climbing.</p><p>She darted toward the end of the alleyway, hauling herself up onto a dumpster and throwing herself onto a rod. She swiftly made her way up the alleyway, soon arriving at the rooftop. She looked around the market square for any signs of Erwin. </p><p>Kaia then felt a burning sensation slither across her back. It was a whip. She shrieked in pain and turned to see one of the bandits had successfully followed her onto the roof. <i>what kind of fucking bandit carries a whip. </i>She drew her dagger.</p><p>As she moved forward for the attack, the whip caught her again, this time, onto her side. She grunted in pain. After taking a few more lashes, she deduced that it was best to put distance between her and the bandit so that the whip may not reach her.</p><p>She started to run, leaping from rooftop to rooftop. To her surprise, the bandit followed and almost caught her once or twice.</p><p>She needed to get into a tight space, someplace where the bandit could not move his whip properly. She leapt into an open window of a building hoped it was abandoned. She landed in a forward roll into an empty room. Kaia then proceeded to jump from window to window in order to confuse and slow down the bandit. </p><p>For a moment she thought she lost the bandit and stood to take a breather,  listening for any heavy footsteps above her. That was when the window behind her shattered, sending pieces of glass to dig into her already stinging back. </p><p>Kaia willed herself back to her feet, the bandit had caught up with her. There was no running anymore, she was bleeding, bad, she knew she shouldn't move too much. </p><p>Before Kaia could string together another thought, the whip sliced across her waist and onto her back, she screamed in pain. She dodged the next attack, and the next but she could feel her legs buckling as she got whipped again, and again, and again.</p><p>She fell to her stomach, unable to see clearly due to the blood loss.<i> is this the end?</i> she thought <i>is this how I'm going to die? defeated by some angry bandit in a rusty abandoned house.</i></p><p>She screamed as she felt the sting of the whip across her back, digging the shards of glass deeper into her skin. Desperate breaths tumbled from her mouth. Kaia screamed again as the whip cut across her back twice, three times, four.</p><p>The bandit was relentless, there was no pause to the whippings, Kaia was too exhausted to count but she was sure it was at least 10 lashings. </p><p>She then saw someone enter the room, tackling the bandit to the ground and disabling him. Her vision was blurry, filled with tears and blood, the only thing that was clear to her was the green cape that the man wore.</p><p>She awoke to find herself on a horse, and on the lap of the man who had saved her. She blinked sleepily."Levi?"</p><p>"no it's me" Erwin answered. His golden hair was disheveled, falling across his face messily. Blood bloomed on his brow and the corner of his lip. </p><p><i>handsome</i> she thought, she then cursed herself for thinking it <i>of course, leave it to me to think of how handsome a man is when I'm on the brink of dying.</i></p><p>"where are we going?"</p><p>"back to HQ, I couldn't wait for Levi to bring out the carriage because you were going to bleed out"</p><p>She slipped back into unconsciousness, thankful for the freedom the dark void gave her from the pain in her back. </p><p>Kaia felt something pat her cheek, causing her to wake "Kaia, Kaia I need you to stay away, I need you to walk"</p><p>she shook her head</p><p>"Kaia, I can't carry you without hurting your back even more."</p><p>slowly, painfully, she got off the horse and began to walk, clinging onto Erwin's arm for dear life. She frowned as she realised they were heading toward his office.</p><p>"why aren't we going to the infirmary?"</p><p>"too far. you'll bleed out"</p><p>When they arrived in his office, Erwin sat her down on his couch. He rummaged around his desks to find medical supplies, he was no doctor but he paid close attention of anatomy studies in his youth.</p><p>Kaia dug her nails into her leg, attempting to distract herself from the pain in her back as well as to keep herself from falling unconscious. </p><p>Erwin walked over and cut the back of her shirt open with medical scissors. The sight of her back made him suck in a breath. It was decorated with an array of bruises that ranged from yellow to purple to black, lines of red can vividly be seen from the lashings. The shards of glass were the worst, they protruded out of her back as if they were her bones and were deep enough to cause lifelong scars.</p><p>Kaia screamed in agony when Erwin started to clean the wounds. His touch was gentle but her whole back burned with pain and she couldn't bear it. He winced at her screams, to his surprise, he did not enjoy seeing her hurt. He thought he would relish in seeing her bleeding and broken but instead, feelings of worry and concern rose in his chest. He pushed down the feeling, reminding himself that she was his enemy until he was sure he could use her for his benefit.</p><p>It took 2 hours to properly clean all the blood off of her back but still, it looked horrendous. Erwin took a breath as he started to pick out the glass shards. She screamed even more, her voice shrill and filled to the brim with pain. She told herself to keep going, she told herself to stay awake, she thought of it as a challenge, as a game.</p><p>After all the glass shards were out, Erwin had to clean her wounds again, since extracting the glass caused her wounds to bleed even more. She did not scream this time, only grunted in pain once or twice. </p><p>After giving her a fresh shirt to cover herself, he walked her to the shower so she can properly clean herself.</p><p>After an hour or two, Erwin knocked on the door, she didn't answer. He opened it to find her, fully clothed under the shower.</p><p>"what are you doing?" he asked</p><p>she started to sob  "I can't—I can't move. I—It hurts"</p><p>Erwin sighed as he entered the bathroom, standing under the shower with her and helping her undress. He couldn't help but feel sorry for the girl, he couldn't fathom how helpless she felt.</p><p>He left her underwear on for her dignity and started to wash off the dried blood on other parts of her body. To his surprise, she leaned her forehead against his chest and brought her hands to her face, letting out sobs of pain.</p><p>He rubbed her arms gently, making sure his fingers did not graze over any wound and cause her pain.<br/>
"shhhh" he whispered "it's alright, it's alright"</p><p>she hated how safe she felt in his arms, she hated it because it shattered the villainous image she created of him in her head. </p><p>After he had finished cleaning her, he brought her to his bedroom to change. He gave her a shirt and trousers and a pair of clean briefs to change into.</p><p>Erwin asked her if she needed help changing out her underwear and she told him that she could manage it by herself. However, before he left the room, Kaia asked him to unclip her bra.</p><p>Once she was alone in the room, she slowly and painfully slipped out of her underwear and into the clothes Erwin had given her. They were terribly big but she was grateful as it didn't rub against her wounds.</p><p>As she was finished she heard the door of his office slam open and in distinct yelling which followed.</p><p>She slowly made her way to the bedroom door and opened it slightly.</p><p>Levi stood in front of Erwin's desk, raging like she had never seen before. Erwin sat silently on his desk, still soaking wet from the shower, he let Levi get his anger and frustration out.</p><p>Levi stopped once he caught sight of Kaia in the doorway and darted to her. He was unsure what to do with his hands or where to place them.</p><p>"are you ok?"</p><p>she nodded slowly "mhm"</p><p>"no. no you're not" his eyes frantically roamed across her body "what did they do to you?"</p><p>"why are you so worried?"</p><p>"how can you ask that. You're—you're my friend"</p><p>she smiled weakly "I thought you hated me"</p><p>"of course I hate you, doesn't mean I'm not your friend"</p><p>she laughed softly.</p><p>"tell me. what did they do?"</p><p>she shrugged then winced at the pain "why don't you help me with bandages and you can see for yourself"</p><p>Kaia held on to Levi's arm as they walked to the couch. He lifted her shirt to start wrapping the bandages around her torso.</p><p>Levi's eyes widened at the sight of her back, damming the bandits that did this to her. He started to wrap the bandage around her and froze every time she grunted in pain. Once they were finished, the two sat there for a moment, unsure what to say next.</p><p>"you should stay in my room" Levi said</p><p>"no" Erwin began "you're office is too far, the walk would simply kill her"</p><p>Levi was about snap back at him until Kaia placed a hand on his clenched fist, making him turn his gaze toward her. "He's right, captain, I must stay here tonight"</p><p>He only nodded in response, then said his goodbyes as he exited the office.</p><p>"you two are an odd pair" Erwin stated </p><p>"me and the captain?" she asked. he nodded "I suppose, for weeks he has claimed that I am not his friend and that I'm a mere annoyance, but I knew I could get through to him."</p><p>"yes well, you certainly are a charmer Miss Madden"</p><p>Erwin stood to help her off of the sofa and guided her to his bedroom so she may get some rest. She stopped at the doorway and turned to him.</p><p>"um, Commander I never...really got to thank you. So, thank you, really" even though you only did it so you wouldn't lose your only chance against Godsent.</p><p>He smiled "it's no problem. please, get some rest"</p><p>She headed into the room and tucked her self in, making sure she isn't lying on her back.</p><p>Erwin settled himself on his couch, drifting into a restless sleep.</p><p>Kaia awoke the next morning confronted with a half-naked Erwin Smith rummaging through drawers.</p><p>"what are you doing?" she murmured, still half asleep</p><p>"oh don't mind me, I'm just getting some fresh clothes"</p><p>Kaia sat up, rubbing her eyes. Her eyes drifted back toward his glistening body, she had forgotten how incredibly attractive he was in the process of antagonising him. She snapped her head away <i>god Kaia what is wrong with you.</i></p><p>He turned to her after getting properly dressed "you should go back to sleep"</p><p>She stood up off of the bed, hanging onto the bed frame for balance. She held her stomach as nauseous feelings stirred within it. "it's alright I'm already awake. Will you help me change my bandages, I feel I have bled through them"</p><p>"of course" Erwin helped steady her and walked toward the couch. "are you feeling any better?" </p><p>"other than the horrendous pain in my back and this nausea in my stomach, I'm doing splendid"</p><p>he chuckled "I see you are well enough to provide a sarcastic comment"</p><p>"aren't I always" she paused, taking a breath "god I really do feel like I'm going to vomit"</p><p>he lifted her shirt and started to unwrap the bandages "well, you're free to vomit after I—" he lost track of what he was going to say when he was confronted with a ghastly sight.</p><p>"what is it?" a hand flew to her mouth as vomit rose up her throat </p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"oh no I'm—" She attempted to stagger into the bathroom but her knees buckled when she suddenly started spewing up blood.</p><p>She caught sight of her back in the mirror in the office. The lines that marked the lashings of the whip had turned completely black and seemed to extended across her back like a massive crack in a teacup. </p><p>she covered her bloodied mouth in horror "what's happening to me" she heaved over to vomit blood again. </p><p>Erwin instantly picked her up "we need to get to the infirmary now. It looks like the whip they lashed you with was laced with poison"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. the ugly truth</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"poison?" Kaia said in disbelief "how the fuck do you lace a whip with poison"</p><p>Erwin faltered. He wasn't used to the abrasive, swearing, Kaia Madden. She always played nice around him, plastering on a pleasant expression. He smiled to himself, noting Kaia's mannerisms as a breath of fresh air.</p><p>As if reading his thoughts, Kaia then said "forgive me, i do not mean to swear"</p><p>"swear all you want Miss Madden, I'd rather you not put up an act around me"</p><p>she chuckled then winced at the pain in her stomach "you don't seem to worried"</p><p>"these people weren't high class bandits, at best they're street thugs. I doubt they had any poison that could actually kill someone. Still, you should get treated"</p><p>"if that means I get to miss out on training then I'm all for it"</p><p>When they arrived in the infirmary, the nurses rushed to the commander and the woman in his arms. They directed him to place her onto a nearby bed as he explained her symptoms. </p><p>a nurse attended to her, applying some sort of ointment onto her back. She bit her lip to stop from crying out. She continued to vomit and cough up blood, starting to doubt Erwin's statement that this poison was not dangerous.</p><p>After a turbulent few hours, the nurses left her alone to get some sleep. Kaia lay on her stomach to avoid hurting her back. Occasionally she would have to sit up and take some medicine.</p><p>As she was drifting in and out of sleep, she heard somebody approach her. She sat up and slowly blinked her eyes open. "Jean?"</p><p>"...hey" he said awkwardly </p><p>"what are you doing here?"</p><p>"what do you think I'm doing here? I heard you got dragged into the infirmary this morning, everyone was talking about it. I had to check if you're okay"</p><p>"does Eren know about it?"</p><p>"uh yeah, he does, he really wished he could visit but uh, we're not really allowed to visit the infirmary unless we have some legit medical condition"</p><p>"...so he was scared to break the rules?"</p><p>"more like scared of Shadis"</p><p>"right" Kaia furrowed her brows, <i>why hasn't he visited me? I mean, he's always the one worrying about my health. Have I spent too much time away from him.</i></p><p>"what happened to you?"</p><p>she sighed "I got whipped by some bandits"</p><p>"oh yeah? what did they do to you"</p><p>she tilted her head and furrowed her brows "I just....told you, they whipped me"</p><p>"oh shit, I thought that was like a figure of speech"</p><p>"no i quite literally got whipped"</p><p>"who the fuck carries a whip around?"</p><p>"exactly what I thought. and get this, it was laced with poison as well like, the fuck?"</p><p>"poisoned?! Holy Fuck, don't let sasha around of 'em, she'll use it to guard all the food she hoarded"</p><p>she chuckled then proceeded to vomit into the bucket beside her. "oh god I hate that you have to see me like this"</p><p>"it's fine, it's not like I'm grossed out by it, it's not like I thought you to be some beautiful goddess who could never do wrong or have a bad hair day "</p><p> "how dare you not think of me as a beautiful goddess" she teased. he laughed. Kaia shifted in her bed "I'm not scared of being seen all bloody and gross. I just hate looking weak and frail and so utterly helpless"</p><p>"girl I have seen you weak and crying more than I should have, but that doesn't mean I think of you as any less strong. A man who has not endured at least some sort of suffering in life is the weakest link in the human race." he gestured to sickly appearance "this is merely proof that you are a survivor, that you are fighting, and that you will win"</p><p>"so you are saying that we must suffer to be strong?"</p><p>he sighed "I'm saying suffering makes us strong. That we should not be ashamed that we have suffered."</p><p>"wow, Jean Kirstein...the artist, the poet .... and now the philosopher. You never cease to amaze me" she said with a shake of her head.</p><p>he placed a hand to his heart in mock gratitude "I know I know, I am a man of many talents."</p><p>"...I wish he had come to see me" she suddenly said </p><p>"who?— oh Eren. He certainly wanted to"</p><p>"that doesn't matter. it doesn't change the fact that he isn't here." she sighed "am I being unreasonable?"</p><p>"not in the slightest....I mean, I would quite literally fight my way into this horrid place if it were Mikasa laying on the bed"</p><p>she smiled to herself "of course you would." she took a breath, not sure if saying the next words would do more harm than good "sometimes" she began "I wish Eren were like you" Jean's head snapped up at the words "not like, entirely like you, but just in the sense that he would put me above all else, that he would devote himself to me and only me"</p><p>Jean stayed silent, unsure how to respond</p><p>"it's selfish I know. Perhaps he is just a sweet boy who thinks I am a sweet girl, perhaps we weren't meant for a great love. Perhaps I do not deserve it"</p><p>"Kaia don't—"</p><p>"spare me the pity. I am content with a simple love. I am content with being second place. I was never meant to be first anyways. With all the hearts I've broken and toyed with, I should count myself lucky that a boy like him even looks at me"</p><p>"...you hold him in too high of a regard"</p><p>"well, love does mess with your senses a bit"</p><p>"and do you love him?"</p><p>she nodded to herself "I think—I think I do" she said, as if she were surprised at her own muttering of the words.</p><p>Jean smiled, looking away from the eyes that adored and loved a boy that was not him, that could never be him. He shook his head to remind himself of Mikasa.</p><p>"you know....if it makes you feel any better. Me and Mikasa are not without our troubles" he said</p><p>"well give me an example"</p><p>he sighed "the most troubling one is that, she still looks at Eren the way she always had. With love"</p><p>"perhaps that is just her natural gaze" she said in an attempt to console him</p><p>"then why does she not look at me like that?"</p><p>Kaia rubbed his arm to comfort him "she'll one day realise how good you are to her, I'm sure of it"</p><p>He smiled in response. There may have been a time that he believed that statement but continued disappointment etched away at his hope.</p><p>"I am content if she loves someone else. If I get to be near her, if I get to hold her, it is enough for me. Perhaps I am like you, made for second place"</p><p>she frowned at his words "Jean. no. you were not made for second place. You can't be, the world would be too cruel if you were. How could a devoted lover such as you ever be second place, how could the world let you be so wronged?"</p><p>"there are innocents, who fare far worse than me Kaia. The world is a cruel place for the good and the bad, there is no judgment, only punishment"</p><p>"punishment for what?"</p><p>"for existing" he said sorrowfully </p><p>she sighed "when the hell did you get so insightful? I swear a second ago you were that horribly infuriating podge that couldn't take a hint. Have you truly grown so much? You make me feel unaccomplished, while you grow wiser, I grow grouchier"</p><p>he laughed, he then took her hand in his "Kaia...there's something that's been on mind, for a long time, and it's always just nagging at me. I've wanted to ask you but I didn't want to cross a line"</p><p>"spit it out Kirstein"</p><p>"why don't you want to join the Military Police?"</p><p>she scoffed "that's it? I thought you were about to ask me some existential question. I don't want to join the Military Police because they are corrupt, they protect something that is corrupt, they sit idly while millions suffer"</p><p>"isn't the Survey Corps the same?"</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"are they not also a reason for all the suffering. Families and loved ones weep at the loss of soldiers outside the walls. They're the same Kaia, one of them is just better at hiding corruption than the other, and safer too"</p><p>Kaia recalled something she saw from the show, she recalled Erwin's selfishness being the commander of the survey corps. How he sacrificed dozens of lives in pursuit of his own selfish dreams.</p><p>"perhaps you are right"</p><p>"then join me and marco when we graduate"</p><p>she laughed "i told you, I'm not making top ten" there was also another reason as to why she had to join the survey corps. She was assigned by Godsent to the mission of taking it down, they would not so easily shift her task toward the other branches. The survey corps remained their biggest threat, even if the case gets handed down, they have the best chance at catching them out.</p><p>"then we'll train every day for 10 hours so that you'll make top ten"</p><p>"oh goodness no" she thought of her relentless training at Godsent. training at Godsent...... "shit" Kaia exclaimed as she practically threw off the covers </p><p>Jean stood up to help her "what?"</p><p>Kaia was late for training with Godsent, she was supposed to be in the carriage right now, on her way toward the underground facility. She had to inform them that she couldn't come for the next few nights.</p><p>"woah woah woah" he said, "where are you going"</p><p>"I need to get to—I need to get out" then she recalled the long trek she had to endure to get to the carriage first of all, she knew she would never make it before passing out or vomiting up all the blood she had within in her. Kaia flopped onto her bed in a exasperation, tugging her hair in frustration.</p><p>"what's wrong?" Jean asked</p><p>"nothing. It's just, I had to be somewhere tonight"</p><p>"to meet Eren?"</p><p>"I wish"</p><p>he huffed "what's so great about Eren anyways? you should be grateful I am here visiting you"</p><p>she frowned, then realising the hurt he had been enduring from Mikasa, who chose Eren and now her, who chose Eren as well. </p><p>Kaia took his hand into hers "Jean" he pulled "Jean look at me"</p><p>He willed himself to look at her "you're never going to lose me to Eren like what happened with Mikasa"</p><p>he scoffed in annoyance "blunt are you?"</p><p>"it has to be said. Jean I want you to know, I'm never going to leave you, not if I can help it. Whatever happens between me and Eren, you are my best friend. You're not going to lose me"</p><p>he sighed "I will eventually, when we graduate. We'll be apart, I'll lose you"</p><p>"no you won't, we'll stay in touch, I promise"</p><p>"Kaia staying in touch with you and yet not being near you, is worse then not seeing you at all"</p><p>she squeezed his hand, a futile attempt to comfort him.</p><p>"...and" he began "what if you die? I—I can't even bear the thought"</p><p>Kaia winced at his words. She didn't realise how much she meant to him, but they were best friends after all, it felt so very sad to think of being apart from him. but Kaia thought in the show he joins the survey corps. <i>he joins it because of Marco. but if I'm planning to save Marco from dying would he still join the survey corps?</i></p><p>"I won't die" she said softly </p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"I won't die. let's leave it at that" </p><p>he only nodded as a response. As he stood to leave the infirmary, she kissed his knuckles. He ignored the slight increase of his breathing and pulled away from her.</p><p>"gross don't do that again" he huffed </p><p>she laughed "in my family, we had this tradition of kissing the persons knuckles whenever we make a promise to them"</p><p>"that's weird"</p><p>she rolled her eyes reached for his hand, kissing his knuckles once, twice, three times. He did not pull away. She looked up at him "I promise you, I will not die, and we will never be apart for too long" she kissed his knuckles one last time before he exited the infirmary, leaving her to rest.</p><p>Kaia spent the next few days being fussed over by the nurses. One night, she was approached by a scarlet haired woman who revealed that she was one of the spies infiltrating Godsent. She was sent by Elijah to check up on Kaia and clarify why she had been missing her training sessions. Kaia explained everything in a messy heap, still groggy and slow from the treatment. </p><p>On the day she was checked out of the infirmary, she was given a fresh pair of clothes and was sent to Erwin's office. The treatment had worked splendidly as Kaia found herself to be comfortably moving around with any stinging pains. </p><p>Her appearance had become quite ghostly with dark circles adorning her eyes and shadows pooling beneath her hollowed out cheeks. Her skin was pale and ashy, lacking any colour that would signify a healthy body. Basically, she was walking corpse. A beautiful one of course, hauntingly striking and scary, but alluring nonetheless.</p><p>Kaia knocked on Erwin's door. </p><p>"name and purpose" a voice called from inside </p><p>"Kaia Madden, I was told to come here after being checked out of the infirmary"</p><p>"come in"</p><p>Kaia entered, swiftly moving across the room to sit at his desk. He did not acknowledge her, keeping his gaze on some sort of paperwork. A silent seconds passed by until he looked up at her.</p><p>"you look well Miss Madden" Erwin said</p><p>she raised an eyebrow "i look like a ghost"</p><p>he chuckled "at least you can move without screaming now"</p><p>she cringed "I'm truly sorry you had to see me like that"</p><p>he waved a hand "don't worry about it. I admired your strength throughout the gruesome process of cleaning your wounds, I thought you would've passed out from the pain the second I touched your back"</p><p>she scoffed "have a little faith in me captain, I'm stronger than I look"</p><p>"you certainly are" he said "if I may ask, are you still up for attending Keeper's Season?"</p><p>she nodded "I should be. I have no trouble moving around, it's not like we'll be leaping off buildings during the celebrations."</p><p>"do you still need some rest or are you feeling ok to train"</p><p>she sighed "I'd rather not but, I'm up to it"</p><p>"right, well, if you're ever feeling sick, feel free to rest your head on my couch anytime"</p><p>"always a gentleman, commander, i fear you'll regret that offer soon enough, I'm known to be a nuisance to people"</p><p>"nonsense, I enjoy your company Miss Madden" although Erwin had said this to get onto Kaia's good side, he wasn't lying. He enjoyed her sarcastic remarks, her passion whenever she rambled on about something. She reminded him of an angrier, sassier version of Hange.</p><p>Kaia said her goodbyes and exited his office, making her way down toward the training grounds. Upon entering she was greeted by Ymir and Krista, asking questions as to why she was at the infirmary. Marco expressed his concerns and she reassured him. Once Eren had caught sight of her, he pulled her aside and away from the flock the surrounded her.</p><p>Once they were out of sight from everyone, he kissed her deeply. She pushed him away awkwardly, still angry at him for not visiting.</p><p>He frowned "is everything ok?"</p><p>she cocked her head forward "<i>is everything ok?</i>" she pinched the bridge of her nose "why didn't you visit me?"</p><p>"we weren't allowed and —"</p><p>"Jean visited me. He knew that he would get in trouble if he got caught, and still, he visited me"</p><p>"well I'm not as stupid and careless as him"</p><p>her eyebrows shot up "so visiting me while i felt like I was dying is a stupid and careless idea"</p><p>"well I—" he sighed in defeat</p><p>"it's fine I get it Eren." her angry demeanour shifted into a defeated one "It seems my suspicions were right"</p><p>"what suspicions?"</p><p>"that I'll always be second place to your duty"</p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"and even if I were third or last place, Eren, I'll still be stupid enough to love you"</p><p>Eren froze "you love me?"</p><p>"...unfortunately" she turned to walk away</p><p>"Kaia wait" he seized her wrist "I love you too" he said so softly it could've been a whisper. "I—I don't want you to feel like loving me is a burden"</p><p>she whipped her head around "loving you isn't a burden. It's unfortunate that I love you because it makes me want to be selfish with you. I know I don't deserve to be your number 1"</p><p>he pulled her close, their faces inches away from each other now "you deserve the world" he said</p><p>"and would you give it to me? would you set aside everything for me? would you devote yourself to me?"</p><p>he didn't answer</p><p>"see? it is too much to ask of you" she paused "I'm annoyed you didn't visit me, but I also understand"</p><p>She turned away again, but Eren caught a hold of her and kissed her deeply, this time, she melted into his arms. "I love you" he whispered "I'm sorry I didn't visit you. I love you, please don't ever think I don't"</p><p>Some part of her didn't believe him, some idiotic part of her still believed the love equals devotion. She pushed it aside and willed herself to be selfless.</p><p>She kissed him back, leaning against his forehead "I know, I know. Don't ever feel like you need to prove your love Eren. I'm just happy to be by your side"</p><p>"please, spend the night with me"</p><p>she nodded against his forehead "but, for now, I'm afraid we going to have to swing through the treetops and risk our lives all for practice"</p><p>"I'll catch you if you fall" he smiled </p><p>"you better"</p><p>The rest of the day went by normally. Training was troublesome as usual. Her back only hurt occasionally and even then, she was able to keep herself standing. She had two nights left until she had to report to Godsent again.</p><p>Kaia met Eren in front of the barracks while the rest of the cadets were at dinner, the boy stood against the wall, bathed in the warm glow of the lamplight, hands in pockets, his gaze toward the floor.</p><p>She approached him "hi"</p><p>he looked up at her and smile "hi"</p><p>she kissed him softly and he returned the gesture. Eren led her to his rooms. Their lips locked in desperate longing, hands roaming each other's body.<br/>
Kaia winced as her back hit the bed.</p><p>"are you ok?"</p><p>"well I guess I never told you what happened to me"</p><p>"well tell me"</p><p>"I got whipped by some bandits"</p><p>"whipped?! are you sure you're ok to do this?"</p><p>she chuckled, sitting up and brushing her nose against his "I'm more than ok"</p><p>Kaia then pushed Eren over to straddle him, her arms snaking around the back of his neck, her lips fervently moving against his.</p><p>She released a small gasp as his tongue entered her mouth, playfully tangling with hers. He softly ran his hands up her back, careful not to grip onto her tightly, it was difficult though, so opted for massaging her ass instead.</p><p>Kaia moved her crotch against his, moaning into his mouth, as they built up friction between their legs. She smiled against his lips once she felt the bulge in his pants enlarge.</p><p>Eren took off her shirt gently then proceeded to hungrily kiss her neck. He unclipped her bra and began to massage her breasts. She whimpered tugging at his shirt. The two parted for a moment to undress. </p><p>Kaia climbed on top of him again as Eren leaned his back against the bed frame. His cock was fully erect and slick with precum. She proceeded to stroke his member, eliciting a groan from him. </p><p>His fingers found their way to her bare cunt. Slipping in a finger easily due to its wet state. They kissed each other sloppily as the pleasure between their legs began to grow. </p><p>Eren grunted as Kaia moved along his dick faster, rubbing a thumb over its head. She moaned as Eren found her clit, playing with it teasingly.</p><p>He reached over the side of the bed to put on a condom, he couldn't wait any longer to be inside of her.</p><p>Kaia lifted herself as she positioned Eren's hard dick to enter her. She did it slowly, afraid of cause herself any pain. Once his dick was fully sheathed in her cunt the two let out a moan simultaneously.</p><p>Kaia placed one hand on his shoulder and the other on his knee and leaned back as she started to roll her hips. She let out a moan at the sensation of being on top and the one to control how the dick moves inside of her.</p><p>Eren threw his head back, eyes closed, hands massaging her ass. He bucked his hips, pushing his up and deeper into Kaia's wet cunt. She moaned, moving faster against it.</p><p>He gripped her waist, pressed his back against and the bed frame and started to pistol his dick up Kaia's cunt at a relentless pace. </p><p>"oh Eren don't stop"</p><p>"fuck Kaia" he moaned </p><p>She could feel his legs trembling beneath her, she kissed him vigorously as he continued to thrust his dick up. Kaia parted from his lips and cried out when he hit her g spot.</p><p>"keep going Eren—oh fuck"</p><p>"you like that Madden? tell me how you like it"</p><p>she whimpered, unsure how long it would be until she reached her climax "fuuuuuuck Erennnn, don't stop, don't stop, your cock feels so good, oh goddd Erennnn"</p><p>Sweat beaded on Eren's brow as he kept up the fast pace of his thrusts. He felt his dick twitch as she rolled her hips in up and down and in a circle. It made him go crazy, chanting her name into the silent night, praying for the release of his climax.</p><p>Kaia was the first to come, crying out it delight as the sensation rattled throughout her body. As the walls of her cunt clamped down onto his dick he grunted as he spiralled into his own orgasm, continuing to thrust his hips slowly in order to milk out the pleasure. </p><p>In exhaustion, Kaia flopped onto the side of the bed, covering herself with the sheets and looking out the window beside the bed. She felt Eren's firm arm wrap around her waist, his head nuzzled in the crook of her neck.</p><p>"I love you" he hummed in her ear</p><p>she smiled, her heart was full. "I love you too" she replied. </p><p>"I—I am loyal to my duty, Kaia. but...I am slave to my heart. I am yours, I will always be yours" he kissed her shoulder, sending a shiver down her spine </p><p>Some cynical part of her didn't believe him, some part of her reminded her bitterly that a man's words are fickle, untrue. Still, she did not have the heart to let Eren go, unknowingly dooming herself to a fate in which they are mercilessly ripped apart.</p><p>She turned toward Eren, burying herself into his warm chest, breathing to the sound of his heartbeat, drifting into a restful sleep in his safe arms. Eren stroked her hair, unsure how Kaia ever chose to be with him and extremely grateful that she did. He held her close but did not press against her wounds. In all honesty, Eren did not visit Kaia because he was afraid, afraid for her to see him as he was sure he would crumble if he ever saw her wounded and broken. He could not bear to face her as if he felt he failed to protect her even though he couldn't have done anything to stop them.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0017"><h2>17. justice</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia knocked on Levi's door, it had been a while since the whole bandit fiasco happened and she hadn't seen him since. She dreaded visiting him as he would surely prod her about how she knew the name 'Ackerman'. Still, Kaia wanted to see the cranky man, and tease him about his reaction to her being hurt. Luckily, Shadis had let her go without question, he sure was glad to be rid of presence even for a little while.</p><p>"name and business?" he called from the inside</p><p>Kaia was about to state her name, as usual, but then she recalled what he had said to her in a moment of panic over her injuries. She smiled to herself.</p><p>"it's your friend" she began, emphasising every word "here to have a nice cup of tea and bit of conversation"</p><p>she heard stifled grumbles from inside and took it as her cue to waltz in dramatically.</p><p>Kaia threw out her arms to the side "'Tis I, back from the brink of death, from the malicious grips of the wicked bandits whip. Fear not, I am well, and I am here to grace you with my ever loving presence."</p><p>he looked at her plainly "fuck off"</p><p>she laughed, walking over to sit in front of his desk. "that's no way to treat a friend"</p><p>he glowered </p><p>"oh come on now, you can't pretend you hate me because I know—"</p><p>"you know nothing, brat"</p><p>she scoffed "calm down, Ygritte. I heard it with my very own ears from your very own lips. I. am. your. friend"</p><p>Levi looked as if he regretted everything he had done in his life that lead to this moment "I was only trying to comfort you"</p><p>"aha!" she exclaimed, pointing a finger at him "so you do care for me. You cannot hide your secrets Captain. I am omniscient"</p><p>"what the fuck does that mean?"</p><p>"what does?"</p><p>"omniscient"</p><p>"you don't know what that means?"</p><p>"clearly"</p><p>"it basically means, I know all"</p><p>"how the hell do you know words like that? Did you not grow up in the underground?"</p><p>no i did not. when I was young, my parents gave me extensive tutoring almost every day. It was part of the reason I broke apart from them. "you are correct. I did live in the underground but I liked .... to read"</p><p>he gave a disbelieving grumble "while we're on the topic of knowing things" <i>oh shit she thought here it comes...</i>"how did you come to know the name ackerman, and why did you associated it with mine?"</p><p><i>'cause I watched it on the show you fucking idiot. God it would be so much easier if I can say that. Now I have to lie again.</i> "before I was sent onto this task, they gave me a brief rundown on everyone I need to watch out for."</p><p>"what else did they tell you?"</p><p>she sighed, leaning back in her chair "if you're wondering if Kenny Ackerman is your father then you are wrong"</p><p>his eyes widened at the words "what was he to my mother?"</p><p>she chuckled "he was her brother, Captain. Meaning Kenny Ackerman is your uncle"</p><p>Levi wrung his hands atop his desk, unsure what to say.</p><p>"he cared for you very much" Kaia said, leaning forward, placing her elbows on the arms of the chair.</p><p>"he left me" </p><p>"he cared for you nonetheless. He said, and i quote, 'that little midget is my pride and joy'. He left you because he saw himself unfit to be your father" Kaia stated. Of course, she knew all this from the show but also recalled a panel from the manga in which Kenny expressed his love for his nephew.</p><p>Levi looked like he was about to cry, but he didn't, he would never, not in front of her. He simply looked down at his hands "you're making things up. Such personal things are not included in a data file"</p><p>"of course not, captain. But as I said before, I am omniscient, I know all" she grinned</p><p>he shook his head "I do not believe you"</p><p>she heaved a frustrated sigh "of course you don't, you would never dare to allow yourself a little bit of happiness, you would never dare to allow yourself to be loved" his frown deepened "while we're on this topic, I'd like to plan how we're going to get you and Petra back together"</p><p>"forget it"</p><p>"no."</p><p>"you seem to forget your boundaries Cadet"</p><p>"I have a name, Levi. and I am your friend, I will not allow you to wallow in loneliness"</p><p>he ignored her and turned back to his paperwork. </p><p>"you love her. don't you?"</p><p>he kept his eyes on his work</p><p>"fight for her Levi, don't—"</p><p>"you have no say in my love life, stay out of it"</p><p>she scoffed "don't be such a hypocrite Levi, just some days ago you were telling me to drop Eren"</p><p>he slammed his palm on the desk "it's captain, brat. Do not call me by name"</p><p>She stood from her chair, leaning forward the desk "no. Levi. listen to me. Levi. don't push me away. Levi." Kaia inched closer, she thought she imagined his eyes flickering to her lips "don't push Petra away. Levi. She loves you. Levi. You love her. Levi. It's that simple." he was the one to inch closer this time "Levi. Levi. Levi. Levi." she chanted, almost in a whisper. to taunt him, to tease him, but it was her heart that started to race.</p><p>His eyes were trained on her, but he could not stop his gaze from lowering to her lips. When did it become like this? When did his heart start to stutter around her? He did not know, all he knew at that moment was that she was very close to his face, close enough to kiss.</p><p>"i do not love her. Kaia." Levi whispered back. Her breath hitched at the sound of her name. Her throat ran dry and a very dangerous thought entered her mind. She sat herself back down abruptly, not missing the look of disappointment that flashed across the captains face. </p><p>Kaia was confused. She felt guilty of lingering too close to him, for letting her heart race. She loved Eren. didn't she?</p><p>Levi sat back down, reminding himself of his place, of her place, ridding his mind of ridiculous notions. The woman was taken, she loved another man. and he...well he would not allow himself to to entertain anymore ludicrous thoughts about the erratic woman. He hated Kaia. didn't he?</p><p>"then what was she to you, Captain?" Kaia inquired, resuming the conversation as if nothing happened.</p><p>Levi almost frowned at the formality of Kaia using his title. What was wrong with him? Is this not what he wanted? He rubbed his head in frustration "she was something fun, something to ease the tension within me" what he said was true, Petra relentlessly went after him and he first rejected her. However as more time went by, he grew to care for her, but in the end, he could not love her as he knew she only saw him as her superior, her captain.</p><p>Kaia grimaced. She knew what he was suggesting, he was suggesting that he used Petra for her body. "you are cruel" </p><p>"and tell me, have you not done the same as me before? you do not seem like the kind of girl to be tied down"</p><p>she clenched her jaw "I used to be. In fact, I was quite the heartbreaker. But that was until I met Eren, he—"</p><p>"let me guess, he changed you for the better" he glowered</p><p>"he did not change me. I changed myself, I had had enough of hurting others because I was hurt myself"</p><p>"what an inspiring story" he drawled. Levi snapped his eyes toward her, cold and cruel. "now. get out of my office, brat"</p><p>she glared back, only for a moment, then lifted her chin and smiled widely "of course captain" she stood to exit the room "please inform me when the dresses arrive, I shall swing by to pick them up."</p><p>he waved his hand "no need. the barracks are small and dirty. The dresses would be ruined there. I'll keep them here"</p><p>"ever the thoughtful, captain, I am grateful" with that she exited his office.</p><p>That night, Kaia was to preform the task that Godsent had previously given her. Her wounds had healed suspiciously quickly and now she was able to eliminate the fraud merchant.</p><p>She sat silently in the carriage opposite Elijah, running through the pathway she was going to take in order to get to her target. </p><p>Last night, Elijah gave her a brief rundown on where the meeting was going to take place. It was to happen in a hotel on the second highest floor. The only way to enter was through one of the 3 windows in the room in which the meeting was to occur.</p><p>Kaia was dropped off a few streets behind the building. She was to make her way over there through the rooftops, quiet, unnoticed, like a ghost. She was warned that the merchant may have people on the rooftops watching for any assassination attempts.</p><p>Kaia leapt between the rooftops, graceful as she was soundless. She had gotten the hang of travelling this way since she's trained with Godsent relentlessly. Still, she felt her plan would go into disarray and leave her hurtling toward her capture in the flighty merchant's hands. </p><p>As she observed her surroundings, Kaia was tempted to use her lightning. To concentrate it on her legs so that she would move faster. However, it would reveal her location, after much debate in her mind, she planned to only use it as a last resort.</p><p>Kaia stood atop the building beside the hotel, peering through the hotel window of the second highest floor. Sure enough, she saw the ugly merchant in the room. His receding hairline and wrinkled forehead all suggested that he was in his mid 60s. Kaia smiled, <i>easy target. </i>she thought. He grimaced at the surroundings, pointing an angry finger at the hotel owner demanding some outrageous thing, a velvet chair perhaps, or a fancy butler. <i>what does he expect?</i> Kaia thought this is the underground. there is no luxury here. </p><p>As the hotel owner left the room, Kaia leapt onto the ledge right beneath one of the windows. To her annoyance, she found that the windows were all closed, and all in plain sight. There would be no way of entering without being caught.</p><p>She observed the window a bit farther from the ones of the room and peered into it. She found it to be a hallway, plain and dimly lit, with the merchant's guards crowding it. </p><p>She leapt back onto the window that peered into the merchant's room. Luckily, she was clad in all black, not a sliver of skin exposed except for the upper half of the face, it allowed her to become one with the shadow. </p><p>Kaia reached toward the window behind the seat that the merchant was sitting in, eager to get the job done while there was no one else in the room. As she opened the window ever so slightly, the door opened again. She leapt back, pressing her body against the wall beside the window. Her breath quickened, that was a close call, if she had opened the window even a tiny bit more, she would've been caught.</p><p>Levi's frown deepened as he and Erwin entered the stuffy room. The man they were meeting looked equally unsatisfied. Erwin greeted him politely while Levi stayed silent. He thought this plan was a waste of time. Erwin set up a meeting with this suspicious man as he believed he would be able to obtain useful information from him. He also viewed it as a perfect opportunity to lure out certain people who didn't want their secrets shared. Scouts lined the rooftops of the surrounding buildings, taking note of any irregular movements.</p><p>"Mr Mayford, I believe you have some information you can offer us" Erwin said</p><p>Mayford grinned wickedly "oh I do, commander, I believe this is in regards of the unholy organisation you mentioned in your letters"</p><p>Erwin nodded "Godsent. yes."</p><p>He pulled out a file from his suit and handed it toward Erwin. Levi noted the disappointment in Erwin's face, he hadn't counted on it being this easy, he needed more time to see if Godsent would send someone to assassinate the man before their secrets would be shared. </p><p>"Will you not ask for a price?" Erwin inquired </p><p>the man shook his head "I will do anything to see this organisation rot"</p><p>Erwin leaned forward "and why is that Mr Mayford?"</p><p>Erwin knew exactly why. Mr Mayford was a criminal, Godsent's main targets. As long as the organisation was up and running, his life would be in constant danger.</p><p>Mayford only smiled "they're a nuisance that's all"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "how do we know that this information is reliable?"</p><p>"well, you see—" Loud shouts erupted from the hallway outside. </p><p>Erwin and Levi abruptly stood up. The shadow of a grin tugged at Erwin's mouth. So they have arrived he thought.</p><p>Levi cursed under his breath, looking out of the window, a light flashed from one of the scouts in the rooftop. The assassin had arrived.</p><p>Mayford remained seated on his chair, gripping at its handles for dear life.</p><p>As Erwin and Levi exited the room, the hallway was covered in what appeared to be steam. Levi grabbed the collar of a guard beside him.</p><p>"what happened here?" he growled. </p><p>"something like a grenade rolled into the hallway. We thought it might blow the building but all it released was steam or smoke or whatever this is"</p><p>"where did it come from?"</p><p>The man pointed toward the end of the hallway, squinting his eyes. Levi couldn't see anything past the smokescreen. Seeing where the man had pointed, Erwin headed toward its direction, it wasn't until he was less than a meter away that he realised it was a window, closed, but its latch was broken. </p><p>He snapped the window open, allowing some of the smoke to billow out. As he poked his head out, he caught a glance of a figure entering the window beside it, the window that led to Mr Mayford's room. </p><p>"Levi" he yelled "get into Mayford's room now!" </p><p>Levi couldn't see where Erwin had went but he obliged, darting toward the room Mr Mayford occupied. He opened the door to see a woman's figure clad in black, holding a dagger toward Mayford's neck. </p><p>Kaia took a breath to steady herself. <i>what the fuck are they doing here. </i>she thought <i>Elijah told me they weren't going to be involved. </i>She pressed the dagger slowly into the merchant's neck was glad to hear him whimper in fear. </p><p>Kaia wished she could enforce others horrors upon him as punishment for his sins, but she had no time. She had to kill him then and there. </p><p>Levi stepped toward the figure shit he thought the hallway was a distraction. I need to keep her here until Erwin comes, and then we can capture her.</p><p>"wait" Levi snapped. He pulled out the file of information from his jacket "let him go and I'll give you this." he waved it in front of her "this contains information on your precious organisation. Surely you do not want it in our hands"</p><p><i>information? </i>Kaia almost laughed <i>they do not know it is fake. brilliant. </i>Without another thought, she sliced the merchant's neck and he fell, ever so gracelessly, a pool of deep scarlet decorating the dead body. Prior to this task, she thought she would chicken out, she thought she would puke, she thought she would faint. But here she stood, and she felt glorious, justice had been paid. The girls in those filthy brothels would be free. </p><p>Kaia did not spare Levi a glance as she leapt out the window, she had to get out of there, fast.</p><p>Levi dashed toward the window, hoping to grab the woman by the leg, but as he looked out into the darkness of the underground, he saw no trace of her. He exited the building a head toward where the scouts were situated.  </p><p>Erwin was already there, dishing out orders. He turned toward Levi "did you manage to catch sight of him?" he asked</p><p>"her" Levi replied. "and yes, I did. When I entered the room she had a knife to Mayford's kneck"</p><p>"and you did not manage to pin her down?" Erwin snapped </p><p>"I tried to stop her by offering the file of information that was given to us, but she wasn't interested, she killed him without hesitation"</p><p>Erwin huffed as he turned back toward the scouts.</p><p>"Erwin" Levi began "if she did not want the information, then she's probably not with Godsent. Mayford does has many enemies. Let us not waste the scouts on this wild goose chase"</p><p>"no. I am certain she is from Godsent, if she did not want the file then it means that she knew the information within it isn't useful"</p><p>Levi frowned as he approached one of the scouts "give me your gear" </p><p>the scout obliged, and soon, Levi was ready to take off. "I'll go after her Erwin. Don't send the other scouts"</p><p>"no. we need as many people as we can after her"</p><p>"we cannot risk their lives, she is dangerous, ruthless"</p><p>"i do not care!" Erwin yelled, frustration and fury written on his features.</p><p>Levi cursed Erwin under his breath as he leapt from the building. It was no use arguing with Erwin when he was in this state, the only thing he could do was keep the scouts from engaging the assassin.</p><p>Kaia crouched silently on a rooftop, observing the mayhem that spilled from the hotel. Erwin and Levi were arguing, scouts gathered around them. She needed to know where Erwin was going to station the scouts in order for her to make a new path. She realised she had no more time left as she saw Levi leading the charge.</p><p>Levi commanded the scouts to spread to each rooftop, they needed to gain as much cover as they could. As far as he knew, this assassin was a ghost.</p><p>Kaia cursed under her breath. The rooftops were crawling with scouts. There was no easy way out. She would be caught. </p><p>She decided to fixate on one rooftop, the one with the least amount of scouts. Quietly, she took them out one by one. Not killing them of course, only knocking them unconscious. She took the gear and the cape of one of them and put it on herself. Kaia lowered the hood to disguise her appearance. </p><p>Silently, she made her way onto another rooftop filled with scouts. She tugged down the mask that was covering half her face. Luckily, Levi was no where near this building.<br/>
"the captain has ordered that you head down toward the hotel"</p><p>one of the scouts raised a suspicious brow "and the reasoning is?"</p><p>she scoffed "do you really think I know? This is captain Levi. He doesn't need a reason. Follow his orders"</p><p>the scout scowled before heading toward the hotel's surrounding buildings. Kaia continued to tell this to each scout group on each rooftop and soon, she had cleared herself a way out of the underground.</p><p>Levi frowned as majority of the scouts started to gather atop the rooftop he was occupying.</p><p>"what the hell are you idiots doing here?"</p><p>one of the scouts scratched their head "we got orders from a scout to meet you here"</p><p>"what the fuck are you—" then it hit him. The assassin must've disguised herself as a scout. His eyes panically roamed the surrounding rooftops and sure enough, in the distance, he caught a glance of a lone scout jumping clumsily from building to building.</p><p>Levi started to shout orders at the scouts, and in moments time, they dispersed. The captain hurtled toward the assassin.</p><p><i>shit </i>she cursed as she fell awkwardly onto another rooftop <i>i'm no good with ODM gear. It's only slowing me down.</i> She hastily took off the gear and the cape , readjusting her black hood and mask. <i>that's better </i>she thought as she gracefully leapt from building to building. </p><p>As she ran toward the edge of a building, preparing herself to jump once again, she was confronted by a group of scouts emerging from beneath her. She stumbled back in shock. How the fuck did they get to me? Clumsily she turned around, all she could do was run from them unless she wanted to use her lighting.</p><p>As she started to run the opposite way, she was met by a harrowing sight. It was the captain, blades drawn out, a deadly look in his eyes.</p><p>you've caused enough trouble Levi thought as he walked toward the assassin. It was clear she was distressed, they had cornered her. </p><p>Kaia whipped her head around, trying to find away out of this rooftop. It was no use. She was surrounded by scouts. Her heart started to race, pounding in her ear. Her breath became shallow, he throat, dry. Her mind was reeling, unsure what to do, what action to take. There was only one more option left, her last resort, her lightning.</p><p>As the scouts inched closer, Kaia called to her lightning, the air crackled and suddenly she was covered in blue sparks. She felt the power surge through her veins, she had a chance.</p><p><i>what the fuck is that</i> Levi thought as he saw the girl in front him become a vessel for lightning. The assassin cast out an arm, sending an arc of lightning racing toward Levi. He ducked just in time, so did the rest of the scouts.</p><p>He looked up to see her running toward him, instead of an attack, she jumped swiftly over them and onto the next building. The remaining scouts went after her, easily catching up with their ODM gear. Levi didn't hesitate to follow them.</p><p><i>shit </i>she thought they're too fast with their gear. Kaia called to her lightning again, this time, concentrating it on her legs. She ran faster, she jumped higher, sometimes it felt like she was flying. Kaia didn't want to direct the lightning at the scouts, she did not want to hurt them so she continued to evade their attacks, occasionally casting an ill aimed lightning bolt just to startle them.</p><p>Kaia could see her end point so clearly, all she had to do was jump down from the building and head into the carriage waiting for her. She would be disguised among the other carriages and carts in the underground.</p><p>She then felt something tackle her from the side. The two rolled to the edge of the building with Kaia's leg dangling from its edge. She managed to shove him off with a bolt of lightning, not intense enough to kill him of course.</p><p>Levi rolled over, coughing and wheezing as he felt the electric shock go through him. <i>what the fuck is this? how is this possible?</i></p><p>Kaia turned to find the rest of the scouts in front of her, ready to charge at her, ready to lose their lives.</p><p>"I do not want to hurt you" she called out. It was true, she never meant for the scouts to be there that night. They were never her targets.</p><p>Levi snapped his head up toward the assassin, <i>where have I heard that voice before?</i></p><p>"we're not letting you get away witch" one of them snarled </p><p>She took a deep breath, raising her arms she called to her lightning. As usual, it answered obediently. She thrust her arms down, sending the lightning through the roof they were standing on.</p><p>Levi felt the roof rumble beneath him and before he knew it, the concrete they were standing on collapsed. The scouts screamed. He caught one final glance of the assassin as she leapt over the edge of the building, covered in lightning, falling like rain. In that moment a name came to him, a name to the voice that called out to the scouts.<i>Kaia. </i></p><p>She ignored the guilt that poked at her gut, she knew that she injured a lot of the scouts, but she also knew that she didn't kill any of them. The worse thing that the collapse of roof did was break a leg or an arm.</p><p>Kaia descended onto multiple rods before her feet touched the ground in a dark alleyway. She raced into the carriage unnoticed, Elijah was already waiting inside. </p><p>"I heard a lot of commotion outside, what happened?"</p><p>she frowned "did you not see?"</p><p>"I did not dare to leave this carriage in case we get exposed" he said "what happened?"</p><p>"I used my lightning"</p><p>His eyes widened "you what?"</p><p>"I couldn't help it, the mission went wrong"</p><p>"you weren't supposed to use your lightning yet" he hissed "you've barely trained your power"</p><p>"i've trained enough"</p><p>"you cannot control it well!"</p><p>"I know my own power"</p><p>he laughed "do you now? Are you a master of lightning already? Does it bend to your will?"</p><p>It didn't bend to her will, although it followed the general directions she wanted it to take, it still felt somewhat foreign to her. Additionally, it almost seemed as if it wanted her to kill, as if it wanted to wipe out everything in its path, it is its nature after all, to destroy.</p><p>she pointed an angry finger at him "I wouldn't have had to use my lightning if I had known that the scouts were going to be there! and guess who told me that they weren't going to be involved"</p><p>"the scouts were there?"</p><p>"they were the ones meeting with the merchant"</p><p>"that is unexpected" he glanced out the window "I apologise for ill informing you"</p><p>"I could've fucking got caught tonight. Do you know how difficult it is to outrun scouts on ODM gear? I had to make one of the roofs crumble so that they wouldn't come after me"</p><p>"perhaps you are not suited for assassination either"</p><p>she laughed "perhaps I am not"</p><p>"at least tell me that you killed the merchant"</p><p>"yes i did" she looked out the window "and it felt glorious"</p><p>Elijah chuckled "did any of the scouts recognise you there?"</p><p>she shook her head "all of the people I know in the scout regiment are in the trainee corps. However, captain Levi was there, but I don't think he would've recognised me"</p><p>"good" Elijah replied</p><p>Levi lifted himself off of the rubble from the collapse. Around him were injured scouts and thankfully, none of them were dead. Erwin appeared on top of them, medics and back up scouts climbed into the ruins, helping those who were unable to move.</p><p>"Erwin" Levi snarled. A new anger filled him, he somehow felt betrayed even though he knew he should've expected this. He was painfully reminded of who she was, the villain. He'd spent too much time around her that he was starting to grow comfortable. <i>this is who she truly is </i>he thought<i> she is a weapon wielded by our enemies. she is the enemy.</i></p><p><i>she hurt our scouts he bitterly thought she hurt .... her. </i>His eyes wandered over to where Petra laid unconscious among the rubble. Why was his heart raging for her? He did not love her. Was he just trying to find more excuses to hate Kaia Madden?, to frame her as the villain?, it would make the betrayal hurt less, not that it was a betrayal at all, but rather a realisation, that he could not trust her, could not get close to her. To his horror, the thought hurt him, so he settled for branding it as a betrayal, the first step in distancing himself from Kaia Madden.</p><p>"get me to the barracks of the trainee corps now" Levi snapped. Though he was sure that it was Kaia's voice that he heard, he needed proof, and her empty bed at the barracks would be more than enough.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0018"><h2>18. a way back</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia trekked along the woods that hugged the lake, eager to reach the barracks and fall into a heavy sleep. As she approached the clearing of the woods she thought she saw a carriage racing toward the barracks. She inched closer slowly and gasped as she found Erwin and Levi storming into the barracks, her barracks.</p><p><i>no she thought no no no no he couldn't have known it was me. no no no no, shit I can't make it in time. shit.</i> </p><p>"Kaia?" a voice called</p><p>she jumped back in fear, then let out a sigh of relief "Jean, oh thank god it's just you"</p><p>he looked her up and down, raising an eyebrow "why are you dressed like that?"</p><p>"uh well—" they were interrupted by shouts that came from the barracks, the two both turned to observe the commotion.<i>shit shit shit shit I have to do something I have to do something. </i>she thought frantically.</p><p>Kaia grabbed Jean's shoulders "Jean I need you to do everything I say for the moment, okay, don't ask questions, I just—I—please just do this for me"</p><p>His brows furrowed at her panicked expression "yeah of course"</p><p>she nodded her head "ok first take off your shirt and give it to me"</p><p>He obliged, handing her his grey shirt. Kaia started to undress. "woah woah woah what are—"</p><p>"no questions Jean. I'll explain everything one day"</p><p>he huffed "alright"</p><p>Once Kaia was stripped down to her underwear she slipped on Jean's shirt. She then fervently dug a hole and buried the clothes that Godsent had given her.</p><p>Kaia took Jean's hand and lead him toward the lake. Without hesitation she jumped in, the icy water bit at her skin, making her hiss at the sensation.</p><p>"quick, jump in" she gestured for Jean to join her.</p><p>with a grumble, he slipped into the water, scrunching up his face as the cold water enveloped him.</p><p>Levi barged into the room Kaia was staying in at the barracks. Sure enough, her bed was empty. The rest of the girls in the room looked startled, Krista stood from her bed. "what's going on?" she asked</p><p>"nothing. we're done here" He left the room with Erwin trailing behind him.</p><p>"we should station scouts around the training grounds to see if we can catch her red handed" Erwin suggested </p><p>"exactly what I was thinking" Levi replied</p><p>"oh shit it's cold as fuck" Jean cursed rubbing his arms</p><p>"no shit" Kaia said as she struggled to stay afloat.</p><p>"what the hell is wrong with you Madden?"</p><p>"I. can't. swim." she said, her head bobbing up an down in the water.</p><p>"oh shit" Jean swam toward her, grabbing her waist to hold her up</p><p>Instinctively, she clung onto his neck while wrapping her legs around his waist. </p><p>"why would you get in here if you can't swim?" Jean grumbled </p><p>"it's just—this was the only thing I could think of"</p><p>"this better be worth it Madden"</p><p>she shivered "it will be." he raised a disbelieving brow "hopefully" </p><p>The two stayed huddled together for a while, Jean could feel Kaia's warm breath against his neck and all of a sudden, he didn't mind the cold water. He clung onto her waist tightly, rubbing lazy circles with his thumb on her lower back.</p><p>Jean's head snapped up when he saw lanterns moving through the woods and toward the lake.</p><p>"shit we gotta move they're going to see us"</p><p>"no no no, let them see us, we need to get caught"</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"just move into an opening where we could be seen clearly, once they're closing in, pretend we're just having fun"</p><p>"I don't know why the fuck we're doing this but you owe me big time"</p><p>"yes yes, now get moving"</p><p>The two moved out of the way of the jetty, from a distance, they could now be seen clearly by anyone standing at the edge of the forest. Kaia started to splash around, laughing as she swam around clumsily. Jean awkwardly followed in suit, splashing water onto Kaia. He swam toward her and lifted her up by the waist, making her squeal. </p><p>Levi approached the clearing of the woods which lead to the lake. He peered out onto the waters to see a giggling Kaia Madden splashing around with Jean Kirstein. He frowned <i>what? what is she doing? </i>He was supposed to catch her in the act, supposed to run into her wearing the black uniform that the assassin had worn. <i>was I wrong? was it not her voice that I heard?</i> </p><p>He called out to them.</p><p>Kaia's heart dropped, she knew it was Levi calling out to them. He must've suspected the assassin was her and yet, she was confused as to why he would go out of his way to expose her. She had thought he would've kept the secret.</p><p>"Jean, whatever they ask you, tell them you were with me all night"</p><p>he nodded "got it"</p><p>They approached the shore, freezing, soaked and all. Kaia plastered on a brilliant smile. "captain? what are you doing here?"</p><p>"I could ask you the same thing" he grumbled.</p><p>"well look, I know you're real tight on the rules or whatever but me and Jean just wanted to go for a night swim you know, we rarely get anytime to relax during the day" she laughed nervously. Jean stood beside her awkwardly. He stepped away as Levi stomped toward Kaia.</p><p>"don't fucking lie to me Madden, it was you that was there tonight wasn't it?"</p><p>she furrowed her brows, cocking her head to the side "what are you talking about"</p><p>"the assassin from Godsent"</p><p>she backed away from him but he continued to move toward her, Jean wasn't sure if a fight was about to break out. </p><p>"what assassin?"</p><p>Levi shoved Kaia back, Jean took a step toward him but Kaia held a hand up to stop him. "you know what I'm talking about Kaia, enough" Levi snarled</p><p>Kaia searched his eyes, there was definitely something wrong. She wondered why he was so angry. "I really don't"</p><p>She turned to walk back to the barracks but the captain got a hold of her arm. She shoved it away like it was nothing. "what is wrong with you?" she spat at him. The three were now well into the woods.</p><p>"the fucking assassin, the lightning girl, the one who injured all my fucking scouts, it was you!" he raised his voice </p><p>"I have no idea what you're talking about" she yelled back</p><p>He shoved her again, but her footing remained steady "where the hell were you tonight? why weren't you in your bed"</p><p>she scoffed "do you think the assassin is me? Captain I've been here the entire night"</p><p>"no you haven't! I heard you on the rooftop, it was your voice!" </p><p><i>shit </i>she thought her voice would be unrecognisable because of the mask, how had he known.</p><p>"no it wasn't. I was here. the whole. night"</p><p>Levi grabbed Jean's arm "you. tell me what happened tonight"</p><p>"I—uhm, sir, well, me and Kaia decided to meet up and go for a swim"</p><p>Levi's eyes darted from Jean to Kaia, unsure what to believe. "moved on from Eren now? Kaia"</p><p>she frowned "it's not like that!"</p><p>"oh well it looks like it is. I wouldn't put it past you to mess with both of them at the same time"</p><p>her brows furrowed "what are you saying?"</p><p>"I'm saying you're a conniving little bitch traitor" Levi snapped </p><p>"what the fuck" she said "I thought—I thought we were friends" she almost said in a whisper "what the fuck did I do to you?!" she suddenly yelled. </p><p>"you fucking betrayed me you brat!" he growled</p><p>Jean didn't know whether he should stay or leave, he stood there awkwardly rubbing his arms in an attempt to get warm.</p><p>"betrayed you?!" she started to laugh "you have to be fucking joking me. I told you I was here all night. and if I were the assassin I wouldn't fucking understand why you're so pissed off, it's not like I swore allegiance to the survey corps"</p><p>Jean stood silently in confusion.</p><p>The realisation hit Levi again, it hurt as much as it did the first time. He told himself he was angry at her betrayal when it was the realisation that he could never truly be close to Kaia that set him off.</p><p>"you're right. i shouldn't be surprised, you're the fucking enemy"  he snapped</p><p>Kaia was on the verge of punching him "why the fuck do you have to always antagonise me?!"</p><p>"because I cannot afford to feel for you the way that I do!" Levi yelled</p><p>Jean's eyes widened, <i>am I about to hear a love confession? </i>he thought </p><p>she cocked her head forward, poking a tongue to the side of her mouth "and what do you feel toward me Levi? What are you so afraid of?"</p><p>Jean placed a hand over his mouth, his eyes darting from Kaia to Levi, anxiously waiting for his response.</p><p>"I—I am not afraid! I cannot be your friend because one day you'll stab me in the back"</p><p>"and you have a problem with that? I never said I was on your side, I never said I'd fight for you so why the fuck are you so angry ?!"</p><p>"because I want you to be by my side!" he yelled "our—our side. The survey corps"</p><p><i>oop. that's embarrassing captain </i>Jean thought <i>it's basically as good as a love confession.</i> </p><p>"then fight for me!" she exclaimed "do not antagonise me, do not be petty and push me away because you're unsure which side i'll choose. and don't manipulate me and con me into fighting for you" she jabbed a finger at his chest.</p><p>Levi's frown deepened. "you're not worth fighting for. it's why you'll always be a weapon to be tossed around"</p><p>Kaia radiated fury. "you're lucky that I love Eren, that I have friends like Jean, because if you were the only person I knew from the Survey Corps, I would've burned it down happily beside Godsent"</p><p><i>wait wait wait wait </i>Jean thought <i>what is Kaia talking about? I'm definitely going to interrogate her after. </i></p><p>Levi shoved her again, Kaia wouldn't have toppled toward the floor if she hadn't tripped on some sort of rock. She cast her annoyed gaze across the forest floor, looking for the thing that caught her foot. </p><p>Jean stepped in between them, holding his palm against Levi's chest.</p><p>"move." Levi growled</p><p>"I can't let you hurt her" Jean replied</p><p>Kaia's heart dropped as she took notice of the pile of rocks she had toppled, crumpled flowers decorating its base. Her anger washed away as a new emotion took over her. She placed a hand over her mouth as tears threatened to spill onto her face. It was her parents shrine that she tripped over, and now it lay in broken pieces among the dirt. It wasn't only the fact that she destroyed it that made her feel guilty, it was the fact that she forgot about it that really broke her heart. She had no clue how long it had been since she visited it. Kaia held the rocks and the flowers in her hands, letting out a shattered sob.</p><p>Levi and Jean averted their gaze from one another and shifted it onto Kaia, who sat on the forest floor, silently sobbing.</p><p>"what the fuck?"</p><p>Jean's eyes widened as he saw what she held in her hands "oh shit"</p><p>"what. what is it? Kirstein tell me"</p><p>"It—It's her shrine, she tripped over her shrine, breaking it" </p><p>"a shrine to her God?"</p><p>"to her parents" Jean stepped away from Levi, approaching Kaia with the utmost caution.</p><p>She looked up at Jean as he kneeled next to her, and Levi thought he'd die before he'd ever see Kaia Madden in this state. He had seen her frightened, and panicked, and angry, and annoyingly happy, but he'd never seen her like this, heartbroken, devastated. Levi felt a sudden urge to run to her, to ask her what's wrong, to comfort her with some snide remark. What was wrong with him? Wasn't she the enemy? <i>no </i>Levi thought. <i>she's just a girl. and I'm just a pathetic excuse for a man who's afraid to care for her. </i>he thought <i>I'm sorry. I'm sorry. </i>Levi was unsure if he could ever say the words.</p><p>"Hey, hey it's okay" Jean rubbed a hand across her back</p><p>"I—It's—It's broken" she sobbed, showing Jean the rocks and flowers she held "I—I broke it"</p><p>Jean winced as he felt his heart ache for the girl "It's okay, we can fix it, we can rebuild it" he said softly </p><p>"no—no" she shook her head "Jean it's not only that." she paused, taking a breath "H—How long? How—How long has it been since—since I've visited it? Since I—I've replaced the flowers?"</p><p>"that doesn't matter"</p><p>"yes, yes it does Jean. Tell me" she begged, digging into his shoulders.</p><p>Levi stood silently observing the scene, he knew he should leave but something prevented him from walking away from her, he couldn't, not when she was hurting.</p><p>Jean sighed "It—It's been about a month"</p><p>Kaia brought both hands to her mouth, choking on her sobs.</p><p>"hey hey no no, it's okay, it's alright" he moved to embrace her</p><p>"I f—forgot, Jean, I forgot" she fell into his arms, sobbing onto his bear chest.</p><p>He couldn't bring himself to say anything else, he knew no word could stitch that broken heart of hers. <i>perhaps if Eren were here </i>he thought.</p><p>"she should stay with me tonight" he said </p><p>Jean furrowed his brows "I'm not sure that's a good idea captain, from what I just saw, she wouldn't want to be anywhere near you"</p><p>He frowned, only realising then that what he said would've hurt her "what she needs right now is to be alone, and sending her to the barracks would only lead to a bombardment of questions"</p><p>"oh....right...that makes sense" he sighed, helping Kaia onto her feet, her mind was elsewhere and she didn't bother to resist when Levi grabbed her arm.</p><p>Jean hesitantly made his way to the barracks unsure if Kaia would be okay with Levi, he took a note to visit her the next day.</p><p>Levi awkwardly sat at his desk, scribbling away at some paperwork, occasionally glancing at Kaia who sat silently in front of the fire thinking of God knows what. He knew better than to ask questions about it, to even attempt to comfort her, perhaps she needed a bit of silence, he thought.</p><p>"I'm sorry" she muttered under her breath, still gazing into the fire </p><p>"hm?" Levi took a proper look at her this time, her features awash in the warm glow of the fire, yet her expression looked cold and withdrawn.</p><p>She turned toward him "I'm sorry"</p><p>"for what?"</p><p>"for having to see me like that, back in the forest"</p><p>"I don't know what you mean"</p><p>she shook her head, shifting her gaze toward the fire again  "it was, insensitive of me, breaking down and wailing like a baby in front of a man whose suffered worse terrors"</p><p>He frowned "you don't need to apologise for grieving"</p><p>"grieving? no, I finished grieving a long time ago." she paused, taking a breath "what I felt back there was shame, shame for forgetting about my parents, shame for sobbing in front of you....please, just forget about it"</p><p>Levi sighed, although he wanted to ask her about her parents, he knew he shouldn't, he'd be overstepping boundaries, after all, his relationship with Kaia was one of a captain and a cadet, he would not allow it to be anything more.</p><p>"you should go to sleep, you need rest"</p><p>she hummed in agreement, snuggling herself up on the couch and drifting into a light sleep.</p><p>Strangely, Levi finished his paperwork early and decided to try and get some rest. He lay fitfully on his bed, turning side to side, his mind racing once it's been left alone. He felt the need to stand up and walk around and to just do something, but he knew Hanji would throw a fit if she found out he wasn't sleeping again.</p><p>Kaia awoke in a strange place. It was some sort of wasteland, sands riding on the warm breeze, brushing roughly against her skin. She didn't know where she was, all she knew was that it was barren and dry and she was all alone.</p><p>She heard the laughter of a child somewhere in the distance, her feet started to move, curious to see who else might stuck in this wasteland with her.</p><p>A young girl sat in front of her, playing with miniature dolls on the floor. Kaia frowned as she realised who the girl was. It was her, innocent, bright-eyed and all, and the dolls she held in her hands resembled the scouts. There was Jean, Eren, Levi, Erwin, Annie, Mikasa, Armin and the rest. Mixed in with the dolls were figurines clad in black, Kaia deduced that they were supposed to be members of Godsent.</p><p>The little girl continued to play with them, merrily giggling as she moved the mini toys around. Kaia didn't know what to make of it, all she could do was watch.</p><p>The girl started to play rougher, angry that the toys kept slipping out of her hands. She held onto them tighter, until one of them eventually crumbled in her hands. She started to cry mournfully as if she wasn't the one who broke it. Then the crying turned to fits of rage as the little girl began to stomp on the toys, angrily shrieking as she went through all of the figures. Once there were no more toys left to destroy, the little girl fell to her knees and began to sob again, cradling the broken parts in her small arms.</p><p>The cries turned to painful screams as the girl started to claw at her own skin, hard enough to draw blood. Kaia moved to stop her but her feet were glued to the ground. The harsh wind grew violent around her, whipping sand into her eyes, disabling her sight. All she could here was coarse roar of the wind accompanied by the harrowing screams of her younger self. </p><p>Once the wind died down and all fell suddenly silent, Kaia fixated her sight onto the little girl in front of her. She lay lifeless on the yellow sand, blood pooling from her scratches, her little broken toys gathered around her, as if they had all been subject to a violent massacre in the hands of cruel creatures when in fact, there was only one killer, and she was a grieving child. Her small arms and her small legs all had vicious claw marks across them, her body looked like it was torn apart by some wicked beast but the blood and skin in the little girl's fingernails suggested otherwise. Her mangled body wasn't even the worst of it. Her eyes were gauged out and her face was falling apart to point where part of her skull was visible.</p><p>Kaia awoke with a start, gripping the sofa beneath her, her chest heaving up and down. The fire was still lit but the rest of the lamps were blown out. She grumbled in disgust as realised she was profusely sweating. </p><p>She felt the sudden urge to look for Levi, being alone after that nightmare didn't seem to be too appealing. Quietly, she made her way over to where he slept, slowly creaking the door open, to her surprise, he was awake, pacing back and forth across his room. Kaia had never seen him so disheveled, she had to keep in her laugh.</p><p>he stopped, turning toward her "what's wrong?"</p><p>"could ask you the same thing"</p><p>he awkwardly brushed a hand through his hair and straightened his clothes "couldn't sleep"</p><p>"right." she made her way over to where the window in his room was. He winced as she stepped onto his bed with her bare feet. Nonchalantly, she opened the window and sat on the ledge. "i just need some air"</p><p>"you do know there's another window out in my office"</p><p>she sighed "Honestly, I just don't want to be alone"</p><p>"oh. I thought you'd prefer to have some peace and quiet"</p><p>she chuckled "I thought I did too...but, my mind wonders to places I don't want it to when it's left unattended"</p><p>he scratched his head, standing an awkward distance from her "I get what you mean, it's why I can't sleep, all these thoughts and memories just buzz around and won't leave me alone"</p><p>"it sucks"</p><p>"yeah"</p><p>An unpleasant silence passed through them.</p><p>"I didn't mean it. you know" Kaia finally said</p><p>Levi cocked his head to the side "hm?"  </p><p>"when I said that if you were the only person I knew from the Survey Corps then I'd happily burn it down beside Godsent.....I—well I actually admired you before I met you"</p><p>"how do you mean?"</p><p>"I'll tell you one day" she leaned her head back against the frame of the window ledge, closing her eyes as she let the wind brush through her damp hair, cooling her skin that glistened with sweat. Levi couldn't help but stare, his mind wondered to....other activities, that might cause her to sweat, specifically the ones involving her in his bed.<i> get it together Levi. </i>he thought <i>didn't you just swear to only be a captain to Kaia and nothing else?</i> But he couldn't help it, it's been a long time since he's had control over his own mind.</p><p>he cleared his throat, looking away "did you have a nightmare?" </p><p>"why do you ask?"</p><p>"'cause I usually sweat when I get nightmares"</p><p>"I think...I just stayed in front of the fire for too long" </p><p>"right" he knew she was lying, but decided not to call her out, nightmares aren't fun to talk to about.</p><p>The two fell into silence again.</p><p>"I'm not the assassin, you know" Kaia said. If she did not use her lightning, she would've confessed to Levi, but she knew the consequences of her power becoming well-known. She'd be sought after, hunted.</p><p>he sighed "I believe you"</p><p>she scoffed "would you have said the same if I hadn't broke down crying in front of you?"</p><p>He wouldn't have. He would've stayed unreasonably angry, taking it out on Kaia. "I just—I realised something"</p><p>"and what is that?" she drawled, looking out the window</p><p>"that you were human, that I shouldn't have expected you to be ever so loyal to the survey corps. I realised that—that I was just hurt I guess, because you could never truly be my friend" he shook his head "it's a pathetic excuse I know"</p><p>she smiled "do you want to be my friend that badly?"</p><p>"you're doing something weird to me Madden, I think I've spent too much time around you"</p><p>Kaia chuckled "I shall make more of an effort to stay away from you then"</p><p>"don't" he said a little too quickly. Levi cleared his throat "I mean, it's basically impossible for you to be on good terms with Shadis, so there's like no avoiding being sent here"</p><p>she smiled again "and I wouldn't have it any other way."</p><p>"do you...sometimes get into trouble on purpose?"</p><p>"sometimes. sometimes I'll just be running laps, or swinging through treetops and then all of sudden I think of you, and I think about how I haven't seen you that day even though I saw you the other day." she laughed </p><p>He felt his heart stutter "why? why do you—why do you even want to be around me?"</p><p>she shrugged "I don't think I can really put it into words. You're just my friend I guess, I want to see you as much as I see the others"</p><p>his heart tightened "right."</p><p>"you needn't worry about where my loyalties lie, Levi. Eren isn't the only reason I fight for the survey corps"</p><p>"yeah I know, it's also Jean and—"</p><p>"and you" she chuckled "and you. Levi, you need to start realising that you aren't incapable of being loved"</p><p>"and could you love me, Kaia? could you bring about that burden unto yourself?"</p><p>"I don't think loving you would be a burden. Nothing really is, with love" she paused "I still do not understand how you didn't love Petra"</p><p>"I cared for her. But that's about how deep it went. I can't explain it, it's just—I don't think she really loved...me. you know?"</p><p>"maybe because you didn't open up to her"</p><p>"perhaps" Levi never bothered to tell Petra his childhood, his secrets, his dreams. She had a beautiful childhood, she wouldn't understand. Or maybe that was just what he wanted to think, instead of her running away once he told opened up to her.</p><p>"you know" he started "for a girl who asks a lot of questions, you've never asked about my past"</p><p>she shrugged "I wouldn't want to be asked about mine. Eren and Jean are the only ones who know about it"</p><p>"right" he paused, unsure if he could bring himself to say the next words "you know, I—uhm, I'm sorry"</p><p>she furrowed her brows "for what?"</p><p>"uh for calling you a traitor bitch and—"</p><p>she laughed "i've been called worse"</p><p>"and , for telling you that you weren't worth fighting for"</p><p>"it's okay" she took a breath "I'm starting to discover my own worth and words like that don't hurt as much anymore"</p><p>"that's good to hear."</p><p>"it's always going to be like this between us, isn't it?"</p><p>he tilted his head "like what?"</p><p>"like, we'd bark at each other but never bite. We'd be punching each other one day and then the next day we're pleasantly talking about tea. We'd always just...fight and forget"</p><p><i>we'd always find our way back to each other </i>he thought <i>whether we were running, or crawling with swords in our backs. </i></p><p>"it's like..." she started "like we'd always find our way back to each other" </p><p>He thought he misheard. Had she been reading his mind? "sometimes that's not always a good thing. To come crawling back to a person that hurt you"</p><p>her head snapped toward him "do I hurt you, Levi?"</p><p>"no, no. I wasn't talking about us, I was just saying, it's quite a romantic way to think"</p><p>"I suppose." she got off the window ledger, stepping onto Levi's bed before hopping onto the floor. "well I guess I should let you be alone now"</p><p><i>no stay. please, stay. </i>he thought "uh yeah, you should" he said </p><p>"good night captain" she said as she exited his room.<i> I wish he had asked me to stay. I would've talked with him 'til sunrise. </i>she thought</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0019"><h2>19. rumour has it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia had told Eren that he didn't need to prove his love to her and still, he would bring her flowers, braid her hair and kiss her when nobody was looking. Very slowly, Kaia felt her belief system breaking down and could start to see Eren choosing her, choosing love over duty. It was a dangerous notion, but Kaia was a dangerous girl.</p><p>"so what's this keeper's season thing you have to go to again?" He brushed her hair to the side, planting a kiss on her shoulder.</p><p>Shadis had threatened Kaia and Eren about sending them to food storage to help clean up if they didn't tell him who raided it the other night. The two definitely knew it was Sasha but they weren't snitches so they hung their head and accepted the cleaning job. </p><p>"it's just like a celebration for the higher ups in the military branches" Kaia replied, shifting through the piles of toppled canned food.</p><p>"then why are you going?"</p><p>"well, each member is supposed to bring a date. It makes no sense since people in the military aren't exactly allowed...to date" she explained</p><p>"and who asked you to be their date?"</p><p>"captain Levi"</p><p>He raised an eyebrow "captain Levi? But I thought you said that he was with Petra"</p><p>"well he was with Petra, then he broke up with her" she shook her head "tragic"</p><p>"why'd they break up?"</p><p>she shrugged "dunno. Perhaps they couldn't handle the pressures of a forbidden romance"</p><p>he chuckled, pecking her on the cheek as he walked past "couldn't be us"</p><p>Kaia only hummed in response. She took a deep breath, fiddling with cans that were already organised "Eren can I...ask you something?"</p><p>"yeah sure, what is it?"</p><p>"um, do you know about Godsent?, 'cause I've been hearing about it a lot"</p><p>"oh uh yeah, they're this sorta vigilante organisation, nobody likes 'em"</p><p>she nodded her head "right, uh, why don't people like them?"</p><p>"dunno. I think they're just bad people, you know. I've seen the papers. 3 killed by Godsent, 4, 5, 10, 100"</p><p>"but all their victims are criminals, aren't they?"</p><p>"yeah they are. but some of 'em don't deserve it. Some people steal to feed their family"</p><p>her eyes widened "Godsent kills petty criminals? I thought they only went for big shots"</p><p>he shook his head "they still go after petty criminals"</p><p>"oh." she brought herself to think about Maria and the tavern, it was one of her main reasons why she joined, so she could protect it. However, lately she's been starting to think that Godsent could offer her more, was she wrong? She couldn't let herself fall into another cycle of justifying her reckless, selfish actions. Is that what Godsent did? did they cover up her malicious actions and desires? Was it wrong for her to feel glorious as she slit the merchant's throat?</p><p>"you seem disappointed" Eren said </p><p>"well I thought they weren't so bad since they you know took out criminals"</p><p>"i don't blame you but, in the end they're just...bad, you know?"</p><p>she chuckled "they're just bad?care to elaborate?"</p><p>he scratched his head "i dunno i'm not very good with political, philosophical stuff"</p><p>"yeah i mean, i don't expect you to, it's just, the definitions of good and bad are subjective, you know, Godsent believes they are good, but you and the common public believe they are bad. But each argument is valid so...the question is which one is right?"</p><p>"uh....now i'm confused"</p><p>she shook her head letting out an awkward laugh "just..forget about it, i don't even know why I brought it up"</p><p>he turned back toward the shelves "right, well, if we start moving the cans from the 3rd aisle, there'll be more room to put organise these spare cans"</p><p>she sighed "God I'm gonna make Sasha pay for this"</p><p>"agreed. we should be training right now"</p><p>"on second thought. I'd rather stay here"</p><p>he laughed "come on, training isn't that bad. it's certainly better than being here"</p><p>she shrugged "eh. i suppose training's a good way to get my mind off of things, it's a little too quiet in here, and time seems to slow down right to the point where i feel like it's just not moving"</p><p>Eren chuckled, snaking an arm around her waist and drawing her close. He placed his lips right against her ear "I have a few ideas on how we can pass the time" </p><p>"I don't think what you have in mind is the most sanitary thing to do"</p><p>he kissed her neck "they why don't you and I sneak out for a bit and head to the barracks, nobody would know"</p><p>she hummed in response "that does sound nice"</p><p>Kaia squealed as he turned her around, planting an open kiss on her lips then taking her hand and dashing out of food storage.</p><p>Once they entered the empty the barracks, their lips were joined in an instant, moving in sync with their heartbeats. Eren's hands trailed along her waist, pulling her closer so he could feel her against his crotch.</p><p>Kaia ran her fingers through his hair, moaning in his mouth as he pressed against her. The two parted, stripping into their underwear before falling onto the bed. </p><p>Eren kissed Kaia along her jaw, down her neck, and across her collarbone. As his lips caressed her skin, he skilfully unclipped her bra, letting it slip off onto the floor. He then proceeded to lick her nipple teasingly while massaging her breasts.</p><p>She whimpered in delight, biting her lip as to prevent herself from letting out any more lewd sounds. Kaia tugged his hair, pulling his head up from her breasts and planting a heavy kiss on his lips. While their tongues moved against each other in agonising desperation, Kaia stroked his clothed member, delighting in the moan she elicited from him.</p><p>Eren  ground his dick against her hand, eager for more friction. His hands moved to massage her ass as his mouth continued to work with hers.</p><p>To his frustration, Kaia moved her hand away, instead, wrapping her arms around his neck. She then bucked her hips against Eren's crotch, allowing her clothed cunt to rub against his hard bulge.</p><p>Eren moved down her body, laying kisses along her torso and eventually over her clothed cunt. Eager to taste her once again, he slipped off her panties swiftly. His cheeks tinted pink as he saw how wet she's gotten just from making out and a bit of dry humping.</p><p>He set his lips onto her bare pussy, easily finding her clit and playing with it teasingly with his tongue. Kaia let out a moan, gripping the bedsheets and arching her back.</p><p>Eren bobbed his head up and down so that his nose would be rubbing against her. She bucked her hips, eager for him to go deeper, faster. Eren obliged, picking up the pace in which his tongue moved within her. Her chest rose and fell vigorously as she felt her orgasm nearing.</p><p>As she was on the edge of reaching her climax, Eren pulled out abruptly making her high frustratingly die down. Kaia pouted and he lightly kissed her lips.</p><p>"i'm make it all worth it in the end baby I promise" he said as his face hovered just inches from hers.</p><p>Kaia's hand snaked around to his hair, pulling his face into hers, taking his tongue hungrily with hers. </p><p>Eren pulled away, standing on his knees, he pulled his erect cock out of his underwear and stroked it gently. He reached for a condom beside his bed and slipped it on swiftly.</p><p>Kaia spread her legs, her core pulsating in anticipation. Eren smirked as he entered her grunting as he fully sheathed his cock into her wet pussy. He thrust into her slowly at first, building up the pleasure between their legs as if a prologue within a story. Soon, Kaia couldn't take it, she moved her hips up and down as an attempt to make Eren move faster. He happily obliged, thrusting into her at pace which made obscene sounds tumble from her mouth.</p><p>Again, once Kaia was one step away from cumming, Eren pulled out. She groaned in frustration, digging her head into her pillow. </p><p>"Eren" she panted, gritting her teeth "let me cum"</p><p>he leant over to kiss her gently again "all good time my lovely"</p><p>she bit his lip, making him hiss "you're lucky you're a pretty boy" </p><p>Eren pinned her hands down, roughly kissing her as teasingly rubbed his cock against her dripping pussy. She moaned, trying to make him enter her by bucking her hips. He simply pulled away, leaving a trail of wet kisses along her jaw, down her neck, onto her breasts and down her torso. </p><p>Eren made his way back up to her lips, kissing her more kindly this time. "turn around" he whispered coarsely, his throat dry with anticipation.</p><p>She smirked, happily getting up to change positions. </p><p>"have you done this before?" he asked</p><p>"only once. a long time ago" she replied </p><p>"alright, I'll be gentle at first. Tell me if it hurts"</p><p>she only nodded in response.</p><p>Eren started with planting soft kisses along her back? his hands softly kneading her ass, building anticipation. He then slipped his fingers into her dripping insides, easily finding her clit. Once he made sure she was comfortable, he slipped another finger in, causing her to whimper. </p><p>As he skilfully worked his fingers inside her, he stroked his own hard cock, eager to satisfy himself a little bit while preparing to enter her from behind.</p><p>Once he felt her warm insides start to tighten around his fingers he pulled out, again. She groaned in frustration, clenching her fists.</p><p>Eren held onto her hips tightly as he began entering her. To his delight, Kaia hungrily welcomed his cock, making it easier and smoother to enter. Once he was halfway in, he started to move, asking Kaia if she was ok. Once he received his answer, he slid himself fully in, a trembling growl escaped his lips. </p><p>Kaia arched her back, her mouth forming an o, producing vulgar sounds as she was awash with the feeling of satisfaction tinted with a hint of pain. </p><p>"are you alright?"</p><p>she only managed to hum in response, unable to think of no other thoughts but the fact that Eren was inside her once again, and how much she wanted him to move, to make her reach that climax.</p><p>Eren began to move, slowly rolling his hips, making Kaia get used to the feeling of his cock up her ass. He slipped her fingers into her vagina, moving it in a 'come hither' motion, making her tremble as a result of the double penetration.</p><p>He moved his fingers out of her throbbing pussy, moving his hands to grip her thighs firmly as began to move in shallow thrusts. </p><p>Kaia whispered "faster...fuck....Eren....faster"</p><p>Eren obliged, now pulling his dick out to it's head before thrusting back in. He grunted in pleasure, letting a mixture of Kaia's name and curse words to tumble from his lips. </p><p>Kaia moved her hand down to her wet pussy, pushing a finger in to stimulate her clit while Eren thrust relentlessly into her.</p><p>Eren bent over, pinning Kaia's hands above her head with a single hand. The other hand found its way to her clit, playfully rubbing circles in it while he continued to thrust his hard cock into her.</p><p>Kaia moaned into the pillow, letting pleasure course through her body, electrifying every sensation. Her breaths began ragged and her moans turned to begs. She was so close.</p><p>"Eren..." she panted "fuck...Eren, I'm close...I'm gonna..." Kaia cried out as she finally reached her orgasm, her chest tightening as the sensation washed over her. Eren joined her in a chorus of moans as her walls clamped down on him.</p><p>"just a little bit more baby, I'm close"</p><p>she hummed in response.</p><p>Eren gripped her hips tightly, occasionally massaging her ass as his cock pounded in and out of her. As he reached his orgasm, he could feel his legs start to tremble. His breath became coarse, and he grunted every time he thrust into her. Eren let out a staggering moan once he came, slowing down his pace, eager to milk out his orgasm.</p><p>He got off Kaia, falling to the side of her. She remained laying on her stomach, too tired to move. He took off the condom, chucking it in the bin as he slid his underwear back on. Gently, Eren cleaned Kaia up with tissues, making her whimper as he touched the insides of her legs and her throbbing pussy.</p><p>He rubbed her shoulders, gently planting a kiss on her cheek "you did so good baby"</p><p>She turned to kiss him in response. "I have no idea how you make me feel like that. but please...don't stop"</p><p>He smiled against her lips, playfully rubbing his nose against hers "oh i am far from done with you Madden...but unfortunately, we have to head back to food storage" </p><p>She groaned "oh god no, please"</p><p>"come on" he hoisted her up, kissing her softly before getting dressed.</p><p>Kaia winced as she got to her feet, a throbbing pain poking at her ass where Eren's cock had previously been.</p><p>He turned to her, holding out an arm for support "are you alright?" he asked</p><p>she nodded "yeah it's just going to take me a while to get used to it"</p><p>"well if you ever need me to carry you around, just ask"</p><p>Kaia laughed "oh I would love that, but, people are already starting to get suspicious of our relationship"</p><p>he scratched his head "how come Krista and Ymir are allowed to be super open about their relationship"</p><p>"because nobody would dare snitch on Ymir"</p><p>"then why don't you make it so nobody dares to snitch on you" he suggested </p><p>she raised an eyebrow "me? what about you"</p><p>he shrugged "you just seem like the type"</p><p>"the type to what?" she squeaked </p><p>"i dunno, to like threaten and verbally abuse people"</p><p>sh scoffed, slapping him across the arm, eliciting a light chuckle from him "that's only reserved for Jean and Captain Levi. If you've forgotten, I'm trying to be a nicer person, I want the other trainees to think of me as approachable, friendly, nice."</p><p>He hugged her from behind "those seem like awfully boring adjectives to me. If being yourself means that you're a little grouchier and more sharp tounged, then I'd prefer that"</p><p>she smiled "do you not like the sweet me? the charming, the kind, the playful."</p><p>He sighed against her neck "oh I quite enjoy them all. But...I'd rather see the real you"</p><p>She turned to kiss him lovingly on the lips "how'd I get so lucky with you Eren Jaeger?"</p><p>"I'm the one who got lucky Kaia Madden, that bewitching woman like you would even dare to look at me"</p><p>Kaia smiled "I love you" she whispered as her lips brushed against his.</p><p>"i love you too" he kissed her gently, hands caressing her cheek.</p><p>The two then proceeded to head out back into food storage before Shadis finds them gone. Once all the cans were put back in their rightful place, it just in time for dinner. Eren and Kaia made their way into the Mess Hall, and dispersed once they entered, going to their progressive friend groups. Eren with Mikasa, Armin, Reiner and Berthold, and Kaia with Jean, Marco, Connie and Sasha.</p><p>Jean contemplated asking Kaia about what happened at the lake with her and Levi, but he knew that she was still feeling down because of her parents' shrine. That night, he couldn't sleep, constantly thinking about how he could make her feel better. He thought about fixing the shrine himself, but it would bound to fall again sometime, if not for some strong weather then some cadet could easily topple it over without even noticing. Kaia needed something more permanent to remember her parents by, he thought.</p><p>Kaia picked at her food, not entirely enthusiastic on eating tasteless soup and stale bread. </p><p>"so...." connie nudged her elbow "what's going on with you and Jean?"</p><p>she furrowed her brows "what?"</p><p>"naw come on Kaia, we saw you!"</p><p>"saw me what?" </p><p>Jean leaned over from beside Kaia to join the conversation "yeah, saw her what?"</p><p>"well it was the middle of the night, and Jean wasn't in the barracks, so I told sasha and guess what she told me, it turns out you weren't in the barracks either" Connie explained as Sasha nodded along with a mouth full of food.</p><p>Kaia and Jean's face twisted in disgust "please tell me you're not suggesting what I think you're suggesting" he said</p><p>Connie held up a finger to silence him. Marco looked up from his food to listen "that's not even all the intel i've gathered. Earlier today, I spotted Kaia giving Jean's shirt back, and everybody knows how intimate sharing clothes with the other sex is"</p><p>"and sometimes, when we're all supposed to head to the barracks I see Kaia sneak out to go to the lake and Connie told me that Jean does the same thing" Sasha added</p><p>Kaia shook her head "i can't believe this is happening" at least they don't expect me and Eren she thought </p><p>Marco laughed "no no no no, guys, Kaia and Jean can't be together" </p><p>"thank you Marco" Kaia said </p><p>"because Kaia's with captain Levi" he said</p><p>Kaia spat out her drink "what?! where the hell do you even get that idea"</p><p>Marco held up his hands defensively "okay, first of all, you go to his office almost every day and don't try and tell us that you don't get into trouble on purpose. Plus, one morning, while I was in headquarters to report something to Hanji, I saw you walk out of his office wearing nothing but a very oversized t-shirt, most likely his"</p><p>Jean's brows shot up, looking toward Kaia as she fumed. <i>so much for not asking questions to trouble her. </i>he thought </p><p>She furrowed her brows in disbelief "I—what?"</p><p>"and....I saw captain Levi and Kaia go to his office the night before I caught her going out"</p><p>Sasha's and Connie's mouth formed an o "oh my god. how did I not know this!! I need to tell everyone" he said </p><p>"no no no no no no, Connie, I'm not with captain Levi!" Kaia exclaimed, she slapped Jean across the shoulder "you! you saw me with him the other night, you know we aren't together like that!"</p><p>Jean laughed, he contemplated defending her, but she needed this sort of light bickering to take her mind off of the events that happened the other night "I'm just glad they're not pairing me up with you" </p><p>"who is pairing who up with now?" a voice said from across the table. It was Eren, who stood just behind Marco.</p><p>"oh my god, Eren you have to hear this, Kaia and the captain and secretly together" Sasha exclaimed, loud enough for the whole mess hall to hear.</p><p>Eren's brows shot up "oh are they now?" </p><p>Kaia shook her head aggressively "no no no no, guys this isn't true"</p><p>"that's what someone in a secret relationship would say" Connie added beside her</p><p>"Jean say something!" Kaia exclaimed "you know there's nothing going on with me and the captain"</p><p>he sipped his drink "well maybe there's nothing going on with you, but there's certainly something going on with the captain"</p><p>"What? I—argh you know what, just stop talking" she said</p><p>"no no, do go on, I'd like to hear this" Eren then said</p><p>Jean cleared his throat "well, the captain appears to be rather fond of Kaia here"</p><p>Kaia scoffed "he isn't! he literally hates me"</p><p>"if anybody else in here got sent to his office even half as many times than you did, they would be kicked out"</p><p>She stammered, trying to find a reasonable explanation for all this. There's a reason why she hasn't been kicked out of the survey corps and it's not because the captain was fond of her.</p><p>A crowd gathered their table now, murmuring about Kaia and the captain. She could practically see the rumours grow into a snarling monster. Kaia could feel her temper rise, she was sure she was about to break her sweet, friendly facade and go ape shit. She hated rumours, especially ones that could get in between her and Eren. Kaia looked at him, searching his expression for how he felt. </p><p>"oi" a smooth voice said from behind, a small figure started to make its way through the crowd.</p><p>oh no. not the best timing captain. she thought.</p><p>Everyone fell silent as Levi stood among them. "you need to come with me" he said to Kaia</p><p>Her eyes darted to Eren, but he had turned abruptly and left the mess hall. shit shit shit </p><p>"brat are you even listening to me?"</p><p>"uhm—y—yes sir." she stammered. Kaia could feel connie snickering beside her, she kicked him beneath the table, making him shriek. </p><p>"what are you all looking at?" Levi snapped, and the crowd immediately dispersed, gathering back to their respective tables, no doubt gossiping about Kaia and the captain. She cringed as she felt their eyes follow her as she and Levi left the mess hall.</p><p>she let out a frustrated growl once there was no one around but them.</p><p>"what is it?" he drawled</p><p>"they—" Kaia paused, she thought better than to tell Levi that her friends thought that they were together. Ever since that night, she's learned to keep boundaries. "it's nothing"</p><p>Levi frowned at her refusal to share her thoughts. It was unlike her to close off from him and he disgusted himself when he realised he didn't like it one bit. i should be happy she's shutting up for once he thought.</p><p>"where are we going?" she suddenly inquired </p><p>"Erwin's asking for you." he replied </p><p>"oh?"</p><p>"he's going to question you himself on the night we encountered the lightning assassin. I've already tried my best to convince him it wasn't you" Levi explained </p><p>"so....he knows that I know that I've been caught"</p><p>he nodded. "I've also told him everything you told me, including your childhood in the underground"</p><p>"what?" Kaia felt a little betrayed by this, even though what she told him were lies "I mean, whatever, I-uhm, should've expected that"</p><p>"now you know why we can never truly be friends Madden, we can't trust each other"</p><p>she sighed "I know. Does Erwin um know about those files I stole like ages ago?"</p><p>"no. i've still got him convinced that I've got it stashed away somewhere"</p><p>"right. uh thanks for covering for me"</p><p>"he'll find that they're missing soon" Levi warned </p><p>"it's fine we'll keep him distracted" she replied</p><p>The two remained silent for the rest of the walk to Erwin's office. It was uncomfortable, but necessary, to maintain the boundaries of their new relationship. Captain and Cadet, never truly a friendship, only ever participating in the shadow of one.</p><p>Kaia sat uncomfortably in front of Erwin's desk.</p><p>"So, Miss Madden, I believe you are aware that we know of your association with Godsent"</p><p>she nodded "I'm not a stupid girl, I know when i've been caught"</p><p>"....and do you know of anything else?" he inquired </p><p>Kaia knew he was asking if she knew about the 'love plan' and it was best she pretended that she didn't. She needed to give Erwin that tiny sliver of hope that they can use her against Godsent so that he won't succumb to other methods that could potentially harm her and the ones she cared about.</p><p>"unfortunately not...i'm still working on it"</p><p>"The night that the lightning assassin revealed themselves, you were coincidentally not in the barracks, and since you fight for neither side, it was safe to assume that it was you. Plus the captain here, believed it so adamantly, it is strange to see him change his mind so quickly"</p><p>she took a deep breath "I was with Jean the whole night"</p><p>"and are you in a relationship with Mr Kirstein?" Erwin asked </p><p>"no no no, he's my best friend, and plus...I have feelings for someone else" her eyes flitted to Levi. This was the perfect opportunity to put on a show.</p><p>Erwin raised a brow "you are aware that relationships in the military are prohibited"</p><p>"of course, commander. You needn't worry, I know I could never pursue a relationship with this person, but....feelings like this don't go away too easily." Kaia turned her gaze back to Levi long enough to be noted by Erwin. Levi didn't know why he felt angry, if this was how good she could act then who's to say that she wasn't acting in front of him? </p><p>Erwin nodded "I understand, Miss Madden. Consequences are severe if you do get caught in a relationship"</p><p><i>he's telling me to pursue my feelings with Levi </i>she thought what a sly bastard. </p><p>"so....let's get back onto the topic of the lightning assassin." he paused "did you know, that they existed?"</p><p>"I was only recently recruited into Godsent, they wouldn't tell me about something this big. My guess is that they wanted to keep it a secret...but, there have been rumours"</p><p>"go on"</p><p>Kaia cleared her throat "the lightning assassin wasn't born with their power, it was bestowed upon them or something, given to them by their Goddess. They're a prodigy, must have been born into the organisation and have been cultivating the power since a very young age" Kaia lied, the more she shaped the lightning assassin as a different character the less they'd suspect her of it.</p><p>Erwin rubbed his chin "if they are that important, then why would they put them in a simple assassination mission. unless..."</p><p>"unless what?"</p><p>"me and captain Levi were there for information, maybe whatever the merchant was going to give us was too important"</p><p>Levi clicked his tongue "I already told you this information, Erwin. The assassin wasn't after the files"</p><p>"then why would they send one?" Erwin asked frustratingly </p><p>"was this merchant you're talking about, a criminal?" Kaia inquired </p><p>"well....yes" He said</p><p>"well there you go, doesn't Godsent specialise in eliminating criminals?" </p><p>"yes but....i feel there's something behind all this. I need more information" he stared down Kaia, awaiting her reaction </p><p>"you needn’t be so cautious in asking me for a favour, just simply ask. I either fight for both sides or for neither, commander" she said

“and why don’t you choose a side?”

“because I wish to end this senseless suffering” she cast a longing glance toward Levi, suggesting that she had other reasons for fighting for the survey corps. 

</p>
<p>Erwin noticed, a smile of satisfaction ghosting across his lips. <i>he's pleased.</i> she thought <i>good</i></p><p>“will you be able to gather information on this assassin for us then? I fear that they may be a threat to the people and a contributor to ‘senseless suffering’, as you put it” he said</p><p><i> you think that they’re a threat to you, simply because they have more power than you. You do not have any proof of their misdeeds, my misdeeds. I only hurt your scouts, I did not kill them</i> Kaia fought the urge to snarl at him, the night that he had saved her and stitched up her wounds faded. “I can try” she said</p><p><i>it seems the plan is working </i>Erwin thought <i>she is more inclined to fight for us because of Levi</i></p><p><i>she's one marvellous actress </i>Levi thought <i>I almost could see the love in her eyes, the longing, the yearning. I would've crumbled if she looked at me like that and  I didn't know she was acting.</i></p><p>"thank you. Miss Madden. Your efforts are appreciated. You may return to the mess hall" Erwin said </p><p>"I'll escort her" Levi said</p><p>Kaia opened her mouth to protest, knowing what her peers will say if they saw her with the captain again. But a Kaia that was in love with Levi wouldn't reject this offer, and Erwin was still watching.</p><p>"sure, thanks" she responded </p><p>Kaia and Levi left Erwin's office, as she was about to head for the exit, he gently pushed her the other direction, his hand pressing the lower part of her back.</p><p>"where are we going?" she asked</p><p>"my office"</p><p>"why?"</p><p>"I got the tea you wanted so you need to pick it up" he drawled</p><p>"i said i wanted tea?"</p><p>"yes, in your many rambles, you said you wanted to try a variety of teas" he explained</p><p>"oh. i didn't know you were actually listening whenever I talked like that"</p><p>"how could I not? your voice is abrasive and shrill, it's hard to ignore"</p><p>she laughed "and yours is cold and distanced, not much better than mine, captain. At least I'm not boring"</p><p>he frowned "I'm not boring"</p><p>"I think the only proper sentences you've said to me were either a string of insults, how to file the paperwork, or how to make proper tea"</p><p>he almost laughed, how did she want to spend so much time with me "and what's wrong with that? cadet"</p><p>she sighed, smiling to herself "nothing, nothing at all"</p><p>Once Levi had given her the tea, he escorted her back to the Mess Hall. Everyone was looking at them, everyone was no doubt murmuring outrageous rumours about them. Her eyes searched the room for Eren, and she found him sitting in the corner of the Mess Hall, a mixture of jealousy, anger, and sadness pouring from his eyes. It pained Kaia to see him like this. </p><p>Once Levi said goodbye to Kaia, she headed over his way. Eren got up abruptly, stomping out of the mess hall.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0020"><h2>20. epiphany</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Eren, wait" Kaia called out to him as he stormed out of the mess hall. He refused to answer "Eren stop, please" she grabbed his arm, stopping him just outside the barracks. "there's nothing going on between me and the captain I promise"</p><p>He turned around, Kaia couldn't name the expression in his eyes, but he looked hurt "then what the hell is this" he pointed to the box of teabags in her hand</p><p>she scoffed "it's tea, what—"</p><p>"and did he give it to you, huh? did he give you that little present after fucking you?"</p><p>She twisted her face in anger "where the fuck is this coming from?!"</p><p>"just answer me" he yelled "don't make this anymore fucking difficult"</p><p>Kaia grit her teeth "yes. The captain gave this to me. He gave it to me because he remembered that I was talking about it once when I was in his office"</p><p>He rushed over and grabbed her shoulders "Kaia, I can give you those things if you ask. I give you flowers, a—and ribbons, just ask me ok?"</p><p>her frown deepened "so you're saying that I can't accept gifts from other men?"</p><p>"I'm saying you can't accept gifts from that man!"</p><p>"why the fuck not?!"</p><p>"because!! because Mikasa fucking told me okay?! She told me you used to be in love with the captain"</p><p>Kaia wanted to tell him that she lied to Mikasa, that she never loved the captain...but she was curious as how Eren would react to her next words. "and what about it? I love you now. You shouldn't worry about my past. don't you trust me?"</p><p>Eren faltered, hesitated even "...of c—of course I do"</p><p>she shook her head "you don't, do you?"</p><p>"well can you fucking blame me?"</p><p>"what?!" she snapped </p><p>"you're in his fucking office all day, every day, who knows what the fuck you do, surely there isn't that much paperwork to keep you occupied for that long"</p><p>"didn't i tell you he was with Petra? Do you think of me so low that I would fuck a taken man while I was taken myself"</p><p>"yes but you told me he broke up with Petra"</p><p>"only recently. Even if I were single, I wouldn't fuck a man who just got out of a relationship"</p><p>Eren put his hands on his hips "ok well then what about Keeper's Season. why is he asking you to be his date huh? and don't tell me it's because you two are friends"</p><p>Levi was taking Kaia to Keeper's Season because of their plan to distract Erwin. "you've gotta be out of your fucking mind"</p><p>"answer the fucking question Kaia"</p><p>She clenched her jaw "fine! I was the one who asked to go with him, and you know why? because I want to get as far away from this fucking stink hole as I can. Do you know how fucking humiliating it is every time Shadis calls me out and berates in front of everybody"</p><p>"well then just do better" he yelled</p><p>"I can't!" she retorted </p><p>"why the fuck not?" he paused "I know you haven't been sleeping, and I've avoided asking you because I wanted to believe that you could handle it. Why the fuck aren't you sleeping? and don't tell me because you have insomnia or some shit because you sleep perfectly well in the classroom. Have you been sneaking out or something? meeting up with someone?"</p><p>Her eyes widened "I don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>"for fuck sake Kaia. I overheard Krista telling Ymir how worried she was because sometimes she'd hear you sneak out of the room only to walk back in minutes before dawn"</p><p>she couldn't bring herself to lie to him again, it physically pained her "I can't! okay I can't fucking tell you!"</p><p>"why not?! is it because of Levi?! did you not have enough time to fuck him during the day huh?"</p><p>"what I have going on is much more than some fucking love affair." she huffed "I don't have time for your stupid fucking insecurities. I told you I loved you, I talk to you, I listen to you, I fuck you! what else do you want me to fucking do?"</p><p>"I want you to tell me what the fuck is going on!"</p><p>"I can't! Why can't you just trust me?"</p><p>"because I'm starting to feel like you don't trust me either!"</p><p>"this has nothing to do with me not trusting you Eren. I trust you with everything, please i'm asking you to just have faith in me"</p><p>He scoffed, shoving her hand away as it reached for him. "go on and have fun with your pretty dresses and your pretty captain during Keeper's Season, make sure not to get his cum all over your sparkly fabrics"</p><p>She sneered at him "fuck you" Kaia stomped away, leaving Eren in the dust. </p><p>Soon, she found herself in front of the lake. Before she knew it, she was throwing the box of tea bags in the lake in anger. Kaia then scurried over to the edge of the jetty to retrieve it but it sunk beneath the murky waters. She cursed at herself, Levi had gone out of his way to get it for her and in her fury, she had recklessly chucked it into the lake.</p><p>Grumbling to herself, she jumped into the freezing lake. Kaia hissed, then started to panic as she remembered that she couldn't swim. <i>fucking hell, what the fuck am I thinking </i>.To get her mind off of the panic, she started to look for the box of tea bags, not only did it not help, but it also increased her frustration. Kaia felt like she was about to explode and something buzzing within her was answering to the violent emotion.</p><p>She screamed in anger, splashing the water around her as she struggled to keep afloat. Without even thinking, she called to her lightning, eager for some sort of release. The lake exploded in a dazzling array of blue lightning, Kaia at the centre of it all. The lightning had somehow shot her out of the water and held her mid air. </p><p>Jean thought he had imagined it. He was out for his daily night stroll by the lake, eager to find some peace, when he saw Kaia angrily storming toward the lake. Once he saw her jump into the lake, he ran toward her, knowing she couldn't swim. What he saw then could've put him in cardiac arrest. There was Kaia, seemingly floating above the electrified lake in soaked clothes. He had watched her explode as she sent lightning buzzing through the lake, it was certainly a spectacle, but Jean didn't know whether to be afraid or in awe. Kaia looked like a God.</p><p>His feet started to take him closer, curiosity glittering in his eyes. Once he stood by the edge of the jetty he could see Kaia more clearly. Her eyes were closed as lightning buzzed off of her. Unsure of how to approach her, he simply called out her name.</p><p>Kaia's eyes snapped open when she heard her name. Her stomach dropped when she saw Jean standing at the edge of the Jetty, awash with an expression she couldn't read. She then looked around her in panic, realising what she had done, what she had revealed. Kaia then suppressed her lightning, commanding it to fall back. It obeyed instantly and the lake was dark and murky once again. Without the lightning to hold her up, Kaia fell into the lake. She thought she would see Jean running away to tell the commander but as she hit the water, she saw him jump in.</p><p>Kaia let the icy waters embrace her like an old friend, muffling the sounds of the eerie night, she sunk deeper and deeper and deeper. She questioned whether she should try to survive at all. A familiar warmth then twisted around her, familiar arms and a familiar body. It was dragging her up toward the surface, breaking through the chilling clutches of the lake.</p><p>Jean dragged Kaia onto the shore, to his dismay, Kaia's body lay unnervingly still, her skin pale and her lips blue. She wasn't breathing. Jean held his head in his palms, everything and nothing swirling around in his mind simultaneously. It was all so very terrifying. </p><p>He crawled over to her and started to perform CPR, desperate to see her take a single breath. It wasn't working. Jean opened her mouth by pulling her chin down with his hand, the other pinched her nose so that it would be shut. He then lowered his lips onto hers, breathing oxygen into her lungs.</p><p>After a few failed attempts, Kaia sputtered up water, sitting up and taking deep breaths. Jean felt relief wash over him as he sat back in exhaustion. </p><p>"What the hell did I just fucking see?" he panted </p><p>Kaia turned toward him, eyes wide, mouth agape "please don't tell anyone. Jean."</p><p>"I—"</p><p>she grabbed his shoulders "Jean please. They'll kill me, they'll kill me, they'll kill me"</p><p>"who? Kaia, who's going to kill you?"</p><p>She shook her head, looking around in panic "I—um, Erwin wouldn't, he'd want to use me a—and well— E—Elijah, Elijah, he'd kill me, he'dkill me, a—and then he'll find someone else—and he'll sacrifice 101 again—he'll kill me"</p><p>Jean shook her back to reality "what the fuck are you talking about?"</p><p>Her eyes snapped back to him, filled with panic and dread "was anyone else with you, did anyone else see?"</p><p>he shook his head "no, nobody comes here during the night, only you and I. Now tell me what the fuck is going on"</p><p>"I—I can't. no one can know. no one can know"</p><p>Jean was about to lose his shit and start yelling at her but instead, he rubbed her shaking arms and looked at her earnestly "Kaia...I won't tell anybody, I won't. I promise"</p><p>Kaia shook her head aggressively "I can't tell you—I—I can't tell anybody"</p><p>he then took her hand and kissed her knuckles, recalling how she kissed his back in the infirmary when she made a promise  "You can trust me, Kaia. I promise. You don't have to be alone in this. Keeping that kind of secret all by yourself"</p><p>She took a moment to re-collect her thoughts, telling Jean about her would either make or break her situation...but, something within her ached to just tell someone, to not have to hide all the time, to not have to lie. She hung her head "I—I'm a spy for Godsent"</p><p>"what—Kaia, I—"</p><p>"I know" she said "I know they're bad and they're—"</p><p>"I don't have an opinion on them, Kaia. I just—I know that they're dangerous. Do you even know what you've gotten into? or have you been part of the organisation since you were little"</p><p>She closed her eyes and frowned, unsure how to explain it. Would she go as far as tell him about her past life? that she wasn't from here? it would be so freeing "it's hard to explain, Jean." she took a deep breath "I—I'll tell, I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I promise"</p><p>He raised an eyebrow "not gonna kiss my knuckles?"</p><p>she laughed tiredly "thought you said it was gross"</p><p>"can't a guy change his mind?"</p><p>"I suppose" she kissed his knuckles "I promise I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I have to go"</p><p>Jean nodded then let go of her hands as she trekked into the forest, disappearing into its eerie presence. He was about to run after her when she wasn't heading toward the barracks, but then he thought that he'd asked her enough questions and that he should let some of her secrets, stay secrets.</p><p>Kaia's training at Godsent was relentless as always, plus, she was on edge as if Elijah could read her mind and find out that she had revealed her power to somebody within the survey corps.</p><p>"again" Ada commanded. </p><p>It had been a few weeks since Kaia started training with the powerhouse of a woman. Ada was one of Elijah's most trusted friends, she stood at 6 ft 4, with glorious red hair knotted up in a bun, muscles that would put Erwin to shame and eyes that burned gold. In short, she was terrifying, gorgeous to the bone and twice as deadly. </p><p>When Ada first met Kaia, she thought that she was a delicate, pretty little thing, that she'd need more training to harden her up. Ada took her off beam training and focused solely on her combat skills. </p><p>"your footing is weak. your predictions are weak. your defends and your attacks are weak. the only thing you're half decent at is not giving up" Ada circled around her as Kaia heaved on all fours.</p><p>"well at least i'm not a lost cause" she playfully retorted, attempting to mask her anxiety.</p><p>Ada huffed "get up bunny, let's go another round"</p><p>'bunny' was Ada's pet name for Kaia, she explained that Kaia was soft and delicate like a bunny, and when she finally became a true warrior, Ada would call her 'rabbit'</p><p>Kaia's steps faltered, sweat beaded at her brow. She couldn't react quick enough to Ada's attacks. Her breath was uneven, throwing off her balance. Most of her successful dodges were flukes. She hit the mat again. </p><p>Ada clicked her tongue, squatting beside a panting Kaia. "you were going good for while bunny, why come here tonight and fail miserably. what is the source of this pathetic failure?"</p><p>Kaia sat up "lovers quarrel"</p><p>Ada made a knowing sound "that is never good. when fighting, it is always good to incorporate emotions, but never when you can't control them. It's best if you shut them out from the time being, be still and be here." she poked a finger at Kaia's sweaty forehead "you are a blade. blade's do not cry in frustration, they do not explode in anger. Your body is a blade, wield it with a clear and sharp mind, or you will not notice that archers behind you or the cavalry in front"</p><p>Kaia nodded, unsure if she understood Ada's metaphors. "right."</p><p>"stand up. I want you to meet some new people I want you to train with. They are around your age, promising recruits" Ada held out a hand to her</p><p>Kaia dusted herself off, neatly re-tying her hair into a high ponytail. Ada turned to welcome 4 girls onto the mat. </p><p>She pointed to the first one "This is Alice, best at the beams, high ropes, and building hopping. Perfect girl if you want someone to sneak around and snoop in on some conversations. Nobody can catch her. We call her 'spider' "</p><p>Alice smiled sweetly, her hair was burgundy brown which accentuated her soft features. Her eyes were deep blue, almost to the point that it appeared black. Kaia wondered what they would look like in the sun light.</p><p>Ada pointed to the second one "This is Luisa. Best at strategy and coordination. She can come up with a solution to almost any problem. Excellent at critical thinking. We call her 'crow' "</p><p>Luisa nodded firmly, her honey gold hair twisted tightly into a low bun and her emerald eyes glinting like jewels. She stood with a straight spine and arms behind her back, like a perfect soldier.</p><p>Ada pointed to the third one "This is Betsy. Expert with ODM gear, rifles and any other firearms. Great at building bombs. We call her 'panther' "</p><p>Betsy waved nonchalantly. Despite her cutesy name, she looked quite intimidating. Her ebony hair was shaved off one side and her eyes a narrow and upturned shape. Piercings stuck out of her brow, her nose and her lip. Tattoos reached up her neck, peeking through her collar. Kaia realised she was asian and guessed she was either Japanese or Filipino. Nevertheless, she was surprised to see her as asians were very rare within the walls.</p><p>Ada pointed to the fourth and final one "This is selma. Best with daggers and any sort of sharp weapon. Versatile during combat, can practically shapeshift, depending on the opponent. We call her 'butterfly' " </p><p>Selma looked Kaia up and down judgementally, not bothering to offer a greeting. Her hair shone silver, perfectly matching her eyes. She looked like a true blade, sharp and cold. Her beauty outmatched Ada's, which Kaia thought was impossible. Selma looked like some beautiful, dangerous beast. And Kaia found herself wishing that she was like her.</p><p>Ada cleared her throat, gesturing an arm toward Kaia "girls this is—"</p><p>"little bunny...yes, we know dear Ada" Selma purred. Her eyes narrowed into slits, still observing Kaia.</p><p>"Kaia, you'll be training with these girls, indefinitely. This is your A-team"</p><p>Kaia cocked her head to the side, furrowing her brows in cofusion.</p><p>Ada sighed "every member in Godsent belongs to a crew made up of a variety of people. Most of our targets can't be handled alone so you need people around you you can trust and depend on. This is what a crew's for. Y'all can come up with a name later, we need to get to training" she explained </p><p>Luisa stepped forward "it's a honour to be placed into your crew, Miss Madden. I will do my best to support our Drokya"</p><p>Selma scoffed beside her "puh-lease. have you seen her train with lightning? absolutely erratic and uncontrollable. Looks more like a danger to herself than a weapon that can used against others"</p><p>Kaia opened her mouth to bite back but Alice cut in "I've seen her on the beams though. She has magnificent form, though I'd love to teach her a few more things"</p><p>Selma sneered "shut up Alice"</p><p>"don't talk to her like that" Besty snapped </p><p>They then got into an argument, Alice stood between them, trying to mediate. Luisa offered an array of pledges and promises to Kaia while Ada stood pinching her nose bridge in frustration.</p><p>Ada clapped twice "everybody listen up. I've set up an obstacle course in the east wing. Go ahead and set yourselves up at the starting line, I'll be right back" she wandered off to Elijah, who stood watching other people train.</p><p>Kaia ran up to Ada "hey can you tell Elijah I won't be coming for a week straight starting from tomorrow. I have to attend Keeper's Season"</p><p>Ada raised a brow "I thought that that was only held for the higher ups in the military"</p><p>"yes well, I was asked to be the date of one of the higher ups in the military"</p><p>"oh. is this the lover you had a quarrel with?"</p><p>she raised up her palms "oh no no. This ones just a friend. anyways, can you make sure he knows"</p><p>Ada nodded. Kaia grinned "thank you so much"</p><p>She then made her way to the east wing with the girls. It was easy enough to spot the obstacle course. </p><p>"oh it must be my lucky night! Ada put in some extra beams. I'll be able to use them to my advantage" Alice squeaked beside her</p><p>"yeah...lucky" Kaia replied </p><p>"sorry about Selma back there" she said "she's just bitter because you're the new favourite"</p><p>"the new favourite?" she queried</p><p>Alice nodded her head "mm-hm. Selma used to be Elijah's favourite. He took her under his wing when she was first recruited and he was beyond pleased at her achievements during training"</p><p>"oh. have you known the other girls for long?"</p><p>"well, we were in the same training sector, even though we hung out with different people, we still knew each other"</p><p>"so you're not really friends with anyone in this crew"</p><p>Alice giggled "well I wouldn't say that. I mean, I barely know them, despite being around them for so long. It's common that you're put into a crew without your friends, it's mostly because there needs to be a variety of people with different talents in the crew and well...people are similar to their friends" she explained </p><p>Kaia nodded "well it seems like Betsy back there had your back, when Selma berated you"</p><p>"oh yeah, well she owes me one, since...the accident"</p><p>"what accident"</p><p>Alice looked around to check if anyone was listening "well once, during training above ground, Betsy was tasked with killing this criminal. She was supposed to do it by herself but she broke down the night before and I found her, so I promised that I would sneak out and join her during the task. I ended up being the one that cut the criminals neck" she explained</p><p>"What happens if you don't complete a task?"</p><p>"nothing major, but it is a great humiliation and shame to be branded with that failure, especially so early on"</p><p>"right, well, at least you've got her by your side in this crew"</p><p>Alice shook her head "it's not really a big deal to me who's in the crew. I'm just happy that I'll be moving on from solo missions, they're the absolute worst" </p><p>"what did you do on those missions?"</p><p>"it was the basic elimination of criminals. It was difficult though, one of the thieves I was tasked to kill was stealing to provide for his family"</p><p>her eyes widened "you kill petty criminals?"</p><p>"yeah...."</p><p>"but...they don't deserve death"</p><p>Alice cautiously looked around again "I think the same. but, we can't reject these tasks when they've been given to us. We have to kill them, despite what our morals say, it's why it was so hard for betsy to go on her first kill. She knew they didn't deserve it"</p><p><i>these people...they're not bad, they know what is good, they know what is right. They're just being forced to carry out unjust punishments.</i> "who's giving these missions to the trainees?"</p><p>"Elijah, of course"</p><p><i>that bastard</i> Kaia thought <i>I knew he was a man who knew no boundaries</i> "is he the leader or something?"</p><p>she shook her head "no, he's just the right hand man. We're not allowed to see our leader, it's essential that they keep hidden, just in case there's a mole within us"</p><p>"right." Kaia looked around the underground facility. <i>Godsent can be so much more than this. They wouldn't have to hide if the public was so against them. and the public wouldn't be so against them if they didn't kill petty criminals. and they wouldn't be killing petty criminals if not for Elijah. Elijah...he's the one holding back Godsent, he's the one limiting their power, corrupting their minds. Godsent isn't the problem, it's Elijah. These people don't deserve to be hunted after by each Military branch. It should be Elijah that they're after </i></p><p>She looked around at her new crew. Selma was sharpening her daggers, Luisa was fiddling with fighting sticks, Alice was jumping up and down, throwing stars glinting at her hip, and Betsy was loading her gun. </p><p>"why is everyone readying their weapons"</p><p>"it's for the obstacle course. We have to get to the other side as fast as we can while simultaneously trying to slow down the others"</p><p>"isn't that...dangerous?"</p><p>"oh no don't worry about it, the edge of Selma's daggers and my throwing stars are covered with removal rubber, while Betsy has soft rubber bullets and Luisa's fighting stick is lighter, so it doesn't hurt as much if she hits you"</p><p>"are there like some sort of rules for this training course"</p><p>"yes, if you get hit by any of our weapons more then three times then you're 'dead' which means you failed the obstacle course and have to walk to the end and wait for it to finish" Alice explained </p><p>"oh. well what weapon am I going to use?"</p><p>Kaia then felt Ada's massive hand grip her shoulder, a hearty laugh escaping her mouth "you, little bunny, will be using your lightning"</p><p>Selma darted toward Ada "that's unfair, we could easily get hurt"</p><p>Ada shrugged "that's completely up to bunny here, she's the one who controls how much lightning goes into her attacks. I'm sure a small shock wouldn't hurt you at all"</p><p>"but what if she goes all berserk on us!" Selma retorted </p><p>Betsy laughed "she's just scared, she's going to be hit first"</p><p>"no i'm not! I can tackle any opponent"</p><p>she shrugged "sure you can, but Kaia here, isn't some thug on the streets or a blood thirsty assassin. she is lightning, powerful and unpredictable. All she needs is to touch your daggers to send her lightning through the metal of your blades and into your body. Have you ever met an opponent like that?"</p><p>Selma huffed, storming toward the starting line, away from the other girls.</p><p>Kaia chuckled "thanks, you made me out to be way cooler than I actually am"</p><p>"I'm sure you've got some tricks up your sleeve. You are a bunny after all. the magicians pet. surely you are well versed on his deceptions and schemes" Betsy made her way to the starting line, followed by Alice and then Luisa.</p><p>Kaia heard Ada chuckled beside "oh this is going to be fun"</p><p>"what weapon are you going to use?" she queried </p><p>"my fists of course. I am the master of hand to hand combat in this crew" and with that, Ada stalked toward the starting line.</p><p>Kaia hesitantly followed, her mind was already riddled with other anxieties, the need to impress her new crew mates didn't help.<i> fuck that </i>she thought <i>i'm not here to put on a show. I just need to get to the end as fast as I can, I don't need to worry about what I look like.</i></p><p>She lined up at the starting line with the other girls, calling to her lightning. The others gawked at her as blue sparks covered her body, Ada smiled proudly while Selma rolled her eyes.</p><p>"on your marks. get set." the girls assumed a starting stance, as if they would shoot out of their position. Kaia focused her lightning onto her legs so that she'll get a head start.</p><p>"go" with the roar of Ada's voice, the girls darted across the course. Kaia dashed past them with her lightning legs, too quick to be caught. In no time, she reached the end, waiting for the rest to finish.</p><p>huh. she thought that was easier than I thought.</p><p>Once all the girls finished the course, Selma stomped toward Kaia "that was unfair!" she shrieked</p><p>"it was not against the rules" Luisa stated "you were so focused on how Kaia would use her lightning to hurt you that you didn't expect her to use it in other ways"</p><p>Ada laughed "what a cheeky little bunny. I'll have to catch you by the leg to slow you down next time"</p><p>"that was fucking epic" Alice squeaked. Kaia's brows shot up, she didn't look like the kind of girl of swore.</p><p>Betsy nudged her in the shoulder "I knew you had tricks up your sleeve"</p><p>Ada moved her arm in a circling motion "again" she commanded. The girls laughed and chatted with each other as they made their way back to the starting line. Selma fumed as Luisa pointed out all her mistakes. Alice babbled on to Betsy. With extreme unease, Kaia knew would grow to care for them, and that one day, she wouldn't be able to bring herself to go against them if the survey corps commanded.<i> It was the exact same with the 104th trainees. I've got to convince Erwin that these people aren't the problem. it's Elijah.</i></p>
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<a name="section0021"><h2>21. pretty dresses and jealous boys</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia grumbled as she felt Krista's fingers poke her in the side. Training with her new crew at Godsent proved to be tiresome, and she did not want to leave her bed despite it being awfully stiff and uncomfortable.</p><p>"hurry upppp, we need to get you all dressed up!!! I already took the dresses from Levi's office. come on come on come on" she squealed </p><p>Kaia got out of bed sluggishly, squinting at the morning light. She had told Krista and the other girls in her room that she would be attending Keeper's Season with Levi. Immediately, Krista was gawking over her and asking her a million questions. The only way to get her to shut up was promising her that she could help with getting Kaia ready. Once she was told this, she seemed to be in a dreamy trance the rest of the night.</p><p>"where are the rest of the girls?" Kaia yawned, stretching out her arms and legs as she sat on the edge of the bed. </p><p>"oh i basically shoved them out of the room. you know cause, a girl needs space. Their probably sleeping out in the hallway right now"</p><p>Kaia walked over to the door and peeked her head out into the hallway. Sure enough, the rest of the girls were sleeping soundly in the hallway, it was hard not to laugh at the absurdity of it all.</p><p>Kaia felt Krista yank her back into the room. She groaned as Krista started to brush her hair."the morning just makes everything worse, doesn't it? I was so looking forward to this...but i'm just...much....too....tired" Kaia's eyes drooped before she felt a hard smack on her cheek</p><p>"we can't waste time!! When I went to get your dresses, Captain Levi was already awake and getting ready" Krista tugged on her knotted hair.</p><p>she sighed "of course he was"</p><p>After a few painful moments, Krista was able to get Kaia's hair into a beautiful french twist, her bangs had grown out by a lot so Krista pulled out small bits of hair from the front to frame her face.</p><p>Krista then helped Kaia put on the victorian-esque day dress which was predominantly cream and blue. It cinched at the waist, with the corset accentuating her bust. </p><p>Krista stepped back to admire her work "oh my goodness! you look like a dream, Kaia"</p><p>"oh I better, 'cause I'm feeling like a nightmare right now. Not being able to breathe this early in the morning shouldn't be allowed" she sighed "i wonder how the nobles do it."</p><p>"alright, now sit down, I need to do your makeup"</p><p>Kaia raised a brow "you have makeup?"</p><p>"yeah, during the mid year break I said that I wanted some and Ymir stole them for me since we didn't have enough money"</p><p>she laughed then recalled her conversation with Alice the night before. <i>these are the type of people they kill </i>she thought<i> no. Elijah kills. he's the one that makes them do it. that preys on their desire to belong.</i> </p><p>"what's wrong?" Krista queried</p><p>"oh nothing, it just—dawned on me that I'll be surrounded by pretentious snobs for the whole week"</p><p>"i'm sure you'll do just fine. you're a lovely girl Kaia, sweet to the bone"</p><p>she smiled in response "thanks" at least she is being perceived as a better person by her peers, in her past life, she was often the subject of rumours and gossip and she was shunned from ever having a social life with people in her school. Something felt uneasy though, despite her peers perceiving Kaia as a better person, Kaia herself felt no better, it still felt like an act. </p><p>Once the simple makeup was done, Krista helped pack the rest of the dresses and nightgowns in a bag for her to take. Kaia's gaze lingered on herself in the mirror for a while. She looked so different, she was different. It's a been a long time since she used to pretend she hated feminine things, and how she wished she could go back and tell her 15 year old self that she should wear dresses if she wanted to. She remembered her eyes glittering with desire as she gazed upon a beautiful dress her mom had gotten her, only to chuck it out the window, claiming she didn't want it. Later that night, she had crawled into the garden, retrieved the dress and hid it in her closet, occasionally admiring once in a while.</p><p>"I think I need to take a walk for a bit, you know, some fresh air." Kaia said, suddenly recalling that she had promised Jean that she would explain everything to him. Her stomach churned at the thought.</p><p>"of course, yeah go ahead. I'll leave your bag outside the door and you can just swing by and grab it when you're on your way to Levi's office"</p><p>"thank you, Krista. I don't know where I'd be without you. When I come back, you can choose a dress of your liking and I shall gift it to you"</p><p>Krista held up her palms "oh no no, please. Helping you get dolled up was enough"</p><p>"I'm going to give it to you and you can't stop me Krista Lenz, so that one day, you can doll up, yourself"</p><p>she smiled bashfully "well i suppose there's no stopping you when you've set your mind to something"</p><p>Kaia hugged "oh it's impossible" with that, she exited the room and headed toward the lake. She laughed to herself as she heard Krista waking up the sleepy girls in the hallway, practically dragging them back inside to sleep.</p><p>The air was magnificent outside. It was one of the few things she liked about the morning. The air was always cool but never cold, crisp but never harsh. She lifted her dress delicately as she trekked through the woods and into the clearing surrounding the lake. Jean stood at the edge of the jetty in the same clothes he wore last night. had he waited for me the whole night? she thought. She felt the felt the pit of her stomach grow into her chest, increasing the beat of her heart, causing her hands to sweat in the cotton gloves she wore.</p><p>Jean turned on his heel as he heard Kaia call to him from behind. He blinked rapidly for a moment as he took in the sight of her in that dress. He thought that it suited her perfectly, if not for the baby blue areas on the dress, she would've looked like a bride....walking toward him, as if he were the groom. Jean shook the thought away from his head, he loved Mikasa, he had always loved Mikasa, he only ever had a small crush of Kaia, a long time ago as well, so why did his heart start to quicken at the sight of her? why did his mind run wild? <i>this is how i always react to girls in pretty dresses </i>Jean told himself <i>the feelings are shallow, meaningless. Kaia's my best friend and I can't even think about being apart from Mikasa.</i></p><p>"whatever insult you're about to spit at me, I'd advise you to bite your tongue. I feel extremely beautiful in this dress and I'm not going to let you ruin it" Kaia huffed as she stood before him, a glorious frown across her features.</p><p>Jean only smiled, it was hard not to, around her "you look lovely today Kaia"</p><p>she scoffed "that couldn't have sounded more fake. still, it's better then an insult"</p><p>"must you always think so low of me? I can be a good best friend, I can offer compliments"</p><p>"well you're not the type of man to offer compliments without fumbling on your words and making complete fool out of yourself. so I can only think that what you said was fake since you said it so confidently"</p><p>"I think that you'd find that I've changed Kaia, I can be quite the romantic" he retorted </p><p>"I'd rather not find out"</p><p>he laughed "I didn't offer to show you"</p><p>"oh i'd forgotten. You're one of the few men who aren't blushing at my very gaze"</p><p>"you shouldn't think so highly of yourself" he teased </p><p>"oh please, you needn't worry. I can hate every bit of my self while simultaneously feeling like a God"</p><p>"I'm not sure whether I should be worried for you or be scared of you"</p><p>"worrying doesn't do any good, fear, however, is a good way to keep people in check" she paused, walking over to stand beside Jean, looking out across the lake "are you scared of me, Jean?"</p><p>He stuck his hands into his pockets, keeping his gaze toward the lake "before last night? not at all. after? well...only a little"</p><p>Kaia let out a laugh as if they were having a normal conversation, as if she wasn't about to share her biggest secret, the pit in her stomach expanded "What do you think?....of Godsent. Do you think me a traitor?"</p><p>He shrugged "I have no opinion on Godsent. Their ideals are good, if only they didn't take it to the extremes"</p><p>she hummed in agreement "if only they didn't go after petty criminals, people who steal for their families, people who commit assault on the basis of self-defense, sad old men who illegally buy alcohol to savour that taste of euphoria it gives them. None of them deserve to die."</p><p>Jean turned toward her, raising a brow "I didn't think you'd agree with me, since, you're a spy for them and all"</p><p>"I'm not exactly a devoted member"</p><p>"what does that mean?"</p><p>"it means they instituted me into this organisation against my will. they threatened to burn down Maria's tavern if I didn't comply, said it would be for a just cause"</p><p>"why you? I mean they could literally get any—" he paused "oh. your lightning" he rubbed the back of his head awkwardly "were you....born with it or something?"</p><p>she sighed "technically, I was born into this world with the power, but....I was born as how I am now. I was born as an 18 year old"</p><p>"that doesn't make sense"</p><p>"I...woke up in this world, after I died in my...past life. I didn't know anyone, I wondered around aimlessly for days until I found the tavern, until I found Maria. Turns out, Godsent preformed this sacrifical ritual for me, to pull my wandering soul out of the realm of the afterlife and into this reality"</p><p>"...shit. that's heavy."</p><p>"it's been tough...but I don't miss my past life, I mean I miss my family and my friends, but I hate how I lived back then, how selfish I was. I'm trying to do better in this one"</p><p>"what's Godsent planning to do the survey corps?"</p><p>"they want to destroy it, burn it to the ground"</p><p>"and you're going to help them?"</p><p>she shook her head "no. not at all"</p><p>'"so you're like some sort of double agent"</p><p>Kaia laughed "not really. I'm not going to help the survey corps bring down Godsent either. I've found the root of the problem with Godsent, if only I can convince Levi and Erwin to help me reform it instead of destroying it"</p><p>"Levi and Erwin know you're a spy?"</p><p>she nodded "but they don't know of my lightning. they can't ever know. they'll try to use me, and would be willing to go to horrid lengths in order to do so" Kaia paused "it's why we had to jump into the lake that night and pretended we were just having fun. That night, I had used my lightning, and both Levi and Erwin saw, but they didn't know it was me"</p><p>"Kaia. If Levi and Erwin know that you being threatened, then they can send scouts to protect the tavern"</p><p>"they don't know I'm being threatened, I told them another story as to how I was recruited. if they did know about the tavern and offered protection then it would give me no reason to be with Godsent. I don't want that. I want to fight for both while fighting for neither, at least until Godsent is reformed. I can see the organisation and the military being allies, I can do it. I just—I hope their prejudices won't get in the way. The people of Godsent are good people...they're just being taught to do evil things"</p><p>"geez, I thought you were just some kid from wall rose who was too lazy to try during training. You're a revolutionist Kaia, if you really can pull off making allies of Godsent and the military, you'll be welcoming a new era of unity, and you'd have enough power to expose the corrupt government"</p><p>"I'd rather be an artist like you, Jean. Planning for a revolutionary political change doesn't do well for my wrinkles, I need my beauty sleep ya know, training at Godsent every night is horrid"</p><p>"so that's where you scurried off to last night. No wonder you're falling behind in training here, you must be absolutely exhausted"</p><p>she laughed "oh you've no idea" Kaia turned toward him, fiddling with her gloves "...so, you don't think I'm crazy? all that talk about past lives and sacrificial rituals"</p><p>"nah, I guess it'll take some time for me to wrap my head around it, plus, I think you've just become the most interesting person I know"</p><p>"I wouldn't believe you if you said I wasn't. not to be narcissistic or anything"</p><p>"you've always been narcissistic Madden, it's part of your charm"</p><p>"oh don't boost my ego. I'm trying to be a better person, and that means being humble and sweet and timid"</p><p>"why be the better person when you can be the worst? at least you'll be free"</p><p>that's how I used to think, it's what lead me down such a troublesome lifestyle, I can't allow that to happen again. "you're a bad influence, Jean Kirstein"</p><p>"at least I'm not boring"</p><p>"that you most definitely are not" </p><p>A silence passed through them, Kaia had quite a few things to say but she didn't want to appear as if she didn't trust Jean. She fiddled nervously with her dress.</p><p>"I won't tell anyone, Madden." Jean then said, as if he could read her mind "I don't want to lose you just yet"</p><p>"you shouldn't want to lose me ever, I'm an amazing friend." he laughed "enough talk about me. How are you?"</p><p>"same old, same old. Still picking fights with Eren, pissing off people, pining after Mikasa"</p><p>Kaia wanted to ask more about him and Mikasa, but she knew better than to prod at the sensitive subject. She sighed, casting her gaze across the lake again "man, fuck Eren, honestly, like what a fucking prick"</p><p>Jean faltered, his mouth falling agape "where's this coming from?"</p><p>"we had a fight. He thought I was fucking captain Levi and I told him I wasn't, and then he kept asking a bunch of questions I couldn't answer"</p><p>"questions about Godsent?"</p><p>"more like questions about what the hell has been going on with me. and I can't tell him, obviously"</p><p>Jean raised a brow "wait wait wait, you're telling me he doesn't know anything about you and Godsent"</p><p>she shook her head "only you and Maria know"</p><p>"don't you love him?"</p><p>"I mean yeah, of course, but...he'll rat me out"</p><p>"Kaia...he won't—"</p><p>"he will, Jean, you know him, he will" she paused "I don't know how we're going to keep going. I shouldn't be keeping secrets like this from him, but..I just can't risk my position with the survey corps and Godsent right now. I fear it's only going to get worse, this stupid fight was only the beginning, he'll keep asking questions, I'll keep on not answering. We'll be torn apart, it would better if I ended it now...but—"</p><p>"you can't, can you? You love him, and that'll outweigh any other reason"</p><p>"i can't explain it, having him by my side, it's just, it feels right, if I were without him, I think I'd be lost for a long time" she looked off in melancholy, then assumed an annoyed expression "still. he's a fucking prick for all the things he said to me and i'm really super extremely angry at him right now"</p><p>"I'll give him a good punch during dinner and make him throw up"</p><p>she laughed "oh please"</p><p>"you know, you and I are the same. I know I should end it with Mikasa, I know that I probably don't deserve being the second choice. but I love her, I won't let her go that easy"</p><p>Kaia rubbed his arm "you two will make it, I think. You belong to each other. I'm rooting for you"</p><p>Jean took a deep breath, "you know I used to have a crush on you" he suddenly said</p><p>her eyes widened "and why are you suddenly saying this now?"</p><p>"I dunno. Felt like I had to get it off my chest"</p><p>she laughed "i can't believe that even you aren't immune to my charms"</p><p>"if I had told you ages ago, would you have gotten with me?"</p><p>she shrugged "no I wouldn't have. back then I was all about playing other people, adding them to my list like some sort of victory. Back then, I would probably break your heart, and then you would hate me forever. I made friends with you because I wanted you to stick around longer"</p><p>"I'm flattered"</p><p>"I've thought about it once or twice, you know, us being together, before Eren of course. now I laugh, looking back at it"</p><p>"yeah, I must've been insane to crush on you" Jean felt his chest to be lighter, as if just got some closure, some reassurance that he and Kaia were better off as friends, and a relationship between them wouldn't ever work.</p><p>"I've got to head back now, Levi would be coming to pick me up any second now"</p><p>"yeah I should probably head in as well and get so sleep before Shadis verbally abuses us"</p><p>"you really stayed here all night?"</p><p>"yeah, part of me thought you'd be back after like 30 minutes"</p><p>she laughed "sorry to leave you hanging"</p><p>he shrugged "eh, better than you not coming at all"</p><p>The two made their way back to the barracks, Kaia was surprised when she saw most of the scouts up and out of their rooms so early in the morning. Once they caught sight of her, they started whistling and whooping. She cringed at the thirsty looks some of the boys were throwing at her.</p><p>"There's our lady of the season" Ymir shouted, draping an arm across Kaia's shoulder as she walked into the crowd "you look absolutely stunning! thanks to the work of the lovely Krista"</p><p>"oi Kaia, dish us in on what the hell nobles actually do inside wall Sina" someone unfamiliar called from the crowd </p><p>"stash some sweets for me!" Sasha squealed</p><p>The girls pushed the boys away from her, cooing and ogling at the fancy dress that she wore. Kaia smiled and nodded along with them, expressing her excitement in a giddy manner.</p><p>Eren stood against the wall of the barracks, gazing out at the manic crowd surrounding Kaia. He sighed, she looked beautiful, other worldly even. He wanted to tell her that a million times but he felt as he would be trespassing on dangerous ground. After having the night to think about their fight, he found himself realising that he was over reacting. However, there was some part of him that justified his actions, his foul words. Kaia had been keeping secrets from him, and that's not what you do to someone you love. Eren crossed his arms over his chest, huffing at Kaia's elated manner. How had her mood changed so quickly? Did he matter so little to her? He then saw a small figure clad in a fancy suit walk toward the crowd, upon realising who it was, his feet started to move blindly toward her.</p><p>Levi parted the crowd of squealing girls in order to get to Kaia. He already had enough trouble from Erwin giving him a speech on how Keeper's Season was the perfect opportunity to get closer to Kaia. He nodded along and agreed just to shut him up. To his satisfaction, the crowd dispersed once they noticed his presents, still he could hear the whispers from them, and he didn't feel all to enthusiastic being in the gaze of judgemental teenagers.</p><p>All his frustrations suddenly died down when he set his eyes upon her. He had never seen her so dressed up, draped in beautiful fabrics, her face glowing like an angel from heaven. Shame rose within himself when he found his heart stuttering, his hands sweating, and his head spinning. Kaia turned toward him, meeting his gaze, her face breaking out into the most glorious grin. <i>oh for fuck sake </i>he thought<i> she's fucking beautiful. </i>Levi clenched his fist tightly, ridding himself of the thought.</p><p>"brat" he drawled "the carriage is ready"</p><p>"it's nice to see you to captain, may I say that you look quite dashing today"</p><p>"no you may not, I'm not one for pretentious compliments"</p><p>"right. I forgot you only talk in insults" she huffed, fluffing out her dress "well, captain, you look absolutely horrid today" Kaia thought he was so unfairly attractive in that suit, her heart stuttered at the old feelings she used to harbour for him swelling in her chest for only a fleeting moment.</p><p>"I'd say the same for you but I don't think there's a word for someone who looks as vile as you"</p><p>she held a hand to her chest in mock offence "you wound me sir"</p><p>"I'm glad" he offered her his arm.</p><p>"wait I need to get my bags" </p><p>"no need, Krista already told me where it was, I took the liberty of taking it to the carriage already"</p><p>"my, what a gentleman. see? you can stand to be nice sometimes" she wrapped her arm around his</p><p>"enjoy it while it lasts Madden, 'cause it won't be for long"</p><p>She laughed, then shrieked as she felt something pull her from the side. Before she knew it, Eren's lips were crashing onto hers. She pushed him away abruptly.</p><p>"Holy shit" Connie said, watching from the distance with the other scouts </p><p>"oh. my. god." Sasha squealed, pointing fervently at the pair "her and eren! her and eren! her and eren!"</p><p>"Sasha shut up I wanna see what's going on. Kaia looks pissed" Ymir added</p><p>"that fucking jerk" Jean growled, stomping toward Eren</p><p>"wait Jean don't" Marco called out to him, but it was futile.</p><p>"Have a nice trip babe" Eren said, making sure that Levi was listening, that he knew Kaia was with him. Levi only raised a brow in annoyance.</p><p>Before Jean could punch his jaw, Kaia's gloved hand slapped Eren across the face, sending him stumbling to the side. Jean abruptly stopped and dropped his fist as he stood in front of Kaia.</p><p>She grabbed Eren's arm roughly and pulled him to the side "I'll be back in a minute" she said to Levi. He only rolled his eyes.</p><p>Jean laughed awkwardly when it was just him and Levi "...so....."</p><p>"don't bother making conversation" Levi drawled</p><p>"yup got it" Jean replied</p><p>"What the fuck do you think you're doing?!" She yelled, cautiously looking around the corner to check that no one followed them.</p><p>"I can't just let him take you like that! He had to know that you're mine." he paused, taking a breath "you're mine, no one else's"</p><p>Kaia grit her teeth "I am mine, before I am anyone else's. Do not proceed to think that you have some sort of claim on me. I could drop you right here, right now, Eren, then I'll be your's no more. How do you feel about that huh?"</p><p>He furrowed his brows "is that what you want?"</p><p>"what do you want Eren? Because last night, you were accusing me to cheating on you and then you go ahead and kiss me like nothing happened"</p><p>"I want you to tell me what's going on, don't keep secrets from me!" he yelled</p><p>"oh shitttttt" Connie whispered, peeking through a corner  "it's going downnn"</p><p>"damn. if they break up, we won't get to tease them later" Sasha pouted </p><p>"I can't do that Eren! I told you, I have to keep these secrets, nothing you will ever say will make me tell you. and—and I can't ask you to be okay with that, It is too cruel...if you want to leave me then I understand" she looked to the ground, wringing her hands</p><p>Eren's chest rose and fell vigorously, he couldn't stand that Kaia was keeping secrets from him, but the thought of losing her scared him even more. "fine" he said </p><p>"what?"</p><p>"fine. keep your secrets" Eren walked over and kissed her gently "I don't mind" Those words couldn't have felt more untrue, but he didn't want to lose her. He told himself that one day he'll find out, he had to, partners shouldn't keep secrets.</p><p>Kaia looked up at him "really?" her heart swelled at the thought that he loved her more than his desire to learn her secrets, for a second she thought he was as good as gone.</p><p>"I understand" he said softly, caressing her cheek "I'm sorry for the things I said last night, they were way out of line"</p><p>"I'm not with captain Levi. don't worry. and he certainly isn't fond of me"</p><p>he smiled "I trust you"</p><p>"wait, what about the rest of the scouts? what if they tel erwin?"</p><p>"don't worry about it, I'll make sure they don't"</p><p>she laughed "Oh and are you going to be the Ymir of our relationship. Making sure nobody ever snitches"</p><p>"I know how to scare people"</p><p>Kaia pecked him on the lips again "I'm sure you do"</p><p>Connie and Sasha scurried back when they saw Eren and Kaia walking toward them, luckily they made it just in time to escape unseen.</p><p>Eren kissed Kaia on the cheek before letting her go to Levi. He clenched his jaw when she took Levi's arm, his heart tightening as he saw them walk toward the carriage arm in arm, draped in fancy fabrics, like a perfect couple.</p><p>"solved your lovers quarrel so quickly?" Levi said</p><p>Kaia laughed bashfully </p><p>"though I still do not know why he kissed you in front of me"</p><p>"he was just jealous"</p><p>"wanted to make sure I knew you were taken huh? he needn't worry, even if you were single, I wouldn't bat an eyelash toward you"</p><p>"I'm flattered" she said dryly.</p><p>Levi held out his hand to help her into the carriage. Once seated in the carriage, Kaia brushed out her dress, so that it wouldn't be creased. </p><p>"I suggest you get some sleep. It's a long journey" he advised </p><p>"and miss the scenery of dirty town streets and even dirtier people? heavens no" she said. Kaia tapped her hands excitedly in her lap, she had a feeling Keeper's Season would be one eventful week.</p>
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<a name="section0022"><h2>22. on the brink of death, again</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I must confess something to you Levi" Kaia said, a few minutes into the carriage ride.</p><p>"what is it?" Levi drawled, his bored eyes cast out of the window</p><p>"I..." she took a deep breath "I chucked the box of tea you gave me into the lake" Kaia wrung her hands in her lap "I—I didn't mean to, it's just, I was angry and I needed to throw something and well, the tea box was in my hands at that unfortunate moment"</p><p>A low chuckle escaped his lips, making her eyes snap to him, full of surprise and confusion. She had never seen him laugh before, or even smile, this moment was too good to be happening in a bumpy carriage riding through a dirty town. "is...that funny, sir?"</p><p>he rubbed a hand over his mouth, as if laughing some more would go against his natural character "oh it's nothing, it's just soooo you" Levi said, as he recalled the day that she stabbed a stuffed toy in front of him when getting angry.</p><p>"you mean getting angry and losing my shit? yeah sounds like me" she replied awkwardly, tucking the strands in front of her face behind her ear</p><p>"don't be ashamed of it. at least you feel...something" the mood in the carriage turned melancholy as he said those words. Kaia realised how awful it must've been for him, to lose so many comrades, friends. She guessed that he probably avoided feeling any extreme emotion in order to stay sane, to the point where he couldn't feel those emotions anymore, even if he wanted to.<i> It's what happened with Petra, most likely </i>she thought. <i>he was probably ready to explore his feelings again, to explore love, but he couldn't, not that he didn't want to, he just couldn't, it had been a long time since he had. </i></p><p>Levi frowned at her pitying gaze "don't look at me like that. I don't need your concern. I'm strong enough to handle this"</p><p>She looked out the window, a passive emotion enriching her eyes "no. you're not. you're as weak as an ant against a bully's foot"</p><p>He grit his teeth</p><p>"....but, we all are. we're all so tragically weak, it's beautiful. I mean, we're human after all"</p><p>Levi huffed, crossing his arms across his chest "don't go all poet on me Madden, I might just chop your head off"</p><p>she chuckled "please do"</p><p>"are you so willing to die?"</p><p>"I used to be. I still am, sometimes, when I feel like everything is crushing down on me and I just...want that nothingness that death offers, the peace. I never truly want to die. I have so many things to live for, so many people, and still, if they all leave and my precious things crumble to dust, I'll still have me, and that's enough"</p><p>"hmph, I feel you have stumbled on some life-changing epitome, mind if I ask for the details"</p><p>she laughed lightly "actually...I feel things have cleared up for me, regarding my situation with Godsent and the Survey Corps"</p><p>"oh? have you finally chosen a side?"</p><p>"not exactly...but, I'd like to make a proposal"</p><p>"go on"</p><p>"I wanted to do it with Erwin here but like this is the perfect opportunity to tell you nobody could possibly be listening on us" she said, recalling how Elijah seemed to always know what was going on with her and the survey corps.</p><p>"just spit it out brat"</p><p>she scratched her neck "right yeah sorry. Godsent...they're good people"</p><p>"no."</p><p>"Levi please just, listen to me"</p><p>He only frowned and looked away </p><p>"They're being brainwashed, they're being led to believe that what they're doing is good, is just. These ideas are being planted into their brains, they know that some of the people they target don't deserve death...but, they can't exactly stop or stand up for what they think"</p><p>"and why is that?" he drawled</p><p>"I'm guessing these people are outcasts, looking for a home, people who've been wronged by criminals before, people who've lost their families. They don't want to disobey orders because they'll be shunned, humiliated, alone, again...and that's—that's enough for them to justify their cruel deeds because the desire to belong, to not be alone is just—it's too strong to ignore"</p><p>"what do you suggest we do about it"</p><p>"we take out the root of the problem." she paused "Elijah"</p><p>"who's that"</p><p>"he's the one that recruited me. the one you saw me with, that one night"</p><p>Levi recalled that night, he remembered the cloaked man embracing her, like a friend "is he not...your ally?"</p><p>"I thought he was, I mean was kind and warm and welcoming...but his beliefs are so...extreme, it's scary, and the way he's pushing them onto these kids, it's not so subtle, but the people don't know any better, they're easy to manipulate"</p><p>"taking out Elijah won't solve the problem. What of the people who are devoted to his teachings? whose minds have already been corrupted."</p><p>she furrowed her brows "surely there's someway to undo what he has done. But if we cannot truly save them, we can't risk them getting away, rebuilding their little cult with Elijah's beliefs, painting him as some sort of martyr"</p><p>"so you'll kill them?"</p><p>She sighed "if I must"</p><p>Levi frowned. This wasn't the Kaia he knew. He thought she was scared of Godsent, but she's already prepared to take their members lives? Levi wondered how far she'd go to supposedly save these people from Elijah.</p><p>"is Elijah the leader or something?" Levi queried</p><p>Kaia shook her head "some of the people there told me he was just an underling for the true leader, who was hidden somewhere"</p><p>"you don't believe them, do you?"</p><p>"I did at first. But the more I thought about it, the more stupid it sounded. Elijah was already corrupting their minds, it would make sense if he were lying to them about his status as well. It's smart, he's hiding in plain sight"</p><p>Levi shifted in his seat. Kaia's proposal was reasonable, it made sense, but what if it was just an idealistic view on Godsent. The organisation has been around for ages, it's difficult to think that an 18 year old girl could reform it.</p><p>"and who will take Elijah's place as leader?"</p><p>"Me"</p><p>He scoffed "don't think that they'll accept you as their leader if you just killed their old one"</p><p>Kaia merely shrugged "they'll just have to"</p><p>"and what makes you think that you an 18 year old can be affective in leading Godsent?"</p><p>she laughed "maybe it's because i'm not a raging absolutist who has a insatiable bloodlust. I want to do good, I want to make things right. That should be enough"</p><p>Levi frowned "I'm sure Elijah thought he was doing good, that he was making things right"</p><p>Kaia huffed "look I know it doesn't sound entirely convincing...but, I really think I can do it, I'm not like Elijah."</p><p>"and if we do help you become leader of Godsent, what happens then?"</p><p>"the military and Godsent will become allies. They'll keep each other in check. I still want to continue the work that Godsent is doing though, not eliminating petty criminals, but the big ones. Serial Killers, Rapists, Human Traffickers....Corrupt Kings"</p><p>"that all sounds good and well, but how exactly are we going to go about this plan?"</p><p>"we needn't make haste just yet. Plus, I still need to tell Erwin" </p><p>"right"</p><p>"let's just focus of twirling in the pretentious snobbery of the nobles for this week. Once we get to headquarters, we can begin"</p><p>"hmm, we'll see about that" Levi drawled</p><p>Kaia shrieked as the carriage swayed violently to the right. "what the hell is going on?"</p><p>"people around here don't really like nobles. us passing through in a carriage makes us look like one"</p><p>"oh." </p><p>She shrieked again when the carriage was hit from behind, tossing her to the other side. Once the carriage stilled, she found herself kneeling in front of Levi with her head in his lap. </p><p>Levi glared down at her, lifting her head with his hands on either side of her face. "don't enjoy yourself too much while you're down there brat"</p><p>Kaia reared back, her face in bright crimson as she realised what position she was in "I—uhm, well, y—"</p><p>A blade then pierced through the carriage, sinking into her leg, soaking her beautiful dress scarlet. She screamed, panting heavily as pain coursed through her leg. "oh my fucking God, you've got to be kidding me"</p><p>Levi started, hopping out of the carriage to deal with the problem. He saw the man that had stabbed Kaia, as he stepped toward him, another hand snaked around his neck. The man wasn't alone, and now Levi had to wrangle foul smelling street thugs who thought they could protest against the rich by attempting to kill one of them, not that Kaia and Levi were nobles at all.</p><p>Kaia grunted in pain as two other blades stuck into the sides of her shoulders, trapping her in a helpless position. Kaia heaved as the blades protruded from her limbs, her ragged breaths filled with pain and fury. Kaia called to her lightning, eager to electrocute the thugs through their metal blades. <i>surely no one will see</i> she thought, as the sparks of lightning jumped off of her bleeding body.</p><p>Levi finished with two of the thugs when he heard those who attacked Kaia hit the ground in an unconscious thump, as if they had fainted. He didn't understand, what happened to them? </p><p>Levi had no time to think as he realised Kaia would be bleeding out. Once he re-entered the carriage, Kaia was slumped against her seat. Blood pouring from her limbs, her eyes struggling to keep open. He kneeled in front her and lightly slapped her face in order to keep her awake "Kaia, Kaia listen to me okay? stay with me"</p><p>Kaia grumbled in annoyance, her body numb with pain. </p><p>"Bring us to the nearest hospital!" he called out to the coachman</p><p>"sir there isn't a hospital near enough! the best we can do is take her to an inn and hope that they have medical supplies" the coachman replied</p><p>"tch fine, get us there as fast as you can"</p><p>Once they arrived at the inn, Levi practically jumped out of the carriage with a partially conscious Kaia in his arms. He barked commands at the owners of the inn, demanding a room and medical supplies. The owners rushed around appealing to him, fearful of what he might do if his demands were not met.</p><p>Levi set Kaia down on a wooden table, hastily ripping her dress in order to get a proper look at her wounds. Taking off his coat and rolling his sleeves up, he reached for a wet cloth, cleaning up the blood that surrounded her gashes. He yelled at one of the owners to hold the torch straight, it was still day outside, but Levi needed a clear view in order to do stitches. He grabbed the needle and thread with shaking hands, sweat beading at his brow. <i>get it together</i> he thought <i>why the fuck am I so shaky? I've done someone's stitches before, in more dire situations as well.</i></p><p><i>....because you're scared that I'm going to die </i>Kaia's voice whispered in his ear, her figure leaning over him <i>I already look like I'm losing my life Levi.</i> she moved to stand in front of him, her dress tattered and her hair still in a perfect french twist <i>don't let me die Levi don't let me die...i have so much to live for</i> </p><p>Levi squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his head in order to be rid of the voices and her ghostly apparition. Kaia was losing blood, he needed to get his head straight. His calloused fingers delicately worked each wound, closing it so that no more blood would escape. The owners stood silently beside him, shaking in fear for the girl who lay unnervingly still on the table, blood seeping into the wood, staining a deep red. </p><p>Once he had finished stitching Kaia up, and covering her wounds with bandages, he thanked the owners for helping, and apologised if he scared them. He then proceeded to sweep Kaia up into his arms and placed her in the one bedroom that the room had. As Levi looked upon her still features, his heart shuddered in concern, what if she had slipped into death while he was stitching her up? He lowered his head near hers so he could hear her breaths, but as they came, short, and ragged, he found no comfort in them.</p><p>Levi pulled himself away from her, getting in the shower to rid his mind of such concerns. Kaia was fine. Yet he still felt uneasy.</p><p>Kaia awoke confused in a small bedroom. She winced as she tried to get up, recalling the horrid blades that stuck into her earlier in the day. Laying back down in frustration she quickly fell into another deep sleep.</p><p>Levi checked in on Kaia once in a while, he still had not seen her awaken but he could not bear to sit at her side and watch her deathly still body, so he opted for frequent check ins, occasionally lowering himself so he could hear her breaths. </p><p>"I'm flattered you visit so much captain, if I'm correct, then this is your 25th visit in the current hour" Kaia said, her eyes still closed</p><p>Levi faltered as he stood by the doorway, his chest swelled in relief to see her awake. He then proceeded to grumble, not eager to admit his worry for the girl "how long have you been awake?"</p><p>"just before I started counting your visits. God knows how much you visited me while I was knocked out"</p><p>"you're welcome, brat. If it weren't for me, you'd be long gone"</p><p>she sighed "yes yes. I am forever grateful"</p><p>"I swear you somehow always find a way to get injured" he said, recalling the time she got whipped by bandits.</p><p>"adds some spice to my life, ya know"</p><p>Levi pinched his nose bridge, leaning against the door frame with arms crossed "you should look for other spices than near death experiences"</p><p>she chuckled "oh I already have an array of spices in my life. My current favourite comes in the shape of a brown haired boy with emerald eyes. He's just glorious in be—"</p><p>"ok ok ok, i've heard enough" he snapped</p><p>Kaia gasped "no!" she shrieked</p><p>Levi dashed toward her "what is it? what's wrong?"</p><p>"my dressss" she pouted "I just remembered. It looks horrid doesn't it?"</p><p>He let out a frustrated sigh, grabbing a chair to sit beside her "not only is it bloodied, but its ripped to shreds"</p><p>Kaia looked under her covers, relieved that she was still wearing her bodice and undergarments. "could you pass me my bag, I'll put a nightgown on"</p><p>"sure" he stepped out of the room to retrieve her bag. "you should take a shower first though, to make sure your wounds are properly cleaned"</p><p>she sat up slowly "I don't think I'm ready for that type of movement yet"</p><p>"and yet you're ready to get changed?"</p><p>"it's just a simple nightgown, I don't need to shuffle into jeans or bend over backwards to secure a harness" she stood, holding the bed frame for support. At least her other leg didn't get shanked, if it did, she wouldn't be able to stand "now shoo, unless you wanna see me naked"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes and exited her room, settling down in front of the fire with a cup of tea.</p><p>As Kaia got up to remove her bodice and undergarments, she observed her wounds by peeking underneath the bandages. It seemed to be healing quite quickly, she estimated that in a few days, she'll be able to move freely without pain. She furrowed her brows in confusion. <i>this happened with the whippings as well </i>she thought<i> my wounds seem to recover quickly, does this have something to do with my power? no. it wouldn't make sense, then....what about my death? the ritual performed in order to get me to this world?  had it given me power, a new life and the ability to heal quickly? </i>Kaia rubbed her head in frustration, she shouldn't concern herself with such questions after a tiring day. She easily slipped off of the bodice and undergarments, leaving only her panties under her nightgown. </p><p>Kaia grumbled as she fiddled with her hair, she couldn't quite grasp the clip that held it all together as she realised that lifting her arms up sent pain screaming at her shoulders. she may be able to heal fast, but never in less than a day. </p><p>She stumbled out of the bedroom, heavily leaning on her good leg. Levi was still sitting in front of the fire, tea in his hands. "Levi" she started, he got up and her by the arm "it's alright. I'm fine" she said as she took a seat onto the dining table, her eyes set on the blood stains on the wood "so this is where you saved me huh?"</p><p>Levi took a seat beside her "it was no miracle, just some stitches" he paused, eyes guilty glancing at her chest, realising she had to bra on, he looked away. "why did you come out of the bedroom?"</p><p>"oh. right. I needed help with my hair"</p><p>he raised a brow "your hair?"</p><p>"yeah, can you like, undo it? its giving me a killer a headache"</p><p>"oh I'm sure that a tight hairstyle is source of this ache and definitely not extreme blood loss. How the hell are you even moving about?"</p><p>she fiddled with her hands "the wounds weren't that deep, plus I guess my body is used to it" Kaia referred to the old lie that she told him, that she grew up from the underground.</p><p>"it shouldn't have to be" he murmured under his breath. Kaia caught the pitying gaze he held toward the floor and felt guilt poke at her gut. <i>he cares for a woman that does not exist. what will he think of me? when the truth is revealed.</i></p><p>A knock came from the door, Levi swiftly moved out of his seat, welcoming the middle aged couple into the room. </p><p>"hello my dear" the lady said "I'm glad you're alright. I'm sure this brave man must be very relieved"</p><p>Her brows shot up "0h was he now?"</p><p>the man gave a low chuckled "you should've seen him tending to your wounds, his hands were skill full and steady but his face....pure madness, looked like he'd send the whole world into a collapse if he couldn't save you"</p><p>Levi hastily gave the woman the medical kit "thanks for letting us stay, and helping me tend to her wounds, i think we need some time to rest"</p><p>"of course, of course"the lady said, ushering her husband out the door "we'll give you two lovers some time alone"</p><p>Once they were out the door, Kaia let out a loud laugh, holding her stomach for air "oh my god" she said in a fit of giggles </p><p>"shut up" he grumbled, setting himself down in front of the fire again </p><p>"I didn't think you'd care for me that much, captain" she said from the table </p><p>"shut up"</p><p>Kaia sighed, getting up to stand before an aggravated Levi, placing her hands on her hips "Levi. when are we going to stop doing this?"</p><p>"doing what?" he raised a brow</p><p>"tip toeing around each other, beating around the bush, pushing each other away."</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about"</p><p>"I'm trying to say that I want to be your friend, that I don't want to always have to second guess the words I'm going to say. I don't want to only talk about business. I want to talk about everything"</p><p> "Kaia. we are cadet and captain. it's all we ever will be"</p><p>she frowned "fuck that!" Kaia exclaimed</p><p>Levi almost spat out his tea.</p><p>"what kind of cowardly bullshit is that?" she threw her hands up in the air "look I get that you don't want to trust me and all, but didn't I just tell you that I want your help in taking down Elijah?! That's practically me choosing your side" </p><p>"no it isn't Madden. You're choosing yourself, your idealistic goals in reforming Godsent. Do you even know of their past heinous crimes?" he barked </p><p>"I could ask the same thing of the survey corps! how many lives have you sent to death? how many of them have you technically murdered?!" she snapped</p><p>He sighed "you're tired and you're wounded, you don't know what you're saying"</p><p>"so you're saying my emotions are invalid?! you know what, maybe I don't want to be your friend, because all you do is look down on me" she fumed, storming to her room, limping.</p><p>Levi grabbed a hold of her arm, spinning her around to face him, he reached his other hand across to her hair and skill fully undid it. Her black hair fell gracefully onto her shoulders in loose curls, beautifully framing that glorious scowl on her face. "you should be more grateful toward me, brat" Levi murmured, his face only inches from hers</p><p>"you know I am."</p><p>"well you're acting like a little shit so it's hard to tell"</p><p>she looked down "...sorry" Getting scolded by Levi hurt more than it should, Kaia didn't have it in her to bite back. did i ask for too much? I only want to be friends.</p><p>He sighed "...it's a bit difficult...for me to admit that I care. but do know, I care, Kaia" Levi found his hand brushing her hair off of her shoulders and tucking it behind her ears, annoyed that it covered too much of her face and neck.</p><p>Kaia looked up at him, unsure as to why he was suddenly so affectionate "I know. I know, I shouldn't force these things that I want onto you. It's already enough that you care, i shouldn't ask you to constantly show it, or to be my friend. I get it. I just—" she shrugged "I don't know what I was thinking honestly"</p><p>Levi looked upon her with pity, his heart sinking at the sight of her defeated manner, her inching herself away from him ever so slowly. He didn't want this. He didn't want it at all. All he wanted was for her to be with him, always. It scared him, and he knew what he was about to do, would doom him to another loss that could be the one that broke him. </p><p>Kaia inhaled sharply as Levi's arms wrapped around her, she tensed beneath his touch. He sensed her unease, and pulled away awkwardly, only to be confronted with a baffled Kaia, eyes wide and mouth agape. "I'll be your friend Kaia. So stop sulking around and ruining my mood"</p><p>Her face broke out into the most glorious grin, Levi felt his heart jump as Kaia launched herself onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck in a fit of giggles. Levi faltered, unsure of what to do, then found his own arms circling around her waist, burying his head in her hair as an attempt to stifle the low chuckle that escaped his lips. He wanted to hold her longer, breathe in her scent for a few more minutes, his heart broke a little when she pulled away, but the grin on her face made up for it. Somehow, Levi couldn't help but want to make this girl happy, even though one day, he knew he'd make her cry.</p><p>Kaia winced as pain surged through her shoulders, she had almost forgotten it when she embraced him, Levi kept his hands on hers to support her "are you alright?" he asked</p><p>She laughed "i couldn't be more happier"</p><p>He smiled "you really are one stubborn little brat, who won't stop until she gets what she wants"</p><p>"what's the fun in giving up?"</p><p>He hummed in agreement, helping her get to the bedroom and get some rest. Levi paused as he exited the room, glancing at her restful expression, moonlight dancing on her porcelain skin.  an unfamiliar sensation swelled in his chest. happiness.</p>
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<a name="section0023"><h2>23. showtime</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The rest of the carriage ride to wall Sina was uneventful for the most part. No other bandits or street thugs attempted a violent protest against them. Kaia babbled on happily to Levi, elated that they could finally share a connection as friends. Levi knew he'd regret it, but that alone would not stop him from becoming friends with Kaia. He grumbled aimlessly as she retorted with sarcastic remarks, but he was glad that she was alive, and that he hadn't lost her on that bloodied dinner table. The images still haunted him, her body painted scarlet, her breath barely noticeable. Levi pushed it away, for the fact that he was scared for her made him twice as fearful.</p><p>Kaia refused to sleep  in the carriage, or even shut her eyes for a while. She still had those nightmares, it had been the same one since that night she spent at Levi's office. Her younger self's torn apart body tormented her not only in her dreams, but also in her waking days, so much so that a laughing child would send her into a panic. Of course, she was an expert at concealing it, she'll laugh and talk all the while her mind raced into madness and her nails dug into her palms, drawing blood.</p><p>Once they arrived at the venue in which the attendees of Keeper's Season was staying at, Kaia and Levi were lead to their rooms by a haughty butler who gave nothing but judgemental looks toward them. Kaia bit at him with underhanded insults but Levi merely ignored him.</p><p>She huffed as she set the bags down, holding up the finger toward the door once the butler left.</p><p>Levi clicked his tongue "no need to be so childish Madden"</p><p>"I don't understand how you can be so complacent." she sighed, moving toward the mirror to brush out her dress, as opposed to the previous one she wore, this dress was a deep plum shade and came with a rather frivolous hat "I suppose you're used to it. I mean, you do come here every year. It's just—I was so excited to come here and he just ruins the mood. I was feeling beautiful in this dress as well"</p><p>Levi furrowed his brows, moving around the room to inspect its cleanliness "are you so insecure that the words of a stranger hurt you so deeply?"</p><p>She let out an awkward stammer "Well—it's just—you see—um—I—I'm working on it"</p><p>He stared out the window, a dark expression enveloping his features as he seemed to set his eyes on something. Kaia moved to see where he was looking, still limping from her wounded leg "what is it?" her curious eyes searched the garden that occupied their view from the garden.</p><p>"....oh" she murmured as her gaze fell upon Erwin and his date, Petra.</p><p>Levi remained silent. He hadn't seen Petra in a while and seeing her in a beautiful dress next to Erwin didn't help. Questions poked at his mind as old feelings prickled at his chest. He did not love the girl, but all of a sudden, he missed the touch of her ivory skin, the scent of her neck, the way she trembled underneath him and fell apart in a chorus of filthy sounds. The sight of her made him realise his desperation, were his feelings for Kaia nothing more than the need for a woman's warmth after being in the cold for so long? was it truly just a matter of his old feelings for Petra projecting onto Kaia? was he truly not fond of her, and only grew attached because she spent so much time with him at a period in which he felt so lonely? was she just a replacement? a scapegoat? Levi felt guilty, but also partially relieved that his feelings for Kaia weren't too deep, he hadn't lost his heart to her, his affections were merely a result of how much time she spent with him, if she hadn't been around so often, he wouldn't bat one singular interested gaze toward her.</p><p>"that's awkward" Kaia laughed nervously </p><p>"Erwin most likely brought her to remind me what I have to lose if I don't go through with his plan, but he does not know that I'm not with her anymore, therefore bringing her was futile, it had no effect on me"</p><p>Kaia looked toward him in disbelief, <i>there's no way he isn't phased that she's here. I mean, look at that jaw, I'm afraid he'll break his teeth if he clenches it any further.</i> "seeing an ex lover is never easy. Doubts and questions riddle your mind endlessly. Especially if you haven't gotten over them"</p><p>"don't start, Madden. I told you I did not love her, don't make this more than what it is"</p><p>She scoffed "I was gonna go easy on you, you know, since you saved my life and all, but, you're clearly jealous that she's with Erwin and the argument that you 'did not love her' is starting to become more unbelievable by the minute"</p><p>"her presence does not bother me. I left her because I realised that she was better off, I made the right choice" he moved away from the window to manage the invitations for upcoming events.</p><p>Kaia's face fell flat "i'm disappointed, we're friends and still you close yourself off. I know what you were thinking while you watched her" she moved to gaze out the window again "your mind must've reeled at how beautiful she looks, how the fabrics clung to her figure....much like you used to, and how much you'd love to again"</p><p>he sighed, fiddling with the papers in his gloved hands. <i>surely opening up to Kaia wouldn't be so troublesome he thought.</i> the reason he'd refused to confide in her was because he was afraid his feelings for her would grow, but now that he realised that his feelings were shallow and the product of a lonely mind then he found no objection to let the words that scratched at his heart tumble from his lips. </p><p>"...and what if it did?" he murmured under his breath </p><p>"what?" Kaia turned toward him</p><p>he continued to set his gaze upon the papers he was holding "what if i...thought about how much I missed her, how long I had been without her....how good she felt underneath me" </p><p>Kaia gulped, she felt awkward. They had talked about sex before but he had been shy about it, hearing him talk about it openly felt strange.</p><p>"...the way she clawed at my back, the way she was so eager to please me, so easy to bend to my will. the way our hearts would race at the thought of someone walking in. the way she'd melt against the wall as I held her up"</p><p>His words made Kaia's mind wander toward Eren, and their own filthy activities. Her gaze was unfocused across the floor and her head nodded aimlessly along.</p><p>"oi" Levi snapped, turning his eyes toward her.</p><p>"hm?" Kaia straightened, shaking her previous thoughts from her head </p><p>"you better not be having any lewd thoughts" he grumbled </p><p>Kaia blushed furiously, a pink shade blooming across her cheeks, reaching to her ears. "then you better stop saying lewd things" she said awkwardly, bringing a hand over her face.</p><p>He chuckled. Kaia peeked through her fingers to see him smile, this was only the third time she had seen him do this so she was quite curious.</p><p>"this is the first i've seen you blush in a while, Madden. do I still arouse you?" he said, recalling the time she had asked him to undress her and became extremely flustered when he did </p><p>"on the contrary, captain, I wasn't thinking about you at all....do try to remember that I am a taken woman" she purred as she glided across the floor toward him</p><p>he frowned, she wasn't as flustered as he wanted her to be "how could I forget, the boy did kiss you right in front of me"</p><p>the edges of her lip tilted ever so slightly "jealous, captain?"</p><p>he turned away "...never"</p><p>she stifled a laugh "your feelings regarding seeing Petra again are completely valid, the only question is, what are you going to do about it?"</p><p>"nothing" he replied</p><p>she rolled her eyes "why must you keep refraining yourself from happiness"</p><p>he smiled coyly "i am happy."</p><p>Her eyes narrowed to slits "how convincing" Kaia moved toward the window again to observe Erwin and Petra. "...captain, I have an idea"</p><p>"no"</p><p>she walked toward him again "how about I distract Erwin for a while and you and Petra could have a little chat. He wouldn't suspect anything since he doesn't know that I know about you and Petra. Plus, this is the perfect opportunity to tell him about my plans with Godsent, nobody will be in the garden except us"</p><p>Levi raised an eyebrow, talking to Petra wasn't a good idea, he was sure it would lead him to do something he shouldn't, still, part of him wanted to talk to her "...fine"</p><p>Kaia clapped her hands together, walking toward him and looping her arm around his "brilliant. let's go"</p><p>As the two walked out of the lavish estate, they were greeted by the ever so polite commander.</p><p>"Miss Madden, Captain Levi, I hadn't realised you had already arrived" Erwin said</p><p>Kaia didn't fail to notice the drop in Petra's face as she set her eyes upon her and Levi, usually, she would let go of Levi's arm, to make sure that Petra didn't have the wrong idea, but Erwin was there as well, and she had to put on a show. </p><p>She plastered on a dazzling smile "Commander, it's a pleasure to meet with you again, if it's alright, I'd like to discuss a proposal with you privately, I've already informed the captain on our trip here so there's no need for him to accompany us"</p><p>Kaia nudged Levi, who was too busy sharing prolonged glances with Petra "hm? oh uhm, yes, I think you'd find it quite intriguing Erwin" he said</p><p>"alright. But I'm afraid we do not have much time, the first event is about to start" Erwin held out an arm and Kaia pleasantly took it. As they walked away, leaving Levi and Petra alone, she cast them a jealous look from behind the shoulder knowing that Erwin would notice it.</p><p>"are you alright?" he asked, acknowledging the limp in her step</p><p>"well we had an unfortunate run in with street thugs who thought we were nobles. They cut through the carriage and lodged their blades into both of my arms, luckily they only caught one of my legs." They walked through the estate garden, it smelled pleasantly of roses and Kaia's eyes glittered at the beautiful arrangement of a variety of plants. Being a city girl, she never truly got to be surrounded by nature, this garden had her totally enamoured, with the flowers, and the hedges and beautiful birds who flitted between beautiful trees.</p><p>"you must've lost a lot of blood" </p><p>"I did, but Levi stitched me up since there were no hospitals near by"</p><p>"the memory of stitching you up myself is still quite fresh, how do you always get into these type of situations?"</p><p>she chuckled "oh i'm not sure myself, I suppose I am a magnet for unfortunate happenstances"</p><p>"may I say you do look quite well for person who just got most of their limbs impaled"</p><p>"the gashes weren't too deep"</p><p>"I am glad you weren't hurt any further, I would hate to have missed your presence at Keeper's Season"</p><p>she smiled "I was unaware that the commander was so fond of me, have you forgotten that I still am technically a spy for Godsent"</p><p>"I'd rather focus on the fact that technically, you're still a spy for us"</p><p>"not a very useful one, I haven't got much word on the lightning assassin and the rumours I told you about are starting to just be....rumours"</p><p>"I appreciate your efforts, but I must ask you to look into it further"</p><p>she sighed "of course. While we're on the topic of Godsent. I must make a proposal"</p><p>"go ahead"</p><p>and so Kaia explained her interest in reforming Godsent. She pointed out Elijah, who he was and why he needed to be taken down. Erwin listened intently, unsure of whether to support her ideals. After listening more to her proposal, he agreed to help her. However, he did not abandon his own ideals concerning Godsent. He still wholeheartedly believed that he needed to destroy it, however, defeating an 18 year old such as Kaia would be much easier than dealing with Elijah, from what she had told him, he deduced that he would be a tricky opponent.</p><p>Shame crept into his chest, it was not anticipated and highly unwanted. He could not afford to feel guilty for double crossing Kaia, after all, she was doing the same thing.</p><p>"enough talk about business, we are here to celebrate , no?" Erwin said</p><p>she hummed in agreement "I believe the first event will be starting soon as you said before"</p><p>"yes it is, but, I fear you might need to change"</p><p>she cocked her head to the side "and why is that sir?"</p><p>"well, we're going hunting, and as much as I love the sight of you in that dress I believe it'll be quite irritating to ride a horse in it"</p><p>"oh." Kaia didn't like the idea of hunting, killing innocent animals didn't sit right with her "I suppose I should go back to my rooms then"</p><p>"actually no" he was unsure of what he was saying "you know what, stay a while, you'll have time to change later, I'd like to enjoy this garden for a little longer" </p><p>"are you saying you'd also like to enjoy my company for a little longer too?" she smiled </p><p>"yes" he replied. Kaia faltered, she had not anticipated him to be so blunt</p><p>"I—I'm flattered" </p><p>the two continued to walk through the garden arm in arm.</p><p>Erwin smiled <i>what am I doing?</i> "i'm sure you're used to it"</p><p>"well, uhm—"</p><p>"you're a beautiful woman Miss Madden, if there weren't such harsh restrictions on relationships within the military, I'm not sure I could've held myself back"<i> i'm testing her</i> he told himself <i>i need to see if she rejects my advances, if she does, then her feelings for Levi will be further legitimised.</i></p><p>Kaia turned away from his gaze. Heat rising to her cheeks, she shook her head to remind herself of Eren "again, commander, you flatter me. I hope you do not do this to lure me to fight for the survey corps"</p><p>He laughed "I wouldn't dare. my words are genuine, Miss Madden"</p><p><i>is he testing me right now? </i>she thought <i>to see how i'd react to another mans advances, hmmm, I should flat out reject him, but i wanna have some fun too....</i></p><p>"do say more, commander, I'd love to hear words complimenting me tumble from your pretty mouth" she said teasingly </p><p>Erwin faltered, he had expected Kaia to shut him down immediately, he wondered how far he could take it with her before she does.</p><p>"mmm, what shall I compliment you on next, your eyes?"</p><p>she shrugged "bit generic"</p><p>"then what about your smile?"</p><p>"again. generic"</p><p>Erwin laughed "let me think....what about....your figure?" his eyes trailed over her body, making sure that Kaia noticed. </p><p>She felt her heart race, perhaps flirting wasn't the best idea. Where had her game gone? Ever since she met Eren, she'd become more prone to swoon for sweet words. "that is dangerous territory commander, what if somebody overheard us?" she mused</p><p>"then what...shall i ever compliment you on? ahhh, I shall pay courtesy to your soul"</p><p>Glorious laughter left her lips, capturing his attention for a little too long "nobody has ever complimented me on my soul...if they did then my heart would be utterly lost to them. Still, I'm afraid you do not know me well enough to compliment my soul"</p><p>"we have the time" he said </p><p>"surely we should be heading to the event" </p><p>Erwin did not take her eyes off of her, Kaia was unsure as to what she saw in his gaze "I'm the commander, Miss Madden, I can arrive whenever I want" a teasing smirk played at his lips</p><p>she sucked in a breath, her mind all of a sudden going blank "and what of me?"</p><p>"surely they will look past it, since you are with me, of course"</p><p>Kaia smiled "well, then I see no other obstacles stopping us from further exploring the garden" she squeezed his arm </p><p>He chuckled, humming in response.</p><p>"Is it her? Levi, is that who you left me for?" Petra stood with wide eyes and uneasy breaths, it was hard for Levi to see her like this.</p><p>"no. no it isn't Petra"</p><p>"then tell me." desperation dropped from her voice "why did you leave me? why? I don't—I don't understand"</p><p>He sighed, wishing he could tell her everything, but he knew he couldn't compromise the plan, for there was a big chance that Petra would snitch on Kaia and Eren so that she could have her to himself. "fine. I didn't want to hurt you but...it has to be said. You were right. It was her"</p><p>She choked on a sob, covering her mouth as tears fell onto her rosy cheeks. "How long have you even known her?"</p><p>"almost a year...but, she makes me feel things I haven't before, made me want to feel more"</p><p>she furrowed her brows "did I not do that? after all those nights?"</p><p>Levi shook his head "unfortunately not. I could not deny my heart forever Petra, not when it belongs to someone else"</p><p>She looked away from him, ashamed of the tears that blurred her vision "s—so, you are—you are saying that you love her?"</p><p>"yes" the words tasted foul in his mouth, he had never told a worse lie than this. "I cared for you though, Petra, I do not regret the nights I spent with you"</p><p>Petra shook her head "no. no please. do not utter another word. let me hate you, Levi, please. let me hate you. I can't—I can't bear it any other way"</p><p>He only nodded "do as you wish to ease your pain"</p><p>She clenched her gloved hand "did i not tell you to not utter another word!" she shrieked "Must you really go about making yourself some sort of martyr when it is you who hurt me!" Petra sobbed into her hand "now I look like the crazy one! the obsessed one."</p><p>Levi couldn't bear to see her like this and to know that he was the cause of her pain. The next thing he knew was that his lips were on hers, hungrily seeking that closure, that maybe he just needed a farewell kiss. But no, as their lips parted, his heart, no his body, ached for more. Petra looked up at him with bewildered eyes "i'm sorry. i'm sorry i lied. i lied. please. don't cry. don't cry. I missed you so much. stay with me. please. be with me right now" he said</p><p>Petra didn't bother to question him as to why he lied to her about Kaia, all she knew was that he wanted her, and that was enough for her to wrap her arms around his neck and kiss his awfully soft lips. "we cannot be seen." she said, faces inches from his.</p><p>Levi nodded, hastily pulling her to the room that he and Kaia were staying in. Their clothes were off in an instant, and their bodies moulded perfectly against each other as if they had never been apart.</p><p>"surely tell me of your family" Erwin inquired as they walked through the gardens </p><p>Kaia held a breath, unsure if she should confide in him, she wouldn't be telling him any information that would endanger her position with Godsent. Still, opening up to someone she didn't trust was nerve wracking. But that dark part of her wanted him wrapped around her finger, and she wouldn't be able to do that if she constantly closed herself off. She sighed "there's not much to tell. they're dead" her heart tightened at the words, her mind drifting back to the broken shrine back at the training grounds.</p><p>"...oh. my condolences" </p><p>she scoffed "how ever so gentlemanly. This is the part I hate most when telling people about my family. I know you mean well, but, it seems so insincere, it's like...they deserve better words than those that have been used countless times over"</p><p>"I understand. Tell me then, of your first love" Erwin said, changing the subject.</p><p>she chuckled "you certainly are asking such bold questions"</p><p>"forgive me"</p><p>"no it's alright. I'll tell you of my first love." she took a deep breath, her first love wasn't exactly a warm memory to look upon, the cold beds that she lay in still haunted her. "I was around 15, and he was older, 17. and...." she tried to think of nice things to say so that she wouldn't ruin the mood with her melancholy once again. after all, this was the boy that ruined her, that turned her into some heartless ghost and she hated every bone in his body for it. It was only until recently that she found the strength to find herself again.</p><p>"Miss Madden?" Erwin said </p><p>"Oh right—yes, um" she snapped out of her thoughts "he has...nice eyes"</p><p>"bit generic" he quoted her, teasing her words from the previous conversation </p><p>She chuckled "well, it's true...he did have nice eyes"</p><p>"and is that all?"</p><p>Kaia sighed "to be honest...I hate the man."</p><p>"oh? not too many fond memories of him?"</p><p>"I don't even know why I fell for him in the first place. All the love I felt for him got lost in the hate I harbour for him now"</p><p>"I could say that I understand, but I would be lying. I've never been in love. I have been quite taken with a wonderful woman before, but I chose the survey corps in the end"</p><p>Kaia drew the connection to Eren, her mind spinning at how similar they were, how they'd both choose their duty over love. She tensed, not too eager to recall how Eren can one day betray her. "that's probably a smart thing to do, but why disallow yourself happiness?"</p><p>He smiled "there are other things in which you can draw happiness from, Miss Madden"</p><p>"Right, yes of course. sorry my wording can be a bit muddled sometimes. It's just—to live without love...is just so sad"</p><p>"do you speak from experience?"</p><p>She only nodded in response, not wanting to delve deeper into her own personal problems.  </p><p>"we should most likely head to the event" Erwin then said, breaking the uncomfortable silence </p><p>"agreed, I must head to my rooms and change"</p><p>"I shall escort you, since my date seems to be missing at the moment" </p><p>Kaia looked around, she and Erwin had circled back to the place where they first met up and sure enough, Petra and Levi were no where to be found. </p><p>"of course" she said.</p><p>As Kaia and Erwin approached her room, he said his goodbyes, but waited to see her walk in. Kaia opened the door to Levi and Petra laying naked on their bed, covered in sheets and talking idly. She thanked the Gods that she hadn't walked in on them fucking again. </p><p>Levi eyes widened as Petra fumbled to cover herself. Kaia was so taken by the scene that she almost forgot Erwin was right behind her and almost laughed when she should act hurt. Kaia straightened her spine, sucking in a shuddering gasp, an introduction to her upcoming performance. </p><p>Erwin couldn't care less about Levi and Petra, he knew that they would probably be doing this, it was partially the reason as to why he offered to escort Kaia, to see her reaction to the sight. His eyes were trained on her face as her expression contorted into one of hurt and humiliation.</p><p>She pretended to blink her tears away, looking anywhere but to Levi. But then he muttered her name, and her gaze snapped toward him, full of agony and embarrassment.</p><p>Levi almost forgot he was with Petra, his sight tunnelled only to see a Kaia, everything else's seemed to fade away.<i> why? why is she looking at me like that? why?</i> he felt so utterly guilty. but why? had she not wanted him to be with Petra? Then he saw Erwin behind her, then sighed in relief. <i>it's just an act. she isn't truly hurt.</i> </p><p>He snapped back to reality as Petra hopped off the bed and scurried out the door. Erwin had grabbed her arm roughly, no doubt taking her to their room to berate her. The look on Kaia's face was still unnerving, so much so that he faltered as she buried her head in her hands. </p><p>Once the door closed and it was just the two of them, Levi found himself dashing toward her, although being aware that she was just acting, he felt the need to comfort her.</p><p>Kaia then looked up from her hands, laughing with that glorious smile of hers. He huffed in annoyance, her acting was getting a little too real. "oh that was just brilliant" she said in a fit of giggles "perfect opportunity to put on a show"</p><p>"right. of course. you aren't mad, that I got back with Petra?"</p><p>"why would I be mad?" Kaia said as she moved behind the room divider to change into riding clothes.</p><p><i>why would she be mad? why am I even asking this? </i>he thought angrily "just—forget about it"</p><p>"okay, well, get changed into riding clothes, the first event has already started, it's hunting"</p><p>"....right" the light shone against the room divider that Kaia was behind, creating a alluring shadow of her naked figure. Levi felt his throat dry up, then rubbed his face vigorously to be rid of the thought. Why was he still thinking of her like this? Didn't he just realise that his attraction toward Kaia was because he had been alone? now that he had gotten Petra back, he was alone no longer, so why? why was he still ogling at her?</p><p>She stepped out of the divider with her ebony hair tied up in a high ponytail. She wore a leather vest with a white button up and tight black jeans that accentuated her voluptuous thighs. Kaia laughed as she felt his gaze upon him "what are you waiting for" she said as she struggled to slide on the riding boots "get changed" Kaia threw his clothes at his naked torso "I'll be waiting outside so be quick" she crooned as she strut out the door, swaying her alluring bottom side to side.</p><p>All of a sudden, Levi wished that the horse wasn't the only thing she was riding that day.....</p><p>he groaned in frustration, smacking his cheeks in order to rid Kaia from his mind. <i>perhaps I shall indulge in Petra for a little longer...I certainly do not think of Kaia when I'm with her. he thought is it too cruel? but I cannot afford caring for Kaia any more than I am now.</i></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0024"><h2>24. hunting</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia rode through the forest at a impressive pace, spots of sunlight dotting her face as it peeked through the emerald leaves. She grumbled at the uncomfortable jab of the rifle at her side and tried her best to ignore it. As Kaia entered the forest, she would track the other hunters and try to prevent them from killing animals as best she could. If she was correct, she had helped almost 6 deers escape as well as a burrow or two of rabbits. </p><p>She quietly crept up behind a rather young man who was aiming his rifle toward a deer drinking peacefully by the spring. Kaia lifted her own rifle toward the animal but made sure to aim just slightly away from it.</p><p>"I'd suggest you run along lass, this deer is mine" the man said, his gaze fixed on the deer and thus misinterpreting Kaia as a man.</p><p>She laughed "well that's too bad" Kaia fired beside the deer and it scurried off into the shelter of the secluded corners of the forest.</p><p>"oh you fucker" he exclaimed in frustration, still facing away from Kaia "if you're going to attempt to get my kill at least actually get the kill and not miss like some dim witted fool" The man turned to face Kaia, she was smiling mischievously and he couldn't help but think she was beautiful. "....but uh, that was like—a fair shot, you know, people miss all the time" he had never seen a woman like her, her features seemed to be startlingly different from the others. "wait...are you—"</p><p>"asian?" Kaia cut in. She had gotten used to people giving her strange stares since Asians were rare within the walls, at first she enjoyed the attention, but quite quickly became bored of it. there was so much more others should be paying attention to instead of her ethnicity, for instance, her absolutely marvellous, dazzling, and definitely not flawed personality.</p><p>The boy only grinned, the side of his eyes crinkling as the corners of his mouth lifted. Kaia couldn't help but think that he was cute. His fluffy brown hair and faint freckles basically made him the ideal boy back in her past life, where pretty boys like him had it easy. "forgive my staring, it's just—people like you are so rare"</p><p>"yes yes, I know" </p><p>His eyes widened as he took in the sight of her horse "are you the head of a military branch?"</p><p>She furrowed her brows "where did you get that from?"</p><p>"your horse, it's white, only white horses are reserved for the heads of the military branches" he explained</p><p>"oh. no I'm not...commander Erwin Smith told me I should ride this horse"</p><p>"well colour me shocked, you must be close with him"</p><p>Kaia chuckled at the change in the boy's demeanour, she had thought that he was just another hot head, similar to Jean, but all she saw in front of her was an excited puppy. </p><p>"what is your name?" she asked </p><p>"Erik. and you?" </p><p>"Kaia Madden"</p><p>His eyes widened and his smile dropped "Drokya?"</p><p>she furrowed "are you...part of Godsent?"</p><p>Erik nodded "I was sent to infiltrate the survey corps as a part of the 104th trainees" he chuckled "strange that I've never actually seen you around the training grounds"</p><p>"truly? I'm quite hard to miss, with Shadis yelling at me every 30 seconds or so"</p><p>"Shadis yells at everybody, it's a staple to his demeanour"</p><p>"right, well...I best be off, there are other animals I need to shoot at and miss" Kaia said </p><p>Erik cocked his head to the side "you purposely missed? why?"</p><p>"let's just say I don't like seeing innocent animals get killed"</p><p>"how awfully righteous of you" he chuckled "let me join you, hunting alone has been terribly boring, plus, I'd like to make a friend of Godsent's guardian, it it'll certainly increase my status down at the underground base."</p><p>Kaia laughed "ahhh so you wish to leach off of my popularity"</p><p>He hummed in response "and I'd like to spend the day with a pretty lady"</p><p>"well then, be prepared for angry shouts from fat old men who just lost another trophy to hang on their wall because of us"</p><p>"sounds thrilling" he said</p><p>The two snapped their reins and sped toward their next destination. Sure enough, the other higher ups of the military branches were more than willing to give the mischievous pair a piece of their mind when they sent the animals scurrying before they could get their hit. Kaia and Erik only laughed it off and rode hastily away before they were berated any further.</p><p>"by the way, who's your date to the event?" Erik asked as they sped through the emerald forest </p><p>"Captain Levi" she replied</p><p>"Captain Levi? as in humanities strongest soldier?" </p><p>"mhm"</p><p>"well damn, you've got some friends in high places"</p><p>Kaia laughed, squinting as the wind scratched against her face "all thanks to my beautiful face and dazzling personality of course"</p><p>"I have no doubt in that" he replied </p><p>Erik then abruptly stopped, Kaia coming to a stop as well just in front of him.</p><p>"what is it?"</p><p>"bandits" he replied, moving a finger over his mouth </p><p>"oh you gotta be fucking kidding me"</p><p>Kaia shrieked as an arrow flew past her head, the horse reared, spooked by the sudden attack "woah woah woah woah, calm down," she said in an attempt to stable the horse </p><p>Erik dashed off, Kaia followed in suit, the bandits that were attacking them seemed to also be on horseback. "How the fuck do they even get inside wall sina? aren't police supposed to catch them out?" she exclaimed as the wind blew harshly against them</p><p>"the military police don't do jack shit, it's easy for criminals like them to get through"</p><p>"oh. I should've expected that"</p><p>"you might need to use your lightning" he suggested</p><p>"not a good idea to use it in the forest, might end up burning half of it down"</p><p>"you wouldn't need to do any big explosive stunts, it's very close combat" </p><p>Kaia sighed, using her power had grown increasingly easier, but a pit in her stomach suggested that she was still an amateur, that given the wrong time and the wrong place, she could easily lose control. </p><p>Erik and Kaia travelled together through the forest, the tails of the bandits were easy enough to see but soon enough, they lost them. The two stopped to observe their surroundings and catch their breath.</p><p>The bandits emerged from the shadows, blades and arrows in hand, masks covering their face. They closed in on Erik and Kaia, but as they moved closer, Kaia charged toward them, knocking one unconscious off their horse. </p><p>"what the fuck are you doing?" Erik exclaimed </p><p>"they were trying to trap us in! I'm just making an opening" She panted, ready to take on the next bandit. A dark figure crept behind Erik, blade high in the air, Kaia reached her hand out, letting lightning fly off of her fingertips and onto the bandit. They hit the ground with a thud. </p><p>Erik moved onto the next bandit, taking them out swiftly with a knock to the head. Kaia proceeded to electrocute the rest into unconsciousness.</p><p>When all the bandits were down, they circled back to each other. Erik eyed the bandits on the ground, "are they dead?" he panted </p><p>Kaia shook her head "no. only unconscious"</p><p>"you should've finished them off. they're criminals after all"</p><p>She frowned "they're just fighting for what they believe in. they're no less different then Godsent"</p><p>"don't compare Godsent with these filthy thugs. As long as these bandits around, they'll only cause more havoc with their senseless violence"</p><p>"what if—"</p><p>"you can't change their minds, you need to wipe them out for their assaults to truly stop"</p><p>Kaia knew that everything he was saying was true, that trying to the convince these bandits that their actions were wrong was essentially futile. Their intent was to kill, so why shouldn't they be punished anyway? Kaia grabbed her rifle, it's time that she hardened up, if she was going to reform Godsent, she would need to be prepared to take the necessary precautions.</p><p>"What are you doing?" Erik questioned </p><p>"finishing them off" she replied as she got off of her horse. Kaia fired the rifle into their heads without hesitation. Her face remained steady and inexpressive, but the bile in her stomach started to rise. She swallowed hard, but knew that eventually it'll come back and violently remind her of what she had done.</p><p>"we should be heading back" Erik said </p><p>Kaia nodded, but as she approached her horse, an arrow struck its leg, sending it into a panic and running away. Erik turned to the source of the shot and fired his rifle, the forest stood still. Seconds later, a bandit fell from the treetops with a bullet in their head. </p><p>"you can jump onto my horse" he offered</p><p>"thanks" she said as she saddled up behind him, wrapping her arms around his torso in order to balance prevent herself from falling off. </p><p>The two remained silent for the rest of the ride, Kaia was still too unnerved to speak about what happened and Erik sensed her tension, deciding to give her some peace and quiet. She rested her heavy head against his back, closing her eyes to listen to the tranquil melodies of the forest life. </p><p>"oi" a voice called out. Kaia didn't need to open her eyes to know who it was. </p><p>Erik turned toward the source of the noise, and sitting atop a black horse was the captain himself, a glorious scowl on his face as he eyed Kaia wrapped around another mans body. "captain Levi" Erik said, he returned his fowl expression for one of his own. He did not like the captain, nor anyone in power in the survey corps, they had willingly allowed people to venture outside the walls only to be killed. One of them was his older brother.</p><p>"I can take her from here" Levi drawled</p><p>Erik hesitated, he did not feel comfortable leaving the Drokya with the enemy, but he was sure that Kaia could handle herself. After being witness to her ruthlessness, Erik had no doubt that she didn't need his protection.</p><p>Kaia sighed, opening her eyes "I was having a pleasant ride, captain, must you interrupt it?"</p><p>"tch. are you hurt?"</p><p>"no"</p><p>"then why are you leaning against him like that"</p><p>"because he feels nice against me" she teased. Erik chuckled while Levi grit his teeth.</p><p>
  <i>why is he reacting like this? does he already suspect Erik of being part of Godsent? or is he just annoyed that I ran off from him? she thought.</i>
</p><p>Kaia slid herself off of Erik's horse, Levi did the same, motioning her to saddle up to his horse before he did so that she would be sitting in front of him and not behind. Once she was settled, Levi grabbed hold of the reins, his hands falling beside her to rest on her thighs. He told himself that he did it because he didn't want her to fall off.</p><p>Kaia didn't mind, she did not tense nor become flustered at their closeness, her mind was elsewhere at the moment. The bloodied heads of the bandits still rang through her soul.</p><p>Levi was the one to tense as Kaia shuffled closer against him and nestled her head into the crook of his neck. Her eyes slowly closed, entering a deep void in which she hoped to find some peace from the previous terrors of the day.</p><p>Kaia smelt of gardenias in the summer, a scent that hovered between being sweet and being sickly but was undoubtedly bewitching. Unknowingly, Levi slowed down the horse in order to prolong the time in which Kaia was this close to him. He told himself he did it so she can have some rest.</p><p>"are we almost there?" she slurred, the top of her head still buried in his neck</p><p>Levi only hummed in response,</p><p>"I killed five men today" she suddenly said "they were bandits who had gotten inside wall sina"</p><p>he said nothing</p><p>"I didn't hesitate, after all, they wouldn't if they had a chance to kill nobles"</p><p>"who was the man that was with you?"</p><p>"His name is Erik, he's from the 104th trainee corps. He was with me when we fought the bandits, initially, we knocked them unconscious, then I realised that we should finish them off"</p><p>Levi frowned "how do you feel about it?"</p><p>"I feel nothing. they deserved it, if I hadn't killed them, they would go about assaulting and attempting to murder nobles"</p><p>The sound of Kaia justifying her own murderous actions didn't sit right with Levi, but he was not one to talk, his own hands were bloody enough make him refrain from judging Kaia. Still, it was unnerving to see a lively girl like her who felt emotions so deeply to talk so coldly of murder.</p><p>Thankfully, there were no other events later that night so the two made their way straight to the room. Kaia remained distant and inexpressive while Levi remained cautious of her. He left her for a few moments to meet with Erwin and discuss plans for the next few events. </p><p>In those moments, Kaia sat on the bathroom floor throwing up, the push of the rifle as she shot their heads, the smell of blood gushing from their wounds and the uneasy silence right after came to torment her all at once, drowning her in an ocean of guilt and paranoia. Kaia angrily sobbed as ragged, panicked breaths tumbled from his lips , frustrated that she couldn't restrain these ugly emotions. How had she done it when she killed the merchant? why were the bandits any different? She then found herself smashing the mirror above the sink, unable to bear the reflection of a killer, it disgusted her and made her throw up into the toilet a little more. Once she somewhat recollected her sanity, Kaia moved quickly to clean the bathroom, ensuring there was no evidence of her suffering. </p><p>Kaia darted out of the bathroom with a spring in her step as she heard Levi enter the room. She smiled brightly, her cheeks were still tinted pink from sobbing but she had gotten rid of her red puffy eyes. "you left me alone for too long, captain" she mused "I accidentally tripped when entering the bathroom and smashed the mirror to pieces"</p><p>Levi raised a brow, her demeanour had certainly changed drastically, could it be that she just needed to be alone for a little bit? Still, he thought that her jolly actions and mannerisms seemed strained, forced, but he couldn't bring himself to ask her if she was alright for he knew she'd say that she was. He decided to wait for her to open up instead of forcing her to. </p><p>"do you think I'll have bad luck now?" Kaia teased as she readied the bed</p><p>"don't be ridiculous" Levi drawled</p><p>She let out a sigh "as fun as ever, captain"</p><p>He cocked his head to side "why are you calling me captain in this time?"</p><p>"would you like me to refer to you as Levi?" she chuckled</p><p>"It's just—strange. You address me formally unless we're talking about personal matters or—" Levi recalled all the times in which she called him by his first name and realised that most of them were when she tried to convince him of something. <i>she is truly a marvellous actress </i>the thought stung his heart.</p><p>"or what?" she prodded</p><p>"never mind"</p><p>"alright, well how long are you going to stand there, because I'd like to get some sleep"</p><p>"oh um, right, of course" Levi dashed into the bathroom to take a shower and change his clothes, when he exited, he found Kaia awake, reading a book quietly on the single bed. It was only until Levi settled into his own bed—which lay only centimetres from hers—did she start to tuck herself in. He decided not to question it. </p><p>As they shut off the lights and let the moonlight pool across the carpet, Kaia turned to face him. "Good night, Levi" she whispered in the dark</p><p>Levi was grateful that he had her back toward her, if not, he would be truly embarrassed of the dumb smile that played across his lips at that moment. "go to sleep, brat" he grumbled.</p><p>The next day was bland to say the least, the event that Kaia was required to attend was a croquette game. Quite frankly, she had no idea how to play and the others were no help as they seemed to enjoy seeing her fumble around trying to figure out the rules and how to win, even Levi chuckled beside Erwin when she'd make mistakes. After a few feeble attempts, frustration got the best of her, causing her to sit out for the rest of the day and have some light tea with the other higher ups in the military branches. </p><p>As the attendees began to retire to their rooms in order to ready for the night event, Kaia looped her arm around Levi's.</p><p>"say, I still don't know why they call it Keeper's Season" she said</p><p>"The military police are the keepers of the king, the garrison are the keepers of the wall and the survey corps are the keepers of the land" Levi explained</p><p>"ohhhhh, that makes sense actually. So what's the night event we have to attend?" she asked</p><p>"it's an opera night, need I explain that to you as well?"</p><p>She rolled her eyes "oh how I love it when you insinuate that I'm stupid"</p><p>"would you like me to be blatant about it?" he teased</p><p>"even if I pleaded and cried on my knees to beg you to be kind, all I'll get is a glare and another string of insults"</p><p>"you're not wrong about tha—" Kaia gasped, "what is it?" Levi asked</p><p>She pointed toward a tall, burgundy haired woman "Hange!!!" she exclaimed </p><p>"oh." Kaia slipped away from Levi, leaving him dumbfounded and slightly annoyed at her sudden departure.</p><p>Hange turned toward Kaia and welcomed her with open arms "Kaia, I haven't seen you in so long, even if we only met for a short time, you still made quite the impression, I missed your fiery resolve" she looked over Kaia's shoulder to grin at a scowling Levi who stood behind them at an awkward distance "have you fallen for the captain's charms yet, Kaia?" </p><p>"of course n—" she stopped mid sentence. Hange was close to Erwin, did she need to act in front of them too? Kaia sucked in a breath, of course she had. "um, would you be so mad if I did?" she giggled, putting on a bashful performance</p><p>Hange shook their head</p><p>"I know—I know I shouldn't, but I can't help it. Don't worry, I won't act on these feelings, but that doesn't mean it'll go away too easy" at least Kaia only ever had to pretend that she had feelings for Levi and that she didn't have to pretend to be in a relationship with him. If she did, then she would've most likely fallen for him in the process, even if she were still with Eren, the reality of it caused shame to creep into her chest. She thanked the gods that there was at least some distance between her and Levi, as she wouldn't be able to hold herself back if there wasn't. Still, Kaia felt as she were betraying Eren, she willed the thought away. After all, she was doing this for him.</p><p>Hange rubbed Kaia's shoulders "it's ok, we can't help who love. Just please keep that promise of not acting on these feelings, poor Petra was sobbing to me every night for almost a month"</p><p>Kaia sighed "I understand. I promise I won't do anything stupid"</p><p>Hange smiled in response "come find when you're at the venue for the opera night, there's this new experiment I've been researching but I need new helpers, I've got Moblit but I need at least 3 people working with me"</p><p>"of course, I'd love to hear more"</p><p>Kaia made her way back to Levi.</p><p>"what did you two talk about?" he asked </p><p>"I had to pretend. again. that I was utterly in love with you. they're close with Erwin after all, and we can't take any risks, not when we wanna protect those we love"</p><p>"don't you mean those you love"</p><p>She furrowed her brows "aren't you back with Petra? surely you don't want her taken away from you by Erwin"</p><p>"oh—right, yes—um, Petra. of course. yes. this plan can't fail"</p><p>"right well, we better get changed for the opera"</p><p>"agreed"</p><p>the two made their way into the suite in order to ready themselves. Levi once again left in order to meet with Erwin.</p><p>"what is it this time?" he drawled</p><p>"I want to discuss Kaia's proposal" Erwin replied, taking a seat on an overly illustrious arm chair.</p><p>"what about it?"</p><p>"well...what do you think about it?"</p><p>Levi sighed, setting himself down on the chair beside Erwin's. He had a feeling that the follow conversation would be too long to have while standing.</p><p>"...I'm worried. It's extremely idealistic...and vague, I'm not sure if we could pull it off or even begin to."</p><p>Erwin hummed in response "Kaia told me that Elijah had a way of knowing her every move, it'll be tricky to get past him"</p><p>"it's not just Elijah. I don't want Kaia devoting herself too much on this, I don't want her to lose herself"</p><p>Erwin narrowed his eyes "on the contrary I believe reforming Godsent may lead her to find herself, after all, she's been wondering in the in between for a while now, at least she truly has something to fight for rather than the affections of her peers"</p><p>Levi frowned. Erwin noted his expression and decided not to tell him his plans to put Kaia as the leader of Godsent only to take her down swiftly. Although He had been supportive of the idea that Levi should fall in love with Kaia to solidify their relationship so that she would be more inclined to fight for the survey corps, he feared that his fondness for her would get in the way of his plans.</p><p>Plus none of that mattered anymore, unknowingly, Kaia had given Erwin a plan to take down Godsent without even using her as a spy or a double agent. He wondered whether he should end the love plan, after all, she was not fighting for the affection of her peers but for her own idealistic beliefs. Still, it was a good back up plan, if this coup with Kaia does not work then he can turn toward her attachment to her peers in order to control her. </p><p>"we should support her, if we succeed then the results are revolutionary, but....we shouldn't push her if she truly can't do it, She needn't obsess over this" Levi added</p><p>"of course, but we also shouldn't stop her if she pushes herself" </p><p>Levi furrowed his brows, crossing his arms across his chest "it's our job to keep her in line"</p><p>"no it isn't"</p><p>"tch. stop treating the brat like she's still our enemy. If she's willing to go against an opponent like Elijah for us, then she deserves our trust"</p><p><i>so he truly cares for her </i>Erwin thought "Except she's not doing it for us. she's doing this for herself, for her own idealistic beliefs"</p><p>Levi huffed, frustration rising to his chest "she's doing this so that this cycle of futile slaughter is ended, so that we and nobody else has to overexert themselves trying to take down Godsent. We should be grateful, she's giving us an easy way out"</p><p>Erwin thought of his plans again, how effortless it would be to kill Kaia along with the rest of Godsent once she assumes power "yes...she certainly is"</p><p>Levi raised a brow, wary of what Erwin was thinking. He thought that the commander was overly supportive of Kaia's proposal since he had known Erwin to be obsessed, to say the least, about the downfall of Godsent, and Kaia only offered its reformation, not its destruction. Levi grit his teeth, how it frustrated him that he didn't know what Erwin was thinking at this moment.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0025"><h2>25. opera night</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi walked down the gaudy halls pinching his nose bridge, his head pounding from the previous conversation with Erwin. He debated on staying for the night and skipping out on the opera, but he knew that Kaia would just yell at him some more if he held her back from dressing up and going out for the night. </p><p>When he entered their suite, Kaia was no where to be found, at first, he panicked, but then saw a note she left on the dresser. </p><p>Sighing, he picked it up <i>...you left me hanging for too long, Levi. I've already gone and left to the opera, look for me in the venue :) </i> it read.</p><p>Levi made his way to the opera, and scowled as he saw the amount of people packed into the venue, he scratched his head in annoyance, trying to figure out how he was going to find Kaia.</p><p>After a few stuffy minutes in the packed theatre, he felt a hand lightly tap his shoulder. "looking for me, captain?" she purred in his ear.</p><p>"no actually, I saw you when I walked in and actively tried to avoid you" he teased</p><p>Kaia punched him in the side, of course it had no effect on him but still, he turned around with the most menacing scowl that almost made Kaia cry on the spot. </p><p>"you little shit..." Levi's words trailed off once he took in the sight of her. "...wait" his eyes raked over her appearance and the grimace on his face slowly turned to a stunned expression. Kaia was simply dazzling that night with a rose blush dress that complemented her figure and part of her hair tied up in a bun while the rest curled around her neck alluringly. <i>fuck</i> Levi thought. </p><p>Kaia raised an eyebrow "what?"</p><p>"hm? uh—w—what? oh. yes I—uhm, well—I....you see—hmm—I—I—" what the fuck is wrong with me he thought I've seen her in other dresses before, why is this one any different?</p><p>she laughed, placing a gloved hand on his shoulder. "aw that's adorable"</p><p>Levi awkwardly smiled in response. <i>he's so cute </i>she thought <i>oh god. oh no. why did I think that?</i></p><p>She then felt Erwin's hand on the lower part of her back as he leaned toward her ear from behind her. "may I say that you look beautiful tonight"</p><p>Kaia blushed and Levi's face dropped into a scowl. <i>I was supposed to say that </i>He thought.</p><p>"Miss Madden" Erwin started "you seem to be....in a happy mood"</p><p><i>shit </i>Kaia thought <i>I'm supposed to be sad and upset because of Petra and Levi. </i>She laughed awkwardly "well I can't exactly ruin everyone's mood with my sulky one, I'm not that selfish, commander"</p><p>"ever the thoughtful lady, if you'd like, you can sit next to me during the opera" Erwin offered, Levi's frown deepened </p><p>Kaia cocked her head to the side "won't you be sitting with Petra, commander?"</p><p>Erwin shook his head "I sent her back to hq after witnessing her affair with the captain. I shall then decide what to do with her since...relationships in the military are strictly forbidden"</p><p>Levi clenched his fist in order to stop himself from punching Erwin right in that moment.</p><p>"I'm considering sending her to a different branch....but many officers and captains alike sleep around during Keeper's Season but do not ever pursue a relationship...if that is the case with Levi and Petra, then I would not have to send her away"</p><p><i>you fucking bastard </i>Levi thought <i>now that you think Kaia was hurt when seeing me and Petra together you want her to think that I'm still available so her feelings won't fade. Why are you still even going through with this love plan? why am I? I need to talk to Kaia after this. </i></p><p>Levi cleared his throat "Me and Petra are not involved, commander. You have my word"</p><p>Erwin pleasantly smiled "splendid, I would hate to lose Petra, she is quite an asset to the survey corps"</p><p><i>you mean an asset to your scheme to fucking control me </i>Levi bitterly thought. </p><p>Kaia exchanged awkward glances between the two "right uhm, I think we should take our seats. Thank you for your offer, but I think it'll be rather rude to leave my date alone" to Levi's delight, she looped her arm around his, leaving Erwin to spend the opera night with no one but stuffy generals who’d either insult him or praise him.</p><p>"Kaia we need to talk" Levi said as they took their seats.</p><p>"uh oh, are you breaking up with me Ackerman?" she teased </p><p>"tch. be serious"</p><p>"aw but that's no fun"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "why are we still doing the love plan?"</p><p>"because Erwin's still doing it. It doesn't matter that I'm technically fighting for the survey corps, he still needs something to control me with, and I don't want that to be Eren"</p><p>"and you're content with it being me?"</p><p>"I know you can't be used to control me Levi, not because I don't care about you but because I know you won't let yourself be used in the first place. You're smarter than that, Eren well...he'd do anything his superior commands"</p><p>"tch. didn't I tell you to drop the boy already? life would be so much more easier if you didn't have to do this fake feelings thing, it's getting confusing"</p><p>"it doesn't just end when I've broken it off with Eren, Erwin can still use Jean and the other trainees. I can't let that chain reaction happen. Once I assume power and make peace with the military on behalf of Godsent then the case can be dropped and we can be free"</p><p>Levi sighed "I feel like Erwin may be up to something"</p><p>"what do you mean?"</p><p>"he's been obsessed with the downfall of Godsent for years, I feel like he's a little too supportive of your goals in reforming it instead of destroying it"</p><p>"but what could he possibly be planning?"</p><p>"that's what irks me. I have no fucking clue"</p><p>Before Kaia could get another word in, the crowd applauded as the aria walked onto stage, leaving the two to wallow in a pit of worry as the performance began.</p><p>Kaia was never one for such shows, in her old life, she couldn't even get through a movie in one sitting, she'd either get bored or impatient and just search up how it ends. She'd never really been to something as extravagant as this, the closest thing she had experienced was a ballet performance at a mediocre performing arts centre which made her fall asleep in the first 30mins.</p><p>But as soon as the aria opened her mouth, Kaia was captivated by its melody as well as its euphony that seemed to sink into and settle itself in her soul. Once the enchanting voice took root within Kaia, she felt drawn to drown entirely while at the same time fighting to escape its bewitching clutches. It brought up feelings Kaia thought were gone and good. Fear, happiness and just plain awe rang through her all at once. Finding it so  delightfully overwhelming, she failed to notice the single tear that fell upon her rosied cheek. why was she crying? she didn't know it herself either, it was if her body was simply reacting to the intense emotions that was provoked by such melody. The sound was painfully sorrowful, like it was moulded in the shape of a dying man. Kaia wanted to run out of that room, to run away from the emotions that ravaged within her, but she was commanded to stay and bear witness to such anguish as well as endure it. </p><p>Levi looked to the side of him to see Kaia wide eyed, he was not sure if it was sorrow, or frustration, or fear that she felt as a tear streamed down her face. "what's wrong?" he whispered in the dark</p><p>Levi's voice seemed to bring her back as she blinked her tears away "I....I don't know" she muttered</p><p>"we should go" He wanted to take her out of that room, he couldn't bear seeing such a pained expression on her beautiful face, but as he stood, she grabbed his arm.</p><p>Kaia took in a shuddering breath "no I want to stay"</p><p>"well stay if you want, I'm getting out of this snooze fest"</p><p>"no" she whispered "stay. I want you to stay.....I don't...want to be alone anymore" It was one of the main emotions that enveloped Kaia, agonising loneliness. Despite being with Eren, or having friends like Jean. She still felt so utterly lonely, it was something Kaia avoided thinking about, but this aria's voice magnified it, shoving it in her face. Her soul tried to claw its way out of the wallowing pit of loneliness as Kaia gripped the arms of her seat, but it did not change the fact that she was so utterly alone in this world. Only now did it hit her like a thousand feet wave, she had no one to turn to because nobody could ever understand the pain of waking up in a different reality, where you couldn't fall back to your old comforts, your favourite show, your favourite book, where you couldn't turn to that one song that made it all better, that made it just that bit more bearable. Kaia entered this world with nothing, and she still seemed to have nothing. was she holding onto her past life too much? but then again, what is there to hold on to in her present life? Eren? Jean? Levi? Kaia suddenly felt like a fraud, was she only able to form a relationship with them because she knew them as characters on a show? she could never express that concern to anyone, how would they even understand it much less console her about it.</p><p>Levi sat back down, choosing to ignore the hand that still lay on his arm. He recalled the first time he ever saw the opera, he thought it was beautiful, but also painfully saddening, he couldn't last the first hour and hastily exited the room to sob in a dark corner. It had been the first time in a while where he had been moved to deeply miss his mom, isabel, farlan and his other fallen comrades.</p><p>Once the singer finished, the crowd roared in a applause standing up to cheer her on the moving performance. Kaia remained seated, not because she hated the performance, but because she couldn't quite grasp what was happening at the moment. Her head seemed to be placed in a realm of nostalgia and longing. </p><p>Levi brought her back again, shaking her arm. "are you ok?"</p><p>Kaia couldn't face him, couldn't turn to him, for that would cause just another riot of emotions to surge through her heart. She abruptly stood and exited the theatre, craving just a breath of fresh air.</p><p>As she stood in the garden just behind the Opera House, her breaths came deep yet shallow at the same time, as if she were taking the deepest inhales but still felt as is she were drowning. Kaia wanted to cry some more, to sob, but she couldn't bare anybody catching her out. She thought she looked pathetic crying in front of somebody. </p><p>Of course, rain started to pour. Heavy drops soaked Kaia, making her blush dress turn into a deep pink. <i>maybe I can cry now...</i>she thought, <i>the rain would cover my tears well enough. </i>She looked up at the sky, laughing at how cliche it was to find herself in the rain while she was at her lowest point. Kaia didn't notice her laughter slowly turning into sobs. She couldn't stop herself anymore. <i>pathetic</i> she thought. </p><p>Kaia couldn't believe what she had told Elijah when she first met him. She had told him that she didn't want to go home when he had offered. Her sobs came in violent bursts, rarely giving her a moment to breathe. What she would give if she could just go home for a while or at least just listen to the songs she used to love. </p><p>Through the rain, Kaia saw a figure approach her, she squinted, her tears blurring her vision. Before she could get a clear view she felt arms wrap around her, engulfing her in a warmth she didn't know she needed.</p><p>Levi did not follow Kaia out of the opera house at first, but he grew increasingly worried as Kaia did not meet him in the foyer. He decided to check the gardens when it started to rain, but with the rain distorting his vision, Levi almost didn't see Kaia standing there. He knew he should just leave her be, but he also knew that when he was crying after seeing the opera for the first time, he wished that he wasn't alone. </p><p>Kaia was tempted to push him away, to cringe at the fact that he was seeing her like this. but he had seen it before, and Kaia didn't have it in her to fight against her emotions anymore. She gave in, wrapping her arms around his torso and sobbing into his shoulder.</p><p>"I know..." Levi began "I know you probably wish it were Eren here with you. But it's just me right now, so you'll have to bear with it for a bit"</p><p>Kaia didn't respond, and only clung to him tighter, gripping the fabric of his coat tightly. Even if she loved Eren, if anyone had to be with her right now, she'd want it to be Levi. Eren would console her, of course, but he would nag her about what's upsetting her and get angry if she didn't want to answer. Jean was always awkward about it, she didn't blame him though, he had seen her like this too many times, she felt sorry for the man. Levi, well Levi didn't ask questions, he wasn't awkward and he knew what to do because, because he once wished someone had done it to him, he wished that someone would just be there for him, would just hold him whenever he wanted to cry.</p><p>"we should head inside before you catch a cold. I'm not going deal with you if your all gross and snotty" he grumbled</p><p>Kaia managed to laugh, and took his arm as they headed back to the suite. As the two entered the room, they sprinted toward the bathroom.</p><p>"uh uh uh, Levi Ackerman I'm using the bathroom first" Kaia said as she held Levi away at arm's length clutching his collar.</p><p>He flailed his arms wildly "Madden, I cannot stand one more second in this rain soaked suit...and don't even think about playing the pity card, you and your tears can wait a few minutes until I'm done"</p><p>she huffed "how about you take the shower, and I take the bath" </p><p>"why do you get the bath?"</p><p>"because I said so"</p><p>He rolled his eyes "fine." </p><p>Kaia clapped her hands as she scurried toward the bath which lay against a window with the shower just opposite it against a wall.</p><p>After a few moments, Levi knocked on the door "are you decent?"</p><p>"I mean I'm naked but I'm in the bath" she could hear him grumble behind the door.</p><p>Levi entered the bathroom awkwardly already undressed with the towel wrapping his torso instead of his legs. Kaia couldn't help but laugh.</p><p>He frowned "what?"</p><p>"it's nothing, nothing, captain"</p><p>"tch, don't go trying to sneak a peek cadet, I'd like to shower in peace"</p><p>she scoffed "uhm, you're not the one that is currently naked right now, if anything, you'd be the one who tried to sneak a peek"</p><p>"w—what? uh—psh, what?, n—never—"</p><p>Kaia lifted her bare leg up so it was exposed "there's your peek, captain, now go on to your little shower"</p><p>Levi stood dumbfounded for a moment, gulping as he took in the sight of her bare leg, his mind wandering off to other bare parts of her body that lay just inches from him under water. He shook his head, gripping the towel that wrapped around his torso tightly as he stepped into the shower. </p><p>She laughed, casting her gaze out the window and toward the stars that glittered in the somber sky. After a few moments that seemed like seconds, Levi stood leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom.</p><p>"you know you can't stay there forever" he drawled</p><p>"has it been that long?"  she said, her eyes still toward the twinkling sky</p><p>"mhm. now get up and go to bed"</p><p>"i don't want to.....sleep. I don't want to dream. I don't want to see her again" she muttered, recalling the horrid images of her younger self mangled and bloody on the floor, no matter how many times she saw it, she could never quite be rid of the terror she felt.</p><p>Levi raised a brow "her? an ex lover?"</p><p>Kaia chuckled "I wish that's what I saw"</p><p>"what do you see then?"</p><p>she sighed, talking about it unnerved her, but maybe getting it out will somehow act as a purging of negative energy and help her sleep that night. "my younger self. I always wake up in this barren land, some sort of desert. I walk for some time and then I see her...my younger self, playing with these dolls." Kaia decided not to mention that the dolls were in the shape of Godsent and the survey corps. "and then...all of a sudden, she starts to get angry and stomps on the dolls, and then she mourns them, and then....she starts scratching herself, tearing her own skin. Usually, the wind would pick up, and the sand would blur my vision and then I would just see the dead body once it died down...but last night...the wind didn't pick up...Last night I saw her, I saw her tearing apart her own body...and I...I couldn't move, all I could do was watch as my younger self gouged her own eyes out and broke her own limbs" she remained unexpressive, her gaze cast out the window.</p><p>Levi winced, he had had his fair share of nightmares and he very well knew its horrors not only terrified you, but took root in you, haunting you for the rest of your life. "look, I can't promise you that you won't dream of that tonight, but you need sleep"</p><p>she chuckled "says you"</p><p>"come on, I'll break both of your legs if you don't go to bed so that you have a reason to stay in bed"</p><p>Kaia rolled her eyes "alright. dad. now get out so I can change"</p><p>Begrudgingly she got out of the now room-temperature water to dress herself in yet another lacy nightgown that reached to the floor, making her look like some ancient victorian ghost. She winced as she combed her hair that hung just above her waist. Frustrated and tired, she stormed out of the bathroom, hairbrush in hand.</p><p>Levi looked up from the book that he was reading and furrowed his brows "what is it now?"</p><p>"can you brush my hair?" she said, pouting </p><p>"uh. when you called me dad earlier I thought that that was just a joke" </p><p>She rolled her eyes, throwing a pillow at him "please, my arm hurts like hell from trying to brush even half of it"</p><p>"ugh fine" Levi said, moving to sit on a chair and motioning Kaia to sit in front of him on the floor.</p><p>She happily, obliged, sitting on her knees in front of him with her back against the seat of the chair. Levi brushed through her hair softly at first, not understanding why she had so much trouble with it in the first place, then he got to the worst part, pulling as hard he could to untangle the damp knots in her hair, eventually making her whimper at the pain. </p><p>"can you please at least try to be gentle?"</p><p>He huffed "you oughta cut your hair brat, because if not, you'll be bald from pulling on it too hard while trying to brush it"</p><p>"I've thought about it....but, I just...don't want to look like Mikasa even more. I mean I already get compared to her enough, it's a huge compliment though, when people say I look like her....but then, they start comparing us, even Shadis berates me about how I should be more like her during training. If I cut my hair then I'd just look like some cheap wannabe version of her"</p><p>Levi continued to brush her hair "I've never even thought of you and Mikasa being alike. The only similarity I draw from you two is that you're both asian"</p><p>"welp. you're about the only one, and what's even worse is that people attempt to make friends with me only because they couldn't be friends with Mikasa, like I'm their back up asian or something."</p><p>"I'm sure people see you for more than your race"</p><p>"you have no idea how much I wish they did. It's why I don't have too many friends, it's not because I'm not friendly, but because there's so few people who don't see me either as a fetish or a disgust"</p><p>Levi only hummed in response, unsure how to give her advice as he had never experienced it himself before.</p><p>"God I'm sorry, I made this into a stupid sob fest again. You needn't worry about me. I many not have many, but I have really great friends, I couldn't ask for any better"</p><p>"don't worry, sad stories don't really surprise me anymore. This world is shit, but you've got to learn to see the good things or else you'll go insane, it's good that you focus on the quality of your friends and not the quantity" </p><p>"and what about you? have you learned to see the good things?"</p><p>"I've tried. But they always end up being taken away from me" he said solemnly.</p><p>An uneasy silence ran through them as Kaia was reminded of his sufferings, of how the hell he was still a normally functioning human being after everything he’d been through.</p><p>After a few more painful hair-pulling moments, Levi let out an exasperated sigh "alright brat. the monstrosity that is your hair is finally tamed"</p><p>Kaia jumped up in joy "oh thank you thank you thank you thank you" she held out her hands </p><p>"what?"</p><p>"uhhhh. can i please, have my hairbrush back?"</p><p>He raised a brow "oh you mean this?" he twirled the brush in the air "well come get it then" a smirk played on the corners of his mouth and Kaia thought she was hallucinating. </p><p>"oh you fucker" she giggled as she reached to brush and completely missing every time. Levi eventually started to laugh with her in amusement as he watched her fumble for her brush. </p><p>Kaia reached forward a little too much and stumbled toward him. Levi caught her by the waist laughing, then quietened at the realisation of the closeness between them. Kaia had her knees placed on either side of his legs in order to keep her self up and her hands gripped his shoulders as she looked down at him, face merely inches from his.</p><p>Levi gulped. Kaia had made it ever so clear that she just wanted to be friends but he couldn't deny that look in her eye, a primal hunger, desperate as if it were killing her to hold herself back. Had he thought wrong? Had she thought about him in ways that he thought about her? </p><p>The air suddenly turned warm as uneasy breaths were exchanged between them, dangerous looks of lust filling their gaze. Levi's hands descended to the lower part of her waist. Kaia felt her skin electrify even though he wasn't touching it, her throat became dry.</p><p>His gaze flicked to her lips as she bit them, as if they both knew that they wanted the same thing.</p><p>"don't look at me like that, Levi" she muttered </p><p>"like what?" he tilted his head </p><p>"like you're about to kiss me"</p><p>"and what if I do?" </p><p>Unknowingly, Kaia leaned her face closer to his, her eyes never leaving his lips.</p><p>"I might just kiss you back. and then we might just take off our clothes. and then I might just dig my nails into your back as I fall apart beneath you" she whispered </p><p>Levi felt his heart race, his steely gaze noting every part of her face to keep himself from taking her to straight to his bed in that instant. His mind reeled with possibilities of what they could be doing right in that moment, his hands along her naked body, his lips on hers.</p><p>Kaia felt herself being pulled apart. She hadn't felt like this about Levi at all before as she only ever had a small crush on him. Plus, she was lost on how he felt about her, all this time she thought that he hated her and only dealt with her in begrudging friendliness. The feeling that bloomed within her was dangerous, tempting and so utterly intoxicating, she bit the side of her cheek. Why was it so hard to pull away from him? and why was she leaning closer and closer? </p><p>Kaia sucked in a breath as she suddenly felt his lips crash onto hers.</p>
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<a name="section0026"><h2>26. lewd thoughts</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi didn't know what he was doing. all he knew was that Kaia was kissing him back, and that he wanted more than just her lips, that this minuscule taste of her was far from enough</p><p>He pulled her waist down, so that she was firmly sat on his lap, her torso pressed against his as he clung to her for dear life. </p><p>Levi lifted her against the wall with her legs wrapped around him. His lips trailed along her jaw and down her neck eliciting a whimper from her. The sound made him absolutely feral, eager to make more obscene sounds tumble from those lips.</p><p>Kaia groaned, scratching at his clothing eager to touch his skin. Levi got the message, and hastily undressed himself while still exploring the wonder that was Kaia's tongue.</p><p>Once he was undressed down to his underwear, he then took her toward the bed, never parting from her intoxicating lips for long. His heart pounded in his chest, his head dizzy with lust, with desire, with Kaia. Levi bit at her neck as he slipped off her nightgown with ease.</p><p>His breath hitched as he realised that she was only wearing panties under her clothes. Unable to control himself, Levi's mouth found their way to her breasts, kneading them with his tongue ever so fervently. Kaia gasped in pleasure, pulling at his hair as she bucked her hips to meet his hardening bulge. </p><p>Levi groaned at the contact and proceeded to grind his growing erection against her clothed cunt, moaning into her breasts. His hands trailed along her bare shoulders gently, making her shiver in anticipation as he tugged at her panties.</p><p>Levi's lips descended from her torso, eventually nuzzling his nose against her panties teasingly. Kaia let out staggered whimpers, frustrated with Levi's selfishness. </p><p>"Levi" she panted "don't tease me"</p><p>"well then tell me what you want" He pressed his face against her clothed cunt, making her buck her hips at the friction.</p><p>She let out muffled moans "Levi..."</p><p>"go on" His hands massaged her thighs, his lips gently pecking the soft skin that hovered just above her panties.</p><p>"argh fuck. Levi, suck my cunt"</p><p>Levi faltered, he hadn't expected her to give in so easily, he hadn't expected her to be so desperate for him to please her. It was a welcome surprise, as Levi slipped off her panties smoothly. </p><p>His dick hardened further as he saw how wet she was, fuck he thought.</p><p>With no hesitation, his lips descended on her bare pussy, making quick work with his tongue, finding her clit in no time at all. Kaia gripped her pillow, her chest heaving at the sensation.</p><p>Levi looked up, eager to see Kaia lost in the pleasure he was giving her. He was not disappointed, Kaia had a hand on her breast, kneading it as the other clutched the bedsheets. </p><p>He found himself looking up to her from her wet pussy and stroking himself through his underwear. She looked down and frowned, Levi knew exactly what she was saying why the fuck did you stop. </p><p>Smirking, he went down on her once again, moving his tongue in lazy circles then teasingly flicking her clit. He ground his own hips against the bed, eager to get some sort of friction on his enlarging cock.</p><p>Levi couldn't hold himself back any longer. He needed to be inside of her. Getting up onto his knees, he took out his fully erect cock out of his underwear, stroking it as Kaia buried her head in her pillow in frustration.</p><p>"go on. touch yourself" he drawled. He almost couldn't believe he said the words, he hadn't done anything this filthy before, not even in front of Petra. But the thought of touching himself while Kaia touched herself drove him wild.</p><p>Kai obliged, eyes squeezing shut as her hand found her way into her slick cunt, slowly, she started to thrust her fingers into herself, moaning at the sensation.</p><p>Levi grit his teeth. fuck he thought fuck, that's so fucking hot He stroked himself faster, looking down on Kaia as she pleasured herself.</p><p>Eager for more friction, Kaia propped herself up onto one elbow, pumping her fingers into herself faster and deeper. She let out a staggering whimper, squeezing her eyes from the pleasure.</p><p>"look at me brat" Levi commanded as he stroked his cock, he expected Kaia to refuse, but her eyes flitted open at once, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' as she gazed upon Levi masturbating in front of her.</p><p>fuck. don't look at me like that Their eyes never left each other, occasionally throwing their heads back in pleasure to let out a filthy moan. Levi wanted more, his hunger for Kaia becoming dangerously insatiable. He reached down to remove her hand from her wet pussy and pinned it above her with her other hand. His knees made quick work of spreading her legs, as he shoved his tongue down her throat, groaning as she moaned in his mouth. </p><p>Levi dragged his dangling cock along her wet pussy, making her writhe beneath him. As much as he wanted to tease her more, he couldn't wait any longer to enter her. Without a warning, he snapped his hips forward, fully sheathing his erect cock into her wet pussy. Kaia let out a cry of pleasure as Levi failed to keep his composure, grunting at the sensation of her pussy.</p><p>He began to thrust into her relentlessly, shaking the bed as he indulged himself in her. Levi kept his eyes on his cock pounding into her, the sight arousing him even more. </p><p>The sounds that tumbled from Kaia's lips made him go feral, causing him to impossibly increase his speed as he thrust into her at an animalistic pace. He felt his orgasm growing, and he had no intention of slowing down in order to savour it, he had held himself back enough, he needed to be satisfied.</p><p>"fuck" he grunted "fucking hell Kaia, you're so fucking tight"</p><p>Kaia only managed to respond in a string of heavy moans. </p><p>he grit his teeth "I'm going fucking cum" Levi prepared himself to pull out.</p><p>Kaia gripped his arm "don't. don't stop. don't slow down. just cum inside of me." she panted </p><p>Inconceivably, his dick hardened more, twitching inside of her as sweat dripped down his heaving chest.</p><p>"fuck. fuck—f-fuck. K-Kaia" he groaned </p><p>"that's it" she panted "that's it, keep going. cum inside me levi. do it"</p><p>His thrusts became sloppy as he felt his orgasm coming a full speed. Levi growled, pleasure seeping into his muscles as he approached his high. He threw his head back, crying out as he came ins—</p><p>"need I repeat myself, captain?" Kaia drawled </p><p>Levi blinked in confusion, he was still seated in the emerald chair, and she still hovered above him, but this time, the lust in her gaze had been replaced with a piercing glare, one that challenged his own. </p><p>"I said. stop moving your hands up and down my thigh" Kaia had been tempted to close the gap between them, to lean down just that little bit further, but she couldn't bring herself to. She cursed herself in her thoughts for even being enticed to betray Eren for Levi. </p><p>Levi still couldn't quite comprehend what was going on. Did he truly imagine all of that? </p><p>Kaia's eyes narrowed into slits as Levi's hands remained on her thigh. She let out a sound of disgust as she pushed herself off of the chair, rubbing her arms as she looked out of the abnormally large window. </p><p><i>did I imagine the desire in her eyes?</i> Levi thought, still confused on how quickly her demeanour shifted. Annoyed, he stood from the chair, stepping heavily toward Kaia. He grabbed her arm roughly, spinning her around and planting a forced kiss on her lips.</p><p>Kaia shoved him away, frowning at his desperation </p><p>"you said you'd kiss me back" he almost growled </p><p>She curled her upper lip, nose wrinkling "just because Petra isn't around to fulfill your sexual needs doesnt mean I'd be willing to"</p><p>"you seemed pretty willing a few moments ago. I'm sure I did not imagine that primal hunger in your eyes"</p><p>she scoffed. "primal hunger? you've got to be fucking kidding me. I'm taken!"</p><p>"well so am I! and yet I was more than willing to take you to bed"</p><p>Kaia frowned, rearing her head back in confusion <i>what is he saying? what is hey saying? what is he saying?</i></p><p>"look I know that you know that we both wanted the same thing in that moment. I know that, and you can't convince me otherwise"</p><p>"don't tell me what I want" she sneered. what the fuck is going on?</p><p>He stepped closer and Kaia backed up, her breath hitching as she hit a wall. Levi tilted his head "do you feel guilty, Kaia? that you thought about me like that? that you were so close to kissing me? that Eren hadn't popped into your mind until the very. last. second." he dragged a mocking finger along her cheek as she looked away.</p><p>She wanted to protest. to tell him that he was wrong. But he wasn't. She had let herself entertain such dangerous notions without even a thought of Eren. The realisation hit her like a truck, bringing along a wave of guilt to wash over her.</p><p>"tch. always being so difficult" Levi pulled her chin toward him so that she faced him with that glorious frown. He smirked, which only enraged her beyond human comprehension. "don't even deny it Kaia, you only look stupid. "</p><p>Kaia was on the verge of ripping his face off, but she knew she'd be more satisfied if she got under his skin. "you're right" she said. the words stung more than it should "what do you want me to say, Levi? I'm embarrassed" she said in a hushed tone, eyes flicking toward his lips. </p><p>Levi fell for it, leaning in once again to meet her lips. Kaia reached for the table beside her and scrunched up a serviette in her hand. Once he closed his eyes, she shoved it harshly into his mouth. </p><p>Levi choked, bending over double as he spit the pieces of serviette onto the floor. "what the fuck was that? you psycho bitch"</p><p>Kaia laughed as she tugged on his hair, pulling his head up toward her as he knelt before her. "that was acting, nothing but a tease." she mused "just as before, on that awfully gaudy chair, with your hands around my waist. Every breath, every flicker to your lips, every alluring word. all a tease. nothing but a joke to me" she lied. Her words were true, her actions were true, but she could never admit that, she would never. </p><p><i>of course. of course it was a joke. of course it wasn't anything more. had i been so blind to ignore it? or were you too sly for me to notice? </i>"tch. you play with other people's feelings as a joke?" he retorted</p><p>her eyes narrowed. <i>had he not pursued a night with me because he missed Petra? if not then why did he do it? surely not because he feels for me. right? </i>"I do not fully understand what you feel toward me, captain. therefore I cannot play with your feelings. Plus, I thought you hated me, that you'd be the one to push me away." Kaia let go of him, walking toward her bed "i'm tired of this. of you. so let me rest easy tonight, captain. you can bug me all you want tomorrow" she turned her back toward him "and Levi? let go of Petra. she deserves better"</p><p>Levi grit his teeth as he sat on the cold carpet. He knew that he should break it off with Petra, that he shouldn't use her as he was now, as a distraction. But he couldn't afford his feelings for Kaia expanding, if anything, his actions tonight proved how much he needed to distract himself from the girl, and Petra was unfortunately the only one to fall for him, to be willing to do anything for him.</p><p>Levi begrudgingly made his way to bed, huffing as he turned in his sheets, frustration fuming from him.</p><p>Kaia slept restlessly that night. Guilt and confusion plaguing her already tired mind. She successfully got under Levi's skin and averted him from finding out how she truly felt about him. But what was it that she felt for him? Kaia had no idea, the only clue she had was that Levi made her feel like she was in a sinking hole. Shuddering, she wished on the stars that rest of the week would go by quickly, and that she would find herself back with Eren soon.</p><p>The next few days couldn't have been more awkward. The two kept their distance, barely acknowledging one another unless it was truly necessary, even Kaia did not have the heart to put on a show for Erwin, she simply avoided being in a room with both the commander and the captain, also, she was afraid she had been giving Levi the wrong impression, did she go too far with her performance? or was she unknowingly pursuing him? </p><p>putting on a show for Erwin hadn't previously bothered her too much, she enjoyed flirting with Levi, clutching his arm tightly, whispering teasingly in his ear, of course always reminding herself of Eren, and how much she loved him. Sometimes, ashamedly, she forgot about Eren and wanted Levi to return her affections, act or not, she wanted to feel his fondness of her. It was the old her that was kicking in moments like that, the her that went out of her way to make sure everybody desired her, everybody drooled over her, fought over her. Frustration grew in her chest when she realised she had been doing it unconsciously with Levi and decided it was best to keep some distance in order to avoid returning to her bad habits. after all, it was just her selfish desire to be adored and not her feelings for Levi that made her act like that. right?</p><p>The distance made her days awfully boring, with no one to tease or mock or playfully insult, every conversation became dull, with Levi, she'd always go out of her way to make some snide comments to the other higher ups and he'd chuckle slightly or murmur some joke under his breath. Now, her words were met with nothing but glares and curled upper lips, she'd forgotten that people weren't as blunt or sarcastic as her and Levi.</p><p>The day was awfully hot and Kaia’s clothes seemed to scratch at her skin. The event for the day was archery, and the higher ups of the military decided to gather on a rather large lawn and have a hand at archery. There was tea and snacks placed pleasantly just behind where many would just sit and talk. </p><p>Kaia took a breath as she drew her arrow</p><p>"you're holding it all wrong" a voice said from the back</p><p>Kaia released the arrow, smiling as it hit bullseye. She had become somewhat decent with weapons since she trained with plenty at Godsent. Ada had been against it, but Kaia put forth the argument that she shouldn't solely rely on her lighting, that she should have a backup. Hesitantly, Ada agreed and first sent her to Selma who begrudgingly taught her how to use an array of blades, including an arrow.</p><p>"huh. lucky shot"</p><p>She turned to face the voice behind her and was met with a familiar face doused with glorious brown curls. "oh. it's you" she said smiling</p><p>"don't tell me you've forgotten my name already" he teased </p><p>she narrowed her eyes "wait don't tell me....Ellis?"</p><p>he rolled his eyes chuckling </p><p>"no no wait it's Ethan, no Edward....no! it's Barbara"</p><p>"ha ha very funny. Although I know you're joking, I feel as though you truly do not know my name"</p><p>"psh. of course I do. It.....starts with an E!"</p><p>He shrugged "close enough. it's Eric"</p><p>Kaia clicked her fingers "that's it. I was gonna say Eric, ya know"</p><p>"sure sure" he walked over beside her to have a try at archery himself </p><p>"have you done it before?"</p><p>"archery?"</p><p>Kaia nodded.</p><p>"I've only ever trained with rifles and other firearms"</p><p>"well I suppose you're good at aiming then"</p><p>"taking a shot with an arrow and taking a shot with a rifle are two completely different things. the form, the breath, the stance. the aim is but a minuscule part"</p><p>"uh...okay, well, I just kinda shoot whenever it feels right" </p><p>He put the arrow down, furrowing his brows at her "what?"</p><p>She shrugged "I mean, i don't really put too much thought into it"</p><p>"so it was just a lucky shot"</p><p>Kaia huffed "no it wasn't! I have skill" </p><p>"fine then take another shot"</p><p>She grabbed the bow from his hands and pulled the arrow back, releasing a heavy breath, she let go and to her disappointment, it completely missed the target and instead stuck into the grass beside it.</p><p>Eric stifled a laugh</p><p>"it's 'cause you were putting pressure on me!" she exclaimed </p><p>"well then you'll have to deal with it. You think there won't be pressure on you when you're taking a life or death shot"</p><p>Kaia frowned</p><p>"who are you training with?"</p><p>"Selma"</p><p>"Selma?! oh gods, you're not going to make any progress with her"</p><p>"you don't think I know that now?!"</p><p>Eric clicked his tongue "now now, no need to sulk. let me show you how to do it"</p><p>He moved to stand close behind her, motioning her to lift her bow. Begrudgingly, Kaia obliged. He slightly moved her arm up and tilted her elbow slightly lower, then placed his hands on her waist.</p><p>Kaia almost jumped, the memory of Levi's own hands on her still frustratingly fresh "what do you think you're doing"</p><p>"relax. I'm trying to centre you. your position is all out of wack"</p><p>She let out an annoyed breath, after a few more readjustments, Eric told her to shoot. the arrow flew into the grass again.</p><p>"thanks" she said flatly "you've helped me achieve absolutely nothing"</p><p>Eric scratched his head "well you're not gonna get it on your first try. When you practice with selma just remember the key points I told you"</p><p>"you know I'be been wondering...how do you know selma?"</p><p>"we were in the same training sector along with the rest of your crew." He moved to place Kaia's bow and arrow away "They were the best of the best, everybody knew 'em" he said bitterly </p><p>"is somebody jealous?"</p><p>He chuckled "no. just heartbroken"</p><p>Kaia's eyes widened "oh do tell. which one was it?"</p><p>"that's a story for another day. unfortunately I must tend to my date"</p><p>"who did you come with?" she inquired </p><p>"Rico Brzenska" </p><p>"I believe a woman like her would be fine without you"</p><p>"ah yes, i believe she would too, but this not a matter of tending to her loneliness. I must acquire something from her"</p><p>Kaia tilted her head "information?"</p><p>Eric nodded. <i>a task from Godsent </i>she thought. Kaia felt a surge of anxiety wash over her, not only because Godsent’s tasks were often dangerous and calamitous, but also because she realised that Godsent probably had a million other things going on that she didn’t know about. It dented her goals, as it dawned on her how little she truly knew about Godsent.</p><p>"what is Godsent planning?"</p><p>"we don't share our tasks with people outside the crew"</p><p>"your whole crew is here?!"</p><p>He nodded "all 82 of 'em"</p><p>"82?! Why is it so big"</p><p>"low level crews like mine are big because we need to make up for our lack of skill in other areas. Elijah though it'd be beneficial to put all the bad trainees together and all the good ones together, like you and your crew. the best of the best" he said with a roll of his eyes </p><p>"sounds stupid"</p><p>Eric hummed in agreement "I best be off Kaia, but I'll see you at the play tonight"</p><p>Kaia wanted to ask him more questions, but it'll look unprofessional and strange, she shouldn't act clueless and utterly lost if she wanted to be a leader for them. "Of course" she smiled "until then, Edward"</p><p>He rolled his eyes, chuckling as he made his way to Rico.</p><p>Kaia made her way back to her suite, eager to get out of the itchy pants and into a pretty dress. This was her favourite part of the night events, getting absolutely dolled up. Unfortunately, Krista was not here to do Kaia's makeup but she did just fine on her own, sure after multiple fails with her hair she wanted to completely shave it, but in the end she'd always successfully got it into a beautiful victorian-esque hairstyle. her hair may be long but at least it was straight.</p><p>As Kaia entered the suite, a white dress adorned with intricate lace patterns lay sprawled on her bed.</p><p>"oh" she said, trailing her fingers along the fine fabric</p><p>"it's your costume" Levi said, coming out of the bathroom, shirt undone.</p><p>"my costume?"</p><p>"this play...it's sort of tradition for the attendees to dress up as the characters" he explained, leaning against the doorframe </p><p>"do we get to choose?"</p><p>"i chose for us before we arrived"</p><p>"oh? and which characters did you choose for us"</p><p>"I chose the scarlet crow and for you...i chose the ghastly maiden. the characters are husband and wife" He moved toward the mirror, throwing on a deep red coat over his black button up.</p><p>Kaia's brows shot up "husband and wife?"</p><p>Levi sighed "don't get the wrong impression Madden. I do not harbour any affections like that toward you. The other night....I don't know what I was doing. I think I've spent too much time around you"</p><p>"I understand" she didn't. at all. <i>what about Petra? </i>she worried for her, since once a very long time ago, she had been treated the exact same, and it scarred her for years. Kaia also did not forget that hurt that flashed across his eyes when she told him that her affections were nothing but a joke, a lie.  "...but, since you chose these characters before that night...did you harbour any feelings for me then?"</p><p>He scoffed "don't be ridiculous. The scarlet crow and the ghastly maiden are a toxic pair. Both want power, but how they plan to get it differs from each other. The crow wants to win the Kings crown through noble actions and the maiden supports him, but after a few failed attempts she deems him unworthy so she tries to take it for herself in ruthless, bloody ways."</p><p>"so who gets the crown?"</p><p>"you'll just have to watch and see"</p><p>Kaia rolled her eyes "now you've made me impatient. Come on now, do tell"</p><p>"fine." he grumbled "The crow wins the crown."</p><p>she let out a breath "of course he did"</p><p>"but at a bloody price. Unlike his wife, he could not handle the sacrifices he had made for the crown and it soon drove him to paranoia. All the people he had killed and betrayed haunted him for years"</p><p>"what happened to the maiden?"</p><p>"he imprisoned her long ago when he first ascended onto the throne. But as his mind chipped away, he turned to his wife, visiting her at the dungeons in seek of comfort. Miraculously, after all those years in prison, her mind stayed healthy, and she stayed sane. At first, she laughed at her frail husband who could not handle the blood on his hands. Then....slowly, they fell in love again, but the crow could not let her out since he still feared her. One day, his mind just broke and he could not find it in himself to go any further. He begged his wife to kill him, to release him from torment. At first, she refused, demanding that she'd only carry out his wishes if he carried out hers. To her surprise, he agreed, letting her out of prison. After some time on the surface with her husband, she did not want to kill him, but she eventually had to. She decided to poison him, so that he would pass peacefully and painfully. Then she took the throne and ruled with an iron fist"</p><p>"oh my god.....that's beautiful"</p><p>he frowned "it's tragic"</p><p>"beautiful nonetheless"</p><p>Levi let out a breath, putting on his scarlet mask to finish his costume. "get changed quickly. I'll meet you at the theatre"</p><p>Kaia nodded and headed inside the bathroom to slip the dress on. The fabrics clung to her perfectly, the beautiful gold details along the skirt made her look like the moon herself. She put a hand to her stomach as she struggled to breathe properly due to the corset that hugged her torso. Nonetheless, Kaia marvelled at her appearance in the mirror and chuckled as she thought about how Eren would react to her. To finish the costume, she added the lace veil that sat on her bedside table. Instead of making her look like a bride, it only made her look more like a ghost. Kaia liked the look of it.</p>
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<a name="section0027"><h2>27. a bloody show</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi sat in the empty theatre as the rest gathered in the foyer for some champagne before the play. He needed some time to think for his mind was chaos, crowded with words that lacked any meaning while meaning everything at the same time. He frowned in the dark silence of the empty theatre, disgusted with how he had acted with Kaia that one night. Although it had already been a day or two, he could not let it go, it would not let him. Was he so lonely that he acted on selfish impulses? it doesn't make sense. he wasn't lonely. he had Petra. surely, his actions were not a result of any romantic feelings for Kaia. Sure, she was attractive, but that was about how far it went. he hoped.</p><p>Kaia entered the buzzing foyer, looking around to find someone to distract her from her endless confusion. Luckily, Erwin had approached her almost immediately after she stepped in.</p><p>"Miss Madden, it's been a while"</p><p>"only a day or two, commander"</p><p>he chuckled "still, it seems as though you've been avoiding me....as well as Levi. did you two have a disagreement?"</p><p>Kaia shook her head, smiling coyly "oh of course not, it's just that, I'm starting to realise it's best to keep some distance from him, I fear my feelings are growing too strong"</p><p>"Distance doesn't solve everything Miss Madden, I advise you to simply talk it out with the captain"</p><p>she sucked in a breath, frustrated by the conversation "don't worry, I still have feelings for him, I know that's what you want hear" Kaia said bitterly as she sipped some champagne</p><p>Erwin furrowed his brows, tilting his head "why would I want that?"</p><p>Her eyes widened <i>shit</i>. "uhm...you tell me, commander"</p><p>what is she implying? Erwin thought does she know that I'm using Levi as a means to control her? does that mean she's faking it then? to throw me off, keep me distracted. "Miss Madden, why don't you join me in a walk in the gardens"</p><p>Kaia wanted to say no. to just run away and find some dark lonely corner. Heavens, she'd rather be with Levi than be alone with Erwin. She smiled "of course"</p><p>The air was lovely outside, and Kaia was annoyed that she couldn't enjoy it properly since anxiety welled in her stomach courtesy to a very tall, very blond commander.</p><p>"Kaia, what did you mean, when you said that I wanted you to have feelings for Levi"</p><p>she shrugged "well. I just assumed, you'd want me to have em to ensure my loyalty toward the survey corps"</p><p>"I am not that kind of person Miss Madden, I trusted your words when you said you'd try to get some information for us. Plus, this coup with Elijah essentially makes you part of our team" <i>she can't know about it </i>Erwin thought <i>she can't know of my backup plan, to use her desire for belonging and acceptance and love to control her. It'll increase our risk of losing her, her desire to reform Godsent is not enough to keep her with us, to keep her dependent on us.</i></p><p>Kaia wanted to roll her eyes and just confess that she knew of his plan, but she couldn't let a chain reaction occur, she couldn't let Erwin get to Eren or Jean or anyone else she cared about. A sinking feeling washed over her<i> would he go as far as to use Maria? to threaten her? as Godsent did? </i>she thought</p><p>"of course not, commander, forgive me, I'm known to be somewhat of a cynic"</p><p><i>she could still be faking her feelings easily. I wonder how I can prove that she truly does care for the captain </i>he thought. "...you want power, yes?"</p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows what is he playing at now? "correct"</p><p>"so you must enjoy having close friends in some high places"</p><p>"of course. I'm grateful that they understand my appeal and are willing to support it"</p><p>"wouldn't you rather their devotion? rather than a simple understanding?"</p><p>"it would be beneficial yes, but I cannot think of anyone who would devote themselves to me and my cause"</p><p>"they would if they loved you"</p><p>Kaia thought of Eren and how far from devoted he was to her. Yes, she was eternally grateful that he loved her, but a pinching feeling always accompanied her thoughts concerning the emerald-eyed boy. "I'm not sure about that, commander. I've never been loved" she lied </p><p>"and what of Levi?"</p><p>she scoffed "he does not love me."</p><p>"then make him"</p><p>She laughed outright "why are you so supportive of my feelings toward Levi, commander? shouldn't you separate us?"<i> let's see what lie you come up with this time.</i></p><p>"is that what you want?"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed "answer the question" Erwin raised a brow "commander" </p><p><i>is she getting suspicious? does she already know? does she just want me to confess? </i>He thought "To be honest Miss Madden, I had hoped he would take you away before I lost control of myself"</p><p>This time, Kaia did roll her eyes, but Erwin didn't catch it. She turned and smiled at him "If you have something to say to me, commander, please, just do"</p><p>He chuckled softly, coming at a stop and holding her hands as he stood in front of her. <i>she's looking at me as if she's just waiting for me to confess my undying love. how far will she let me pursue her?</i> "forgive me, miss Madden" He leaned in, face inches from her, breath ragged "I'm not very good with words"</p><p>She tilted her head i wonder how far he'll go to test me. "you're welcome to show me if you'd like"</p><p>Ever since her little entanglement with Levi, Kaia had been weary of being flirtatious toward others, but with Erwin, she had no problem at all, she knew of Erwin's intentions, she knew that he was only testing her, it was a sort of stability that was non-existent with Levi.</p><p>Erwin kissed her. At first she stood there awkwardly, stunned that he actually did it and as he pressed his lips against hers, a haunting question lingered in his mind. Was he truly just testing her? or was it an excuse to kiss a pretty girl?</p><p>Kaia began to step away, recoiling at the invasive touch of his lips. Reminding her bitterly of Levi's and  how Eren was sitting at the training grounds, waiting to meet her lips once again while hers were meeting others. Panic surged through her, reminding her of the guilt she had tried to push away from the longest time.</p><p>Erwin only snaked his arm around her waist and pulled her closer, his tongue barged into her mouth uninvited, making her panic worsen. At a last resort she kneed his crotch making him untangle from her lips and bend over toward the floor. </p><p>Kaia's eyes were wide with panic, her chest heaving. "why-why would you do that?" she knew why "I love—I love him. I could never—n—never betray him. I love him" her thoughts ran back to Eren "you are cruel and selfish man" Kaia knew she was the one to blame for this. If Erwin had not been testing her then he would've kissed her because she was flirting with him too much. Kaia couldn't bare the guilt, not after what happened with Levi. She needed to put it onto someone else, she needed to escape its suffocating grasp "I love him. commander. I love him. I wouldn't—I wouldn't—I wouldn't betray him"</p><p>Erwin looked up at her and decided it was enough proof, he came to the conclusion that she indeed loved Levi while being unaware that she was talking about Eren all alongside. "very well Miss Madden." he strained "forgive me" he half expected her to help him up, but as she ran away from him, a twang of disappointment rang through his bones.</p><p>Kaia smiled coyly as she passed through the foyer, the overall stuffiness in the room was too unbearable to survive in until they were ushered inside. She caught Eric's eye as he started to approach her but she turned away and disappeared into the sea of people in fine fabrics before he could catch her. After a few minutes, Kaia found her way inside the theatre and released a breath as she found herself in its dark and empty atmosphere.</p><p>Levi turned his head to where the commotion was coming from, then he saw a veiled figure enter the theatre breathless. He was about to tell them they weren't supposed to be in there but he wasn't one to talk. Ultimately, he ignored them, sitting back in his cushioned seat, hoping that the person would do the same and not disturb his easy silence.</p><p>How wrong he was. Levi abruptly stood up as another loud noise erupted inside the theatre.</p><p>Kaia wanted to scream in frustration but she couldn't make anymore noise, not after she chucked one of the chairs across the room causing a number of them to topple down. Hesitantly, she stormed over and started fixing it, all the while mumbling angrily to herself. </p><p>Levi knew exactly who it was. and before stopping her, he wanted to see how she acted when she was by herself, when no one was watching, when she didn't preform. <i>Eren would probably know </i>he bitterly thought. He cursed himself at the jealousy that rang through him. </p><p>Kaia proceeded to pace back and forth between the rows of seats. Her mind racing with confusion, guilt and frustration. Levi saw nothing he didn't see before. He had seen her be erratic and restless but he wondered what caused it this time. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she didn't even notice Levi when she passed by his seat. </p><p>The next time she passed him, Levi stuck his foot out to trip her over. "oi" he drawled </p><p>Before he could utter another word, Kaia was up on her feet, dusting herself off angrily. She looked toward Levi and wasn't even surprised that he was in there with her. It was just her kind of luck. </p><p>"you are one insufferable prick Levi Ackerman, one day, I'll cut your guts out and feed you to your horse" she spat, pointing a finger at him</p><p>"ahhh" he rested his cheek on his palm "there she is. it's been a while since I've seen your fire, Madden. You've been cold to me lately"</p><p>"that's because I didn't want you falling in love with me!" she said, losing her temper </p><p>He frowned "fall in love with you? are you truly that narcissistic?"</p><p>"well I definitely didn't forget that night when you fucking kissed me"</p><p>"and since then I've made it clear that I don't hold any affections toward you, I spelled it out for you and you said I understood!"</p><p>She threw her hands up in the air "of course i said i understood! what was I supposed to do? just outright ask you if you're in love with me like some narcissist?"</p><p>he pinched his nose bridge "that's what you're doing right now"</p><p>"yes because I am frustrated and losing my grip on reality, to put it simply, I. cant. keep. it. together. anymore. this is a last resort! I'm losing my mind here so it would be best if you just said it right out. and don't tell me it's because of Petra because I know very well that you two are together and therefore you have no reason to  pursue me like that!" she yelled</p><p>"well maybe I just found you fucking attractive!" he yelled back, standing up from his seat to meet her fiery gaze </p><p>"well I am flattered!" </p><p>"you should be!"</p><p>"still doesn't explain why you chose to get back with Petra!"</p><p>"I thought I wanted her back! but i'm starting to realise she's just a distraction!"</p><p>"from what?!"</p><p>"from you!"</p><p>"is it so hard to control yourself around me?!"</p><p>"quite frankly, yes!" he huffed "I've lost count of how many times I've thought of fucking you!"</p><p>Kaia blinked, her mouth falling agape. She wanted to tease him about it, to ask him exactly what he thought about, but she knew she had to stop doing things like that. "then stop!"</p><p>"well it's not exactly the easy!"</p><p>"what do you mean it's not that easy?! it's not like you think of me when you fucking masturbate !"</p><p>Levi's eyes widened as he looked away from her bashfully, embarrassingly recalling those nights when he had to let out his frustration some how.</p><p>Kaia's brows shot up "....you know what. I'm going to step out of this theatre. and from this conversation i'm going to take that your actions that night were just a result pure shallow attraction. I mean we're both attractive individuals so it's inevitable. it's nothing too serious, like love or anything. just shallow attraction" she repeated, "do you agree with my understanding, captain?"</p><p>he only nodded, still averting his gaze from her</p><p>"splendid......" the two stood awkwardly in silence "so....friends? I mean we've got everything sorted so surely we needn't tip toe around each other"</p><p>he nodded again, just eager to get her out of the theatre.</p><p>"great" Kaia couldn't deny the humiliation written of Levi's features and quite frankly, she felt bad for the man. "....you needn't be embarrassed captain. i....am flattered" she said as an attempt to console him.</p><p>Without another word, she dashed out of the theatre back into the crowded foyer. Immediately regretting her decision.</p><p>Eric caught her arm, making her jump at the sudden movement. "what is it?" she asked </p><p>"I was hoping I'd catch you before the play started"</p><p>"and why is that?"</p><p>He looked around cautiously, leaning in to talk quietly in her ear "there's a hidden exit behind the curtains on the right wall next to the uppermost row of chairs"</p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows "why are you telling me this?" </p><p>Eric looked around again. "I have already said too much" and with that he disappeared into the crowd gathered in the foyer. Kaia couldn't even catch him nor could she spot him in the sea of frivolous costumes.</p><p>Panic started to surge through her again. <i>what's happening. what's Godsent planning? </i></p><p>Then, the concierge motioned the guests to start taking their seats in the theatre. The crowd started to move against her and she felt like she was drowning. Kaia contemplated stopping them, but it was too late, no one would heed her warning and actually stay out of the theatre and if they did and something ended up happening inside, they would become suspicious as to why she would know. It was a lose lose situation. Kaia sucked in a breath as she was eventually ushered into the theatre.</p><p>It was still quite and dark as before, but instead of the peace she felt when she entered minutes before, all she could feel was anxiety, as her forehead started to sweat through her thin lace veil.</p><p>Soon, she found her seat next to Levi and gripped the arms of the chair as if it would save her from falling apart then and there. Kaia had no idea what was going to happen but she had feelings that she needed to do something about it. the problem was, not knowing what was going to happen didn't allow her to formulate a plan. The whole uncertainty of it magnified her anxiety. Was Godsent going to ambush them? or even bomb the theatre? <i>surely they would not go that far.</i> she thought<i> such theatrics would be saved for when they attempt a move against the king.</i></p><p>The lights dimmed further and a tall man in a fancy suit walked onto the stage, holding a hat against his chest "ladies and gentlemen of Keeper's Season. It is our honour as the prime theatre of wall sina to present to you this play tonight."</p><p>Everyone sat placidly as Kaia slowly drowned in her panic. It wasn't long until her breaths became diffuse, constantly she reassured herself that there was nothing wrong, that Godsent had no reason to attack.</p><p>"....and it is an immense pleasure, to perform for the king tonight" the man announced </p><p>Kaia sucked in a breath, her nails digging into the cushioned arms of her chair. The spotlight landed on the placid king, dressed in simple white robes with his cheek resting on his palm. Kaia refused to look, she couldn't. the murmurs of the people around were enough to add to her panic, seeing the king would make her faint. Godsent was definitely planning something. and people were going to get hurt.</p><p><i>what the hell do I do? what do i do? i need to do something. </i>The arms of her chair crumbled beneath her strong grip, she laughed hollowly to herself as realised what she'd caused. Others around her observed with judgemental eyes but ultimately keeping to themselves.</p><p>"oi" Levi said </p><p>She looked toward him, smiling as she felt her panic turn into madness, it was as if she could see what was going to happen. Dead bodies, blood smeared on the wall, it all looked so clear to her. Erwin would blame her for it for sure, she'd blame her, condemn her, basically do everything but send her to hell. </p><p>".....brat. Have you truly gone mad?" he drawled</p><p>she laughed dryly, her eyes set to the ground "people are going to die tonight, Levi"</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"and I can't do anything about it."</p><p>Anxiety arose within Levi "brat what are you talking about"</p><p>"Godsent. they're planning something. there's 82 of them.....no 83" she slurred, as if she were in some trance </p><p>Levi's eyes widened as his breath hitched "how long have you known about this?"</p><p>She scoffed, directing a piercing gaze at him "that's what you care about? if i betrayed you?"</p><p>He only frowned, but she could hear his frustration clearly.</p><p>"i was informed about a few minutes ago, and i'm only figuring it out now. given the weapons i've seen them accomodate as well as their desire to target the government and not the king. I'm guessing they only want to send a message. a bloody one"</p><p>Before Levi could prod her any further, the tall man finished his speech and walked off stage. A steady silence filled the theatre, but for Levi and Kaia it was filled with dread. </p><p>The curtain started to rise.</p><p>"we need to—" Levi began, but was cut off by the collective gasps and screams of horror from the audience. </p><p>Instead of being faced with opening scene, they confronted with a bloody one, with the bodies of the actors dismembered and bloody on the stage. Kaia sat wide eyed, it was a sight she was used to seeing, similar to the one that always haunted her dreams. She scanned the room for any other signs of disturbance when moving shadows along the walls, caught her eye. she felt something inside her snap.</p><p>Levi turned toward her but she was gone, her seat empty and broken. Before he could stand up to look for her a figure clad in black stepped out onto the stage. </p><p>"ladies and gentlemen" they held their arms out "welcome to the prime theatre massacre" at his words, a bomb went off at the corner of theatre, sending debris flying onto the crowd, injuring plenty while killing few.</p><p>Kaia slit the throats of each cloaked figure that stood against the walls. They had no chance against her and couldn't even gasp in surprise as she took their lives. Kaia felt nothing for them. Her coup would start now, she'd break down Godsent's extreme actions and soon, with time, she'll kill Elijah. but tonight, she had no patience, those actors were innocent, and she was only delivering justice.</p><p>Levi moved to the edge of the walls, following the trail of black figures that lay dead. He guessed it was of Kaia's doing. The crowd had been silenced by the figure on the stage and were kept still through the use of threatening to trigger the bombs. Levi grit his teeth.</p><p>Soon, he found Kaia at the wings of the stage, she stood among the dead bodies Levi could only presume that she killed. </p><p>"Kaia" he began</p><p>She turned toward him "behind the curtains on the right wall, near the uppermost chairs, there's a exit. get everybody out" </p><p>"they bombed it. the exits blocked."</p><p>she thought for a moment "I'll find them a way out, just make sure they don't set anymore bombs"</p><p>"how the fuck am I supposed to do that?"</p><p>She didn't answer, and instead, fell into the shadows again. Levi cursed under his breath as he moved out into the audience again. The cloaked figure on the stage did not seem to have any device in his hand that could trigger a bomb. He hoped Kaia would find a way, for he had no means in stopping another bomb from going off. </p><p>Kaia delved deeper backstage, cutting down any of the Godsent members who got in her way. Soon, she arrived in a well lit room, full of cloaked figures with exposed faces. In the middle stood a curly haired, freckled boy. </p><p>"Erik" she began. The boy turned, a menacing scowl on his face </p><p>"what are you doing here you're supposed to get out" he growled</p><p>"stop this." she said, her voice stern and steady</p><p>Erik shook his head "this must be done"</p><p>"why are you doing this? nothing good will come out of killing innocents—"</p><p>"these people are far from innocents" he retorted </p><p>"who told you that—who?" she demanded</p><p>"E-Elijah" Erik stammered</p><p>Kaia sucked in a breath, feeling anger prickle at her skin. "call this off"</p><p>"no"</p><p>"call. it. off. Erik"</p><p>"no"</p><p>"I am your Drokya. I am the closest to Elijah. obey my orders! call this off" she commanded</p><p>"we protect our Drokya, as she protects us. We do not take orders from her"</p><p>She could feel her temper slipping. Hastily, she grabbed the cloaked man closest to her. Laughing, she scoffed "protect you? you think I would protect gutless, vile murderers like you?.....no...no, no I kill them. I bring justice" Kaia brought a knife to the mans neck. The crowd instinctively moved forward to stop her but Erik held up a hand to stop them.</p><p>"what do you think you're doing? you think you'll get away with this? with Killing one of our own"</p><p>"I've already have, if you look out into the hallway you'll see a trail of dead members of Godsent. And you're going to let me get away with it because you have no other choice"</p><p>"what are you—"</p><p>"call it off" </p><p>"no"</p><p>Kaia slit the mans throat. Almost immediately, they charged at her. After a few short moments, she cut them down easily, breaking the resolve of the others who were willing to take her on, making them back away.</p><p>"you'll pay for this"</p><p>She shrugged, blood staining her beautiful white dress "no. i won't. because in the end. you need me. all of you are lost beyond help and i'm only making space for a better future, a better godsent. Brainless robots will not do for me"</p><p>"so you'll just kill them off?!" he yelled</p><p>"because their minds have been corrupt. I am saving Godsent from utter doom." Kaia held out a bloody hand "join me"</p><p>Erik was hesitant. but he did not want to die. Begrudgingly, he agreed, shaking her hand.</p><p>"the others. how likely is it that they'll run to elijah and sell me out?"</p><p>"they won't—"</p><p>"don't lie to me" she said </p><p>The words sent a chill down Erik's spine, he knew that the others would run to Elijah as soon as they could. Although Erik did not want to side with Kaia, he was not too fond of Elijah either. and maybe....maybe Kaia could bring<i> her </i>back to him.</p><p>Erik looked at Kaia "they would. they all would sell you out"</p><p>Kaia simply nodded. From her body, shot precise lightning strikes into the remaining cloaked figures, instantly killing them. Erik struggled to keep himself from trembling at her power.</p><p>"now. tell me who's is triggering the bom—" before she could finish her sentence, a loud eruption boomed from the audience seats. </p><p>"i—its Korrin. She's the one of stage. You can't see the device in her hands since it's wired along her arm. Any good eye could spot it. " Kaia nodded in response and darted as fast as she could to the stage with Erik trailing behind her. He tried not to look at the bodies that lay on the ground. His comrades. His friends. why was he trusting Kaia again? why was he following them? He tried to come up with just and noble reasons, such as an idea to become a double spy and betray Kaia while reporting to Godsent. But all in all, he was scared, he was so so scared. and he wouldn't dare betray Kaia now. Not after he had been witness to her ruthlessness.</p><p>"we need to make an exit for the people. I'll use my lightning to create a breaking point on the left wall. If you hit it hard enough, it should crumble and fall away from the audience" Kaia explained. Erik nodded. "wait here. it'll be quick" </p><p>he contemplated running away but she was back before he could even take a step. She truly was quick, he did not even notice the lightning that she used, it was given, he supposed, that her lightning would blend in with the chaos in the theatre. </p><p>They continued to dash toward the stage.</p><p>Levi tackled the figure on stage. However, because of the blood and the mangled limbs on the stage, it was difficult to move. His opponent managed to get up before him and kicked him in the head. </p><p>Levi caught the figure's leg as they tried to get another kick on him. Easily, he sent them stumbling, but it was not enough to disarm them. He could still see the trigger for the bombs glinting inside their sleeve. </p><p>After a few frustrating moments, entangled with the black figure, his limbs unbelievably began to feel weak, his senses as well. A smoke was filling the theatre, thin and white, out in the audience he could see people start to fall to the ground, their bodies unnervingly still.</p><p>With his attention on the audience. Levi did not notice the dagger in the cloaked figures hand and therefore could not stop it as it jabbed toward him. Before it could pierce his skin, the figure stilled, a blade sticking through its chest. Falling to the side, Kaia Madden stood in front of him, bloody blade in hand. </p><p>With her scarlet stained veil and lace dress, she looked like a ghost from some nightmare. and yet, despite her hauntingly terrifying appearance, Levi thanked the heavens that she stood before him.</p>
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<a name="section0028"><h2>28. guilty guilty</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia signalled to Erik, who stood by the left wall. He obeyed her orders, striking the breaking point she had created with a hammer from backstage. The wall fell and the remaining conscious guests immediately ran out like some colourful masked stampede. </p><p>Erik made his way toward Kaia and Levi. </p><p>"where are the others?" she inquired </p><p>"you don't need to kill them. they wouldn't have known that you killed the others. They wouldn't have seen. They'll just assume that the plan went wrong some way"</p><p>"and will you go back to them? will you betray me?"</p><p>"n—no. no I wouldn't. I won't go back to them. they'll just assume I'm dead"</p><p>"and what happens when we return to the training grounds? There are others from Godsent who are infiltrating the survey corps. They will realise that you are not dead"</p><p>"I—I, I—I don't know—I don't know what to do" he trembled, wringing his hands </p><p>"report to them. Give them some excuse as to why your plan failed. Do not mention me"</p><p>he tilted his head "you trust me?" </p><p>"I trust your fear" Erik gulped as her icy gaze pierced through him. "now go."</p><p>Kaia looked toward Levi, he had passed out because of the gas. <i>no matter </i>she thought i'll just carry him. with ease, she lifted him onto her back and started to make her way out of the theatre. She tried to find a carriage but most of them were taken or broken due to the stampede. She sighed to herself as she set Levi down for a moment to wait for Erik to report back to her. Kaia had no doubt that he would return to her. She saw the fear in his eyes and although she felt a little bit of guilt for it, it was ultimately, necessary. </p><p>Erik came running back to her "I reported. I said that it would be best to retreat since we've lost both the audience and the king"</p><p>"good. what excuse did you come up with?"</p><p>"somebody from the inside sabotaged the mission. I blamed it on Fierda, she was one of the people you killed. I told them I took care of it but by the time I found it was Fierda she had already killed Korrin before I could get to her. There were no other witnesses in the theatre to see Korrin die by your hand so our alibi is solid" he explained</p><p>Kaia nodded "well done. My guess is all the guests have fled. Do the same. Return to the training grounds, it's what I shall do as well"</p><p>"alright" Erik began to turn away </p><p>"Erik" Kaia called to him "I don't want to do this. I don't want to threaten you. but. if Elijah ever finds out what truly happened tonight. It'll be your head I go after first."</p><p>Erik gulped and turned around "you needn't worry about that. Drokya. I'd rather serve someone with power like you than some coward of a man who doesn't even know that beginning of what it means to lead"</p><p>"your hatred for the man runs deep" she noted</p><p>he nodded "he took something away from me. Something I've been chasing ever since"</p><p>"whatever it is, Erik. I'll get it back to you. I promise" she said.</p><p>There was something in the way she delivered the promised that made Erik believe in it. It injected a hope that he thought was gone forever back into the roots of his soul. He had been terrified of Kaia, it had been one of the sole reasons he followed her, but now, there was something else, something better. All Elijah promised was a sense of belonging, a family. All the orphans, the widows, the widowers and those alone in life ate it up, blindly following his orders in order to satisfy him. His promises were not empty, Elijah did give them a family, friends, people to rely on, but it came at a much too bloody price. Kaia seemed to be offering the same, appealing to his desires, but her price remained unstated. Erik knew better than to fall into another trap, it's only a matter of time until he'll know for sure if Kaia was just another Elijah. But for the time being, he had hope, and that was enough.</p><p>Once Erik had left, Kaia lifted the unconscious Levi onto her back again, walking a few kilometres until she found an inn that would happily take them in. She was surprised to find that her body was barely sore and that the gashes from the previous carriage incident pained her no longer, only leaving a scar on her ivory skin as a faint reminder  that although she recovered quickly, she would still be able to feel every wound inflicted upon her. </p><p>Kaia cleaned herself up, dressing herself in a simple button up and pants that the owners of the inn offered her. After, she went and wiped off the blood and dust that dirtied Levi's face, all the while he was still dozing. Kaia was unsure what type of gas was used in the theatre to knock a portion of the guests out and made a note to herself to ask Erik when she got back to the training grounds.</p><p>Levi grumbled, pulling his head away from the wet cloth on his face.</p><p>"stay still" Kaia said softly, gently moving his head back with her fingers </p><p>As she cleaned his face she realised that his white button up was soaked with blood. Kaia prayed to whatever deity that was watching them that it wasn't his.</p><p>Hastily, she moved his jacket out of the way and tore apart his shirt with her bare hands. His chest was covered in blood and dirt, it was too difficult to spot any wounds outright. She ran a hand along his bloodied torso feeling for any gashes or open cuts. Kaia let out a sigh of relief as she felt no wounds on his chest and proceeded to clean it up.</p><p>"brat" he mumbled in half-consciousness "what do you think you're doing?"</p><p>"I'm cleaning you up" she said kneeling beside him as she continued to drag the cloth along his bare chest.</p><p>Levi frowned. He was not used to the gentle and caring Kaia. Her demeanour threw him off since it was so startlingly different from what he had just witnessed her as, standing with a bloodied blade in her hand with the coldest expression. In that moment, she didn't look like a girl who could care for others lives but instead looked like she specialised in taking them.</p><p>Kaia's soft expression awash in the lamplight made him feel strange. confused. if he tried with all his might, he wouldn't be able to figure her out. </p><p>"do you think Erwin's going to blame me for this whole thing?" she asked suddenly </p><p>"what makes you think that?"</p><p>Kaia shrugged "i just feel like he will." she sighed "i'm scared"</p><p>Levi faltered, still getting used to her new demeanour.</p><p>"why is that?"</p><p>"do you think he'll still support my coup?" she looked at him with worry</p><p>"I don't know what Erwin thinks. Best to let time reveal it"</p><p>An uneasy silence rose between them as Kaia recalled her uncomfortable exchange with Erwin in the garden and the guilt it rooted within her.</p><p>She looked down, picking at her fingers "Erwin kissed me" she muttered</p><p>Levi's stomach dropped "what? was it called for?"</p><p>Kaia shook her head </p><p>he grit his teeth "that bastard"</p><p>She looked up, a stern expression on her face "you did the same"</p><p>Levi's anger retreated and was replaced by wallowing guilt. </p><p>Kaia quietened her voice "it's my fault. this is all my fault"</p><p>"don't say that—"</p><p>"no" tears pooled at the base of her eye, but her voice remained steady "this my fault. I flirted, I acted like I was interested, I sent the wrong signals. All because—because I liked it. because I liked having people chase me, even if I were already spoken for. it's horrible I know"</p><p>Levi sighed "it's not your fault Kaia. I knew you were with Eren, and still shamelessly pursued you. Erwin had the knowledge that you loved me and still kissed you"</p><p>"I lingered too close to you. I let it go too far with Erwin. I can't explain it—it's just, it feels good. to be wanted. and I—I thought that I would change, you know, if I was with Eren, someone who truly knew me and loved me nonetheless." blinking her tears away, she shook her head "....but, nothing changed. I can't seem to commit myself to someone, I can't seem to commit myself to Eren. No—no matter what he does for me it wouldn't be enough to keep me from looking to others for more love, more affection, more adoration. because—because I'm a whore" she choked on a sob, bringing a hand to her mouth. Kaia recalled the words that were once thrown at her in her past life. whore. slut. why can't she seem to escape them?</p><p>Levi didn't know what to say. what kind of response would you give to that? "you have time, Kaia. so much time. you'll figure it out. maybe you can't commit because you haven't found the right person"</p><p>"but Eren should be the right person. I love him so much. so why? why can't I commit? why—. I love him. I love him.....don't I?"</p><p>"I'm not the person to ask. Kaia. but maybe....maybe you don't love him...maybe you just want to love him, but you can't. Maybe you just wanted him beside you to make it a little easier for yourself. I don't blame you. I did the same with Petra, I'm doing the same with Petra"</p><p>Kaia sighed, wiping a tear from her cheek "I—I think I need to let him go"</p><p>Levi stayed silent </p><p>"with all these messy feelings inside of me as well as what just happened with Godsent. I don't think it's good for me to have such strong attachments. and then—then maybe we could drop the act"</p><p>"if Erwin learns the truth, he'll go after the others, Jean, Maria, in order to control you"</p><p>Kaia took a deep breath, her eyes still damp with tears yet her expression stern and determined "I won't let him"</p><p>She stood and straightened herself, tugging on her too tight button up. "you can take the bed" she said </p><p>Levi waved a hand "no. you take it. I physically can't move off of this couch"</p><p>Kaia knew that he was giving the bed to her out of pity, but she was too tired to call it out. Moving toward the bedroom, she checked for the last time if Levi was alright. He nodded to her as she muttered a small goodnight. </p><p>The next morning, they were ready to leave. Levi had successfully gotten a carriage to take them back to HQ. Kaia brushed her hair while looking out of the window, checking if Godsent had sent people after her to question her about the theatre situation. Luckily, all she saw was the usually bustle of the streets.</p><p>Levi emerged from the bathroom, hair wet, shirt undone. He paced back and forth the room struggling with his buttons.</p><p>Kaia frowned looking toward him "why so restless?"</p><p>"I just remembered something"</p><p>"what is it"</p><p>"Erwin has been asking about the files on Godsent. You know, the ones you stole, and he's getting impatient. He said he wanted to see it when we got back from Keeper's Season. If he finds out it's missing, he'll assume you stole it"</p><p>Kaia rolled her eyes "he'll assume that I'm behind every single bad thing that ever happens to him. let him"</p><p>"you seem unusually calm about this"</p><p>Kaia walked over and slapped Levi's hands away from his buttons making him scowl. She then proceeded to do them up gently. "I used to stress about what would happen if Erwin found out that the files were stolen. But now, I'm not too bothered, now that he is aware there are other spies from Godsent in the survey corps, I can easily convince him that it could've been any of them that stole it"</p><p>Levi huffed "don't be too confident"</p><p>Kaia smiled, doing up his final button "ahh but confidence is key, my friend"</p><p>A knock came from the door.</p><p>Kaia readied herself, but as Levi opened it, they were met with owner that gave them the clean clothes. She smiled at the sight of the old man.</p><p>"sir. what brings you here this morning?" she asked</p><p>"just letting you know, that we do serve meals downstairs so feel free to have some breakfast"</p><p>"I'm afraid we c—"</p><p>"yes" Levi said instantly "yes, we'll be down there soon"</p><p>Kaia laughed once the old man left "what was that about?"</p><p>"I'm famished" </p><p>"clearly"</p><p>Once they were neatly dressed, the two made their way down to grab some breakfast.</p><p>"need I remind you that we don't have enough money to pay these people" Kaia said, leaning toward him </p><p>"this part of town is well known for their festivals and their dances and their songs, they'd be more than happy to see you preform as payment"</p><p>Kaia's eyes widened "oh surely you don't expect me to do that"</p><p>"why not? you were confident in performing in front of your peers"</p><p>"that was different! and plus, I can't believe you still remember that night"</p><p>"how could i forget? it was traumatising"</p><p>she huffed "you know what, fine. I'll preform, and then you will bite your words Levi Ackerman because I am a fine performer"</p><p>"sure sure" he drawled</p><p>She scurried over to sweet lady who owned the inn alongside her husband. Kaia explained how they didn't have any money but she was willing to put on a show for the guests. The lady clapped in excitement, sending Kaia to the back rooms to get changed into a costume. </p><p>Kaia stared at herself in the mirror in bewilderment. what had they dressed her in? dark fabrics draped along her figure as a deep red corset cinched her waist and boosted her bust. She looked like some slutty vampire who would come out every few thousand years to traumatise the towns people.</p><p>The lady knocked on the door "are you ready dear?" she said from outside </p><p>"...yes...i think"</p><p>The woman entered the room and clasped her hands in excitement "oh you look just like her dear"</p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows "just like who?"</p><p>"the dancing witch of course"</p><p>"....of course"</p><p>The lady handed a tambourine to her "here. it's a signature of the performance"</p><p>"wait wait wait. I don't even know the dance"</p><p>"oh don't be silly dear, everyone knows the dance"</p><p>Before she knew it, Kaia was pushed into the town square, gaining strange looks from passerbys. Levi stood leaning on the doorframe of the inn with tea in hand.</p><p>Kaia found his gaze as she pushed onto a platform, making a you better watch me motion with her fingers. </p><p>She was suddenly counted in on the count of four and as the bright melody of the piano filled the air, Kaia began to move wherever the music took her feet. She refused to think about it too much, knowing she'll only stress herself out and make a fool out of herself.</p><p>Levi found himself smiling, laughing almost, at the spectacle of Kaia dancing around in a promiscuous costume with an awfully loud tambourine. He could not deny it any longer, the way that the sun caught the sweat glistening on her ivory skin made her glow, like a Goddess among her people. She was definitely not doing the right dance, but she was dancing nonetheless, and she looked glorious.</p><p>Once the performance had finished and the crowd threw flowers at Kaia, she retreated back into the inn.</p><p>Out of breath she placed her hands on her hips "see? what did I tell you? I'm a splendid performer"</p><p>Levi took a sip from his cup "well you certainly know how to move your body" he said suggestively as he looked up from his cup.</p><p>Kaia bit the inside of her cheek "ah and I see you've contemplated about that a lot. and I'm not just talking about today"</p><p>Levi almost spat his drink out, forgetting that he basically told her that he had thought about fucking her before. "you oughta get changed before a man who's got little to no self control puts his hands all over you"</p><p>"are you sure you're not talking about yourself?" she mused teasingly. He glared at her, making her raise her palms "alright alright, I'll stop with the jokes. Honestly I think we should just forget about the entirety of Keeper's Season"</p><p>"good idea" he grumbled </p><p>After a few moments, Kaia changed back into her original attire and sat with Levi to eat some breakfast. Not long after, their carriage arrived to take them back to the training grounds.</p><p>Kaia drummed her fingers on her lap as she looked out the carriage window.</p><p>"brat. I could feel the anxiety radiating from you"</p><p>"I mean can you blame me? I'm heading back to my doom. No doubt Erwin's just waiting to blame this all on me and coax me into some debt and I have to cut ties with the boy that I love....well, I thought I loved"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "you needn't be so dramatic. I'm sure the whole thing with Erwin will blow over, are you forgetting that you are still important to him? in terms of his plans with Godsent, that is. And with Eren...well, you're doing both the boy and yourself a favour"</p><p>"We need to find out if Erwin's planning something, if his support for my plans are nothing but a facade for a greater scheme of his" she pondered</p><p>"I'd love to help, but I've frankly got no idea what he's thinking"</p><p>"would you?" she asked, turning to face toward him </p><p>"would I what?"</p><p>"would you help me? if Erwin was truly planning something against me? if he went after those i cared about?"</p><p>Levi's expression darkened "if your asking me if I'd choose a cadet over my commander, the answer is no"</p><p>"I'm asking if you'd choose a friend"</p><p>"Erwin's my friend too. My longest, actually"</p><p>Kaia looked away. She'd almost forgotten how close Levi and Erwin were. Humiliation crept at her chest for ever thinking Levi would choose her over him. He'd barely known her and in the time that he did, she played and flirted and toyed with him, only to push him away in the end. Kaia understood why Levi would choose the commander.</p><p>Levi took in her sullen expression, annoyed at himself for feeling sympathy for her, sympathy that once led him to believe that they were the same and that they could be together. "however, I will not side with a person whose ideals and goals put others in unnecessary harm. If Erwin ever goes to far, you can count on me to rein him back in"</p><p>Kaia smiled softly "you're the only one who ever could"</p><p>The rest of the carriage ride was silent, and Kaia was asleep for the most part. Leaving Levi with his thundering thoughts that never seemed to quieten.</p><p>After a few long moments, he noticed Kaia start to twitch in her sleep. He ignored, bushing it off as some sort of dream, but as time went on, she started to move fervently, tossing and turning, her features contorted in agony. It didn't take long for him to figure out she was having a nightmare, and he knew exactly which one it was, recalling how she told him about it back in the lavish suite during Keeper's season.</p><p>Levi reached over and firmly gripped her arm, waking her into reality. </p><p>Kaia did not wake violently, nor gasp as she re-entered reality. Instead, her eyes fluttered open weakly as an unnoticed tear fell on her flustered cheek. Her eyes snapped toward Levi, who looked at her with concern.</p><p>her gaze sharpened "don't look at me like that"</p><p>"I'm only concerned"</p><p>"don't worry about it. I'm used to it"</p><p>An uneasy silence passed through them. "Kaia if you wanna talk...." Levi then said </p><p>She scoffed "I think I've talked too much actually. I feel as I have told everything to you and yet I don't know you"</p><p>"first of all. I didn't ask you to tell me anything so you can't expect me to return the gesture and second of all, I'm sure you know all about me from the files Godsent has on me"</p><p>Kaia tilted her head, "you're right. I do have a heap of information on you. but...it's all sad, nothing redeeming, nothing joyful or much less, human. Everything you've went through, what you've become, it's not normal, and I guess, I just want to know the parts of you that are"</p><p>"what do you mean, everything I've went through?"</p><p>"I'd rather not say. I'd rather not stir such unpleasant feelings within you"</p><p>Levi grit his teeth "you don't know what I've been through. The only ones who do are my closest friends, and compared to them, you are a stranger"</p><p>Kaia sighed "I know...about your mother, I know about....Farlan....Isabel"</p><p>Levi's eyes widened at the sound of their names, his heart sinking "stop. stop it"</p><p>she tilted her head "how does it feel? to have your deepest tragedies known by a stranger?"</p><p>Levi did not answer and only gripped the seats of the carriage with his hands.</p><p>"tragedies, they certainly are. but we all have them. one way or another. I want to know....about your humanity"</p><p>He looked up at her with steel eyes, annoyed that she had squirmed into yet another part of his life, one that he didn't want anyone to be aware of, much less, her. </p><p>"fine. I'll start. I'll tell you about by humanity. I have a strange addiction to pastries. My heart flutters whenever somebody remembers something about me. I love to collect small things I find laying around like buttons or ribbons. hmmmm, I have strange interest in religion as you already know from my many rambles. and....I want....to have family of my own today....twins maybe" her voice quietened toward the end as revealed something deep within her heart she hadn't told anybody else.</p><p>"so that is, your humanity?" he irked an eyebrow </p><p>Kaia nodded "mhm. all the little, teeny details that makeup my entire being. not my moral directions or beliefs or values, or goals or fears or wildest dreams. They're just.....my humanity. I think those things are what makes me human the most"</p><p>"how touching" he sneered</p><p>"come on. it's your turn"</p><p>"what am I supposed to say"</p><p>"I dunno like what do you think about first thing in the morning, what makes your day just that little bit better, what's your favourite book? your favourite line from that book? your favourite colour...i dunno, just the little things"</p><p>Levi huffed, crossing his arms over his chest "well. let's see. the first thing i think about in the morning is strangling you to death. The thought of you out of my life makes my day just that little bit better. My favourite book is one I am currently writing which is about how I killed a girl named Kaia Madden. My favourite line from that book is 'Kaia Madden lay dead on the ground' and my favourite colour is the shade of red that is your blood" Levi expected her to sneer at him, to bite back and contort her face into cold fury. But instead, she giggled, then laughed that melodic laugh as if she knew that the last thing Levi would do was to put her in harms way. His heart clenched at the thought.<i> even she knows ....</i> he thought. <i>she knows what? that you're secretly starting to fall in love with her? </i>Levi wanted to stab his own brain once the thought entered his mind, then gave way when he came to terms that he couldn't stop it even if he wanted to. </p><p>The truth is, he was falling in love with her, and it was all the more reason to distance himself emotionally, push her away, insult her and ridicule her. anything, just anything to have her out of his way, so that it wouldn't hurt as much when they would part ways, when the deciding day would come and they would find themselves on opposing sides. He could not bear that kind of hurt, having to fight her when he loved her. </p><p>"Levi?" Kaia's voice pulled him back to reality </p><p>"what?"</p><p>"you kinda, just spaced out there a little"</p><p>"hmm, well I've just come to an epiphany"</p><p>she laughed "well what is it"</p><p>"I think I'm falling in love with you" Levi plainly said. He did not even know why he said it, but he couldn't take it back now.</p><p>The carriage fell into a defeaning silence. Kaia's smile dropped as she realised Levi was being serious. The two sat in the agonising silence as the gravity of it all fell upon them. Kaia hated that her heart somewhat soared at his words, it only confirmed that she never truly loved Eren.</p><p>she blinked "w—why, why would you say that?"</p><p>Levi merely shrugged "I figured if I kept running away from it, it'll only grow and I don't want that"</p><p>"and what do you want"</p><p>"I want to face it. confront it. destroy it"</p><p>she nodded "smart. and may I ask how are you going to destroy it, something as strong as love isn't so easily crushed"</p><p>"it's not love. Madden. I'm not in love with you. at least not yet, and if I'm successful I won't ever be"</p><p>"...I'm sorry" she muttered </p><p>He rolled his eyes "don't think my feelings have developed because you flirted and you played with me. It certainly did not help my feelings go away, but certainly wasn't the root of it"</p><p>"right."</p><p>"we can still be comrades Madden, but.....you can't ask questions like you did before. like my humanity, what makes me, me. It's all so personal, so intimate"</p><p>Kaia looked down "I supposed it is. sorry for asking such things"</p><p>"tch stop apologising"</p><p>"it's just, I ask those things because I feel like I have over shared with you and now I feel you know the entirety of my soul. It's quite uncomfortable when I do not know yours"</p><p>"I'm far from knowing the entirety of your soul Madden. in fact, I do not know you at all. You needn't concern yourself with that"</p><p>"so....what? are we nothing but strangers?"</p><p>"better than friends with unresolved feelings"</p><p>she smiled "true."</p><p>Levi shifted uncomfortable in his seat, the gravity of his words starting to truly sink in. <i>what the fuck was I thinking telling her that? she probably things I'm some lovesick fuck, this is so humiliating. </i>he thought </p><p>"Levi.....you don't need to be so uncomfortable with me now that I know"</p><p>He kept his gaze out the window "the fact that you know is only a partial reason to my unease. it's the fact the I know too, the fact that I can't runaway now even if I wanted to"</p><p>"look I said that we should just forget about Keeper's Season but...I have to know, were you acting upon your feelings for me when you kissed me?"</p><p>He sucked in a breath and nodded "I was, I didn't even know it at that time. I kept telling myself it was just shallow attraction."</p><p>"right. thank you for telling me"</p><p>"now answer one of my questions" he said</p><p>"go on"</p><p>"why....did you linger so close to me back in the suite? why didn't you push me away sooner? why did you lean closer into me?"</p><p>Kaia gulped. It was the one question she didn't want him to ask. "I....well, it was just....I've admired you for a long time Levi. I may have gazed at you for a little too long once or twice. I may have taken extra paperwork than necessary so you could sleep. I may have dedicated myself into making a simple cup of tea because I knew how much you liked your tea." she looked out the window "and just now....my heart may have fluttered when you confessed to me"</p><p><i>what? </i>Levi thought <i>does she have feelings for me too?</i></p><p>"are you saying that you have feelings for me?"</p><p>she laughed "perhaps. i don't know. I don't want to know. it makes me feel horrible. I'm only supposed to have feelings for Eren, and I do not want to feel like I have betrayed him"</p><p>"Kaia—"</p><p>"even if I weren't with Eren, even if we were without our personal problems. We could never be together, you know that"</p><p>Levi didn't know his heart could sink any lower "i certainly do"</p><p>"I know there's no good in dwelling in what could've been but..." she chuckled "I think we would've made one kickass couple"</p><p>he returned her smile "I agree"</p><p>"I'm glad that we've cleared that all up. I feel somewhat better"</p><p>"you certainly don't look it"</p><p>her face fell flat "thanks"</p><p>"get some sleep, you look awfully tired"</p><p>Kaia gazed out the window again "have we truly been riding for the whole day? I can't believe it's already night"</p><p>he hummed in agreement "we'll be making a stop in the morning to eat and stretch our legs"</p><p>"splendid. God knows what kind of crimes I'd commit if I were stuck in a small box for more than 24 hours"</p><p>"and I'd rather not witness such an atrocity"</p><p>she laughed "well. I suppose I shall get some shut eye. goodnight. stranger"</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0029"><h2>29. reunion</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia and Levi parted once they arrived at the training grounds. The atmosphere between them remained tense and slightly awkward but the endless confusion and questions were gone, and they were grateful.</p><p>Hesitantly, Kaia made her way toward the mess hall where everyone was currently situated for lunch. She should've gone to bed and rested, but she just had to see her friends, it felt like she had been away for an infinity. The incident at the theatre during Keeper's Season rattled her, and she needed her friends to ground her, to remind her that she was still an ordinary girl, that she shouldn't get ahead of herself, that she's still, above all, human.</p><p>Walking past the stables, Kaia heard a string of muffled curses and grumbles. Curious, she poked her head in. Jean was cleaning the stables, sweaty and breathless, his hair tussled and his shirt unbuttoned so that his toned chest was exposed.</p><p>"you damn horses" he spat "nothing but a fucking nuisance"</p><p>"your one to talk" Kaia drawled, waltzing into the dim stables </p><p>Jean looked up "oh. gross why are you back so early?"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "I missed you too Jean"</p><p>"no seriously. why are you back early?"</p><p>Kaia took a breath, "you should go eat lunch" she said, changing the subject</p><p>Jean furrowed his brows, he hated when Kaia didn't tell him something. "I can't get out of these stables until I've cleaned and fed the horses. Shadis will bite my head off" he returned to his duties, begrudgingly raking the stable floors.</p><p>Kaia looked toward the mess hall again and realised she had been mistaken. She didn't want to go in there, not when she'd have to act like everything was fine, not when she'd had to face Eren. In all honesty, the only the thing that would make her walk in there was Jean, and since he was already in front of her, she didn't want to leave his side.</p><p>Sighing, she picked up a rake and helped him clean up. Jean decided not to question it, silently grateful to have his best friend back.</p><p>After a few tiring moments, the stables were clean. Jean tucked the cleaning supplies away while Kaia petted the horses. </p><p>"so are you going to tell me what's wrong or what?" He crossed his arms, leaning against the wooden pole beside Kaia.</p><p>she kept her gaze on the horse, "Godsent attacked. All the guests were situated in a theatre, and they decided to bomb it, i don't know how many people were injured but—"</p><p>Jean grabbed Kaia's shoulders, twisting and turning her as his gaze fervently roamed her body. </p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows "what are you doing?" she asked</p><p>"I'm seeing if you're hurt"</p><p>"you know you could've just asked me"</p><p>"Kaia Madden, you'd tell everybody you're fine even if you have a bullet in your chest"</p><p>she rolled her eyes "Jean I wouldn't ever say that to you. If I ever had a bullet in my chest, I'd scream at you to bring me to a medic, and if you manage to let me die then I'd haunt you for the rest of your life"</p><p>He dropped his hands from her shoulders, running a calloused hand through his ash hair. "so...you're alright? nothings wrong?"</p><p>She shrugged "physically, I'm good as gold, I didn't get hurt at all during Keeper's Season so you don't have to worry....." her voice trailed off as she remembered something </p><p>"what is it?"</p><p>"oh my god. I can't believe I forgot I almost died" she exclaimed, recalling the the blades that stuck into her limbs during the carriage ride.</p><p>Jean's eyes almost popped out of its sockets, his head cocking forward "what?" he bellowed "what?"</p><p>"during the ride there, some bandits ambushed our carriage. I'm fine though."</p><p>He pinched his nose bridge, then proceeded to pull Kaia into an embrace. She tensed underneath him. "Don't be so careless with your life, Kaia"</p><p>She pushed him away "next time you want to rub your sweaty chest onto my face, just ask so I can kill you before you do it" </p><p>"Kaia. I'm being serious. You can't just brush past things like that so nonchalantly. Especially when you're so important to so many people, to me. You've no idea how much it fucking scares me when I think about losing you"</p><p>Kaia cast her gaze to the floor, guilt creeping into her chest. She questioned if she deserved such affections after the horrid things she'd done, lying to them wasn't even the worst of them. <i>What would happen if they found out she was a killer? </i>Kaia frowned. <i>no.</i> she thought. <i>the people I killed that night deserved it.</i></p><p>"are you even listening to me?" he questioned </p><p>she looked up "God Jean, you don't have to treat me like I don't know what I'm doing. I can handle it okay, don't be such a worry body"</p><p>He frowned "well sorry I care"</p><p>"great, now you're being petty"</p><p>"excuse me, am I not allowed to express how much I care about my best friend"</p><p>"not when you're trying to hold me back from doing what needs to be done"</p><p>"what, putting yourself in danger?" he stepped closer, expecting Kaia to back away, but she didn't budge "stop acting like the hero Kaia, you may have plans to take down some evil leader, but you haven't. okay? not yet at least." their faces were inches away from each other. "you're still a trainee cadet, you're still barely an adult, you're still my best friend. so don't be selfish and think that the whole world is okay with you getting hurt, or you dying, or disappearing. Because if you go, I go. got it?"</p><p>The challenge in Kaia's expression melted away, she had planned to bite back, to yell louder than he did. But all she ended up doing was wrap her arms around his neck, placing her chin on his shoulder. "I'm sorry." she whispered "I'm sorry"</p><p>Jean took her in, pressing her body against his as he buried his nose in the crook of her neck "don't scare me like that ever again"</p><p>"I won't" she replied. Kaia wondered when the time would come where instead of being scared of losing her, he'd be scared of her.</p><p>He pulled away first, letting Kaia's hands fall to his chest while his remained lingering on her waist. "we should go eat" he said softly.</p><p>she pouted "I'm not that hungry though"</p><p>"well I am, so let's go"</p><p>Kaia sighed "fine" he smiled, grabbing her hand as he dragged her to the mess hall.</p><p>As soon as she entered, Krista was jumping from her seat, pulling her into an excited embrace "you're back!" she squealed "why are you early though? you were supposed to come back tomorrow not today"</p><p>Kaia shrugged "they decided to end it early, no clue why. Probably couldn't handle how good I looked in all my dresses"</p><p>Krista giggled "come, you gotta sit with us" she held Kaia's hands in her own</p><p>Kaia looked toward her table, her heart dropped when she saw Eren, smiling from ear to ear. She averted his gaze, making him furrow his brows. "um, you know what Krista, I um" her eyes found Annie's table, she was all alone in the corner. <i>perfect </i>Kaia thought "I'd love to go sit at your table, but I really want to say to Annie first, you know, since she's my best friend"</p><p>Krista's smile faltered "best friend?"</p><p>Jean stuck his head into the conversation "um. excuse me. I'm hurt"</p><p>"I mean my girl best friend" she said toward him</p><p>Krista dropped Kaia's hands, taking a breath before plastering on a smile "of course, go say hi."</p><p><i>did i do something wrong? </i>Kaia thought "yeah, ok"</p><p>As Kaia made her way to Annie's table, she couldn't help but feel bad for blowing Krista off, the saddened expression on her usually bright face made Kaia feel uneasy.</p><p>"hey" she said, sliding into the seat opposite from Annie.</p><p>"what do you want?" Annie grumbled </p><p>"I just wanted to say hi, you know since I've been gone like for a few days"</p><p>"you've been gone? I didn't notice" Annie continued to pick at her food</p><p>Kaia's expression fell flat "you know I'm hurt, Annie. I thought we were friends"</p><p>"we're not friends, I don't even know you"</p><p>"well...we should get to know each other. let's see....my favourite colour depends on my mood but...right now it's green"</p><p>Annie rolled her eyes "those things don't matter. What makes friends, friends, are secrets."</p><p>"uh....I'm sure things like similar interests and stuff make people friends too....but sure...." Kaia shuffled closer "let me tell you a secrets then. I have a secret power. much like yours" she whispered "actually, not so much like yours, but the lightning thing is similar"</p><p>Annie's eyes widened while Kaia sat pleasantly smiling.</p><p>"now before you think about killing me. I won't tell, I promise, I have nothing to gain from it, and now you know my secret and now we both know things that can ruin each other's lives. even"</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about" Annie said, head shaking </p><p>"puh-lease, I know you're the female titan, and that you come from Marley and you came here to capture the founding titan yadda yadda yadda. but quite frankly, I do not care, so it's fine, I won't sell you out. Besides, I also have a power that is dangerous if the wrong people find out"</p><p>"you're lying. you don't have any sort of power. you're just saying that I won't kill you" her eyes were shooting daggers and Kaia felt like sinking into the shadows. Instead, she rolled her eyes, grabbing Annie's hand as she dragged her outside where no one would see them.</p><p>"here. watch" Kaia called to her lightning, and in a instant she was covered in blue sparks, engulfing in a glittering display. Annie stood in shock, eyes enlarging to take in the sight in front of her that should be impossible. For a second, she thought that Kaia would shift, but the lightning remained.</p><p>"....what....what is going on?" she said, breathless</p><p>Kaia willed her lightning away, returning to her natural state "it's my secret. do you see how this could negatively effect me if it were found out. I'd be hunted, used for the sole purpose of my power. You'd be hunted too, punished by your higher ups if you managed to get away. You and me are the same, Annie, we're both so horrendously doomed" she laughed </p><p>Annie furrowed her brows "why...why would you tell me this?"</p><p>Kaia smiled "isn't this what friends do? share secrets" she wished that that was the only reason she decided to tell Annie. In all honesty, she figured out a way she could use Annie's power to her advantage during the coup, but the probability of Annie actually helping were slim to none. Kaia felt guilt poke at her gut, she hated that she was acting like Erwin, manipulating someone, using them to their advantage...but she knew of no other way. Plus, this is only a back up plan, if all else fails, she'll turn to Annie to wreak havoc in order to buy her some time.<br/>But in the meantime, Kaia saw no need, however, there's nothing wrong with setting up a safety net.</p><p>"Annie..." she began "I promise not to tell anyone. I promise"</p><p>"....but. what about Eren? don't you love him? wouldn't you rat me out for his own well-being"</p><p>Kaia's lips pressed into a firm line, she cleared her throat "due to unfortunate circumstances, I'm ending it with Eren. Soon, I hope. I've realised that I, I've just been stringing him along, that maybe....maybe I didn't love him at all"</p><p>Annie held up a palm "spare me the details. I needn't hear of your heartaches. Still I don't understand why'd you want to be friends with me"</p><p>Kaia looped her arms around Annie's as they walked back to the mess hall "I find that you're the most similar to me, Annie. We both have a power that weighs heavy on our shoulders. We understand each other, do we not?"</p><p>Annie sighed "I suppose" she drawled "still, why did it take you all year to start acquainting yourself with me"</p><p>"well to be honest, I was quite afraid of you for a while"</p><p>Annie remained silent</p><p>"I'm certainly glad that you're now my friend, Annie. It feels as though I am not alone" This was not a lie. Kaia was partially relieved to know someone who understands the burden of power. Sure Jean is supportive, but all in all, he'd never relate, he'd see things from a different point of view, he'd hold her back, never fully understanding how capable she was of protecting herself, of how powerful she was, and.....he'd be scared, if he did know, if he did understand. And that was what Kaia dreaded the most.</p><p>As the girls entered the mess hall, Eren stood from his table and approached them. Kaia winced silently to herself as she clung to Annie's arm tighter.</p><p>"hey" he said, smiling.</p><p>Kaia returned the gesture "hi" </p><p>Annie's stood awkwardly between them.</p><p>Eren shot Annie with a cautionary glance.</p><p>Annie frowned "if you've got something to say to me Jaeger, say it"</p><p>"fine. will you please leave us alone?"</p><p>"gladly" Annie turned to leave, eventually wriggling out of Kaia's right grip.</p><p>Eren gestured for Kaia to join him on an empty table. </p><p>Once seated, they sat in awkward silence.</p><p>"so....hi. again" Eren began, blushing as he struggled to start a conversation.</p><p>Kaia giggled, falling victim to his adorable and earnest expressions. She knew her heart would break into a million pieces once she left his side. "hi"</p><p>"how was Keeper's Season?" he asked</p><p>"it was....interesting. It was fun making the nobles angry, you should've seen the scowl on their faces"</p><p>He laughed "so....did you like stay in the same suite as Levi or what?"</p><p>Kaia's smile faltered. <i>he still doesn't trust me </i>"no. the beds were separate though"</p><p>Eren let out a sigh of relief and Kaia felt a jab of anger poke at her heart. However, it was quickly replaced with feelings of guilt as she recalled the kiss exchanged between her and Levi as well as her and Erwin.</p><p>"Eren...I" she took a deep breath "I have to tell you something"</p><p>Eren tilted his head to the side "what is it?" he grabbed hold of her hands. Kaia almost recoiled at the touch, afraid that she'll sink into the hole of infatuation and never return.</p><p>"Levi kissed me, Erwin did as well"</p><p>Eren's mouth fell open as he drew his hands away from her. "did—did you—did you kiss them back?"</p><p>"no—no of course not. I wouldn't—I wouldn't do that to you"</p><p>He smiled, but it was obvious that it was strained "good....that's good"</p><p>"I'm sorry....I'm sorry, I was just joking around with them, I guess—I guess I sent the wrong signals"</p><p>"Kaia." Eren began "it's alright. I understand. I know you love me"</p><p>Kaia felt her heart start to crack "how? how could you be so—how could you be so, so understanding, and perfect? I don't—I don't understand, I don't deserve it"</p><p>Eren took her hands in his once again "Kaia. I love you. I will always love you" He was screaming inside. Rage bubbling within his chest. <i>i oughta give those bastards a good beating he thought how dare they have the fucking audacity to touch Kaia? </i></p><p>Kaia only smiled in response.</p><p>"look. I've just asked the guys if they could spend the night in another dorm and they all agreed. We have the whole night to ourselves, all alone...."</p><p>"are—are you sure? I mean I just told you that I kissed two guys and you still want to be around me? to spend the night with me?"</p><p>"it's all the more reason to. I shall ensure that you forget the taste of their lips and only ever recall, and relish in the taste of mine" he kissed her knuckles gently, peering at Kaia through his eyelashes.</p><p>Kaia felt her heart jump. It had been too long since she'd been with him, since she'd touched him, found pleasure beneath his body. In that moment, she suddenly missed it oh so much. </p><p>She sighed, knowing that there was no away she could help herself from spending the night with Eren. "and how long shall I wait?"</p><p>Eren smiled "not long at all. in fact, we can attend to our desires right now, if you want to, that is"</p><p>"I want to" she said a little too quickly. A smirk tugged at the corner of his lips, only making Kaia crave his body even more.</p><p>The two hastily stood from their seats, making their way toward the exit.</p><p>"have fun love birds" Connie yelled, making the whole mess hall laugh.</p><p>"I swear if you do anything on my bed, I'll burn yours!!" Jean added</p><p>"Tell me everything later!!" Sasha squealed.</p><p>Krista remained silent, sitting beside Ymir who seemed to be glaring at the two. Kaia brushed it off, she had too many troubles on her mind, another would drive her into madness. </p><p>Eren held her hand tightly as they dashed toward the barracks, eager to have their hands all over each other. In that one blissful moment, they were simply just lovers, lovers who had been away from each other for too long. Kaia could pretend that she and Eren were running into the night forever, living hand in hand without a care in the world. The thought brought her happiness, even though she knew all too well that she would soon have to detach herself from Eren. Although she may have never loved him, she still cared immensely for the boy, and being without him caused her great pain even just thinking about it. But she couldn't torment him any longer, she couldn't keep secrets as his lover any longer, she couldn't lie straight to his face any longer. If Kaia weren't his lover, she wouldn't have such obligations weighed against her. Objectively, it would be easier for Kaia to let him go, but subjectively, leaving him would be one of the hardest things to do. To live without him, Kaia couldn't fathom. But she had to begin doing so. In order to save even more heartache in the future.</p><p>As they entered the empty room, Eren held her against the closed door, hungry lips crashing onto hers. She clung onto him tightly, knowing that it would be the last time she could. Heavy breaths were exchanged in between kisses, full of desperation, of need, of insatiability. Eren's hands travelled along the grooves of her body, making sure he left no surface untouched. Fervently, he removed her clothes, Kaia followed in suit. Soon, they were left in their underwear, the cold air coming in from the open window biting at their skin. </p><p>The two moved toward the bed, Kaia falling onto her back while Eren hovered over closely. Their lips met once again, their movements zealous against one another, eager to build the friction.</p><p>Eren's knee moved in between Kaia's legs, and obediently, she spread them, allowing his knee to travel up and rub against her clothed cunt. She whimpered into his lips at the touch.</p><p>Her hands travelled down his naked torso, reaching the stiff bulge in his underwear. Teasingly, she caressed it, a low groan to tumble from his lips.</p><p>With a gentle push, Kaia flipped Eren over, crawling over the top of him as she placed fervent kisses on his neck. He gripped onto her waist, pulling her hips down so she could rub against him. He whined in pleasure, rolling his hips up eager for more friction.</p><p>Kaia lifted herself off slightly, allowing her hand to slip between them and palm Eren gently. A smirk tugged at her lips as she felt him harden at her touch. </p><p>She pulled his underwear down, releasing the erection that had been previously restricted. With hungry eyes she moved her hands slowly up and down his cock, slowly grinding on his thigh to obtain some satisfaction for herself as well.</p><p>Kaia wrapped her mouth around his slick cock, making him gasp haltingly. Closing her eyes, she began to move her mouth along his cock, her tongue occasionally playing with the head.</p><p>Gripping her hair, Eren groaned in pleasure, digging his head back onto his pillow. He held her head in his hands, holding it firmly as he thrust himself up and into her mouth then out again, repeatedly as he felt himself climaxing.</p><p>After a few short moments, he released into Kaia, filling her mouth with his cum as he groaned in satisfaction. Kaia lifted her mouth off of his cock as she swallowed and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. "you really waste no time do ya?"</p><p>He sat up, kissing her deeply as a hand gripped her hair. Roughly, he tugged it back, making her look at him. "You've been away too long. Kaia. Why take it slow when I can have you...." he kissed her lightly again, hand moving toward her neck "again" he kissed her softly "and again" he said against her lips "and again..." with a forceful push, he moved to place himself on top of her, making her squeal. </p><p>Eren's hands moved skilfully to unclip her bra, proceeding to knead her breasts gently as his kisses trailed down her torso. Moving his hands away to grip her thighs, he rubbed his nose against her panties.</p><p>In a swift movement, he took them off, revealing Kaia's wet pussy for him to feast upon. Smirking, he went down on her slick cunt, quickly finding her clit and making her whimper. He pushed his tongue deeper within her, making sure his tongue explored her every nook and cranny. Kaia arched her back in delight, running a fervent hand through Eren's hair.</p><p>Much like he did to her before, Kaia began to thrust her hips upward, feeling the sensation of her orgasm coming at full speed. With halted breaths and staggering moans, the knot in her stomach released, sending a surge of pleasure reaching throughout her body.</p><p>Wiping his mouth, Eren moved back up in order to kiss her gently. However, he could not uphold such tenderness. He wanted her more than he had ever before. Sticking his tongue down her throat, Eren made skilful work with his tongue, wrestling with Kaia's as they moved against each other.</p><p>He moved his dick along Kaia's bare cunt, making her whimper into his mouth. In no time at all, he became hard again, the feel of Kaia's body against his was too much to resist. </p><p>Eren moved a hand to wrap around her neck as he snapped his hips forward, sheathing his dick into Kaia's warm insides in an instant motion. A chorus of moans tumbled from their mouths. Eren set a relentless pace, pounding his dick into her as fast as he could, whimpering as pleasure seeped into his muscles.</p><p>He shifted his hand away from her neck, and instead held onto her thighs, enabling him to thrust deeper within her. Kaia threw her head back in delight, her mouth forming an 'o' as her chest heaved in raptured breaths.</p><p>"fuck" Eren panted as he continued to rail his dick into Kaia. "fuck Kaia. you're so fucking tight. damn. I'm going to have to pull out"</p><p>Kaia's hand flew to his arm, gripping it tightly. "no...no don't. it feels—it feels too good" she said, head dizzy with pleasure</p><p>The sentence made Eren go feral, making him go down on her even more unmerciful pace. Kaia's eyes rolled to the back of her head as she gripped the bedsheets, her orgasm was speeding toward her.</p><p>"Kaia...K-Kaia" he whimpered "fuck I—I'm gonna cum. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna cum inside you"</p><p>She only moaned in response.</p><p>Together, they reached their climaxes, falling apart in a chorus of staggered breaths and moans. Eren fell to the side of her in exhaustion as Kaia lay panting in the aftermath of the intoxicating high.</p><p>He reached over to clean Kaia up gently, her bare cunt red and throbbing from his ruthless thrusting. Once finished, he kissed her gently on the forehead, smiling at the way she was dozing peacefully. </p><p>Pulling the sheets over them, Eren pulled Kaia into a soft embrace, placing her weary head on his chest. He was sure that she was already as sleep, but in the dark of the night he whispered "i love you"</p><p>Kaia was not asleep. She heard the words as clear as day. She wished she hadn't. It only broke her heart even more, she didn't know how much she could take anymore. Listening to the gentle beat of Eren's heart, Kaia knew what needed to be done. And despite bringing her great pain, she could not afford to be selfish anymore. In that moment, Kaia re-affirmed her goals in reforming Godsent, in brining this unnecessary violence to an end, in making the members realise that there is more to life than being liked, or belonging, or being loved. She had to let Eren go, as well as moving him out of harms way, she'll be setting an example for the members of Godsent.....that it's not so bad being alone.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0030"><h2>30. peacemaker</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia woke to an empty bed, her initial response was to be angry, but it fizzled away as she realised that she had no right to be angry if she was planning on leaving Eren soon. Grumbling, she turned to face the window. </p><p>The door creaked open and Jean tip toed into the room quietly. He averted his gaze from Kaia's naked back out of respect. Moving over to the chest drawer in order to get some new clothes, he froze as Kaia began to speak.</p><p>"so you've come back, huh?" she said, still facing away from Jean "...you know...after how much you wanted be with me last night, I'm surprised you decided to sneak away..."</p><p>Jean stood awkwardly, debating whether he should continue to move or not. </p><p>"you know....since you loved the touch of my skin, my lips, my cun—"</p><p>"ok ok ok ok stop" Jean blurted out</p><p>Kaia almost jumped off of the bed, scrambling to cover herself as she turned toward Jean. </p><p>Jean's face mimicked one of horror, eyes wide and mouth agape. Kaia narrowed her eyes, tilting her head. "oh no need to be so dramatic, don't you do this stuff with Mikasa?"</p><p>"of course I do! it's just gross hearing it from you" he said with a shudder "makes me wanna sucker punch Eren in the face"</p><p>"naw look at you being protective. don't worry, he made me feel good"</p><p>Jean gagged, holding a hand over his mouth "gross just stop"</p><p>Kaia scrunched up her face "yeah you're right it is gross" she said "what are you even doing here?"</p><p>"I forgot to get some extra clothes so I thought I could sneak in"</p><p>"do you know where Eren went?"</p><p>"no clue."</p><p>Kaia sighed, falling back onto the bed. "I shouldn't be so agitated by this"</p><p>Jean shrugged, sifting through the drawers "you have every right to, what kind of douche doesn't spend the morning with his girl?"</p><p>"but that's the thing..." she said, eyes cast out of the window "I don't think...I'm gonna be his girl anymore, I don't know if I ever was"</p><p>Jean stopped looking for clothes and turned toward Kaia, brows furrowed "what?"</p><p>"I'm gonna break up with him" </p><p>He didn't know what to say, simply nodding in response "oh. ok." he said </p><p>Kaia turned toward him, frowning "ok? what kind of sorry ass response is that?"</p><p>Jean flung his hands in the air "look, I dunno what else you want me to say"</p><p>"we've talked about stuff like this before, why are you being so awkward?" She sat up, causing the sheets to drop slightly revealing her cleavage.</p><p>Jean turned away, an attempt to hide the blush on his face "Kaia, we got everything we needed to get out that night so there's nothing to talk about anymore"</p><p>She frowned, lifting the bedsheets to cover her again "what do you mean? there's always going to be something to talk about, and I'll always talk about it to you"</p><p>"well stop" Jean said, his gaze still averted from hers</p><p>"I don't understand. what's happening?"</p><p>"friends, they don't talk about things like that. ok? save that stuff for Eren"</p><p>"Jean you know I can't talk to Eren about this stuff"</p><p>"well then it's a good thing you're breaking up with him I guess" with fresh clothes in hand, he stormed out of the room.</p><p>Hastily wrapping the sheets around herself, she got out of bed and ran after him. </p><p>Quickly, she caught up, grabbing his wrist making him come to a stop. "what the hell is going on Jean?"</p><p>He kept facing away from her "don't, just don't worry about it, ok?"</p><p>"jean, no, what's wrong?"</p><p>He just shook his head, and proceeded to wriggle out of her grip and walk away. Angry, Kaia shoved him up against the wall, palm on his chest.</p><p>"Kaia. let me go"</p><p>"you're keeping secrets Jean, that's not what we do"</p><p>"I said let me go" he wrapped a hand around her wrist. She pushed him back again. "geez, when the fuck did you get so strong"</p><p>"Jean, tell me please I—"</p><p>"Jean" a voice called from the end of the hallway. It was Mikasa. </p><p>Taking advantage of Kaia's loosened grip, he pushed her away. Walking toward Mikasa.</p><p>"Mikasa, hey" Jean said, as he approached her, Mikasa pulled him into a tight embrace. Kaia frowned at the glare Mikasa threw at her over Jean's shoulders. For a moment, her arms around him looked like the claws of a animal with its prey.</p><p>They walked away hand in hand, leaving Kaia frustrated and confused standing naked in the hallway with only bedsheets to cover her.</p><p>Moments later, another voice came from the end of the corridor "brat."</p><p>She turned to see Levi with his arms folded in front of his chest and grim expression on his features. This only meant one thing, Erwin was asking to see Kaia.</p><p>Letting out a frustrated grumble she punched the wall, creating a rather large dent.</p><p>"oi brat. don't go breaking walls now. they're expensive you know"</p><p>Her eyes remaining on the wall, she tensed "Erwin's asking for me isn't he?"</p><p>Levi sighed "mhm. so get dressed, unless your planning to fuck him as an attempt to avoid confrontation"</p><p>"will it work?" she teased</p><p>He rolled his eyes "just go get dressed brat, you're wasting my time"</p><p>"fine, fine, I will" Kaia scurried past him and toward her own barracks. </p><p>Entering her room in order to find some clean clothes. Krista sat in the corner, silently reading, she acknowledged Kaia's presence through a quick glance up from her book, then continued to read.</p><p>"hey Krista do you know where that one black top I have went, I swear it was just here" Kaia said, sifting through the drawers</p><p>no answer.</p><p>"Krista?" she turned toward the blonde girl. Krista refused to looked at her. Kaia sighed <i>great, another person who has a problem with me. I don't have time for this. I'm sorry.</i></p><p>Once Kaia had finished getting dressed she turned toward Krista "look if you're angry or something at least just tell me so we can figure this out, I don't have to time for cold shoulders and silent treatment" she said. Krista still refused to speak. With a roll of her eyes, Kaia exited the room.</p><p>"took you long enough brat" Levi drawled as Kaia strolled past him </p><p>"forgive me" she replied, running a hand through her hair as they made their way toward Erwin's office</p><p>he raised a brow "forgive me? have i shifted into a different reality?"</p><p>"I'm too tired to be snarky"</p><p>"how unfortunate, that side of you is quite entertaining" </p><p>"how's Petra?" Kaia asked </p><p>he furrowed his brows "why do you ask?"</p><p>she shrugged "just wanna know if you're still with her"</p><p>"why?"</p><p>Kaia rolled her eyes "just answer the question, captain"</p><p>"fine, I'm still with Petra"</p><p>she nodded "is it because you actually like her or because you need a distraction"</p><p>"can't it be both"</p><p>"if you wish, but be careful, captain. Don't let it go too far, make sure she knows what you're doing."</p><p>"why do you care so much?" he inquired </p><p>"I've been on the receiving end of that kind of treatment, of being a substitute for somebody. It breaks a person, you know?" her expression was sad before but it even more so now.</p><p>he wanted to ask, to urge her to open up to him. but that was dangerous behaviour, he needed to distance himself from her for the time being "no I don't know. I've never been in such a situation"</p><p>"well count yourself lucky" she sighed</p><p>They arrived at Erwin's office shortly, and with a stern command to enter, the two stepped into the room. </p><p>The room was suffocating for Kaia, she felt like she might pass out at any minute. She was beyond exhausted, unsure if she could keep a rein on her emotions from exploding in the form of rude insults and snide remarks.</p><p>"Miss Madden" Erwin began "please, take a seat"</p><p>Kaia proceeded to seat herself in front of his desk while Levi situated himself right behind the commander.</p><p>"the attack on the theatre, it was obvious that it was Godsent"</p><p>her eyes narrowed "truly?" </p><p>Levi clicked his tongue "I thought you were too tired to be snarky today brat"</p><p>She kept her eyes trained on Erwin "hmm, I think I just got a rush of energy from the desire to kick the commander in the face"</p><p>"oi"</p><p>Erwin held up his palm "let us not be childish. Miss Madden, may I ask why you harbour such negative emotions toward me?"</p><p>"because you think I had something to do with it" she yelled "you have no idea what happened or how it happened so you'll just pin the blame on me! isnt that right?"</p><p>Levi frowned at her from behind Erwin. </p><p>"Miss Madden, must you jump to conclusions?"</p><p>"fine. tell me I'm wrong then"</p><p>Erwin sighed "of course, it's only fair to pin some suspicion on you—"</p><p>"how is that fair?! I am conspiring alongside you for the downfall of Elijah"</p><p>"yes of course, how could I forget. Perhaps I'm suspicious of just for the sake of being suspicious, for the sake of feeling like i'm accomplishing something so if you please—"</p><p>she stood from her seat, slamming her palms down onto his desk. He looked up at her with an icy glare. "i couldn't care less about how good you feel about yourself. I will not indulge in your delusions so you can ignore the fact that you have achieved absolutely nothing! I will not let you tear down my dignity for your insignificant honour. Just buck up and do better!!—" Before she knew it, Kaia was sat on the floor rubbing her left cheek in pain. Looking up, Levi stood over her, a glorious scowl on his face.</p><p>She laughed "aw, you got a bodyguard too? how cute" Kaia purred</p><p>Erwin slowly stood from his seat "if you wish to get violent Miss Madden, I won't object"</p><p>Kaia stood, dusting herself off as she straightened her clothes "I'm up for a little rumble, commander"</p><p>the corners of his lips curled slightly, he almost looked maddening.</p><p>As the two exited the room, Levi grabbed Erwin's arm, knowing fully well why the commander was agreeing to this. He had been holding back from torturing Kaia to get any answer and now that he has the opportunity to hurt her, Levi was afraid he'd let his frustration with the case get the best of his wits.</p><p>"Erwin" he said "don't do this. You'll kill her. She has one of the lowest grades among the cadets."</p><p>"have you forgotten, Levi? that she killed a hundred people in 8 days. Perhaps she doesn't try at training because she knows she's better than anyone else. I wish to know her skills personally, to assess how much of a danger she truly is"</p><p>"you're the commander of the survey corps" Levi grit his teeth "and she's an 18 year old girl, I've fought her before and she's not all you think she is"</p><p>"she's a highly trained killer. Do not be disillusioned because you hold some sort of affection toward her"</p><p>his pressed into a firm line "i don't"</p><p>"good then don't stop me"</p><p>Levi did not respond.</p><p>"so are you coming or what?" Kaia yelled from the hallway.</p><p>The trio made their way onto the courtyards of HQ. Kaia stood with a straight spine, eager to get a hit on the tall blond commander.</p><p>"concrete? Miss Madden? you sure are confident" Erwin drawled, taking off his jacket as he rolled up his sleeves </p><p>"would you rather grass? to cushion your fall?" she prodded</p><p>He shook his head, laughing almost "let us stop with the idle chatter and begin the tussle"</p><p>"agreed"</p><p>Kaia and Erwin took their stance opposite from each other while Levi stood on the perimeters of the courtyard, leaning on a pillar with an annoyed expression on his face.</p><p>Kaia was tired, exhausted, and beyond frustrated. But as the commander stood in front of her, there was no where else she'd rather be.</p><p>Kaia kept her fists up, recalling the position Annie taught her. She relayed the footfalls that she learnt at godsent, every pattern, every beat. She had been training long enough with them for hand to hand combat to be imprinted on her very muscles.</p><p>Erwin threw the first punch, and Kaia dodged swiftly as he had expected. She watched his movements closely while his eyes were trained on his face. </p><p>She went for her signature move, the tackle, and Erwin let her. Causing him fall onto the concrete as she crawled on top of him, pinning his hands and legs. As they were in a rather awkward position, Erwin couldn't deny that part of his frustration came from her reaction when he kissed her, and how differently she acted toward him after. It was almost as if he wanted all her flirtations and provocative remarks to be something genuine. He pushed the thought away  as he flipped her over, making her groan as her back hit the concrete hard.</p><p>Kaia grit her teeth, rearing her head back before headbutting the commander. Erwin stumbled back, a hand to his head as he tried to regain balance.</p><p>The two were standing once again, taking up positions ready for another attack. Levi observed them from the rim of the courtyard as they exchanged punches and dodged hits. He had seen Erwin fight multiple times, he was skilled in combat, one of those nasty fighters who didn't know what it meant to give up. Levi had only ever been in a fight with Kaia, he had never seen her in combat. Her form was immaculate, her footfalls graceful and light, ever ready to change, to shift according to Erwin's moves. It was less like she was fighting and more like she was dancing, like combat—amongst most other things she did—was a performance. and he couldn't seem to look away.</p><p>Kaia steadied her breath, wary that she needed to save her energy for Erwin's relentless attacks. For the most part, she had been dodging, analysing the commanders patterns in combat. Testing a few advances, he easily blocked them, turning them back onto her.</p><p>Erwin's breath tumbled from his lips staggeringly, his fists up and ready to charge. He peered through his raised fists at Kaia, who was light on her feet and steady in breath. The commander wondered how long she could keep it up, if she was truly the dangerous killer he thought her to be, then this moment would prove it to him.</p><p>Kaia's attack plan settled into her mind like a puzzle. All the pieces fell perfectly and the world fell apart around her, leaving only the path to her victory. She stopped shifting her feet and stood stagnant. waiting.</p><p>Erwin dropped his fists, furrowing his brows in confusion. Seeing an open advantage he charged toward her like her would a titan.</p><p>Kaia sucked in a breath as he saw the gigantic man run toward her. As he moved closer, she bent her knees slightly. At the right moment, Kaia lifted her self off of the ground, jumping gracefully into the air, her arms spread to either side.</p><p>Levi couldn't believe what he was seeing. Kaia was arching over Erwin, her body bent slightly as to avoid coming into contact with the tall blond. she shouldn't even be able to jump that high He thought.  As she dived head first toward the ground and past Erwin, she grabbed a fistful of his shirt as her legs flipped over her. Holding on tight, she tugged on it forefully, making Erwin flip over her and she dragged him to the ground. Landing steadily in a crouching position, she ploughed him to the ground, making him grunt in pain as his torso made contact with the concrete. </p><p>Looking up at her in fury, Erwin grabbed Kaia by the ankle, dragging her down as he pulled himself up and over her. The girl had the advantage of energy on her side, and plus, the commander looked like he was about to pass out. All she needed to do was perform a quick manoeuvre in order to escape from his sloppy grip. </p><p>Erwin lay on the concrete on his back, heaving as sweat and blood beaded at his brow. Kaia stood, moving with ease as if her body didn't scream with pain from the multiple hits Erwin got on her.</p><p>As she stood over him, she eyed his figure, and from his breath alone, she knew that he had more than one broken rib. Kaia sighed, knowing she'd get no where if she kept picking fights, knowing that if she continued to antagonise Erwin, she'd never be able to get the most out of their alliance.</p><p>She swiftly helped him to his feet, her arm wrapping around his waist while she gestured for his to drape over shoulders. Moving slowly, she made her way back to his office. Cringing, knowing she had to make peace with him. If she put it off any longer, he'd be more of a problem then she'd anticipated.</p><p>"what are you doing?" Levi asked as she walked past him</p><p>"stitching the big blond up. He's bloodied and bruised and it's my fault"</p><p>"why so suddenly apologetic?"</p><p>"I must make peace with him, Levi. Or we'll get no where" she simply said, continuing to walk toward his office.</p><p>Levi knew Kaia was talking about their alliance in order to take down Elijah, but a part of him wished that Kaia remained harbouring sour feelings toward Erwin, for he knew the commander to have swooned many hearts with his gentleness and kind words. Levi shook his head<i> why the fuck am I worrying about this? Erwin fucking hates Kaia. why is he even helping her with Elijah? </i>He held a hand to his headache, pain throbbing relentlessly through his brain<i> just what the fuck are you planning, Erwin? </i>Shaking his head, he made his way toward his own office to relax with some tea.</p><p>Kaia brought Erwin into his office, setting him down on the couch.</p><p>"I hope you didn't bring me in here to finish me off" the commander grumbled</p><p>she rolled her eyes "i didn't"</p><p>"then why didn't you bring me to the infirmary?" he questioned </p><p>"because I wanted to talk to you. alone. uninterrupted" Kaia said, shifting through his drawers to find some medical supplies</p><p>"oh." Erwin ignored the slight increase in his heartbeat "well i'd much rather be taken care of in the infirmary first, since you know, i don't want to die"</p><p>She scoffed "relax, i'll let the infirmary handle your broken rib, but i can stitch up the rest. sorry. by the way"</p><p>"yes yes. but. why now?"</p><p>"if i didn't talk to you now, i wouldn't talk to you at all, and i would've remained resenting you, and that's no use, no use at all" After finding some bandages and stitching supplies she made her way over to Erwin.</p><p>"and what is it that you want to talk about?" he questioned as she sat herself infront of him on the coffee table. </p><p>Wiping the blood away from his wounds with a wet cloth, she sighed "i wish to make peace"</p><p>"a second ago I was sure you wanted to kill me. I mean, your final move against me back in the courtyard could've shattered all my bones—by the way, how did you even—"</p><p>Rolling her eyes, she grabbed his chin, squishing his cheeks in her hand so that he wouldn't be able to speak "be grateful that i didn't. commander. now hush while i patch you up"</p><p>For someone wanting to talk things out, Kaia remained painfully silent, her eyes trained on Erwin's face as she ran a wet cloth across it.</p><p>"you said you wanted to talk." Erwin finally said </p><p>"I also told you to hush"</p><p>"what makes you think that i'll do as you say? I am your commander, after all"</p><p>she sighed, moving the cloth away and playing with it in her hands "fine. i'll talk. I'm sorry"</p><p>"sorry?"</p><p>"sorry for jumping to conclusions, for attacking you like you had some sort of secret plan to stab in the back. sorry. I should've trusted you, you're offering your support after all, i shouldn't be questioning it, I should just be grateful"</p><p>Erwin took her hands into his, making her meet his eyes "it's always good to be cautious, Miss Madden. But I assure you, I do want to help. But I can't help but be suspicious from time to time. I am ashamed, I want to be your friend"</p><p>She smiled at him. It looked different, he thought, from before, from when she flirted and flitted about with him. In this very moment, her smile seemed to be sculpted just for him, a smile Erwin wanted to think that nobody else saw but him. Clumsily, he found himself smiling back. "thank you, for listening to me"</p><p>he held onto her hands "I must apologise, Kaia. Lately, I've been frustrated, and I guess I've just been projecting it onto others around me, including you"</p><p>"it's fine. i do the same thing"</p><p>"yes well, frustration is one of man's greatest enemies"</p><p>"you're real frustrated huh? well I can help with that" she said smiling </p><p>"uh what?" </p><p>Kaia tilted her head "well we can go for a ride if you want"</p><p>"a—a, a r—ride? y—you want to ride..."</p><p>her smile dropped, knowing exactly what Erwin was thinking "i want to ride around on a horse to get some fresh air"</p><p>"oh. oh yes, yes that would be splendid" <i>get yourself together Erwin</i> he thought <i>you're gonna have to kill this girl one day.</i></p><p>she laughed "easy. you should go to the infirmary first. it seems you've forgotten your broken rib"</p><p>"oh well, it seems I have"</p><p>"do you need some help getting there or will you be alright?"</p><p>despite wanting her to stay, he shook his head "no, i'll be alright. thank you."</p><p>Kaia head toward the door "okay well, I'll take a rain check on that ride, commander" she said as she exited the office </p><p>"yes of course. have a wonderful day" he replied have a wonderful day? God Erwin what is wrong with you he thought.</p><p>Kaia almost yelped as she bumped into Levi right outside Erwin's office. </p><p>"ride? what ride?" he grumbled</p><p>She rolled her eyes "captain, must you have such lewd thoughts too?"</p><p>"too? did Erwin say something to you? did he try to kiss you again?"</p><p>Kaia laughed, placing a hand on his shoulder "no no, nothing like that. You needn't worry, me and Erwin have made peace. for now. I hope it lasts"</p><p>Levi only nodded in response, standing awkwardly in the hallway as he watched Kaia walk away. </p><p>As Kaia made her way back to the training grounds, she felt her mood sour. Mikasa was glaring daggers at her with Jean standing uncomfortably, and Krista still seemed to be ignoring her. </p><p>Feeling like on a roll with making things right with others, she first made her way toward Mikasa.</p><p>"hey" she said to the beautiful black haired girl</p><p>"hey" Mikasa replied coldly </p><p>"can we talk?"</p><p>"we have nothing to talk about"</p><p>"we have everything to talk about. for instance what the hell is happening with Jean—"</p><p>"stay away from him" she snapped. Jean shifted uncomfortably </p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows "what?"</p><p>"stay away from him Kaia" Mikasa repeated. </p><p>Feeling everybody's eyes upon them, she hastily grabbed Mikasa's arm and led her away to somewhere private where they could talk.</p><p>"what do you think you're doing?" Mikasa spat</p><p>"you need to tell me what the hell is going on" </p><p>She sighed "you already have Eren, Kaia. Do you have to have Jean too?"</p><p>"what?! Jean is my best friend!"</p><p>"no. don't talk like that. I saw you too in the barn the day you got back, I saw him embrace you like he was your lover" </p><p>"ok first of all. gross. i can't even bring myself to think about him like that. and second of all, you don't even love him"</p><p>"yes I do!" she protested</p><p>Kaia shook her head "you don't, Mikasa. and it's breaking his heart. He sees how you look at Eren and he knows you don't look at him the same way"</p><p>"I tried! okay! I tried, I tried to love him, but....I didn't want what happened with Eren to happen again. I didn't want to get attached only to lose him, and well...I also had no opportunity to. Since you always stuck around him it felt impossible to get close to him."</p><p>Knowing that Mikasa had trouble expressing her feelings at times, Kaia couldn't help but feel sorry for the girl. "I'm not going to steal Jean away from you, Mikasa. He loves you. He's always loved you. It's the one constant in this ever changing world"</p><p>Mikasa looked to the ground "i'm not stupid. I've seen how you are with each other. You guys....you know everything about each other...like...like you were made for each other...like you're soulmates"</p><p>"getting to know Jean isn't difficult Mikasa, and just because i know him well doesn't mean we're in love with each other. just take the time to ask him some questions, listen to his stories. I'm sure he'd be more than happy to share with you" </p><p>"....ya think? what if....he realises I'm not who he thought I was"</p><p>Kaia sighed "sometimes. things like that...are inevitable, especially with such idealistic people. But...if you just let Jean know you, if you let him love all of you, not just the parts you present to the world"</p><p>"and how can I do that when you're always around him in every waking moment"</p><p>"how about this.." Kaia began "I'll distance myself from him for a bit" the sentence physically pained her, going without her best friend especially during such a turbulent time made her sorrowful "...and then you guys have some time alone with each other to finally open up"</p><p>Mikasa nodded "that....that sounds good. Thank you, Kaia. I hope you know I'm not just doing this to forget about Eren, I really do....want to love Jean"</p><p>"and you will" Kaia said, giving Mikasa a reassuring pat on the head "i know you will. now come on, I think it's about time for lunch"</p><p>Mikasa nodded, and the girls made their way toward the mess hall.</p><p>Eren was waiting just outside the mess hall, kicking rocks at his feet as he waited for Kaia. Looking up, he smiled as he saw her approaching.</p><p>"hey, I've been looking for you" he said, going in for a kiss.</p><p>Painfully aware of Mikasa's presence, she opted of a quick peck on the lips "hey" she said. Kaia did not fail to notice Mikasa's glum expression as she walked past them. Her heart ached for the girl.</p><p>"I was hoping to catch you before lunch so we could sneak out for a bit" Eren said, hands laying lazily on her waist.</p><p>"i don't think that's a good idea...." Kaia said, knowing full well she was about to run off with him to some private corner and get fucked against a wall.</p>
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<a name="section0031"><h2>31. ache</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey y’all i forgot to post this chapter in between ch 32 and 33 so it may have been confusing to read. sorry for the mistake &gt;-&lt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Eren's lips were on her in a second, his hands hungrily gripping her hips. Kaia parted her mouth in order to get a breath, legs threatening to buckle against his touch. He held her up with his body, letting the wall do the rest of the work in keeping her up. Eren loved her like this, breathless against his lips, as if she never tasted anything sweeter. </p><p>Kaia knew this was wrong, and it twisted her stomach in a nauseous way. She felt beyond guilty, she couldn't keep doing this, she couldn't keep trying to hold to Eren. She had to let go.</p><p>With a knew found resolve, she pushed him away, making him stumble back.</p><p>Panting, she couldn't bring her self to look at him, casting her gaze toward the floor.</p><p>"Kaia?" Eren said "What's wrong?" he moved toward her but she held up her hand to stop him</p><p>"I can't—I can't do this anymore, Eren. I can't be with you"</p><p>This time, Eren was not cautious, waltzing up to her and grabbing her face.</p><p>"what are you talking about, Kaia?" he asked</p><p>She shook her head, tears welling up in her eyes.</p><p>"What are you talking about?" he said more softly</p><p>"I can't be with you anymore"</p><p>"no" he grit his teeth</p><p>"Eren—"</p><p>"Kaia no. What the hell is this?! What's wrong, we can work through it together okay?! we can do this together—"</p><p>"no!" she said sternly "i don't want to"</p><p>"what?" his voice broke as he stepped away from her</p><p>"just. stay away from me from now on, Eren. We're done"</p><p>"no. no. if this is because you don't want me getting hurt or because you don't think you're good enough, I won't buy it"</p><p>Kaia cast her gaze toward the floor once again.<i> must I hurt him more?</i> She met his eyes, sucking in a breath. "it's not that. I don't love you Eren. I don't think I ever did" Kaia tried her best to be cold, to shut out the whole tenderness of the situation. She needed to hurt him. </p><p>He shook his head, refusing to believe her "no. no you're just saying this"</p><p>She wished that she did. She wished that the words that came out of her mouth were solely just lies that would hurt him. but even would've be enough. Kaia told the truth. and what hurt more than the truth? </p><p>"I've never loved you Eren" she said as the tears retreated from her eyes</p><p>"stop."</p><p>"I've never loved you. you know why Levi and Erwin kissed me? because I wanted them to"</p><p>He held a hand to his head, trying to piece together what was happening. <i>why is she doing this? what did i do wrong? what happened?</i></p><p>"I flirted with them, I chased after their affections because yours weren't enough, yours were never enough—"</p><p>Eren shoved her against the wall, hands gripping her shoulders. "stop it. stop it, Kaia"</p><p>Kaia looked up, wanting to simply embrace him, to just hold him and be at peace. Instead, she hardened her gaze "your love wasn't enough Eren."</p><p>Eren went still, his whole body numb with heartache. His brain scratching at itself trying to find a reason as to why she was saying such things. He did everything right. He listened to her, he talked to her, he held her, he kissed her, he was there for her. <i>why is she doing this?</i> he thought <i>what did i do wrong?</i></p><p>"it's as simple as that. Eren" Kaia said "Your love wasn't enough, and it isn't enough now to make me stay. This is it. This is the finish line." she pushed him gently away from her. "sorry i disappointed you" Kaia muttered as she walked away from him.</p><p>In desperation he reached out, grabbing a hold of her wrist before she could slip away. </p><p>"let me go, Eren" she said coldly with her back turned to him.</p><p>His hands found her waist, spinning her around and planting a hopeless kiss on her lips as a last resort.</p><p>Kaia tensed beneath his touch. If this had happened many moons ago, she would've buckled, broken down and clung onto him and never let go. but she was stronger now. she knew what had to be done.</p><p>Eren pulled away, searching for the love he used to see in Kaia's eyes. Instead he was met by an unfamiliar gaze, cold, so devoid of love.</p><p>"don't do this Eren. don't think that there's anything you can do to stop me from leaving. it's pathetic" Eren froze, unsure what to do, what to say, after all, everything is so unclear when your heart breaks. "you've already lost me" she said softly, as if the words didn't hack at his heart "in fact, I don't think you ever had me at all."</p><p>"t—that's, that's not true." he said, unsure where his breath went </p><p>Kaia tilted her head "don't be delusional" and with that, she wriggled out of his grip, walking away as she left the man whom she thought she loved, broken in the dust. </p><p>She felt herself breaking as well, even if she did not love him, she cared for him deeply, and that was enough to shatter her.</p><p>Arriving at the lake, she silently sobbed, trying desperately to hold it in.<i> stop it. stop it </i>she told herself <i>you don't deserve to cry. you don't deserve to mourn the death of a love you never had. this is all your fault anyways. </i></p><p>Falling to her knees, her arms wrapped around her stomach, tightening as the heartache tore through her. She opened her mouth to scream, to let it out. But it was silent, it was strained. Even her body won't let her have some sort of release. Even her body knew she didn't deserve it. </p><p>Kaia fell to the side, not wanting to move, not wanting to go back. She hoped that an endless void would consume her, rid her of this silent pain. She couldn't stop the tears now as they fell one after the other, soaking the wood of the jetty. It didn't help, not at all, she only felt more guilty and it scratched at her, threatening to leave nothing but an empty shell of who she once was. </p><p><i>get a grip. get a grip. </i>she told herself as she slipped into a deep sleep.</p><p>Next thing she knew was that she was waking up on a bed, inside a room, one of the dorms in the barracks. The setting sun peaked over the horizon, colouring the world a certain shade of gold.</p><p>"bout time you woke up" a voice said from beside her. it was jean.</p><p>"what am I doing here?"</p><p>He was drawing something, fervent and focused on the movement of his pen "i saw you passed out on the jetty, thought you were hurt or something" he paused looking toward her "are you okay?"</p><p>Kaia nodded, Jean turned back to his drawing </p><p>"I shouldn't be—"</p><p>The door opened, "Jean are you in here?" Mikasa said as she strolled in. Her eyes widened as they fell upon Kaia on Jean's bed. Jean stood abruptly from his desk, awkwardly moving his paper into a cabinet. </p><p>"Mikasa—" he began</p><p>"why is she here?" Mikasa asked, voice cold.</p><p>"I don't—" Kaia began </p><p>"Mikasa? what are you doing in our room?" Eren's voice piped up from behind the short haired woman. Kaia felt her stomach drop. She looked away from him as he set his eyes on her. "K—Kaia? what are you—what are you doing here? why are you in jean's bed?"</p><p>Kaia sat up "look, I don't know how I got he—"</p><p>"she just barged into my room unexpectedly" Jean said hastily, wary eyes trained on Mikasa. Kaia frowned "I told her to leave me alone but she insisted on staying with me"</p><p>"what? last thing I knew was that I was on the jetty, I don't know how I got here" Kaia said </p><p>"so, Kaia. After you broke Eren's heart you came running to Jean, looking for comfort, for another body you could use to keep yourself warm" Mikasa accused </p><p>"first of all, how the fuck do you know me and Eren broke up?!"</p><p>"he came to me crying just a moment ago" Mikasa said firmly, Eren shifted uncomfortably "he couldn't stop shaking even when I embraced him"</p><p>Jean felt jealousy stab at his heart.</p><p>"how dare you" Mikasa began "to play with Eren's heart and then so quickly move onto Jean. Lucky he's not easily tricked by your charm"</p><p>Kaia scoffed "what the fuck is happening?! I'm not moving onto Jean. He's the one that probably brought me here!"</p><p>Mikasa glared at Jean. He straightened his spine, clearing his throat "I don't know what she's talking about" </p><p>"Kaia, you're mistaken if you think I'd believe you over Jean. I thought we would finally be friends, I guess I was wrong."</p><p>Kaia's blood boiled with fury, her breaths becoming ragged "I didn't do anything" she said through gritted teeth "jean is lying!" she yelled</p><p>"woah woah what's going on here" Connie said, waltzing into the room with Sasha</p><p>Kaia groaned "Jean, back me up here, I didn't come into your room of my own accord, you said that you found me passed out on the jetty"</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about Kaia" He said firmly, looking guiltily away from her.</p><p>"Is this true? Kaia. Did you break it off with me because you wanted to be with Jean?" Eren asked. Connie and Sasha stood by gawking at the drama unfolding before them</p><p>Kaia scoffed "no! of course n—"</p><p>"of course she did. why wouldn't she? I mean, she could get with anyone at anytime, why would a girl like her want to limit herself to one person" Mikasa said </p><p>Kaia tilted her head "you calling me a whore, Mikasa?"</p><p>She folded her arms infront of her chest "I'm not saying that you're not"</p><p>"Mikasa I think that's enough—" Eren began</p><p>"no, no Eren. You need to know, that it's not worth it crying over a girl like her" Mikasa said "let's go, everyone's gathering for dinner"</p><p>"dinner!" Sasha squealed, forgetting to read the room. Connie flicked her forehead, grumbling as he shoved her out of the room. Eren and Mikasa left too. Jean was the last to leave, casting an apologetic glance toward Kaia. She shook her head, glaring at him.</p><p>Annoyed, Kaia stormed out the barracks, making her way toward the carriage that was to take her to her training with Godsent.</p><p>Her spirits were in shambles, and the tedious training that Godsent put her through did not help. Grumbling, she lost her temper easily, meaning she was not focused and often slipped up, which resulted in her hitting mat.</p><p>"what is wrong with you today, bunny?" Ada asked, circling Kaia as she lay panting on the floor.</p><p>"oh nothing, nothing at all" Kaia stood, assuming a fighting stance "it's just that, everyone that I care about it slowly slipping from my grip, I'm losing everybody that I love" she said in between angry punches and kicks. In a swift motion, Kaia was on the mat again.</p><p>Selma laughed from the outskirts, observing the scratch match. "pathetic. you needn't have such attachments. they'll bring you down, fuck you up. You need to focus on yourself and yourself only, you need to toughen up"</p><p>"so do you suggest that I be like you Selma? shall I have no friends?" Kaia bit back as she stood, dusting herself off. Selma sneered while Ada laughed.</p><p>"at least I'm a good fighter" she spat "your power should've been given to me"</p><p>Kaia laughed, turning toward Selma. "By all means, take it. I'd give anything to be without it. It's a curse that will soon drive me into madness, if it has not already"</p><p>Selma stormed onto the mat, angry as she unsheathed her blades and held them to Kaia's throat "you ungrateful little bitch. anyone would be grateful to have a power like you, to be held in high regard, to be respected, to be—"</p><p>"wanted?" Kaia said, not phased by the sharp pointy thing digging into her neck "isn't that what you want, Selma. to be wanted. you talk about glory and being the best, and having power, when all you truly want...is to be wanted." Selma blinked, her stance becoming uneasy "you're chasing after the wrong thing if you want to be wanted, Selma. If you want to be wanted, don't chase after power. Try becoming a nice fucking person" Selma slashed a blade carelessly toward her, Kaia ducked, easily dodging it "if you want power, prepare to be hunted, to be torn apart by those who want to use for themselves"</p><p>Selma only hardened her glare, continuing to advance he attacks toward Kaia. Ada held her back, grabbing a hold of her arm as she was about to stab Kaia.</p><p>"Let's all calm down" Ada said "Selma, don't go around attacking people whose opinions are not the same as yours. Kaia, stop trying to get under people's skin. this is why you get into fights often"</p><p>Selma grumbled, stalking toward the other training circuits in order to cool off. </p><p>"Elijah is asking for you in his office" Ada said </p><p>"oh. right, I'll head over now" Kaia said, moving off of the training mats and toward Elijah's office.</p><p>His office was unnecessarily large and gaudy. Unlike the scouts' office, it was decorated with velvet walls and lined with dark wooden panels. Kaia felt as if she were meeting the king rather than Elijah. Although the queasy feeling she got from meeting with him resulted from other fears. How long would it be until he found out she was conspiring against him?</p><p>As she entered the awfully elaborate office, Elijah looked up from his desk, casting a sweet smile toward her. She smiled half heartedly in response.</p><p>"Kaia, wonderful for you to come by so quickly, please, take a seat" he motioned toward the chair situation just across his desk.</p><p>"so, what did you call me here for?" Kaia asked as she took her seat</p><p>"I have, an important proposal I must discuss with you" he said, placing his intertwined hands on the table.</p><p>"go ahead"</p><p>"how do you feel about marrying me?"</p><p>Kaia laughed "I did not realise this was an actual proposal"</p><p>"I'm not joking Kaia. In fact, I must marry you, there's no avoiding it"</p><p>She furrowed her brows in confusion "I don't understand. why?"</p><p>"Our leader.." he began "he has requested for our marriage"</p><p>Kaia narrowed her eyes "and why does this leader want us to be married"</p><p>"we are the two people who have the most influence in Godsent. I am his second in command and is essentially his proxy, while you...well you're the people's messiah. He wants us to be united in order to prevent any sort of, well, civil war amongst Godsent, he wants our people to be united"</p><p>she tilted her head "why would there even be a chance of a civil war between the members of Godsent?"</p><p>"oh you know..." he leaned forward "conflicted beliefs and values. You and I get along perfectly fine but our leader cannot help but be cautious."</p><p>"hmmm, understandable" she said. <i>so he is aware that I have some influence amongst his people, and he is aware that I could turn them against him...</i> "why marriage though? certainly just word shall be enough to satisfy our leader" <i>this marriage cannot happen</i> Kaia thought, <i>I have started creating a rift between Elijah and the people, it is small, almost invisible, but it's there, and I intend for it to grow.</i></p><p>Elijah took a deep breath "unfortunately, our leader is quite a meticulous person. It is difficult to satisfy him. If we disobey his orders, things could get messy"</p><p><i>is he threatening me?</i> she thought <i>surely he does not know that I know he's the real leader. </i>"I still do not understand the point of this marriage"</p><p>"why do you seem so hesitant? It's not like you have some lover to hold you back, didn't you end it with Eren?" </p><p>Her eyes widened "that happened today how do you already know about it?"</p><p>"I know about a lot of things, Kaia."</p><p>She gulped, the queasy feeling rising up her throat. "I don't want to marry you" she said firmly </p><p>"and why is that?"</p><p>"I want to be in love to be married, I do not want to marry a man for anyone else other than him and I. I do not want a marriage based solely around the lives of other people"</p><p>"is it so difficult to think that you could grow to love me?" he said softly</p><p>"yes" she replied coldly </p><p>"is this because you are still in love with the Eren boy?"</p><p>"no" Kaia said quickly "I do not love him."</p><p>"then is it someone else? a secret lover?"</p><p>She shook her head "no, no. nothing like that. It's just, I haven't been in love in a long time, and it's...well it's quite difficult for me to. I don't...I don't want to get hurt again"</p><p>Elijah stood, moving around his desk to sit on it in front of Kaia. He brought a hand to her cheek, caressing it softly. Kaia fought with all her might not to throw up then and there. "I wouldn't hurt you, Kaia. I promise" she would've believed him, in another time, another life, where she could afford to be naive.</p><p>A sudden nausea rose from his stomach, abruptly she stood from her chair, leaning over the bin as she vomited. </p><p>Elijah's brows furrowed "do I disgust you that much?"</p><p><i>yes</i> "no" she said to into the bin "it must've been something I ate"</p><p>"well when was the last time you ate?" he asked </p><p>"it was..." <i>when was the last time I ate?</i> Kaia wondered, <i>certainly not in a while,</i> "I didn't go to dinner. I went to lunch though, but Eren pulled me aside..." she trailed off before vomiting again into the bin.</p><p>"well then it couldn't have been something you ate" Elijah stated</p><p>"well what else could it be?" she said breathlessly "it's not like i'm—" Kaia stopped mid sentence as a horrid thought came to mind. She brought a hand over her stomach, clutching it.</p><p>Elijah frowned "if you think you're pregnant, you're wrong"</p><p>Kaia felt a wave of relief wash over her, it was quickly replaced by confusion. She turned toward Elijah "wait...why?"</p><p>"you cannot reproduce, Kaia. Not only did we pull your soul from the wandering realm, we also pulled your dead body from your previous reality" he explained </p><p>Kaia's eyes widened "so you're saying that I'm dead?"</p><p>"well...technically your body is. What's fueling it right now are the 101 lives sacrificed"</p><p>She stood, wiping her mouth as she stormed toward Elijah. "what about my past reality?" she spat, grabbing Elijah's collar "what did my parents find? where is my body there?"</p><p>"I told you, Kaia. The body you are in right now is from your previous reality. There is nothing left of you from your previous reality"</p><p>she shook her head "b—but what about, what about my parents, did they bury me? did they have a funeral for me?"</p><p>"pulling both your soul and your body into this reality essentially erased its existence from the previous reality. Your parents do not recall you"</p><p>Confusion enveloped her as well as anger. Her parents were one of the reasons she even got involved with Godsent. She had been working so hard to atone for what she did to them in her past life...and now....they don't even know her....she doesn't exist in their memory.</p><p>Elijah brushed a hand over her cheek, wiping away a tear Kaia didn't know she shed. "I do not know why you seem so attached to your past life. It does do well for your heart" he said softly "let go. Kaia. step into your new life." Elijah leaned in, slowly placing his lips on hers. </p><p>Kaia tensed beneath his touch but could not move, she felt she'd shatter if even took one step. The moment felt like eternity, and Kaia felt bile rise to her throat the longer his lips lingered on hers. Finally he left, moving away from her and toward the door.</p><p>"I'll let you have some time to yourself, Kaia. Just be ready to return to the training grounds soon" Elijah said as he left the room.</p><p>Kaia didn't know how long she stood there for. A million questions stormed within her head and a million more within her heart. She let out a frustrated cry punching the wall infront of her.<i> get it together Kaia </i>she thought, <i>get it together.</i></p><p>She slapped her cheeks in order to escape the wallowing pit of endless questions circling with in her. Pacing around the room, she bit her nails anxiously. </p><p>
  <i>I should be doing something. I'm alone in Elijah's  office, there should be something in here that will help me. </i>
</p><p><i>the files </i>she thought <i>i could get them back so Erwin doesn't find out I stole them. </i></p><p>Carefully, Kaia shifted through Elijah's drawers, and finally, a section labelled survey corps caught her eye. She scanned the documents Elijah had collected quickly, her eyes searching for the file she had given him ages ago. </p><p>After a few short moments, she found the file and easily slipped it out of the case and into the back of her shirt, fortunately, the jacket she was wearing would cover the unusual bulky shape in her back. </p><p>As she made her way toward the door, Kaia stopped for a moment to ruffle her hair and quickly grabbed some water from Elijah's desk and dabbed it in the pathway in which tears would usually fall. No one would suspect a distraught girl to be in a stable state of mind to steal a file.</p><p>Taking in a steady breath she stepped out the office, plastering on a saddened expression in case she runs into Elijah. </p><p>Kaia made her way to the carriage that would take her back to the training grounds. Her eyes fell heavy as she sat within the dim carriage, her tiredness became so great that she had to keep pinching herself in order to keep awake. Once they arrived just before the woods that led to the lake which led to the training grounds, Kaia was sure she'd collapse on the ground then and there.</p><p>The air seemed awful that night, humid and sticky as if there was blood in it. The moon, as usual, sat pretty in the ink sky, looking down at the pitiful humans who did nothing but ache each day. Kaia sighed as she trekked the woods, unsure how to bear the information she had just learned. All she knew was that she had to be strong and she was afraid as what price she had to pay for it. </p><p>A twig snapped. leaves crunched.</p><p>Kaia stilled, looking cautiously around her.</p><p>"Kaia" a voice said from the shadows "it's me"</p><p>It was the last person she wanted to see. Clenching her fists, she pushed past him without a word.</p><p>"Kaia, come on. Don't be like this" Jean pleaded as he followed after her.</p><p>Kaia continued to ignore him, her footfalls becoming heavy and quick across the unstable ground. Anger prickled at her chest </p><p>"Kaia please. Talk to me, don't ignore me. I thought you'd understand" He snaked a hand around her wrist. </p><p>Pushed over the edge of sanity, Kaia turned and slapped him across the face. Making him stumble back, letting go of her wrist. "understand?!" she bellowed "you thought i'd understand?! understand what, Jean?! That you're a shitty friend?!" </p><p>"I thought you'd understand that I love Mikasa, and that I had to do what I did"</p><p>"how dare you" she grit her teeth, voice laced with dangerous fury "how dare you let her call me a whore. how dare you let me be humiliated like that. degraded like that"</p><p>"Why are you angry at me?! It was Mikasa who said that"</p><p>"and you let her, you were supposed to back me up, you weren't supposed to lie. You stood there and watched as I was humiliated and painted as some sort of villain"</p><p>"I love her, Kaia. I had to do it" he said</p><p>"You chose her, over me? over your best friend?!"</p><p>"she cares about me!" he tried to reason </p><p>"I care about you. A hell of a lot more than she does and—"</p><p>"it's not like I can love you!" he argued </p><p>"I'm not asking you to love me, I'm asking you to get some common fucking sense into your brain."</p><p>"and do what? leave Mikasa? just because you and Eren didn't work out doesn't mean that you can ruin what I have with Mikasa"</p><p>Kaia scoffed, laughing in disbelief "you know what, Jean. Go to Mikasa, hold her in your arms as she dreams of Eren. Hold her until your soul can't take it anymore. do it. ruin yourself. what do I care"</p><p>Jean shook his head "why are you doing this?"</p><p>"why are <i>you</i> doing this?" Kaia asked "it can't be for love. I may not know much about love but I know this isn't it. You're sick, Jean. Sick in the fucking soul, I don't know what made you think it was ok to stand and watch as I was labelled a villain. a whore"</p><p>"I'm sorry Kaia. It just had to be done"</p><p>Kaia nodded "right. ok. fine. do what you want. just know that you're not my friend anymore"</p><p>Jean only frowned, looking stubbornly away "fine" he huffed </p><p>"love to know you care so much about our friendship" she said sarcastically </p><p>"what do you want me to do?, to get on my knees and beg you to stay?, to plead and plead and plead?. I'm not Eren, I'm not your fucking lapdog. If you're leaving me, fine, it's not worth it troubling myself by asking you to stay"</p><p>"great. nice to know" She said with a laugh, an attempt to prevent the tears gathering at her eyes from falling. </p><p>Angrily, she made her way to Levi's office in order to drop off the file.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0032"><h2>32. comfort</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey y’all just wanted to let u know that when i posted this chapter, I forgot to post the one that came before it so it may have been a bit confusing to read. however, the problem has been fixed, I added the missing chapter :) if you’ve already read this chapter i advise you read from ch 31 in order to understand what’s happening. If this is the first time you’re reading this chapter then no worries! keep on reading! sorry for the mistake &gt;-&lt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Levi grumbled as a knock came from his door. </p><p>"Who the fuck is at my door at 2 in the morning?" he called out</p><p>Kaia waltzed in, not waiting for an invitation into his office.</p><p>"Madden?" he said "what are you doing here?"</p><p>She thrust the file onto his desk, a frown still plastered on her face from her previous argument with Jean.</p><p>"what's this?" he asked, picking up the files</p><p>"they're the files I stole from here ages ago, you can give 'em to Erwin now"</p><p>"oh. great. how...how did you find them?"</p><p>"I just happened to be at the right place at the right time"</p><p>He tilted his head to the side, raising an eyebrow "you certainly don't look pleased." Levi knew he shouldn't ask the next question, but he couldn't help himself "what's wrong?"</p><p>Kaia huffed, moving behind his desk to open the window and stand beside it. "it's just....been a horrible day. I'm losing everyone and well..." <i>my parents, they don't even remember me. perhaps it's better they forget all the things i've done to them. </i>She cleared her throat, blinking away tears "I don't know how to deal with it"</p><p>Levi rolled his eyes "ah yes, poor Kaia, doesn't know what's it like to not be loved. I'm sure you're used to the crowds gathering around and now that they've grown uninterested, you've grown antsy"</p><p>Kaia frowned, turning toward him "so you're against me too? guess everyone's just thought that it's a good day to provoke me"</p><p>He turned his chair to face her "just because you're not used to people not being nice to you doesn't mean they don't hate you"</p><p>She scoffed, then laughed out right "believe me, captain. I know what it is to be disliked. I know what it is to be unloved. I'm not just some attention seeker who got sullen because nobody would play with her. I'm mad because I just had to cast away the boy that loved me, I'm mad because my best friend doesn't care about me anymore, I'm mad because everybody seems to have a problem with me and doesn't have the guts to talk to me about it"</p><p>Levi stayed silent, guilt creeping at his chest. Pushing her away would do no good, he did not have the stomach for it. </p><p>"I thought...I thought I was doing good. I've been trying so why? why has this happening? why must I suffer?" she exclaimed angrily </p><p>"why are you asking me like I have an answer?" he drawled </p><p>She sighed, turning her back toward him and breathing in the crisp night air.</p><p>"look, I dunno where that stuffed toy went so I guess you can't stab it to feel better but....we can go train together if you want to release some of your frustration" Levi offered. He cursed himself for being so eager to comfort her.</p><p>She shook her head, eyes fixed upon the courtyard "I don't feel like getting beaten to a pulp"</p><p>"...then...what do you do...to release tension?" he asked</p><p>Kaia laughed "the only person that could help me relieve tension is...well...i don't think i can even look him in the eye right now" she thought of Eren and how she would indulge in his body whenever frustration got the best of her.</p><p>Levi drummed his fingers on his lap, unsure whether to speak the next words. "I don't mind....helping you with that..." he said shyly </p><p>She turned to face him "I don't think that's a good idea"</p><p>He stood, moving toward her "if you think that having sex with you will make me fall in love with you then you're wrong. In fact I think it's the opposite, I thinks it's the wondering, the daydreaming of what it's like to be with you..." he moved a strand of hair from her face "the mystery of it all is what makes you so desirable"</p><p>"Levi..."</p><p>"If I know, for sure, what it's like to be with you, to...spend the night with you, my curiosity will be satisfied and these unsure feelings in my heart will amount to nothing at all" His lips were lingering just above hers, his eyes silver in the pale moonlight.</p><p>"are you sure that is all that I am to you, Levi, a curiosity? Because we can't risk it..."</p><p>"I'm sure" he said, a hand now caressing her cheek. A strange feelings poked at his gut, one that crept in whenever he was not telling the truth.</p><p>Kaia felt her heart pound as she drowned in the coldness of his eyes, his scent becoming overwhelming as he moved closer. She did not even realise she was tilting her head up in order to meet his lips.</p><p>Levi kissed her.</p><p>And this time, he was sure that it was real, because it was better than what he had dreamed before. Her lips tasted sweeter, her skin softer and her scent, stronger. He did not want to part with her and almost let out a whimper when he felt her gently push him away. </p><p>"Levi" she said softly "I can't do this. Not tonight, at least" </p><p>He didn't know what he felt but he didn't like it, not at all. It was embarrassment that bordered on heartbreak. Levi clenched his fist, stepping away from her with his head hung.</p><p>"I just broke up with Eren today and I don't think I'm emotionally stable to just have meaningless sex" Kaia said "I might very well fall in love with you" she laughed as she moved across the room to exit the office.</p><p>"I'd prefer it" Levi muttered to himself, he frowned as he realised what he was saying, frustrated that he couldn't properly rein in his feelings for Kaia.</p><p>"I'll take a rain check on it though, captain. Don't think that I'll forget about it. You know i've been curious too" she purred as she left the room</p><p>Levi didn't notice that he was smiling and shook his head vigorously when he realised.</p><p>Kaia slept that night restfully, her body tired and aching from overexertion, her heart even more. </p><p>The next morning she begrudgingly made her way to breakfast. As she looked around the mess hall, she saw no familiar face she could sit beside. Jean was stuck to Mikasa, God knows she wasn't ready to face Eren, Annie was no where to be seen — as usual — and Krista was still mad.</p><p>Kaia sighed, deciding she wasn't hungry she moved toward the ODM gears. Strapping them on with some difficulty, she headed toward the treetops.</p><p>She swung through the trees effortlessly, nothing like how she trained with her fellow cadets. Kaia had gotten the hang of ODM gear since there was only so many times that a person could fail, but she didn't want to show it, she enjoyed being the underdog.</p><p>Jumping from obstacle to obstacle in the Godsent training area was fun and all, but this...this was so freeing, nothing but the limitless blue stretched before you, the untainted air replenishing your lungs. Kaia stopped for a break on a tree branch, taking a breather as she took in the sight of the solemn sun peaking over the horizon. </p><p>She could've stood there forever, could've held that one beautiful moment in her hands for eternity. Alone atop a tree with the sunrise stretched before her, she felt at peace, something that had unfortunately grown unfamiliar to her. </p><p>it's better like this she thought all alone. no one to love but me, no one to hurt but me.</p><p>Mindful of time, Kaia hopped down  and neatly placed the ODM gear back where she found it. </p><p>Throughout the day she remained placid, too tired to care about the facade she was putting up. Nobody seemed to care, and she didn't mind. She preferred it.</p><p>That day was the last 'til the year was over and everybody would be going home for the holidays. Kaia was unsure if they even celebrated christmas. She had planned on spending some time at the tavern but Erwin insisted that she stay with him since plans for the coup needed to be finalised. Levi wasn't for it, obviously, but he was Erwin's subordinate and did not have a say in the decision.</p><p>Kaia had sent a letter to Elijah, explaining how she'd be staying at the tavern, and how she wanted to spend time with Maria. Of course, Elijah obliged, since he was trying to gain her favour as well as her hand. Kaia hoped that he wouldn't check on her, because he'd find anything but Kaia at the tavern during the break.</p><p>At the end of the final day when everybody was long gone, she made her way to Erwin's office. She was surprised to find the door already open.</p><p>"Sir?" she said as she poked her head through the door. Erwin was fervently moving between his bedroom and the office, seemingly moving clothes in a hurry.</p><p>"Kaia" he said, not bothering to look up "didn't expect you to be here so early"</p><p>"well it is the end of the day"</p><p>He laughed "yes well, I thought you would want to spend the rest of the night with your friends"</p><p>"well they've been long since gone"</p><p>"you know, you should spend time with them, since you won't be seeing them for a while" He continued to pack.</p><p>Kaia narrowed her eyes <i>he's trying to ensure that I have a close relationship with my peers so if his original plan with Levi doesn't work then he can control me through them. </i>"I'm alright, commander. I'm not too bothered"</p><p>"oh. right, well have you packed?"</p><p>Kaia tilted her head "packed, sir?"</p><p>"yes packed, you didn't think we'd be staying here in headquarters all throughout the holidays"</p><p>She laughed "for some time I thought you actually lived here"</p><p>"no, I do not. Although where we are going is far from home. I have acquired a safe house in which we can operate meetings on the coup, it is safest there"</p><p>"that's a good idea, commander, but...I must warn you, Elijah he...he has a way of just knowing things, it's almost Godlike"</p><p>Erwin clicked his tongue "Elijah is but man, and Gods do not exist. We'll be secure at the safe house"</p><p>"of course, I trust you" she said "I'll go quickly and pack my belongings"</p><p>Kaia made her way back to barracks. To her dismay, Jean was just walking out. She winced at having to cross paths with him.</p><p>Then she remembered. <i>does he have a place to stay?  or will he stay at his mothers? </i></p><p>From the look on Jean's face as he passed her,<i> the answer would be no. </i>He had been too proud to ask anyone else for a place to stay. Frustratingly, she felt sorry for him.</p><p>"Jean" she called out </p><p>He stopped turning toward her with a frown. "what?" he sneered.</p><p>She rolled her eyes of course "Stay with Maria for the holidays, she wouldn't mind. And if she does, I'll yell at her"</p><p>Jean huffed, gripping his bags tightly "I don't need your pity"</p><p>"don't force yourself to go home if you don't want to"</p><p>"it's not a big deal, I have my mom and—"</p><p>"and what? pathetic bullies who'd snap at the chance to beat you up"</p><p>He turned away from her, ashamed.</p><p>"it's obvious you don't want to go, Jean"</p><p>"I'll have to face them some day" he said </p><p>"of course. Just don't do it when you don't want to, it'll amount to nothing if your just forcing yourself to"</p><p>Jean looked away stubbornly.</p><p>"whatever. do what you want. It's not my place to try and help you, it's not like i'm your friend or anything" she said</p><p>He grit his teeth, glaring at her "you're not. and if you think you're going to pity your way into getting an apology from me then your wrong"</p><p>Kaia's expression remains cold, devoid of emotion. "I don't want an apology from you Jean. I don't want anything from you."</p><p>His eyes widened, his mouth falling agape "what? h—how? but, but I'm—"</p><p>"what? you're what? you're nothing. at least to me, that is" Kaia thought that this was for the best, that maybe cutting ties and being alone was for the greater good, that Selma was right.</p><p>Hurt flashed across his face before rage took over his expression. "who do you think you are? you think everybody wants you? you think that I'm hurt by you saying that? you're just some raging bitch so why should I care! all you've done is bother everyone, so fucking complicated and confusing. You better not come back crawling to me because you didn't like being lonely"</p><p>She scoffed "I won't"</p><p>"good"</p><p>"great" she exclaimed </p><p>"brilliant" he retorted </p><p>She narrowed her eyes "fantastic"</p><p>"just know that this is your fault Kaia, that you're the one that pushed everybody away." he spat </p><p>Kaia nodded "goodbye Jean"</p><p>"fuck you" he said as he headed out the training grounds.</p><p>Kaia made her way to her room in order to get some clothes, and with every step she fought the urge to break down. The argument with Jean seemed more final then she wanted it to be. Would he ever talk to her again? Perhaps it was best if he didn't.</p><p>As she packed clothes into a small duffel, she eyed the blue ball dress that she never got to wear. It hung in the closet unworn and collecting dust.</p><p>Sighing, she ran a hand over its intricate patterns, admiring its beautiful appearance. She grabbed it out of the closet and put it on, smiling as she looked into the mirror.</p><p>Kaia did not look like who she was, and she liked it. She did not look like the broken girl with nightmares that ate at her. She did not look like the brash, aggressive woman that nobody liked. She looked like a delicate flower, one that would've crumbled if it ever saw a storm. </p><p>Taking a shaky breath she began to take it off, realising she could never be the flower if she was the storm. </p><p>"Kaia" Erwin was standing at her door.</p><p>She recoiled, holding the dress up to prevent it from falling.</p><p>"Sir, I—I'm almost done, I just—um I just need to pack a few, a few more—"</p><p>"you look beautiful" he said softly, interrupting her</p><p>Kaia averted his gaze "yes, yes the dress is very beautiful"</p><p>"turn around" he ordered gently</p><p>She slowly turned to reveal her exposed back. Erwin stepped closer to her, moving to zip up the dress. Her body tensed as his calloused fingers brushed ever so slightly against her skin.</p><p>"were you supposed to wear this to the ball at the end of Keeper's Season?" he asked</p><p>Kaia was unsure was her heart beat so fast, she was not used to seeing Erwin like this, delicate and gentle. It made her more queasy than enamoured with the commander.</p><p>"yes I....well I was actually looking forward to it" she replied, back still facing Erwin.</p><p>"....I'm sorry for blaming you for the incident or even being suspicious of you"</p><p>She turned around and almost did not recognise the man in front of her. His eyes had become a tender ocean, different from how stormy they usually were. His demeanour had softened and the glow of the single candle within her room made him look handsome, like he was some prince seeking solace with the palace maid. </p><p>"why did you zip my dress up?" she asked, not noticing that her voice too became soft like butter.</p><p>Erwin held out a hand "come with me"</p><p>"but—don't we have to go to the safe h—"</p><p>"we have time" he said</p><p>With hesitation, Kaia took his hand and he led her back to his office in headquarters.</p><p>"what are we doing here?" she asked as she stood in the middle of the room dressed the pale blue dress that matched the moonlight.</p><p>Erwin disappeared for a moment and emerged from his bedroom with a gramophone. He set it down on his desk and started to play some classical music for it.</p><p>Kaia giggled "what's happening?"</p><p>He took her by the waist and began spinning her around the room "I'm giving you the dance you missed during Keeper's Season"</p><p>"Dancing with ones enemy now are we, Erwin? Sounds like a risky plan" she teased </p><p>He leaned closer "you are not my enemy, Kaia. We're allies now, remember"</p><p>"how could i forget" </p><p>The two continued to dance happily across the room, trading sarcastic remarks as they held each other in their arms. The tension in Kaia's body melted away, Erwin's hands on her waist becoming more comforting than she wanted it to be.</p><p>Kaia laughed, blushing under the candlelight of the office, this was the first time in a long time she had been elated.</p><p>Erwin was glad that he was making her smile, that she didn't tense beneath his touch and that their movements synchronised as if they were made to dance with each other and only each other. His conscience was pulling him apart, he knew that one day he'd have to eliminate her, perhaps even kill her. But even that did not dampen the elation in his heart, it did not keep his eyes away from her, did not keep his hands away from reaching for her, it did not keep his soul away from wishing on every damned star that they could dance forever. </p><p>Levi watched the pair from outside. He saw Erwin twirl Kaia around in her glowing dress. At first he saw them dancing, but then the image turned into Kaia wearing a white veil and Erwin wearing a tux, it changed again and this time, little kids were running around the office. Levi hated that jealousy stabbed at his heart, he shook his head. Did Erwin truly care for Kaia? Levi didn't know, all he knew was that it should've been him dancing with Kaia in that moment, that he should've offered to comfort her in any other way but sex. Because to him, Kaia was more than a body, more than a curiosity, she was an interest, a concern, a woman that plagued his heart. Sighing, he made his way toward Petra's home, seeking solace from the feeling that twisted his heart.</p><p>The ride to the safe house was long and tiresome, and Kaia slept for the most part. After dancing through the night with Erwin, she left the beautiful dress laid out of Krista's bed, hoping that it would solve any ill feeling that she harboured against Kaia. Of course it was a silly hope, but Krista was still a dear friend and Kaia couldn't stand to be the receiver of her disregard. Although she could not risk getting attached to people, she wished she could make peace between her and Krista.</p><p>The same couldn't be said for Jean. Kaia was a stubborn girl and Jean was stubborn boy, it would take a miracle for the two to resolve their disputes, both hard headed and tough hearted. </p><p>Kaia awoke with Erwin gently tapping her shoulder. "Kaia, we're here" he gently whispered </p><p>She blinked slowly, yawning "...right...what time is it?"</p><p>"it's evening, around 8 pm" he said</p><p>"oh, splendid, it means I can go right to bed"</p><p>Erwin chuckled "of course, but to do that you must exit the carriage"</p><p>"oh but how could I ever want to part from a suffocating small little box?"</p><p>He offered a hand to her as she stepped down from the carriage. </p><p>The safe house was simple, almost every piece of furniture was made of wood. Kaia adored it, the atmosphere was so....normal, as if this was their new home and not a hideout to plan a man's murder. For a minute Kaia could pretend that she never got involved with the Survey Corps or Godsent, she could pretend that she was still a tavern maid and lived peacefully. </p><p>The house was isolated, situated atop a hill covered in wildflowers, the local town was too far to walk so a horse and cart lay stowed away at the bottom of the hill. </p><p>"It's lovely" Kaia said as explored the quaint little house. She gasped as she found a cozy reading book "they even have books here, it's just like a normal home!"</p><p>Erwin chuckled "yes, well, this home is furnished so that it appears normal so in the case that the townspeople get suspicious, we can invite them over for a lovely dinner and ease their worries"</p><p>"hm, smart" </p><p>"the bedroom is this way if you'd like to rest" he gestured to a door to his left</p><p>"oh that would be lovely" She made her way to the bedroom "....is there only one?"</p><p>"this safe house wasn't made to accommodate more than one person, so yes"</p><p>"well are there at least two beds?"</p><p>Erwin shook his head "I made the plans to move here too late, we did not have time to make changes"</p><p>"well surely—"</p><p>"I can sleep on the couch, Kaia. It does not bother me at all"</p><p>Kaia looked toward the couch and toward the bedroom, after sitting on a hard seat in the carriage for hours, she was not too eager to give up the bed. "are you sure?"</p><p>He smiled "of course. you should go on and rest, I will too after some paperwork"</p><p>"ok well, don't stay up too late, I won't deal with a grouchy commander tomorrow"</p><p>Erwin laughed "i promise to go to bed soon"</p><p>She made her way to the bedroom with her duffle and began to change into more comfortable clothes. As soon as her head hit the pillow, she was fast asleep.</p><p>Kaia awoke in a panic, sweat beading a her brow, her breath ragged. She had the nightmare again, it was no surprise but it never failed to set her off in trepidation. She moved out of the now all too empty bed and exited the bedroom quietly. </p><p>Erwin was asleep on the couch, papers scattered all over the dinner table, the candle waning in the darkness. She made her way over to the kitchen in order to get some water. </p><p>Looking out of the window and setting her gaze upon the seemingly limitless fields, she took some time to breathe. It had been a turbulent time for her, and moments like this, like the short minutes she would calm right after a nightmare was one of the few times she felt peace. Although fleeting, she was grateful for it, for even sleep couldn't rid her of her troubles.</p><p>Erwin began to stir, making strange noises in his sleep. Kaia thought none of it, continuing to sip her water in contemplation. It was when he started to shout that Kaia moved toward him.</p><p>The commander was sweating, brows tied in a knot as his skin glistened with sweat. Kaia didn't know what to do, it was obvious that he was having a nightmare but she didn't know how to ail him from it. His continued distress made her queasy, and almost made her run to her room and ignore it.</p><p>Kaia pushed through the horror of it and knelt beside him. Gently she moved him, trying to awaken him. </p><p>Erwin awoke with a start, sitting up straight with terror in his eyes.</p><p>"hey hey hey, it's alright, you're alright" Kaia whispered gently to him</p><p>"I—they were just here—they were"</p><p>"shh shhh shhh" She grabbed a hold of his face "hey look at me, it's all good, it's alright, I'm here, we're in the safe house, remember" Kaia knew that the state of mind after a nightmare was not stable, and that memory often slipped it.</p><p>"Kaia?" Erwin panted, furrowing his brows "Did—did I wake you"</p><p>She shook her head, gently smiling "I was already awake"</p><p>"why were you awake? you need to rest—you need to go to sleep"</p><p>she laughed "I had a nightmare, just needed some water"</p><p>"oh" he was still out of breath, still seemed in distress </p><p>"seems like you had one too" she said </p><p>He nodded, taking her hands off of her face. "you needn't worry about it, truly, everyone has nightmares"</p><p>Kaia sighed "Erwin...come to bed with me"</p><p>"what?"</p><p>"I don't think it's best for either of us to be alone right now....well...at least I know I don't want to be alone right now"</p><p>"of course" he said "of course, if it shall help you sleep better"</p><p>Kaia knew that it wouldn't, but if she had mentioned that it was an attempt to ail him from his nightmares, he would've refused.</p><p>The two made their way to the bedroom, awkwardly tucking themselves into the bed. </p><p>"are you alright?" Erwin asked as he faced Kaia</p><p>"will you hold me, Erwin?" Kaia asked. The commander would not be able to sleep if he were tense the whole night, he needed to relax.</p><p>"A—are you sure? I mean—"</p><p>"please?" she asked</p><p>"of course, of course" he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her close to his body. He hoped to whatever deity that was watching them that Kaia wouldn't be able to hear how fast his heart was beating.</p><p>She snuggled into his chest, surprised at how comfortable she was. "goodnight, commander" she whispered</p><p>"goodnight" he replied</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0033"><h2>33. revelation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>hey y’all just letting you know that I forgot to post the chapter that came before 32&amp;33 so it may have been confusing to read :/ if you’ve already read this chapter I advise reading from ch31 in order to understand what’s happening. If this is the first time you’re reading this chapter then you don’t have to worry about anything :) keep on reading ! sorry again for the mistake &gt;-&lt;</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Kaia awoke in Erwin's arms, an unfamiliar sense of comfort giving her heart a start. She was unsure whether to move or not since it was not apparent if Erwin was awake.</p><p>Erwin didn't know if he should move. Kaia moved slightly but he could not tell if she was awake. He remained on his side, arms around her waist.</p><p>After a few moments, she shyly looked up and met his gaze. "How long have you been awake?" she asked</p><p>He smiled "not long. how about you?"</p><p>"a few minutes or so, I didn't really want to move but—"</p><p>"but my embrace was too comforting to leave?" he teased</p><p>"don't get cocky commander, now I want to leave just to spite you" she said, wriggling out of his embrace and sitting </p><p>"oh no no no no no, I was just joking" he laughed, grabbing onto her waist and pulling her back into bed gently. Kaia was now on her back as Erwin leaned over her. He reached over to lightly brush the hair from her face. Her cheeks heated. "let's just stay in for a couple minutes, nobody's waiting on us" He suggested, eyes trained on hers, occasionally flickering down toward her lips.</p><p>Kaia knew that this was a bad idea, that she should get up and go have a shower, that she should forget that the commander was a very handsome man with a handsome body and a soothing voice. He was her ally and nothing more, he couldn't be anything more, not after what happened with Eren, she couldn't afford getting attached again. But her stupid heart won over her head as nodded and proceeded to wrap her arms around his torso and press her body against his.</p><p>Erwin lay on his back as he stroked Kaia's hair. He rested easily the previous night, Kaia's warmth soothing his troubled mind, like a drug that soothed a headache. Unfortunately, this drug was only temporary and,inevitably it would wear off, and his headache would come again, his troubles, his grief and his anxiety....Unless, he thought, unless he kept the drug close, unless he kept it within arms reach, perhaps then his troubles would be kept at bay. But this was a dangerous thought, one that would lead to addiction. And Erwin Smith could not afford to form an obsession over Kaia Madden.</p><p>After a few moments of resting, it was Kaia who pulled herself out of bed first and into the shower, and Erwin immediately felt the sharp pain in his head coming back.</p><p>When Kaia exited the shower, wrapped in nothing but a towel, she realised that Erwin had left. Spotting a note left on the kitchen bench, she walked over and picked it up.</p><p>
  <i>"just went into town to get some groceries, will be back soon :) ~Erwin"</i>
</p><p>She shook her head when she realised that the corners of her mouth were lifting in adoration. </p><p>Dressed like a normal country maiden, Kaia set outside to tend to the garden. She lifted her dress as she stepped over the overgrown grass, moss creeping in between the paved footpath. Heaving a sigh, she got to work. </p><p>After an hour or so, most of the pathway had been cleared and admiring her work, Kaia placed her hands on her hips and blew an exasperated breath.</p><p>"perhaps your true calling was to be a gardener" Erwin mused as he leaned against the doorway leading into the garden.</p><p>Kaia turned toward him and smiled "I'd much prefer it than being some sort of messiah to one side of a war and a tool to another"</p><p>Erwin sighed, averting his gaze "we are not at war, Kaia. Plus, you're not our tool"</p><p>She shrugged "if we're not at war now, we will be soon. And it's fine, I sometimes don't mind being a tool, at least I'll be useful"</p><p>He furrowed his brows "do you prefer to be used or to be worshipped?"</p><p>Kaia sighed, turning back towards the garden "I prefer to be loved. but it's a lost dream for me."</p><p>"Kaia—" Erwin began </p><p>"hopefully there won't come a time in which I have to choose to either be used or worshipped. Both are horrid options"</p><p>He laughed lightly "I agree. Now let's head in, I'll start cooking lunch and we can discuss plans over some food"</p><p>"sounds good" </p><p>The two headed inside, wiping their boots before entering the house. Kaia sat on the couch reading a book while Erwin busied away in the kitchen. Savoury smells filled the house, and it made her stomach grumble even louder, embarrassed, she sunk deeper in the couch.</p><p>It was strange. Things didn't seem so doomed like this, in a beautiful quaint house with a kind, handsome man. If only the house weren't pretend, and the man wasn't technically a murderer, and if only, she was a perfectly normal country maiden, not an abomination who shouldn't exist.</p><p>As soon as Kaia spotted Erwin placing the dishes down onto the table she hopped off of the couch and took a seat, her mouth practically watering at the food the commander had cooked up.</p><p>Erwin took his seat across from her and let out a small chuckle when Kaia immediately and hurriedly started to eat. "you needn't be in such a hurry, no ones going to steal that plate from you"</p><p>She flushed in embarrassment, covering her mouth and she chewed a mouthful of food. It had been so long since she had a proper meal, a good meal, not the stale tasteless food they serve to the trainees.</p><p>"let's begin our plan of action, of course it is the primary reason as to why we came here so we shan't waste our time"</p><p>Kaia nodded as she swallowed her food "I agree, but quite frankly, I'm not sure where to start. Killing Elijah is a lose lose situation, many will rise up in his name, too many. I do not have the support of even a quarter of the members of Godsent"</p><p>"then gain their support, do what you can, get close with them—"</p><p>"I will not gain their trust on the basis of deceit. We need to make sure that they don't view Elijah as some sort of holy man"</p><p>Erwin nodded "we need to antagonise him"</p><p>"mhm, get them to lose their trust in him. They come from streets, they don't know any better and can't see past his pretty words"</p><p>"then we shall show them his ugly actions. Doesn't he kill petty criminals? those who don't deserve the punishment of death? weren't the members once just like them, living on the streets, doing everything they can to survive?"</p><p>"but Elijah gave them something to fight for. justice. he gave them hope. Such thing can cause one to overlook contradiction and hypocrisy"</p><p>"shouldn't fighting for justice specifically target and eradicate contradiction and hypocrisy?" Erwin inquired</p><p>Kaia shook her head "it's not just fighting for justice, I think, I think they're afraid to stand up against Elijah, he's almost like a father figure towards them"</p><p>Erwin sighed, rubbing his chin in thought "...what if we expose his corruption? make them realise that what he's doing is wrong"</p><p>"that would work...but how exactly are we going to pull that off?" she said defeatedly</p><p>"you said that he was the true leader, correct? and that he was lying to everyone that he was just the right hand man"</p><p>"I mean it's a hunch, but my hunches are usually right"</p><p>"if you could just confirm that and then find some evidence against him then we can use it to extort him" Erwin said </p><p>"that's a good idea. I'm not sure what kind of evidence to look for, i mean what is there to prove that he's the true leader?"</p><p>"....find out the background of the leader, get some information on where he could be, where he came from, how he works and then just find a connecting between that and Elijah"</p><p>Kaia shook her head "Elijah's smart, he'd make up lie after lie about the leader and none of them would tie back to him"</p><p>"well then how do you suggest we do it?" Erwin said, getting frustrated </p><p>"We catch him on the mic" Kaia replied</p><p>He pinched his nose bridge and took a deep breath "what does the even mean"</p><p>Her eyes narrowed into slits "no need to be condescending. Catching him on the mic means we get a tape recording of his confession"</p><p>"what's a tape recording?" he asked</p><p>Kaia buried her face in her palms and groaned "I forgot you guys don't have tape recorders"</p><p>"are we supposed to?"</p><p>"no, but it'd be easier if you did"</p><p>Erwin sighed "how about we leave the conversation here, we're getting no where and it's frustrating us, we've still got a little bit less than a month here together, best not to start hating each other"</p><p>"yeah, good idea. I'm going to go take a nap" she stood from her chair, wrapping the cardigan around her as she entered the bedroom.</p><p>"right, well I'll be out here if you need anything"</p><p>"what are you going to do?" She asked from the doorway</p><p>He shrugged "read, go over some paperwork, sort through letters, documents, just commander stuff"</p><p>"well I'll be here if you need anything" she smiled </p><p>He only hummed in response.</p><p>As Kaia retreated underneath the covers of the bed she felt an ache in her stomach expand. It was only the first day of planning Elijah's downfall but it already looked hopeless. She didn't miss Erwin's frustration radiating from him and it made her feel even more useless.</p><p>When she woke she was not in the safe house, nor was she in the desert wasteland she always seemed to arrive in when she closed her eyes. She was atop a building, the scent of ash coursing through her hair, the wind caressing her bloodied cheek.</p><p>The world was falling apart around her, smoke filling the air. As she looked down from above she saw them. Mangled bodies reaching out, crying, wailing in despair. Kaia couldn't move, she could only watch as they died, as their bodies slowly came undone, their insides spilling on the ashen floor.</p><p>"he must die" a voice said from behind her</p><p>She turned to face a tall woman, she had no face, only eyes that burned gold against her void-like complexion. She wore a halo atop her head, her void body draped in white fabrics and gold accents. </p><p>"Divina" Kaia muttered in awe</p><p>"he must die" the goddess repeated</p><p>She shook her head "who?"</p><p>"the pretender"</p><p>Kaia took a breath "Elijah"</p><p>"so my communications have worked" she said </p><p>"what communications?"</p><p>"I've been trying to tell you that the pretender isn't who he said he is"</p><p>"how?"</p><p>"well how did you come to know that Elijah is a pretender?" the goddess asked</p><p>Kaia shrugged "gut feeling"</p><p>"then that is how my communications have found you, gut feeling"</p><p>"who is he, truly?"</p><p>Divina lifted her chin "a boy, seeking the approval of his father"</p><p>Kaia heard a child's cry coming from behind her, when she turned, she was no longer atop the falling building, and found herself in a rather gaudy room with windows that reached the ceiling, its pane gilded in gold. </p><p>A small child sat on the floor, his silver hair glowing in the sunlight. Kaia looked outside the window again, and she could see the three walls stretched out into the horizon. She was within wall Sina, she was in the castle.</p><p>"this was his childhood, lonely, nothing but wooden playthings to keep him company" Divina began, standing across the room, her glowing eyes filled with anything but sorrow or pity for the boy.</p><p>"it grew worse when he aged. He wanted more than anything, to be by his father's side, to be acknowledged by him. He never saw his father once in his entire life, and still, he managed to admire him, or rather, the idea of him" The Goddess explained</p><p>The child continued to play, giddy in his movements and laughter. </p><p>"Godsent used to be in close relation to the crown, and the people worshipped me, and not the walls" Divina said "it was when my people noticed that the king was not truly the king that they began to be persecuted, started to be driven out.  The true king, somewhere, I don't know where, changed the memories of the people, so that they would forget that Godsent existed, that I used to be their God."</p><p>"Godsent was broken, almost nonexistent...almost" Divina continued "slowly, by time and by faith, my people grew in numbers once again. They did not have the connection to me as they used to but they still believed. My beloved Priestess, head of the organisation, was a descendant of a member of Godsent who could communicate with me. Through her, I repaired my people, I healed them, and soon, I sought for retribution. How dare the king I devoted myself to betray my people. His betrayal was more than just the desire to keep their cover, to seat a false king on the throne. No...they were afraid of us, because we knew the past, we knew the present and we knew the future"</p><p>"how long does Godsent's relation to the crown go?" Kaia inquired, taking in the information</p><p>"long" Divina answered "I accompanied King Fritz onto this island where he first built the walls"</p><p>"wait wait wait wait wait pause, you were a real person"</p><p>Divina nodded "yes, I come from a group of oracles—beings who read the flow of time—back in Marley. I doubt they still exist."</p><p>"and you....became a God?"</p><p>"I was merely an advisor to the king, whispering possibilities of the future in his ear. It was only after my death that I started to become worshipped, to be praised. Back then my power was still strong, I could reach out from the realm of the dead and help give messages to my people, to the king. When I died, I passed some of my power down to 5 close companions. Only 1 survived the persecution. And that 1, is the ancestor of my beloved priestess, who allowed me to rebuild Godsent"</p><p>"what does this all have to do with Elijah?" Kaia questioned</p><p>"Elijah is the imposter King's son"</p><p>"no that can't be true, he's been organising operations targeting the king"</p><p>"no" Divina said "he hasn't. he's only ever staged them, the false king was never in harms way. Think of the bombing, they did it to send a message. Always sending messages, never acting upon their promises. Elijah was sent on a mission to infiltrate Godsent, to take out the root of the problem and destroy the organisation"</p><p>"what happened next?"</p><p>"my beloved Priestess knew her death was coming, that it was inevitable. So instead of dying in the hands of Elijah, she preformed the ritual to bring you here" Divina explained "but unfortunately...Elijah had already established a strong connection with the people. They supported him, they were led astray. He started dishing out orders, orders that sent my people to kill innocents, he claimed they were from the 'true leader' who was supposedly kept secret for the entire time."</p><p>"and they believed him, they trusted him" Kaia muttered to herself</p><p>"unfortunately. the 'true leader' never existed, it was only a character Elijah created because in the end, he knew he couldn't handle being asked about the orders he gave out. If he said that they came from the 'true leader' then the people would not be suspicious of him"</p><p>"....and he did this all, for his father?"</p><p>"he was sent on this mission by a general claiming that his father was ordering him to take down Godsent. He accepted it proudly, thinking he was fighting for a king"</p><p>"I still don't understand why I was brought here, surely one of the oracles from marley could've come and helped Godsents people find their way"</p><p>"I told you" Divina said "they probably don't exist anymore"</p><p>"then tell me, why me?" she asked </p><p>"you're the closest thing to an oracle we could get" The Goddess answered</p><p>Kaia furrowed her brows "what do you mean?"</p><p>"you know the past, the present, and the future correct? because back in your past life, this world was a show"</p><p>".....well....yes"</p><p>"you could use that, predict the future. Not only would you be Drokya, the protector, but you will be my new priestess, and the people will follow you and distrust Elijah"</p><p>"but I'd be lying to them"</p><p>"not entirely. you are still somewhat connected to me, but i'm afraid this conversation will be our last, my power is waning and I shan't hold on to the mortal world for too long"</p><p>Kaia let out a laugh of disbelief "I still don't understand so much"</p><p>"You have received the information you needed, you will come to understand with time. But Kaia, you must kill Elijah, and soon"</p><p>"of course. I won't get distracted"</p><p>Divina moved across the room gracefully and stretched a hand toward Kaia. "I shall send you back, now"</p><p>"wait, I wanna ask about one more thing"</p><p>"what is it?" </p><p>"how did I get my lightning?"</p><p>A laugh escaped the goddess' lipless face, making her more human than Kaia was comfortable with. </p><p>"a malfunction. the realm of the dead is a turbulent one. When your soul was being pulled out of it you probably got hit my lightning, entwining the very bolts into your soul, giving you this power" she explained</p><p>"....so I was never meant to have this power?" Kaia's shoulders deflated.</p><p>"no. but you have it anyway....so use it. stop hiding it"</p><p>She shook her head "I'll only be hunted if my power is revealed"</p><p>"you are strong enough to take down any man that wants your lightning. strong enough so that you'd never have to run" Divina placed her hands on Kaia's cheek, eyes of gold burning into Kaia's deep black ones, holding her gaze. "....now, it is time for you to return...abide by my wishes Priestess, or all shall be lost"</p><p>Kaia couldn't get word in before the room went white, young Elijah disappeared and Divina dispersed in an array of shadows. Next thing she knew, she was inside the bedroom of the safe house with Erwin gripping her shoulders, a worried expression on his face.</p><p>"what, what is it?" Kaia panted </p><p>Erwin furrowed his brows, rubbing her arms "you were muttering in your sleep, repeatedly"</p><p>"what did i say?"</p><p>"kill him, kill him, divina, oracle, king, past, present. future. future. future. kill him. all. lost. future."</p><p>she laughed awkwardly "i must've scared you, huh?"</p><p>"Kaia...what happened to you?"</p><p>"I don't know what you're talking about...I must've just had a weird dream, plus....all that muttering was probably because I was stressed about the Elijah situation"</p><p>"right....well I suppose I'm to blame for some of that, I'm sorr—"</p><p>She placed a hand on his and smiled "don't fret, this wasn't by any means your fault, we're both stressed and you had a right to be frustrated, I was too, and I guess....I'm just worse at handling it"</p><p>He nodded "you're right, we're both kind weary right now. but don't worry, you're not in the underground anymore"</p><p>Kaia laughed "what? why would you bring that up?"</p><p>"well your muttering sounded like trauma from growing up in the underground" he cast his gaze out the window "it must've been difficult"</p><p>she furrowed her brows "what?"</p><p>"oh yes, Levi told me that you confessed to him that you were from the underground, and that you were practically hunted by Godsent since you were a child and therefore were forced to kill your persecuters"</p><p>Kaia nodded "right..." she had completely forgotten that whole story she made up as cover "what else...did he tell you?"</p><p>Erwin sighed "that you joined Godsent because you wanted to stop all the killing. How unfortunate it is that you are still forced to"</p><p>"yeah. it sucks, I regret it"</p><p>"well, the reason you joined Godsent doesn't matter now, you'll be taking them down, correct?"</p><p>Kaia tilted her head "I'll be taking Elijah down. not Godsent"</p><p>He clutched onto her hands tighter "and why not? they're all killers, all one in the same—"</p><p>"you are too" she cut in "technically"</p><p>He sighed "what I do is for the good of humanity, what Godsent does is—"</p><p>"they follow orders, they think what they're doing is right because they're being lied to, led astray. I'll take Elijah out of the picture and then I shall reform Godsent. Restore to how it used to be, how it's supposed to be"</p><p>"and how did they used to be? from what I remember they've only ever been vigilantes causing nothing but chaos, killing innocents"</p><p>She took her hands away from him "check your records again, commander. Godsent hadn't started killing innocents until Elijah came into the picture. They were quiet, underground—"</p><p>"then why has the military put the case in such high priority, and over so many decades"</p><p>"because!" she yelled, so badly she wanted to tell him, but was unsure whether it was the right time. Erwin would eventually expose the corrupt government, perhaps she should just let time run its course. "...they must know something they shouldn't"</p><p>"alright fine, when Elijah gets taken down what happens then?"</p><p>"I'll take leadership as head priestess, make peace with the military, restore Godsent to what it used to be"</p><p>He laughed in disbelief, shaking his head "and what do you know of such great reform? such revolution?"</p><p>Once Kaia was seated at the head of Godsent, all she would have to do was wait until Krista was crowned queen, that way she can make an alliance and began toward a path of piece, and restore Godsent as a protector of the people and a guider to the crown.</p><p>"I know more than you think" she snarled</p><p>"you're 18 years old"</p><p>"don't patronise me" she spat </p><p>he chuckled "no need to get so defensive. I'm saying we shouldn't jump to conclusions, we shouldn't believe in nonexistent things, in impossible things" he cajoled</p><p>"oh but that would be so boring"</p><p>"true, rest up a bit, I'll be making dinner soon" Erwin got up off of the floor and made his way out the kitchen. Once he reached the sink he splashed cold water over his face. </p><p><i>why can't you just listen to me, Kaia. </i>he thought <i>maybe if you took down Godsent along with Elijah, I wouldn't have to worry about killing you. </i></p><p>Frustrated, he threw a cloth toward the window right above the sink. <i>why the fuck do I care? why did I even try to convince her? she's obviously too stubborn to move from her beliefs. </i></p><p><i>she's an asset </i>he told himself <i>she's an asset. she could be useful, she's a good strategist, she can provide some information. she's an asset. that's why I'm trying to convince her to side with me. that's why. </i>but Erwin knew deep in his heart that Kaia was better off dead to him than an ally, he knew that having her on his side was still too risky. He ignored the part of him that wanted her by his side simply because he enjoyed her presence and made his tiresome brain work a little bit easier.</p><p>Kaia lay on her pillow, worried. <i>why doesn't he listen to me? what is he planning? </i>She had no way of knowing what Erwin was thinking, and that resulted in a pit her stomach she could not ignore. She squeezed her eyes shut <i>he's an ally, he's already said that he supports me, I don't need to be so cautious. That's just being unfair. </i>But alas, there was part of her that genuinely feared the man that currently stood in the kitchen making supper for the both of them.</p>
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